Selfishness is blind, thus I was unaware to the pain and suffering I had caused my ex wife, mother, family and friends. I resented a family member for telling my mother I looked unhealthy, he's a doctor, would know. I went from drinking after work to drinking around the clock, my body would wake me and tell me it was time to drink. 3M, 4am, time to drink. I quit cold turkey, I came out of my alcoholic seizure sitting on my toilet with shit everywhere. As much as I hated alcohol at that point, I had to have it, so strong it was, I did 31 days in treatment, every day thinking of my next drink. When I got home, I bought some food, 7up, and a handle of vodka. Spent Christmas by myself, drinking it away, wondering why I cant get that joy I used to have from drinking. A good friend brought me an 18 pack because he didnt want me driving. He also told me I was killing myself, my options were clear he said. Die, go back to the hospital and detox, go to jail and detox there, or go back to treatment. A day later he took me back to treatment and today I'm sober. 11 months and some change. Handled divorce sober, the loss of a dog I had for 15 years, my oldest brother had a stroke and is paralyzed on the left side. I have a part time job, good enough for healthcare, not much else... I get by and I will never go back to drinking. My last days of drinking are as fresh to me as smelling fresh cut fruit. Those feelings do not go away for me, and I make sure they dont. No take backs in life. I'm grateful for today, the friends and family I have. I went from agnostic to a man of faith and spirit and I love it all, every minute, every breath. I would not trade this life for the old, the old life, didnt have a future. In meetings, you'll probably hear an old timer say he was given the gift of desperation. Sadly, most of us wait for that gift before we take action.