April 26, 20187 yr 2 hours ago, Anwar Namtut said: You have glass bottles for baby bottles? WTF? We have ~6 plastic ones. yep.
April 27, 20187 yr 7 hours ago, HouTex said: She didn't like the paint color and now she has the excuse to paint the house. That's a whole other topic. When we moved into our new house in November she didn't like the paint color of a couple of the rooms. I didn't like it either. She picked out the new color and the seller agreed to have a painter repaint those rooms. Now she doesn't like the color she picked (I don't either) and has said numerous times how we have to repaint it.
April 27, 20187 yr 44 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said: That's a whole other topic. When we moved into our new house in November she didn't like the paint color of a couple of the rooms. I didn't like it either. She picked out the new color and the seller agreed to have a painter repaint those rooms. Now she doesn't like the color she picked (I don't either) and has said numerous times how we have to repaint it. I didn't realize you were a lesbian. Pics?
April 27, 20187 yr Yesterday we had a half a gallon of perfectly fine milk plus a full unopened gallon in the fridge. This morning I only see the full gallon. Other jug is empty and in the trash. "Yall drank all that milk?" "No." "It was fine yesterday, did it start to smell bad?" "No. It was getting close to the expiration date, and we have that other full gallon we need to open soon." "Open soon so we don't end up wasting half of it?" tone
April 27, 20187 yr On 4/25/2018 at 8:12 AM, JimmyHoffa said: There is nothing more fun than when your wife expects the worst to happen from a situation that hasn't even occurred yet, but to get really pissed about it a week or two in advance............... you know JUST IN CASE it does happen, she wants me to know that she will be pissed if it happen. Psst- It was never going to happen but they don't want you to tell them that............ I hear about my ex with "huge boobies" all the time. Yeah, like I need you to remind me to think about those. every time I read these posts, I immediately think you're all married to this chick
April 27, 20187 yr 15 hours ago, Mr. Drummond said: Wife is visiting a friend in colorado. She was supposed to come home on Southwest last night. Instead, yesterday she calls and asks if i mind if she stays one more night because they want to see a concert at red rocks (oh, an aside, she had never heard of red rocks - but i digress) . I say sure, how are you going to switch your flight, her friend says wife can use her frequent flyer miles and come in tomorrow morning - no big deal. Costs like 50 extra bucks to transfer or whatever no big deal. She texts me this morning the flight itinerary and it is on a United flight and instead of coming in to Hobby is coming into IAH. No big deal, a little more out of my way, but whatever. So she texts me that her flight lands and i respond i am 5 min away because traffic is a nightmare around Hobby. Thinking i was going to be funny when she freaks out. She never responds. She comes outside at the terminal i pick her up and we are driving out of the airport, I said, i guess you didn't see my text about being at hobby, i was trying to be funny, she says, no i saw it i dont get the joke. She thought she was at hobby. Once i told her no, you are at intercontinental, she says - i thought the terminal was much bigger than i remembered. i had to reread every line 4 times.
April 27, 20187 yr 15 hours ago, Nivek said: We have ~6 plastic ones. yep. The glass ones we had would have doubled as a brick. No way you were breaking one without throwing heat.
April 27, 20187 yr 50 minutes ago, HenryJames said: Yeah, those glass ones aren't exactly fragile. Why spend money on Italian bottles?
April 27, 20187 yr 15 hours ago, michael78747 said: I didn't realize you were a lesbian. Pics? I think you meant gay man. They have better design sense than dykes, if I have my stereotypes right. Anyway, not liking wall colors classifies as gay these days? Tough crowd.
April 27, 20187 yr 14 hours ago, NorthLoop said: Yesterday we had a half a gallon of perfectly fine milk plus a full unopened gallon in the fridge. This morning I only see the full gallon. Other jug is empty and in the trash. "Yall drank all that milk?" "No." "It was fine yesterday, did it start to smell bad?" "No. It was getting close to the expiration date, and we have that other full gallon we need to open soon." "Open soon so we don't end up wasting half of it?" tone Solid contribution.
