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#9101

Another favorite wife comment.  "Guess who I saw today?"

I used to say "I don't know" but a few years ago, I just start throwing out random. made up names or people we haven't seen in years.   

I think next time it happens, I'll yell, "Tom Hanks!"

 

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#9103
3 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Which one?

I plan to rotate through all of them.  Probably in the same order as they appear in this thread.  It's only fitting.  

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#9104

Actually rather proud of the wife for this gem:

 

Mrs. Ponderer to Home Depot clerk:  "I need to get a hand saw."

Home Depot clerk:  "What are you going to use it on?"

Mrs. Ponderer:  "Hands."

#9110
On 1/8/2020 at 2:37 PM, Sandman said:

Mine likes to recap her conversations but she tells me every single thing that was said:

"I told her what I heard and she was like 'OMG' and I said 'yep' and she said 'I can't believe it' and I said 'I know' and she said 'that's crazy!' and I'm like "totally!'. Then she had to go so I said bye and she said bye."

 

That's a wonderful story, Bodie.  I noticed you stopped stuttering.

#9111
1 hour ago, Walden Ponderer said:

Actually rather proud of the wife for this gem:

 

Mrs. Ponderer to Home Depot clerk:  "I need to get a hand saw."

Home Depot clerk:  "What are you going to use it on?"

Mrs. Ponderer:  "Hands."

I would sleep with one eye open if I were you . . .

#9112
32 minutes ago, nnm said:

I would sleep with one eye open if I were you . . .

Gripping his pillow tight?

#9113
On 1/8/2020 at 3:07 PM, AM Wood said:

welp, that's fucking annoying. mine tells a story and only says the highlights that she thinks are important. more than half the important information she figures you already know because it's in her mind.  most of the time i have no idea what the fuck she's talking about, but i nod yes and raise eyebrows and stuff so i don't have to hear about it anymore.

Or maybe she's yada yadaing you.

I met this lawyer.  We went out to dinner.  I had the lobster bisque.  We went back to my place.  Yada, yada, yada, I never heard from him again.

#9115
21 minutes ago, Anastasis said:

Watching the jack ryan series on amazon prime with my wife is among the most frustrating things I can imagine. 

Pausing every two minutes to wait for her to stop yammering?

#9116
On 1/8/2020 at 3:07 PM, AM Wood said:

welp, that's fucking annoying. mine tells a story and only says the highlights that she thinks are important. more than half the important information she figures you already know because it's in her mind.  most of the time i have no idea what the fuck she's talking about, but i nod yes and raise eyebrows and stuff so i don't have to hear about it anymore.

My wife is always doing this as well. I've been out of town for 3 days and got home tonight. She works in a day care part time.

Driving home from the airport She told me "The kids at school can't play with the water anymore. None of the other teachers would do anything about it, but it's very dangerous. I had to go to Patty and explain what was going on and next time I passed by someone was in there fixing it."

I have no fucking idea what she is talking about.

#9117

I hope you didn't bother to ask for further explanation.  In a similar situation, mine would have replied with the back story of all the characters involved and how it is somewhat relevant to this story before actually getting to the point.

#9119
1 hour ago, blacklab said:

I did not. I just nodded my head and said you did the right thing.

Don’t do this if you’ve had more than 2 drinks. You’ll end up with new outdoor furniture that you have to put together and don’t understand why until a few weeks later when you hear her joking to her friends about how you let her order it after drinking four margaritas at the last happy hour...

#9120
5 hours ago, blacklab said:

My wife is always doing this as well. I've been out of town for 3 days and got home tonight. She works in a day care part time.

Driving home from the airport She told me "The kids at school can't play with the water anymore. None of the other teachers would do anything about it, but it's very dangerous. I had to go to Patty and explain what was going on and next time I passed by someone was in there fixing it."

I have no fucking idea what she is talking about.

Jebus Christ it’s exactly this. 

