I'm sorry, look at all these old fucking goblins at this thing:
Let's go one by one:
Beatrice
She has not missed a single city council meeting or church bingo in 35 years. She's was a clerk at the DMV her entire adult life and is now retired and receiving pension benefits, yet constantly complains about the size of the government and tax rates. She once touched Ronald Reagan's shoulder at a campaign event in 1980 and has not washed that hand since. She thinks all lives matter, not just black ones.
Bernadette
Older sister of Beatrice, the two have not spoken since Beatrice touched Reagan as Bernadette alleges Beatrice slapped her hand out of the way to touch him first. They have lived in the same house their entire adult lives. Ted Cruz reminds her of her own son, Bernard, who she hasn't seen in 30 years because he got his ear pierced senior year and she threw him out of the house. She isn't exactly sure who Ted Cruz is, and is concerned that his last name ends in a Z, but she still supports him because Lincoln was a Republican.
Joe
Joe is a retired Sheriff and came to see Cruz speak because he wanted to hear Cruz's position on building the wall. Joe believes that the wall is the only way to keep the residents of Brownwood safe, event though they are 100s of miles from the border. Joe has seen first hand the impact that illegal immigration has had on Brownwood from when he was a sheriff and he busted what he calls "the cartels" when he pulled over a 20 year old Hispanic man because he was bored and then found a roach in the car. Joe loves to tell anyone within earshot at the cafeteria how he wasn't afraid to testify at the trial and made sure the guy got 30 years in prison. In his free time, Joe watches Fox News and that's about it.
Saul
Saul is the town mechanic down at Saul's Auto. He employs three Hispanic mechanics who do all of the repair work. He casually uses racial slurs around them and pays them below minimum wage and in cash. He smokes 3 packs of Marlboro Lights 100s a day. He's been rebuilding a '67 Camaro for the last 15 years but can't ever get it running and for some reason. He thinks the other mechanics are sabotaging it but he can't yet prove it, although Joe has some ideas of how they can set up a sting operation.
Unknown
No one is really sure who this guy is or where he came from. When asked his name he replied "Under the laws of the Constitution I am a sovereign man and you cannot make me answer." He never misses a Ted Cruz speech, unless he is on duty monitoring Jade Helm exercises or on vacation in Charlottesville.
Bill
Bill always comes to Underwood Cafeteria from his job at the plant on Thursdays for lunch, because Thursday is the meatloaf special, and Bill loves the meatloaf special. All Bill wanted to do was enjoy his meatloaf special, and then this asshole gets up and starts talking about god knows what. Bill should have known this was going to happen when he saw all these cunts like Joe and Beatrice in here. Bill just wants to eat his fucking meatloaf in peace.