Jump to content
View in the app

A better way to browse. Learn more.

Surly Horns

A full-screen app on your home screen with push notifications, badges and more.

To install this app on iOS and iPadOS
  1. Tap the Share icon in Safari
  2. Scroll the menu and tap Add to Home Screen.
  3. Tap Add in the top-right corner.
To install this app on Android
  1. Tap the 3-dot menu (⋮) in the top-right corner of the browser.
  2. Tap Add to Home screen or Install app.
  3. Confirm by tapping Install.
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Featured Replies

  • Replies 23.8k
  • Views 2.2m
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Most Popular Posts

  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

  • BearCountry11
    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

Posted Images

#10752
2 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Wife just yelled at daughter for putting the broom somewhere she couldn’t find it. So I said, “Why, going somewhere?”

Points with daughter. No points with wife.

Hope you remember that pussy, because it may be a long, long time before you see it again.

  • Popular Post
#10753
3 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Wife just yelled at daughter for putting the broom somewhere she couldn’t find it. So I said, “Why, going somewhere?”

Points with daughter. No points with wife.

Follow up with “You’re just upset because a house fell on your sister” since your not going to be getting any anyway.

#10754
5 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Wife just yelled at daughter for putting the broom somewhere she couldn’t find it. So I said, “Why, going somewhere?”

Points with daughter. No points with wife.

Your wife fucking the broom?  I can’t think of any other reason mine would be looking for ours.

#10755
This is what all long term marriages are based on.  When you don't care enough about your wife to want to spite her then it's time to call it quits.
It's like the suitcase episode of Everyone Loves Raymond.
#10757
3adad5bd789108a883a92b9bccb9081d.jpg
Sigh...this is typical. This was used for a piece of toast instead of the toaster.
It can always be worse.

From page 19:

34a46ddedad5b6f38fa159f0c5e699a6.jpg
#10758
13 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Wife just yelled at daughter for putting the broom somewhere she couldn’t find it. So I said, “Why, going somewhere?”

Points with daughter. No points with wife.

Several years ago the wife and I were outside. Across the road is a pasture with several head of cattle. The guy runs a couple donkeys with the herd. One of the donkeys brays. I respond, "what did you say honey?"

 No child around to gain points, but son thought it was pretty funny when I told him later. I stressed to him to not bring it up to his Mom. Never!

#10760
11 hours ago, Upgrayedd said:

Follow up with “You’re just upset because a house fell on your sister” since your not going to be getting any anyway.

From last Spring:

Watching a soccer game the other night and it started to drizzle.  Daughter pulled out the umbrella and asked it my wife wanted under it.  My wife responded, "I'm not sugar, I won't melt."  Without skipping a beat, my daughter replied, "neither was the wicked witch."

Guess who got in trouble for laughing.

#10761
Hope you remember that pussy, because it may be a long, long time before you see it again.


She eventually laughed. And then hit me with the broom.
#10762

Our first AND second microwaves have failed in the last five weeks. The second died this morning. Guess I gotta mask up and go appliance shopping.

#10763
It's like the suitcase episode of Everyone Loves Raymond.

That episode and the one where Ray recorded her on her period were awesome!
#10764
36 minutes ago, Buzzrock said:

Our first AND second microwaves have failed in the last five weeks. The second died this morning. Guess I gotta mask up and go appliance shopping.

Get one that makes toast.

#10765
40 minutes ago, Buzzrock said:

 


She eventually laughed. And then hit me with the broom.

 

Good thing she wound up laughing.

So tell me... when she hit you..was she riding it, or did she just swing it at you?

#10766
1 hour ago, Jerry Callo said:

From last Spring:

Watching a soccer game the other night and it started to drizzle.  Daughter pulled out the umbrella and asked it my wife wanted under it.  My wife responded, "I'm not sugar, I won't melt."  Without skipping a beat, my daughter replied, "neither was the wicked witch."

Guess who got in trouble for laughing.

Seems like a lot of our wives may have something in common.

#10768
46 minutes ago, Buzzrock said:

Our first AND second microwaves have failed in the last five weeks. The second died this morning. Guess I gotta mask up and go appliance shopping.

This is a blessing in disguise.  You get to leave the house for at least a few hours.  Take a cooler with you.  Find a park to hang out with while maintaining proper social distancing and just sit back for a few hours.  Tell your wife there must have been a run on microwaves and that you had to go to at least 4 or 5 stores to find the one she wants.  Tell her that it was weird and frightening to be out in the real world with only a little mask to prevent you from catching your death, but you were willing to risk it so that she could re-heat leftovers.  Maybe you can turn this into some sexy time. 

#10769
58 minutes ago, Buzzrock said:

Our first AND second microwaves have failed in the last five weeks. The second died this morning. Guess I gotta mask up and go appliance shopping.

How much food do you microwave? Do you run a Panera or something?

#10770
27 minutes ago, Grade of D as in David said:

How much food do you microwave? Do you run a Panera or something?

Nah, those foil wrapped tacos are hard on those things.

#10771
29 minutes ago, Grade of D as in David said:

How much food do you microwave? Do you run a Panera or something?

Better question: How many forks has your wife microwaved?

#10772
Our first AND second microwaves have failed in the last five weeks. The second died this morning. Guess I gotta mask up and go appliance shopping.
Amazon sells them
#10774
19 minutes ago, Chewbacca said:
2 hours ago, Flg8rfan said:

That episode and the one where Ray recorded her on her period were awesome!

And the AIS. Wife and i still laugh at that one

He AISed her?

