You hear lots in meetings "it gets better," and it does. It is not an overnight process, though. Happy, Joyous, and Free comes, but, like with anything, there is also a period of transition.
I'm not quite to my 18 month chip (God willing, in a couple of weeks), but things are challenging. When I (hopefully) hit my bottom, my wife was on the phone for hours a night with the EAP (Employee Assistance Program) folks trying to figure out benefits, $$$, etc. About a month later, she developed this mysterious rash. 16 months later, she still has it. It's miserable; it's all over her body, her face is peeling like she did a bad chemical peel, skin flaking off like dust, and it itches like crazy. She can't sleep, is always cranky, and I have no idea how she hasn't lost her mind. She's been to every doctor known to man, and no one can figure it out. We live in Houston and survived Harvey with minimal damage (VERY near where folks lost everything off Buffalo Bayou), but I'm sure there's a mold issue of some sort (it's HOUSTON!) Stress? Probably. She's eaten clean, stopped eating and drinking things she knows cause a reaction, has gone to (a little) counseling for the baggage she carries, and is trying to take care of her mental state through yoga, relaxation, etc.
Needless to say, all these doctors trying stuff out (no offense to MD's, but, man, it seems like they "try" more than they "know," oftentimes), her being in a near breakdown stage daily, and all the oils and salves, she feels like she has the right to spend whatever she needs to get some comfort. I don't blame her, but couple that amazing debt run up with her not really wanting to engage with Al Anon or any real deep counseling on herself (it's "CDM's problem, you need to figure it out"), an absolutely horrific year at my company (thus, no real bonus), and very little intimacy between us, I'm not feeling so happy, joyous, or free.
I know this is part of it, and feel like I'm whining, just really challenged today. I "should" count my blessings around being sober today, and really I do, it's just a tough row to hoe at home, lately.
Anyways, thanks for "listening." Headed to the Outpost meeting today to get some perspective.
-Charles