Sigh. Have reached that point with the old man. Right before we left for Germany a couple of weeks ago, he had a slight fender-bender. But his story about it, and how it happened, was confusing. Then, one of my wife's friends (who lives down the street from my dad) called her to share with her that she had concerns about his driving - he'd seem confused in their small sub-area, had gone out an entrance drive, etc. So, I was going to have to have a tough call with my old man when I got back.
Well, I was back in town and up and running yesterday (even though I feel like shit - brought back a respiratory infection with me). Got in touch with my dad....and he took the lead. Said he had more to tell me about the accident. Turns out, it was his fault, he tried to change lanes without looking adequately (which happens), but he voiced that in just the last month or so, he feels like his vision and reflexes have declined....so he probably shouldn't drive. So he'll need my help to get the car into the shop for repairs, and then to figure out what to do with it. And then, "I guess I'll need to start taking Uber." I told him that YES, and that's GOOD AND FINE. So, tonight, I'm going to make sure his app is set up, and maybe we'll even take a test trip to dinner and back.
But it's hard, of course. He's an independent man, and stubborn like all of us. But god bless him, he's an engineer, and he sees shit pretty matter-of-fact from a safety standpoint. And when he realized the data said he shouldn't drive anymore, he made the decision himself. I'm really proud of him for that.
But what killed me was him telling me that he was so sorry for asking for my help, and imposing. He and my mom always tried to NOT be a burden, to NOT need my help, so he's sorry that's changing. I told him to stop that -- and that one of the things I've realized is that needing help doesn't mean you're a burden, or you're imposing, or you're a problem. It means you're part of a family and a community. I need help sometimes, and it's hard for me to ask for it and accept it because I'm a problem-SOLVER to the core of my being (he's the same way). But we need to get over that shit. It's okay to need help, and to ask for it. It's what we do.
I'm headed over there tonight to see him. I feel pretty shitty about how little help I've been since my mom died. This shit is hard.