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  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

  • BearCountry11
    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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1 hour ago, Nolacycling said:

Lots of "can't get out the door on time" for a trip talk. My experience was once we got there she had to organize and put into motion everybody else's need for a relaxed time. I'm thinking we might have sex, pawn the kids off a little on the other aunts and uncles there . But no, very successful and sharp family members become worthless deadbeats. They're on vacay, so it's ok to read, disappear to Starbucks for hours and not give 1 thought to planning for Sea World. We're the aunt and uncle to take the kids on every excursion while others need peaceful hikes and naps. Then comes the terse conversation about said issues, some angry sex and then start planning dinner. 

So you're mad that the other adults are being as lazy and thoughtless as you want to be? Don't hate the players, hate the game.

4 hours ago, LW Goatman said:

Wife is out furniture shopping now. I didn’t have it in me, told her to take the truck. I’m sure she’ll get the protection plan and undercarriage coating options. 

 

   Went to the track meet yesterday. We had three chairs, an EZup, a pop up tent, two coolers, a blanket, and a wagon. Felt like it took us more time to load up/unload than we were actually there. As a dude, I never took a damn thing anywhere besides beverages.

We haven't seen the latest Jurassic Park movie yet.

 

Her: Let's have a Jurassic Park movie marathon!

 

Me: With the kids? (Ages 5 and 3)

 

Her: No.

 

Me: What are we going to do with the kids for the 12-15 hours it's going to take to see all 5 movies.

 

Her: We're not going to watch them all in a row on the same day.

 

Me: Do you not understand what a 'movie marathon' is?

 

Her: Uh...

 

 

She wanted to recreate the Jurassic marathon I gave her last week.

Edited by Upgrayedd
Step up

We just got done watching Platoon.   Kelly’s Heroes on deck.  

 

W: “ can we watching keeping up with the Kardashians for a few minutes?” 

 

Me: I’m making another cocktail

W: “why do you have to have another drink?”

Me: “Are you fucking kidding me right now?” 

 

 

10 minutes ago, Trey3216 said:

We just got done watching Platoon.   Kelly’s Heroes on deck.  

 

W: “ can we watching keeping up with the Kardashians for a few minutes?” 

 

Me: I’m making another cocktail

W: “why do you have to have another drink?”

Me: “Are you fucking kidding me right now?” 

 

 

Really going for it for Memorial Day weekend huh. 

And what’s the deal with women and seat heaters inTexas where it’s 90+ 9 months of the year. 


It’s for their period. They like the heated seats for that one week a month.
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For those of you keeping score at home... I'm at the ranch with the kids and a bunch of other inlaw random family members. My wife is at home with the dog. Stopped off for BBQ in Lockhart on the way. I drank about 1000 lone star lights and fished for hours in relative peace. Typhoon Mary was tolerable-ish. None of the kids hurt each other enough to require an ER visit. As long as the dog is still alive when I get home tomorrow, I think I came out ahead on this deal. Wife called to tell me she was bored and lonely and I pretty much much cut her off because her call was fucking up the Spotify. #winning

So you're mad that the other adults are being as lazy and thoughtless as you want to be? Don't hate the players, hate the game.
His user name checks out
On 5/26/2019 at 8:48 AM, gecko said:

 

Pussy even defeats Darwin.

8 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

I'm at the ranch with the kids and a bunch of other inlaw random family members. My wife is at home with the dog.

You didn't have to type that out, everyone already knew.

It’s not just the changing of it but how.  It’s as if they are unaware that the a/c or heat does not need to be at max strength.  They get a little chilly, and they turn the a/c completely off. A little hot, and they turn the max ac on to 60 degrees. Instead of just setting the temperature to a comfortable steady level they constantly adjust it.
They're idiots.

Water is wet
The sky is blue....
  • Popular Post

Quiet morning. Wife comes in to boil water for tea and honey for my son, who is a little under the weather. Puts the kettle on the burner, then promptly walks out. 

A few minutes later, kettle boiling and whistling, I get up and turn off the gas. Less then a minute later, wife walks back in, annoyed the pot is off. 

I explain that it was whistling and that I just turned it off. Apparently, the slight cooling in that 45 seconds makes the water unusable. Did you expect me to sit in the kitchen with a screaming pot? Tone. 

Makes a big production of turning the gas back on - the pot whistles in less than 2 seconds. While it continues to scream, continues to work in the kitchen, getting the mug, the tea the honey. Pours the water in, with the gas still going full afterburner. 

15 minutes later, son still can’t drink the tea because it’s too hot. 

12 minutes ago, Txzen said:

Quiet morning. Wife comes in to boil water for tea and honey for my son, who is a little under the weather. Puts the kettle on the burner, then promptly walks out. 