April 27, 20187 yr 1 hour ago, Ojo Rojo said: I think you meant gay man. They have better design sense than dykes, if I have my stereotypes right. Anyway, not liking wall colors classifies as gay these days? Tough crowd. Yes. You're so gay. NTTAWWT
April 27, 20187 yr On 4/23/2018 at 9:35 PM, BearSchlong said: It's obvious that angry gorillas wife is an ideal life partner, an incredible mother, a nymphomaniac, smoking hot, and heiress to a large fortune. I mean, he let her take the boat out for chrissakes. God I wish
April 27, 20187 yr Anytime my wife and her friends try and coordinate the most trivial plan together, they act like they're trying to plan a trip to the fucking moon.
April 27, 20187 yr 26 minutes ago, BayouBill said: Anytime my wife and her friends try and coordinate the most trivial plan together, they act like they're trying to plan a trip to the fucking moon. and like clockwork ends up like Apollo 13. Get all the way there and can't land..........but they'll deem it a "successful failure"
April 28, 20187 yr My wife was just discussing an incident at her work where a girl had to be restrained and was telling me “she was as big as y” and caught herself. I said go ahead and say it. I know what you were going to say. She tells me I didn’t want to say as big as you and hurt your feelings. Bitch! Edited April 28, 20187 yr by El Moco
April 28, 20187 yr 21 minutes ago, El Moco said: My wife was just discussing an incident at her work where a girl had to be restrained and was telling me “she was as big as y” and caught herself. I said go ahead and say it. I know what you were going to say. She tells me I didn’t want to say as big as you and hurt your feelings. Bitch! Stop being fat, fatty.
April 28, 20187 yr 21 minutes ago, workswithseed said: Stop being fat, fatty. I got your fat one right here.
April 28, 20187 yr 46 minutes ago, wd40 said: watch it, or he'll blow used blueberries all over you I'm intrigued.
April 28, 20187 yr Hanging out with Clintonaldo and his Mrs. yesterday and as she's standing there with a bag already slung over her shoulder, she reaches down and picks up another bag. He says to her "you are taking two bags to the beach?" She says "no, just one." He looks incredulously at her and says "well what's that on your shoulder?" "A bag." And then she starts into this spiel about "how that bag doesn't count."
April 28, 20187 yr up and working early this morning, as usual, enjoying my coffee, etc. I hear a clatter on the stairs. I look. it's the wife, dropping her work badge there from over the balcony rail above. fine, wants to not forget it on her way out. good idea. an hour later, I get home from dropping off daughter #2 at school. wife's walking out the door. coffee's kicking in, so I lock the door behind her, and quickly make my usual tour of the downstairs, turning off all the lights she and the kids left on, then start upstairs to the master bath to take a well-earned shit and a shower. wife's furiously bangs on the door. I unlock it. she bursts in, all pissed off (at me) that she can't find her badge. she eventually finds it... upstairs.