#9121
6 hours ago, NoRagrets said:

Don’t do this if you’ve had more than 2 drinks. You’ll end up with new outdoor furniture that you have to put together and don’t understand why until a few weeks later when you hear her joking to her friends about how you let her order it after drinking four margaritas at the last happy hour...

username does not check out

#9122
8 hours ago, blacklab said:

My wife is always doing this as well. I've been out of town for 3 days and got home tonight. She works in a day care part time.

Driving home from the airport She told me "The kids at school can't play with the water anymore. None of the other teachers would do anything about it, but it's very dangerous. I had to go to Patty and explain what was going on and next time I passed by someone was in there fixing it."

I have no fucking idea what she is talking about.

Count your blessings. I would've had to hear Patty's entire dating history and how she finally met a guy we all like. Not like her last boyfriend, who was a total asshole. You remember him, we met him at that party four years ago. Remember? You talked to him about Longhorn football.

#9123
8 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

Pausing every two minutes to wait for her to stop yammering?

Oh, look!  Look here! (Pushes iPad toward me).  There's a sale on fondue sets at Bed, Bath and Beyond. 

#9124
18 minutes ago, deadshank said:

Oh, look!  Look here! (Pushes iPad toward me).  There's a sale on fondue sets at Bed, Bath and Beyond. 

Wouldn't that be great for our Holiday Party next December???

#9125
25 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

Wouldn't that be great for our Holiday Party next December???

I bet Patty has a gorgeous fondue set her husband bought her. Asshole 

#9128
3 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

Wouldn't that be great for our Holiday Party next December???

And then, at best, a second use. Ever. 

#9131
6 hours ago, deadshank said:

Oh, look!  Look here! (Pushes iPad toward me).  There's a sale on fondue sets at Bed, Bath and Beyond. 

We had a fondue set once.  We used it once.  I eventually threw it out and she hasn't asked about it since.  

#9132
16 minutes ago, Longhornfan1024 said:

We had a fondue set once.  We used it once.  I eventually threw it out and she hasn't asked about it since.  

we all did.

 

#9136
1 hour ago, LABEVO said:

Lots of this thread energy

 

host reminds me of Thomas J Henry.

 

btw there is a shitload more to this story.   turns out this was the THIRD question they had to ask.  neither of the 2 of them could answer the previous sudden death question.

 

the ditzy blond was also asked in the same sudden death round, but unaired....to “name something you might see in the sky on a clear night” and answered “helicopter.”

Helicopter.

Contacted about the viral popularity of the clip, her mother told a newspaper that she’s taking it in good humor. “At least I’m pretty,” she supposedly said. 

#9138
23 hours ago, blacklab said:

My wife is always doing this as well. I've been out of town for 3 days and got home tonight. She works in a day care part time.

Driving home from the airport She told me "The kids at school can't play with the water anymore. None of the other teachers would do anything about it, but it's very dangerous. I had to go to Patty and explain what was going on and next time I passed by someone was in there fixing it."

I have no fucking idea what she is talking about.

My wife does this.  In order to maintain what little sanity I have left, I ignore her (it's for the good of the country, really).  I believe she suspects this, and wants to know why I don't listen to her.  There is no way out.  There is no way to win.  I am but a simple man, trying to survive.  

#9141

My wife to me last week: “Why the fuck does our nanny have to explain every little small detail of every fucking thing she does with the kids and make a mountain out of a molehill of every little thing all day long as if every red spot is the onset of mumps and every runny nose is SARs. It’s so annoying.  

And why do you look like you are about to bust out laughing?”

#9143
6 minutes ago, Hate said:

Nice humblebrag...and pics of nanny?

She’s a solid 2.7.  Maybe a College Station 5.  so I don’t think y’all want that. I certainly failed there.  

#9146
2 hours ago, A-Tex Devil said:

She’s a solid 2.7.  Maybe a College Station 5.  so I don’t think y’all want that. I certainly failed there.  

Ok Arnie. Let us know how the second family works out for you. 

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