i'm gonna weigh in here (😄)...
lots of hostility in this thread. some of it understandable. some of it just plain mean. also some empathy.
my mom's side of the family were big people, the women in particular - tall, developed early, big T&A...and yeah, fat. dad's side is stick-thin. a paternal aunt actually starved herself to death (she was also alcoholic which contributed).
my dad has been obsessed with how much fat is in a dish, how many calories something has, etc since forever. like...he jokes at almost every meal about it.
my childhood home was bereft of typical 'fat' foods, especially sweets. there was no sugary cereal, we never drank soda, no cupcakes or cookies, the only chips allowed were tortilla chips... and i was still always the tallest/biggest girl in my group, as was my sister. neither of us ever had a problem socially or, uh, dating. ever (did i mention the T&A? 😄)
my dad first called me fat when i was 12. he left my mother (and broke her) when i was 16 bc she had gotten too fat (she was smaller than i am now). he once asked both his son-in-laws (at a family gathering, after many drinks of course), didn't it bother them that my sister and i were so big?? 🙄
as adults we've both struggled with our weight. sister went keto in 2019, after mom died, and lost quite a bit. she's kept most of it off and looks fantastic...but i know from this thread that many here would still call her a fatass. being tall women helps. as does a pretty face 😊
my dad still obsesses over how much fat is in something, and he eats fake cheese that won't melt lol.
we don't blame him, he is who he is.
but...
my neice is anorexic and has been for the past 5 years. it's been terrifying. she is model-beautiful, tall, was very athletic...and a boy called her fat at the beginning of her sophomore year in h.s....she then lost 40 lbs in about 3 months. she became anemic and her hair started falling out and all sorts of other side effects. she hasn't had a period in 4 years. my sister contemplated an inpatient program, it was that bad.
she's headed into soph year in college now, and seems to have reached a healthy plateau (she gained back about 15 lbs the past year). she spent 3 years with therapy and a nutritionist. she works out obsessively (literally, she's massively OCD, by product of the anorexia) and is now shaped like a boy instead of a girl, and she eats things that are just disgusting...but she's determined to keep the weight on. she'd probably be considered perfect by many here...but she still looks very, very thin to us. her ribs poke out. my dad of course thinks she looks great lol.
anyway...yeah, i'm 'fat'. i'm working on myself and my reasons why. our genes are not to blame...but they are definitely not helping. neither of us wants to be like our mom or aunts. we still don't eat many sweets, and don't have any health issues. yet, of course. and i married a black man who loves my shape so there's that 😄
i'm not sure why i wanted to chime in on this thread of men, many of whom would be outright mean/hostile to someone like me. i kind of didn't want to even read this thread bc i knew it would be that way, i've been around this community online for decades lol...but i forced myself to. i guess i thought it might help motivate me. it also reinforced how many assholes post here 😋
i've met a few posters in person (real estate, buying football tickets. etc) but i'd be terrified of attending a HH for those same reasons above.
and the mean ones aren't wrong...counting calories should be easy, it is just math, it is simple, stupid.
but i guess i just wanted to tell a story to show that it's also very complicated. human beings are complex, and there are entire industries design to exploit our weaknesses. and then there's the psychology, and the emotions, and everything else...logic doesn't always prevail.
i don't mind being me at all...but i worked hard to retire very early so i could enjoy an active life with travel and adventure. that's what motivates me right now. i want to avoid all the health problems my mother and aunts faced. i know what i need to do, and i try. every day.