A few minutes later, kettle boiling and whistling, I get up and turn off the gas. Less then a minute later, wife walks back in, annoyed the pot is off. 

I explain that it was whistling and that I just turned it off. Apparently, the slight cooling in that 45 seconds makes the water unusable. Did you expect me to sit in the kitchen with a screaming pot? Tone. 

Makes a big production of turning the gas back on - the pot whistles in less than 2 seconds. While it continues to scream, continues to work in the kitchen, getting the mug, the tea the honey. Pours the water in, with the gas still going full afterburner. 

15 minutes later, son still can’t drink the tea because it’s too hot. 

You couldn't be bothered to pour your ailing son a cup of tea?


Negative. We either have 24 flips or 24 flops, no pairs unless you have two right feet. When she called the bakery, they told her they could do them, but they would cost cupcake prices. The $3/per is pretty damn close.


Krave cupcakes are $3.75. I only by 4 at a time and eat them all. I got nothing else.
Quiet morning. Wife comes in to boil water for tea and honey for my son, who is a little under the weather. Puts the kettle on the burner, then promptly walks out. 
A few minutes later, kettle boiling and whistling, I get up and turn off the gas. Less then a minute later, wife walks back in, annoyed the pot is off. 
I explain that it was whistling and that I just turned it off. Apparently, the slight cooling in that 45 seconds makes the water unusable. Did you expect me to sit in the kitchen with a screaming pot? Tone. 
Makes a big production of turning the gas back on - the pot whistles in less than 2 seconds. While it continues to scream, continues to work in the kitchen, getting the mug, the tea the honey. Pours the water in, with the gas still going full afterburner. 
15 minutes later, son still can’t drink the tea because it’s too hot. 

Someone has control issues

When I go to the country, I normally don’t ask the wife because she complains constantly. Spotty internet, too cold/hot, bored(I work too much). So when I told her that I was going, I offered to take lil dude and the dogs as well. So she could have a nice, quiet two days doing girl shit. Well, that was obviously the wrong offer. She bitched for 30 minutes about not having her family for the holiday(I was coming back Sunday). So I apologized and asked if she would like to go. I explained that I would be working on the catch pen and vaccinating on Saturday and Sunday morning. Now, I really don’t want her to go because I didn’t initially offer.

I left her ass at home. Took the boy and my dog.

19 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

I've been to Tuscany in July. This is insane to me. Granted I'm not female, but neither was my sister (RIP) and she thought it was hot there when we were in a family trip through the region.

Yeah it's hot, but you have to remember they are on the same latitude as Oregon, so the sun is just not as intense as home.   Lots of plants they have there won't survive the summer in our Hardiness Zone 10.   Coming from S. Florida it was hot-ish midday in towns, but the early evenings were super nice (for me) and it wasn't the old hot soup in the face when you stepped out of the door in the morning.

“Uh A, it’s too early to be drinking a beer in the shower.”

Just now, Anastasis said:

“Uh A, it’s too early to be drinking a beer in the shower.”

What does the time of day have to do with drinking beer?

Is that some kind of chick rule?

3 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

You couldn't be bothered to pour your ailing son a cup of tea?

Sounds like if he had he would have been regrounded. 

2 step approach, one to leave, one once you get there.  When I'm ready to go and still waiting on her, I pass by the bathroom where she's at and say "waiting on you" which means I'm ready lets go.  At first I just did it as a joke just to be an asshole, but then I found as time went by she actually was getting ready faster so that she could be the one to say "waiting on you".  Then it happened, and she was so thrilled.  I acted so disappointed, made some excuses, even argued a bit.  It doesn't happen often, and when it doesn't, I just shame her as the reason for our lateness at the destination in front of friends and family.  We're on time more often than not.

TLDR assholishness pays off

3 hours ago, Txzen said:

Quiet morning. Wife comes in to boil water for tea and honey for my son, who is a little under the weather. Puts the kettle on the burner, then promptly walks out. 

A few minutes later, kettle boiling and whistling, I get up and turn off the gas. Less then a minute later, wife walks back in, annoyed the pot is off. 

I explain that it was whistling and that I just turned it off. Apparently, the slight cooling in that 45 seconds makes the water unusable. Did you expect me to sit in the kitchen with a screaming pot? Tone. 

Makes a big production of turning the gas back on - the pot whistles in less than 2 seconds. While it continues to scream, continues to work in the kitchen, getting the mug, the tea the honey. Pours the water in, with the gas still going full afterburner. 

15 minutes later, son still can’t drink the tea because it’s too hot. 

when's the divorce?