April 28, 20187 yr On 4/25/2018 at 10:47 AM, uoftorange said: What is it about needing your validation, but not respecting what you say when you say it?? Two occurrences last night: First: Kid comes to my bathroom to use our spa tub because she said he could. I get it going and realize that the handle cartridge is leaking and so I tell him he can't use it because it will pour water everywhere. Kid is fine with it and understands, leaves to go upstairs to his own shower. She runs into the bathroom 30 seconds later, yes runs Her: Why won't you let him use it? Me: I'm the one that tried to turn it on for him, what do you mean? It's not working, the cartridge is bad like it was on your sink a few months ago Her: So you saw a leak? (proceeding to turn the bath on anyway) I don't see a leak Me: It's where all that water that is pouring on your leg right now is... Her: That's not that big a deal (Her leg is literally soaked with water) Me: So now you see the leak at least and I'm not too incompetent to determine if there is one or isn't? Her: Tone Me: And, that's only a little bit of water because it's been on for 10 seconds and it takes multiple minutes to fill the tub. There will be a big puddle if your run a full bath and why on earth does he need to take a bath in our bathroom at 9PM after his bedtime?? Second: Me two weeks ago: I want to go see Infinity Wars the first Friday it is out Her: I have friends coming over and want to see it too Me: You have confirmed people coming over? Her: Well we said we might do it Me: Well check and make sure please because the boys and I both want to go Her: Ok Last night happens Her: Did you get tickets for the movie? Me: No, you had people coming over, why would I have? Her: Well they decided that night when I asked them that it wasn't a good night Me: WTF? Seriously, so you knew two weeks ago and didn't say anything? Tickets are going to be sold out now Her: Let's see if we can still go Me, after 15 minutes of looking (while she sees me doing so): The only time that would work that isn't the front row is 8:25 and there is only the back row open Her: I see a 6, a 7, I see all kinds of showings, let's just go to one of those instead. I don't want to be out that late Me: Really? Her: What? I just don't want to be out that late Me: That's not the issue. The issue is that I just told you this was the ONLY time available that worked. Why would you assume the others ARE available? Her: Well I see them. Me: WTF. Clearly I've looked at those and deemed them untenable to our situation. Did you look and see if tickets were actually available? Her: Well no, but they show the times... Me: I'm going to just stop talking to you for a few... You married my ex?
April 28, 20187 yr 10 hours ago, McCroskey said: Hanging out with Clintonaldo and his Mrs. yesterday and as she's standing there with a bag already slung over her shoulder, she reaches down and picks up another bag. He says to her "you are taking two bags to the beach?" She says "no, just one." He looks incredulously at her and says "well what's that on your shoulder?" "A bag." And then she starts into this spiel about "how that bag doesn't count." Freakin' female counting systems. her: I'll have 5 suitcases to take to the airport. me: WTF? her: Well, my big suitcase; I'll put my small one inside of that one 'cause I'll be bringing more stuff back [that's another story]; my backpack; my purse, which I can stuff inside of my backpack; my roller carryon, which I'll give to you to roll around; and my other roller. me: WTF?
April 28, 20187 yr My wife, I love her and weve spent 30 of our 50 years together but goddamned if it doesn’t take her 15 minutes to get a sentence out sometimes. A couple of words, 10 second pause, couple more words, 5 second pause, get to the fucking point! She’s a slow talker.
April 29, 20187 yr 23 hours ago, wd40 said: up and working early this morning, as usual, enjoying my coffee, etc. I hear a clatter on the stairs. I look. it's the wife, dropping her work badge there from over the balcony rail above. fine, wants to not forget it on her way out. good idea. an hour later, I get home from dropping off daughter #2 at school. wife's walking out the door. coffee's kicking in, so I lock the door behind her, and quickly make my usual tour of the downstairs, turning off all the lights she and the kids left on, then start upstairs to the master bath to take a well-earned shit and a shower. wife's furiously bangs on the door. I unlock it. she bursts in, all pissed off (at me) that she can't find her badge. she eventually finds it... upstairs. Why did you move it, asshole?
April 29, 20187 yr Just now. Wife thinks she sees a flea on our indoor-only cat. Wife: I think I'm going to get that stuff you put on the back of his neck. Me: That's fine. Get it. Wife: Get what?
April 29, 20187 yr 21 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said: My wife, I love her and weve spent 30 of our 50 years together but goddamned if it doesn’t take her 15 minutes to get a sentence out sometimes. A couple of words, 10 second pause, couple more words, 5 second pause, get to the fucking point! She’s a slow talker. Lemme guess. She does this while her face is buried in her phone, right? Been there, done that.
April 29, 20187 yr Yeah partly, my biggest problem with it is she does it while I’m walking upstairs, so I have to fucking pause my stair climbing, and make a few false starts before I just give up and stop what I was doing.
