Guys, practice was amazing. I watched it from a small dirigible, so my viewpoint was different than anyone else’s. Here are my key takeaways:
1) The players looked excited to be there.
2) Coach Adazzio is a fucking animal. He proved this by constantly getting in players’ faces and screaming profanities at them while onlookers stared agape. Robinson is the leader and he’s a tank. Foster was in street clothes, no big deal. Kam Dewberry is a giant, so you know he’s good.
3) The best thing about our running backs is that they can catch passes. LJ got way behind the secondary for a reception of almost 30 yards. Some guy named Amari Daniels is the real deal, folks.
4) The QB battle is really heating up. Haynes King looked so good at times that Coach Fisher stopped screaming at other people and ankle-biting them in order to fist bump King. Then King threw interceptions. He was dropping absolute dimes when he wasn’t throwing picks though. True fish Connor Weigman struggled to complete any passes, but my lord, when he scrambles against air, he looks like a certain Heisman winner who apparently cannot be named. I didn’t really notice the other guy, so if someone saw him make an appearance during a 2 hour practice, let me know.
5) Our defensive line is going to angrily buttfuck more fatasses than Terry Price and Steve Adazzio at a whorehouse on Big Girl discount night. Fadil Diggs looks like Roger Clemons. Shemar Stewart is already disrupting the depth chart and causing problems. And not just with the offensive line. His play has caused Dindy and Nolen to sit out practices via holdout until better terms and assurances on their deals can be made.
6) TE. None of these guys have played a down except for the 6th year gimp, but they’re probably the best position group in the country. Max Wright has been working out, btw.
7) While Candi would argue otherwise, don’t sleep on the WRs, fellas. Evan Stewart and “Moose” made some amazing catches while being absolutely mauled by defensive backs. Chase Lane and Devin Price also caught passes during warmups. These guys looked like a roaming pride of fuck-lions while waiting to be called in for plays during the scrimmage from the sidelines.
Finally, this is a championship team that the nation has been waiting on to rise up and ascend the god damned throne of college football. If they can somehow get out of their own division this year, a nation’s dream may finally come true.