   Went to the track meet yesterday. We had three chairs, an EZup, a pop up tent, two coolers, a blanket, and a wagon. Felt like it took us more time to load up/unload than we were actually there. As a dude, I never took a damn thing anywhere besides beverages.
Are you familiar with yute swim meets?
On 5/26/2019 at 9:42 AM, Loco said:

Does she ever say it's too hot?   Because if so you are one lucky SOB.  My wife is always too cold...  I have been informed that we should only consider vacations (or god forbid moving to) any place on the planet that is HOTTER than where we live now.   Spoiler we live in S. Florida, where 10 months out of 12, it's surface of the fucking sun hot.  Tuscany in late July was too chilly.

She gets in the car in the middle of the day and does not roll down the windows or turn on the AC.  It feels nice for 30 secs and then I'm Arnold Toht 

Pos rep for the Toht reference. 

6 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

Should send her this.

5d9fdea95feaa141eac9cbbcca3297bc.jpg

Saggy boobs. WNB 

Pickup parked behind her in the driveway for at least a week. Backs out and taters her Jeep on the bumper. My fault. FML...

On 5/24/2019 at 8:44 PM, Thatguy said:

You don't have to watch all 14 mins. Also, dude is a comedian so..........

I'm not going to watch any of it. Nobody is going to watch any of it.

19 hours ago, BurntEyes said:

I've been to Tuscany in July. This is insane to me. Granted I'm not female, but neither was my sister (RIP) and she thought it was hot there when we were in a family trip through the region.

Jackie Chan confused meme

Edited by ShaggyBevo RIP

On 5/26/2019 at 9:45 AM, Enchubben said:

It’s not just the changing of it but how.  It’s as if they are unaware that the a/c or heat does not need to be at max strength.  They get a little chilly, and they turn the a/c completely off. A little hot, and they turn the max ac on to 60 degrees. Instead of just setting the temperature to a comfortable steady level they constantly adjust it.

They're idiots.

Goddamit you stole my comment. 

On ‎5‎/‎26‎/‎2019 at 10:55 PM, Trey3216 said:

We just got done watching Platoon.   Kelly’s Heroes on deck.  

 

W: “ can we watching keeping up with the Kardashians for a few minutes?” 

 

Me: I’m making another cocktail

W: “why do you have to have another drink?”

Me: “Are you fucking kidding me right now?”  

 

 

See the source image
2 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

Really thunderlounge???

You decide to double down return neg me back when I negged a post where you make fun of my dead sister.

Dude. This is surly. We make fun of everything.

Sorry about your loss.

49 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

There is a line even here and making fun of someone's dead sister and negging them for it crosses that line.

Thanks though.

Yeah, total dick move. 

Have some posrep in honor of your sister.

4 hours ago, BHMCruiser said:

I'm not going to watch any of it. Nobody is going to watch any of it.

David A Arnold is funny as hell. Your loss.

6 minutes ago, Thatguy said:

David A Arnold is funny as hell. Your loss.

Yeah okay

1 hour ago, BurntEyes said:

There is a line even here and making fun of someone's dead sister and negging them for it crosses that line.

Thanks though.

I am torn here. Did she die in a funny way?

 

Just kidding. Sorry for your loss.

1 minute ago, BurntEyes said:

Renal failure so it might hit close to home for some.

Thanks.

BE's dead sister talk not going away.

(I think it's okay if I make fun of the topic right? Fuck.. maybe I need to neg myself.)

Renal failure is not very funny. Neg rep

We've covered this. My family isn't like yours.
And for the last time, no, your sister slapping on a detachable penis and fucking you in the ass is NOT renal.
His sister's dead, asshole.
2 hours ago, BurntEyes said:

Really thunderlounge???

You decide to double down return neg me back when I negged a post where you make fun of my dead sister.

 

Yep. Triple, even. 

Why? It’s a joke about your grammar and incomprehensible sentence.  Nothing more. So get the fuck over it.  If you dish it, take it. You dished, now take (the length.)

 

2 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Dude. This is surly. We make fun of everything.

Sorry about your loss.

Exactly. 

 

 

2 hours ago, BurntEyes said:

There is a line even here and making fun of someone's dead sister and negging them for it crosses that line.

Thanks though.

You really need to lighten the fuck up, Francis. 

20 minutes ago, Modessit said:
24 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:
We've covered this. My family isn't like yours.
And for the last time, no, your sister slapping on a detachable penis and fucking you in the ass is NOT renal.

His sister's dead, asshole.

I think all of her is dead.

 

1 hour ago, Modessit said:

His sister's dead asshole.

Lot funnier if I take the comma out.

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