April 29, 20187 yr On 4/27/2018 at 12:18 PM, Ojo Rojo said: I think you meant gay man. They have better design sense than dykes, if I have my stereotypes right. Anyway, not liking wall colors classifies as gay these days? Tough crowd. I think if you asked my what colors the walls in our house were and I wasn’t sitting at home, I could get tan and maybe blue but the others I’m not sure. Part of that is because she gets rooms painted more frequently than normal, but part is because I just don’t pay attention to it especially upstairs.
April 29, 20187 yr Not my wife but brother in law's: on a trip to Chicago, not the first one, they are on the shore of Lake Michigan. "Isn't this salt water?" Same woman on trip to Washington state: looking at Mount Rainier, "is that Everest?"
April 29, 20187 yr 39 minutes ago, HenryJames said: How many HDMI ports does your tv have? I believe there are 14 according to the wife.
April 29, 20187 yr 40 minutes ago, Llogg said: Not my wife but brother in law's: on a trip to Chicago, not the first one, they are on the shore of Lake Michigan. "Isn't this salt water?" Same woman on trip to Washington state: looking at Mount Rainier, "is that Everest?"
April 29, 20187 yr 3 hours ago, HenryJames said: How many HDMI ports does your tv have? Mine has 3. I renamed them "TV", "DVD", and "Game" so she'd know which one to use. She still calls me to tell me the TV isn't working (says "No Signal" because it was on "Game" but the Playstation is off).
April 30, 20187 yr On 4/24/2018 at 10:58 AM, Mitch Cumsteen said: Library talk not going away.... PCL! PCL! PCL!
April 30, 20187 yr Popular Post My wife was walking our five year old across the street and ran across a dead snake in the driveway. She told me that she had found a snake and I needed to come look. I grab a small shovel and head out to the end of the drive. When I got out there I found a baby snake that was obviously dead. She walks up and I ask her what she wanted me to do. She replied “Kill it.” I said “It’s already dead. “ She looked me dead in the eye and said “Kill it some more.”
April 30, 20187 yr We had some errands to run today. They should’ve taken about 2 hours. The plan was to wait for the baby to wake up from her nap and then hit the road. Baby wakes up, we get the diaper changed and then the wife goes in the laundry room and starts a load of delicates. Now we have to wait 30 minutes for the cycle to end so the clothes can be hung up.
April 30, 20187 yr Wife watches me take a pull off the mouthwash bottle and start swishing...then proceeds to ask me how I’m liking that new flavor of mouthwash. Tone from me, you know because I have a fucking mouth full of mouthwash, is then folllowed with another question of if the whitening thing seems to be working.
April 30, 20187 yr 2 hours ago, EE2B said: My wife was walking our five year old across the street and ran across a dead snake in the driveway. She told me that she had found a snake and I needed to come look. I grab a small shovel and head out to the end of the drive. When I got out there I found a baby snake that was obviously dead. She walks up and I ask her what she wanted me to do. She replied “Kill it.” I said “It’s already dead. “ She looked me dead in the eye and said “Kill it some more.” Gonna have to side with your wife on this one.
April 30, 20187 yr 12 hours ago, plvhorn said: We had some errands to run today. They should’ve taken about 2 hours. The plan was to wait for the baby to wake up from her nap and then hit the road. Baby wakes up, we get the diaper changed and then the wife goes in the laundry room and starts a load of delicates. Now we have to wait 30 minutes for the cycle to end so the clothes can be hung up. this shit grinds my gears.
April 30, 20187 yr 16 hours ago, EE2B said: My wife was walking our five year old across the street and ran across a dead snake in the driveway. She told me that she had found a snake and I needed to come look. I grab a small shovel and head out to the end of the drive. When I got out there I found a baby snake that was obviously dead. She walks up and I ask her what she wanted me to do. She replied “Kill it.” I said “It’s already dead. “ She looked me dead in the eye and said “Kill it some more.” That's not stupid. That's just funny.
April 30, 20187 yr On 4/29/2018 at 1:28 AM, Modessit said: Just now. Wife thinks she sees a flea on our indoor-only cat. Wife: I think I'm going to get that stuff you put on the back of his neck. Me: That's fine. Get it. Wife: Get what?
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