Fair warning, this is a bit long. But it exemplifies all things Aggie.
So the Macanudo-ettes had a lacrosse tournament in College Station this weekend. Didn't want to go but, hey, I'm a good dad so we made our plans. Teams were assigned by the tournament director to area hotels and we drew the short straw: The Texas A&M Conference Center & Hotel. It's everything you think it is and more. The bar is named The Block T after the dumbass Corps Band's "special maneuver" that leaves the Aggie faithful breathless. The snack bar is called Junction Market. Right on Campus, directly across from Kyle Field. Major awesome rates of $299 a night for non-conference games and $399 a night for conference ones. But I digress.
As we pulled out town on Friday, we got a reminder via text that check-in begins at 4:00 but if we weren't going to be there by 7:00 we needed to let them know so they could keep out reservation. WTF? Ever been to a hotel that has a 3 hour window for check-in before you have to worry about losing your room? Not me. We made it to the hotel about 6:45 and the clusterfuck was on. There were two option for parking; Valet at $24 a day or self park for the hourly rate. Based on where the closest self-park garage was and a significant chance of rain on Saturday, valet seemed the way to go. We pull up to the hotel and it's on what amounts to a dead end. One way in and one way out. And probably 20 people waiting to valet. We had team function to get to so I unloaded everything we needed for the night and told the valet dude that I'd be right back. They only had two guys parking cars so there was no way they'd get to me before we checked in and got back down from the rooms. Check in was surprisingly smooth except for the $200 a night "incidentals" hold they wanted. Sure, no problem. I wasn't planning on stealing any towels or sheep. Got to the rooms and was greeted with this in the entry:
Floor to ceiling memorializing all that is Aggie. And it was in every room right inside the door. We put our stuff down and then I looked over above the bed and saw this:
It's a 12' by 5' photo a Ring Dance from the late 40s or early 50s. Every room on the 7th floor had pictures like it. Some were on in pairs at 5' by 5'. And every floor had a different theme. I shudder to think that there might be a milk man theme on a floor. I bet Rick Perry asks for that floor.
We went to dinner and then came back to sack out. Then I saw this over on the table:
A whole book praising Jackie Sherill and the 12th Man experiment that started in 1984. These fuckers still glorify that cheating SOB. Just unbelievable. I decided to take a shower because we had an early game and got to see this:
How many Aggies have rubbed one out in these rooms and deposited their deformed sperm on that handle?
As I got ready for bed, there was one more thing to catch my eye:
It's not just that the train comes every 2-3 hours. Anyone who's been to a game at Olsen knows how these knuckle draggers cream themselves when it goes through. They just fucking love it. And they built a hotel right along Wellbourn without sufficient noise reduction to prevent waking people up at night. And wake me it did. At midnight and 3 am both nights.
So flash forward to Saturday morning. Had to have the girls at the fields for an 8:00 am game which really means being there at 7:00 for warmups. We were told that breakfast was complimentary in the dining room. Oh, it was. Just not the buffet or full menu. A small table was set up with some bran muffins, a couple of bananas and apples and some juice. Yeah, that's great fuel for day of running around. The alternative? Either the buffet that cost $22 (after tax) or $8-12 menu items. After mulling our choices we ordered from the menu. By the time our food came, several others teams had arrived en masse and were discovering the same thing. A couple of moms were pissed and letting the staff know. There was a brief, frenzied huddle by the restaurant staff and then an announcement that the buffet was open to lacrosse players and their families. I was staring at an $8 yogurt parfait with fruit. My kids were already chowing down on their eggs and bacon and potatoes. So we finished and went on our way.
The tournament proceeded but it was time to get some lunch. As I walked to my car, I realized that there was a shit ton of traffic. We were right across the street from Reed Arena and the Aggie had a 1:00 pm game vs. K-State. Now all the parking required payment. No big deal, it was only $5. But now our lot was closed to entry and I end up about 3 blocks away. Did I mention that it was in the 40s with a 10-12 mph wind? Yeah that was fun. We finish up the day and head back to the hotel to clean up. I valet again because we have about 90 minutes. When we're ready to go, I call down to get the car. I waited a few minutes because I knew there was some kind of function going on in one of the large conference rooms. By the time we get downstairs, the car is parked on the street. I walk over to get in and my key fob isn't there. I go back to the valet stand ask where it is. None of them had any idea. It was just gone.
Well this is fucking great. Fortunately, I had the other one in my room. I tell the staff "Find that key, now." I talk to the valet manager and he says they'll look. When we get back from dinner, still no key fob. Valet manager is gone for the night. I go inside and ask for the manager on duty. Some snot nosed kid with a name tag that say "Idiot Aggie '19" comes out and says he's the manager on duty. Are you fucking kidding me? A senior in college is the manager? He proceeds to tell me that this is a valet issue and I need to take it up with them. WTF? It's your hotel dipshit. But after I tell him the valet manager is gone for the night and that this is unacceptable, he says that they will keep looking. That's just great.
I decide to head up to the bar. There's a open chair at the bar so I sit down. Nice bar, plenty of seating and they are maybe 50% full. There are 3 bartenders and they are all running around the bar like chickens with their heads cut off. One of them is trying to make what looks like a martini but he started over twice. Another one is pouring beer from a tap and making a huge mess. As one of them swings by my end of the bar, a rather drunk woman asks for another martini. Bartender tells her that they're out of Tito's. She asks for Grey Goose. Also out. Eventually they figured out what they had. Another woman asked for Michelob Ultra. Also out. By this point, I'd been there 5 minutes or so and just gave up.
We find out this morning that the key fob still hasn't been located. I tell the staff, I'll be back after the morning games and check out then. After a heated argument about whether I should pay for for the valet parking, they finally took it off my bill and had me fill out some forms to get their insurance company involved to cover the loss.
Long story short, Aggies can fuck up anything.