Been a while, and I just wanted to check in/thank everyone for their continued AMAZING contributions.
518 days today; tomorrow, God willing, 17 months.
What really hit me over the holidays was the ability I have now to smell alcohol on people. That smelling "power" was not accompanied by a craving, just was something I noticed. No judgment, no correction of others, just ... insight. I mentioned this new "ability" to my wife, who said "yeah, you never thought I could smell it on you, did you?" I totally thought I was hiding it like a boss, but, in reality, she knew. Everybody knew.
Grateful to be sober today. My second holiday season and I can say it was easier. The many posts of the feelings that come up during the holidays, those feelings I used to drown, resounded completely with me. I was able to actually feel, and maybe even process, those old feelings as we went through yet another roller coaster of family obligations, last minute gifts, calamity, etc. In fact, able to have non-confrontational communication during my wife's stressful times. "Is there something I need to assemble this fine Christmas Even that I may be unaware of?" In the past, that really, really was a resentment. "I am at buzz/drunk level 9, and you tell me I have to put some crap together for little Janie? That messes with MY plan!"
My attitude was SERVICE. I knew that if I served, I could feel good about it no matter how others felt about it. I could take their input and not feel overwhelmed by anger or frustration because, hey, I'm doing what I think is the next right thing TODAY, and perhaps they have a point that I should consider when they DO have something to say about it. I didn't have to be the smartest guy in the room, with all the answers, and looking down on those who didn't heed my (unsolicited) advice. I could accept their path as being their path, and mine being mine. "Live and let live" is a powerful statement to me.
Appreciate everybody, and Happy belated 2020.
CDM