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We need to get Mrs Mach 1 and Trixie together, and also the wife with the espresso machine.

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  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

  • BearCountry11
    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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Guess how much a yeti dog bowl costs.

Guess how I know.

Guess how much a yeti dog bowl costs.
Guess how I know.
It'll keep your dog's room temperature water at room temperature smart guy.

Did she slap a Yeti sticker up on his doghouse so the other dogs in the neighborhood will know how cool he is?

6 hours ago, Twizzler said:

Guess how much a yeti dog bowl costs.

Guess how I know.

We were at Academy last night and my wife saw the yeti ice packs right next to the cheap igloo ones and was convinced that the yeti ones had to be much better because they were so expensive.

1 minute ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

We were at Academy last night and my wife saw the yeti ice packs right next to the cheap igloo ones and was convinced that the yeti ones had to be much better because they were so expensive.

Didn't the Indian Army just find proof that Yeti is more effective?

Evidence, people, evidence.

7 hours ago, Twizzler said:

Guess how much a yeti dog bowl costs.

Guess how I know.

Bout tree fiddy?

5 hours ago, DaysOff said:
7 hours ago, Twizzler said:
Guess how much a yeti dog bowl costs.
Guess how I know.

It'll keep your dog's room temperature water at room temperature smart guy.

So will the toilet 

a stainless one (which is what they are supposed to drink and eat out of) costs $6 at the walmarts.

 

this is the best thread in the whole internets.

1 hour ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:
2 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:
Bout tree fiddy?

Just looked..50 bucks. But it comes in array of colors thatll match the theme of the new house you're going to build them.

FIFY

1 hour ago, AM Wood said:

a stainless one (which is what they are supposed to drink and eat out of) costs $6 at the walmarts.

 

this is the best thread in the whole internets.

They are?

Mine eats out of a castoff Tupperware container and drinks out of the toilet.  Dog, not wife...

1 hour ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:
2 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:
Bout tree fiddy?

Just looked..50 bucks. But it comes in array of colors thatll match the theme of their house

so, she can get an Easter/spring color one, a Memorial Day/ 4th of July one, a fall one, Halloween one,  Christmas, Valentines Day, and a regular one ...

tree fiddy  

1 hour ago, Kennythetiger said:

They are?

Mine eats out of a castoff Tupperware container and drinks out of the toilet.  Dog, not wife...

some plastics give them acne on their chin. the dog.... and maybe the wife.

 

5203378f75a73d22d847d7787892c027.jpg

 

Optimized-2014081795194811-e141151215477

Edited by AM Wood

10 minutes ago, AM Wood said:

some plastics give them acne on their chin. the dog.... and maybe the wife.

 

5203378f75a73d22d847d7787892c027.jpg

 

Optimized-2014081795194811-e141151215477

I’ve read that semen is good for complexion, but I don’t know how close you and your dog are. 

4 hours ago, AM Wood said:

a stainless one (which is what they are supposed to drink and eat out of) costs $6 at the walmarts.

 

this is the best thread in the whole internets.

Clearly you haven't seen all the porn.

12 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

You need a lid for it to keep your dog from spilling everywhere?  I know a dude

That dog is not going to get roofied at a music venue, so there's that.

2 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I’ve read that semen is good for complexion, but I don’t know how close you and your dog are. 

welp, he high tails it when he hears the peanut butter jar opening.

14 minutes ago, AM Wood said:

welp, he high tails it when he hears the peanut butter jar opening.

Towards you or away from you?

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I evidently have a magic phone in my car.  

Yesterday, the wife and I were driving back to Austin.  We were in separate cars.  While driving, she calls me from her car and tells me "I left my phone back at the house".  No, you didn't, because the car uses the cell phone.  The car is just the interface, the phone is the phone.  I *think* I got her to believe me, but I'm still not sure.

In any case, the phone was in her purse.

 

SMDH.

11 minutes ago, Mudcat35 said:

I evidently have a magic phone in my car.  

Yesterday, the wife and I were driving back to Austin.  We were in separate cars.  While driving, she calls me from her car and tells me "I left my phone back at the house".  No, you didn't, because the car uses the cell phone.  The car is just the interface, the phone is the phone.  I *think* I got her to believe me, but I'm still not sure.

In any case, the phone was in her purse.

 

SMDH.

quality

23 minutes ago, Mudcat35 said:

I evidently have a magic phone in my car.  

Yesterday, the wife and I were driving back to Austin.  We were in separate cars.  While driving, she calls me from her car and tells me "I left my phone back at the house".  No, you didn't, because the car uses the cell phone.  The car is just the interface, the phone is the phone.  I *think* I got her to believe me, but I'm still not sure.

In any case, the phone was in her purse.

 

SMDH.

200.gif

That’s similar to them misplacing key fobs all the damn time. Every time she’s looking for one the first thing I do is go out and see if the car will crank. 100% of the time it has. I walk back in and tell her I’ve narrowed down her search area.

49 minutes ago, EE2B said:

That’s similar to them misplacing key fobs all the damn time. Every time she’s looking for one the first thing I do is go out and see if the car will crank. 100% of the time it has. I walk back in and tell her I’ve narrowed down her search area.

