We had her memorial service today. Well, yesterday.
I know I’m not some unicorn who’s the only one to lose a partner, but holy fuck this is bad.
I don’t have anyone else I’m willing to drag into this whine at three in the morning, so y’all are it. My dogs have already heard more than they bargained for and my crying in the dark in a half empty bed for however many hours is freaking them out. At least typing this has made that stop for a little while. It’s an easy “scroll on by” for you, so I don’t feel too bad about it.
**OK, lucky for y’all, typing out about 5,000 words has sated my desire to express them without having to expose y’all to them, so I’ve deleted most of what would have been this post. Pretty much my approach to business emails back in the day.**
Long story fairly short, I’d been waiting 50 fucking years for this woman without really knowing it. According to her friends and family, she’d been waiting about 45 years for me. We got a little less than seven years together, but it was the best seven years of our lives. Right now, that just makes this gaping hole in my being hurt even more. Maybe in the future that will be what allows me to cope with that hole.
Also, I have a much more vivid understanding of some of the reasons why people came up with the idea of an afterlife. I want to see her again so badly. The belief that I could do so would be an amazingly calming lifeline right now. Wish in one hand…
Carry on.