#10778
36 minutes ago, NoName said:

I just read like a month's worth of this thread waiting for @Angry Gorilla's second set of reviews only to discover there were no follow ups posted!

Good point, @NoName.

 @Angry Gorilla, it’s time for a sequel. 

I’m sure you’ll find sponsors on here willing to send a handle to you as long as you’ll treat us to the rolling review. I’ll gladly step up, just send me a pm. 

Some suggestions:

1) Chocolate Whiskey: https://www.caskers.com/kings-county-chocolate-whiskey/

2) Piehole Whiskey, either Pecan Pie (https://drizly.com/liquor/whiskey/american-whiskey/piehole-pecan-pie-whiskey/p14878) or cherry pie (https://drizly.com/liquor/whiskey/canadian-whisky/piehole-cherry-pie-whiskey/p14880)

3) Pumpkin Spice Whiskey: http://solspirits.com/american-spirits-sol-seasonals-pumpkinspicewhiskey

4) Chipotle Whiskey: https://www.totalwine.com/spirits/american-whiskey/whiskey/rogue-farms-chipotle-whiskey/p/151143750

5) Cookies & Cream Whiskey:  https://www.theliquorbarn.com/ole-smoky-cookies-cream-750ml/

#10780

Why can't wives just answer a question without all the extra fucking bullshit that lead up to the answer. I just need the answer, not details surrounding the answer. 

Wife is a Teacher

Wife: <Something unintelligible> "...easier than paper copies...which is great."

Me: "Sorry, I didn't hear what you said. Can you repeat that?"

Wife: "Well, the girls and I were talking this morning about the online learning being a pain because we are having to completely learn a new way to reach our kids and being out of the classroom is posing new challenges with the class work and making sure they are getting their lessons completed and learning the material being presented. But, we do enjoy the grading process being much easier than having the paper copies. I can go through and finish each kid completely as opposed to just doing each assignment one at a time, which is great."

Me: Ok. So you what you said was "Online grading is easier than paper copies, which is great."?

Wife: Yeah.

#10781
On 4/16/2020 at 9:56 AM, Pogo said:

Am I the only one who owns a toaster oven?

Edit:  I'll bet I am the only one who's wife deemed it necessary for us to own 2 microwaves.

We bought a Breville toaster oven in December.  It has replaced the use of our ovens by about 95% and we tossed the toaster.  Love it.  Can do just about everything and doesn't turn the kitchen into a furnace.  Since quarantining I bet I used it 4 times a day for toasting bread for breakfast and for lunch sangwiches before we left for our ranch.  Wish I would have packed it.

Also great for frozen pizzas and chicken nuggets for the kids (which for us is maybe once a week).

#10783
6 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Our first AND second microwaves have failed in the last five weeks. The second died this morning. Guess I gotta mask up and go appliance shopping.

You no Amazon?

#10786
5 minutes ago, Buzzrock said:

Good news everyone. 2nd microwave came back to life.

Wife still wants to go microwave shopping.

At least it won't take much time. 

  • Popular Post
#10787

Today Mrs. Ace successfully ran a Zoom meeting with 225 union members on the video call and elected new leadership, conducted new business and had nary a problem despite a lot of boomers having never used video conferencing. 

I was quite proud honestly, that was a big undertaking.

About an hour after the call she yelled at me from her office her desk lamp wasn’t working and why did I change the bulb to LED a week ago and I ruin everything I touch. 

I walk in, look at lamp, follow chord, see that it is unplugged and in the plug’s spot is her MacBook charger.

Guess who still is in trouble for changing a perfectly good lightbulb (that she forgets to turn off for days at a time, hence me finally changing it). 

Edited by The Ace of Aces

#10788
13 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Good news everyone. 2nd microwave came back to life.

Wife still wants to go microwave shopping.

Neighbors just chucked out one that may or may not work. Will send it if you want to roll the dice.

 

20200418-095354.jpg

#10790
41 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

Was it pre-owned by Italians, Mexicans or Micks. With the F150 I'm leaning Mexicans, but the basketball hoop confuses me. Likely not Italians.

It matters.

Italians actually

#10794
On 4/17/2020 at 3:49 PM, Johnny Sack said:

We bought a Breville toaster oven in December.  It has replaced the use of our ovens by about 95% and we tossed the toaster.  Love it.  Can do just about everything and doesn't turn the kitchen into a furnace.  Since quarantining I bet I used it 4 times a day for toasting bread for breakfast and for lunch sangwiches before we left for our ranch.  Wish I would have packed it.

Also great for frozen pizzas and chicken nuggets for the kids (which for us is maybe once a week).

Had one for years, and they work great for all kinds of stuff. 

#10795
On 4/18/2020 at 9:32 AM, G650 said:

Neighbors just chucked out one that may or may not work. Will send it if you want to roll the dice.

 

20200418-095354.jpg

Is that a Subaru?  Lesbians huh?

#10796
6 minutes ago, Johnny Sack said:

Is that a Subaru?  Lesbians huh?

Shit man, we have four Subarus in a 100 foot radius. Maximum upper middle beach livin'.

 

20200419-113739.jpg

#10800
2 hours ago, Johnny Sack said:

Is that a Subaru?  Lesbians huh?

Only in the South.  Subaru passed both VW and Mazda to become the 5th best selling import.

Edited by ShaggyBevo RIP

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Configure browser push notifications

Chrome (Android)
  1. Tap the lock icon next to the address bar.
  2. Tap Permissions → Notifications.
  3. Adjust your preference.
Chrome (Desktop)
  1. Click the padlock icon in the address bar.
  2. Select Site settings.
  3. Find Notifications and adjust your preference.