Next time you need to parlay your "help" into some special benefits.

Wife calls because she is buying my son a fitted baseball hat-

 

Which is bigger 6 1/2 or 6 5/8? 

 

I'm sure you started with, "First, find the lowest common denominator."

1 hour ago, miguelito said:

I'm sure you started with, "First, find the lowest common denominator."

She married him, didn't she?

1 hour ago, CycleTex87 said:

women&math.gif

even my 8 yo knows this

8yo: it was 3 years ago
wife: it was 2 years ago
8yo: it was 3 years ago
wife: it was 2 years ago, why to you keep arguing with me?
8yo: because you're bad at math

I couldn't stop laughing and my wife was not amused.

3 hours ago, blacklab said:

8yo: because you're bad at math

Fantastic.

That’s similar to them misplacing key fobs all the damn time. Every time she’s looking for one the first thing I do is go out and see if the car will crank. 100% of the time it has. I walk back in and tell her I’ve narrowed down her search area.

I got those little Tiles mostly because of her. I used to think she liked my keys more because there were only 2 keys and a fob on each set, whereas hers looks like a janitors. Then I started finding all 3 sets in her purse.

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We just moved into a new house with hardwood floors, and if you've seen my posts in the dog thread, you can guess what they look like.  

So I bought us a roomba thingy and it arrived today.  I unpacked it and put it on the charger, and it was ready to go about the time my wife came home from work.  

So I started it up and let it go, and with her watching me, picked up all the little stuff that was in its way.  After a while, she picked it up and moved it into the bedroom.  

I walked in there later, and there are shoes and clothes all over the floor, and she's sitting on the bed reading her laptop, which has all sorts of cords dangling down on the floor.  

I picked up the shoes and clothes and said, "You know, this won't work well if there's shit for it to run into," hoping she'd get the hint. 

Narrator: she didn't.

A couple of minutes later, she asks me where the screwdrivers are.  It had run over the earbuds that were dangling down from the computer and gotten tangled up in them.  

Took her 20 minutes of actual use to fuck this thing up.  

 

even my 8 yo knows this
8yo: it was 3 years ago
wife: it was 2 years ago
8yo: it was 3 years ago
wife: it was 2 years ago, why to you keep arguing with me?
8yo: because you're bad at math
I couldn't stop laughing and my wife was not amused.
8 yo has no chill..damn
On 5/3/2019 at 2:26 PM, CycleTex87 said:

women&math.gif

I basically have a math major and my career is built around math. I ended up with two daughters. I hate nights when they have math homework, because they are really smart kids except for that one specific area. Between math and boys, high school is going to be quite an enjoyable time in my life I feel.

  • Popular Post

At Mexican restaurant:

 

Her: I wonder if the flautas are made with flour or corn tortillas.

 

Me: I'm pretty sure they're made with corn.

 

(Waiter shows up)

 

Her: Are the flautas made with flour or corn tortillas?

 

Waiter: Corn.

 

Her: Okay, then I'll have the cheese enchiladas instead.

 

(I don't say anything.)

 

(Later she comments that the cheese enchiladas are really good.)

 

Me: Why didn't you get the flautas?

 

Her: Because I didn't want corn tortillas.

 

Me: You DO realize that those cheese enchiladas are made with corn tortillas also, right?

 

Her: ..........

 

 

15 minutes ago, Modessit said:

At Mexican restaurant:

 

lemme guess you go to  a fancy restaurant and she sees the Soup Du Jour, and asks whats that... and the response of "Soup of the Day" comes back and she says, that sounds good, I'll have that?

(yes, its a dumb & dumber ref)

If there is one thing I loathe more than anything else is the "Let me show you all of the clothes I bought" recap when she gets back from the store. 

 

On 5/3/2019 at 3:52 PM, blacklab said:

even my 8 yo knows this

8yo: it was 3 years ago
wife: it was 2 years ago
8yo: it was 3 years ago
wife: it was 2 years ago, why to you keep arguing with me?
8yo: because you're bad at math

I couldn't stop laughing and my wife was not amused.

Well what was the right answer? 

55 minutes ago, JimmyHoffa said:

If there is one thing I loathe more than anything else is the "Let me show you all of the clothes I bought" recap when she gets back from the store. 

But how else will you know how much money she saved you?

Ms CL is such a peach.

(she hasn't yet explained to me how this is my fault when we both got the same handout 8 months ago, but she will)

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13 hours ago, Brew said:

I basically have a math major and my career is built around math. I ended up with two daughters. I hate nights when they have math homework, because they are really smart kids except for that one specific area. Between math and boys, high school is going to be quite an enjoyable time in my life I feel.

My ex-wife has a math degree. Are you a raving lunatic as well?

1 minute ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Ms CL is such a peach.

(she hasn't yet explained to me how this is my fault when we both got the same handout 8 months ago, but she will)

Band%20Text.png

She's got quite a mouth...

8 minutes ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Ms CL is such a peach.

(she hasn't yet explained to me how this is my fault when we both got the same handout 8 months ago, but she will)

Band%20Text.png

she offered. now you'll have to wait until next month.

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