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  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

  • BearCountry11
    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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7 hours ago, blacklab said:

wife: i can't stand some of my friends, all they want to do is talk shit about other people

me: uh huh

wife then spends the next 20 minutes talking shit about other people

 

Have you pointed out the obvious fact that they talk shit on her too?

On 6/29/2019 at 10:33 PM, Nolacycling said:

Wife buys service vests for her dogs so she can live that lie.

[thread jack] Fuck these people [/thread jack]

On 6/30/2019 at 8:27 AM, NorthLoop said:

The best part is when they're talking shit about one for doing something that they themselves do... and you reallly wanna say "yeah but you do that too" ... but then you remember this thread. 

ohhhh man.  but mine actually had a moment of actualization yesterday.

 

last week she told me how about this work guy was lamenting that his wife never gets out of the house - that he's moved here for 1 year and barely been able to explore the place.

this weekend i hung out with him and he repeated to me the exact same stories. 

 

at home i told her "yeah i pity xxx, hes telling me such and such about his wife for being a homebody"

"you think the same way about me dont you?"

"no comment".

I bet that security guard was like, "Don't worry, I got the license plate number!"

On 6/30/2019 at 1:14 AM, blacklab said:

wife: i can't stand some of my friends, all they want to do is talk shit about other people

me: uh huh

wife then spends the next 20 minutes talking shit about other people

 

My wife does this except it's with her own damn friends.

Worse yet the "I can't believe so and so takes things so personal"

Then spends 20 minutes on why she doesn't let that type of thing bother her........

Edited by JimmyHoffa

Wife and I had an argument about a $35 bill from the cleaners. To apologize for being wrong, she sent me $52 worth of cookies.

6 minutes ago, Brothahorn said:

Wife and I had an argument about a $35 bill from the cleaners. To apologize for being wrong, she sent me $52 worth of cookies.

She’s banging the baker 

She’s banging the baker 


Then she should have got a fucking discount. She bitched when she thought I spent $35 on dry cleaning without taking her stuff. But $52 on cookies is ok.
On 6/29/2019 at 10:52 PM, Pato del Muerto said:

Wife just handed me her laptop to proofread her weekly newsletter for work. 

She has 21 tabs open in chrome. 

That’s funny.

It’s a thin line between laughing and crying sometimes.

Watching a fireworks display the other night:

W- that plane over there stopped. It's probably because of the fireworks 

D- ???

W- Right there,  see the green lights...it was moving,  and now it stopped

D- it's a drone

W- ???

D- planes don't 'stop' 

W- tone

(Last year she showed me the video they posted from a drone of the fireworks)

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Got up early to throw some beef ribs on, and then ran to the store for coffee and stuff for later today. I walk back in the house with bags of groceries on each arm and she’s sitting in the kitchen:

“You went to the grocery store?”

“Yes...”

“Was it open?”

24 minutes ago, Buzzrock said:

Got up early to throw some beef ribs on, and then ran to the store for coffee and stuff for later today. I walk back in the house with bags of groceries on each arm and she’s sitting in the kitchen:

“You went to the grocery store?”

“Yes...”

“Was it open?”

How big are her tits?

Was it HEB? Because she may be in on the joke...

Got up early to throw some beef ribs on, and then ran to the store for coffee and stuff for later today. I walk back in the house with bags of groceries on each arm and she’s sitting in the kitchen:

“You went to the grocery store?”

“Yes...”

“Was it open?”

That’s a legit question from an obvious shag/surly member.

Watching Apollo 11 with the UGa educated Gf and I mentioned the subsequent missions . . . 

Gf: “Wait, we went there again?  I thought it was only that one time.”

Me:  “SEC. SEC. SEC”

 

Now, not only is this colossally stupid, but we have had this exact same conversation before.  I even think I posted such on TOS.

 

Watching Apollo 11 with the UGa educated Gf and I mentioned the subsequent missions . . . 
Gf: “Wait, we went there again?  I thought it was only that one time.”
Me:  “SEC. SEC. SEC”
 
Now, not only is this colossally stupid, but we have had this exact same conversation before.  I even think I posted such on TOS.
 
This would have been funnier if y'all had watched Apollo 13 within the past month.

My wife found FB Market place and whatever the nextdoor app is. FML. Random shit has started showing up in my house. Like picture of a Giraffe in my recliner right now....

 

So I get in my SUV for the first time in a couple of weeks (I've been driving a work vehicle.) I get in today, and there's a fucking dresser in the back.  WTF?

 

42 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

My wife found FB Market place and whatever the nextdoor app is. FML. Random shit has started showing up in my house. Like picture of a Giraffe in my recliner right now....

 

So I get in my SUV for the first time in a couple of weeks (I've been driving a work vehicle.) I get in today, and there's a fucking dresser in the back.  WTF?

 

I've never seen a picture of a giraffe in a chair.  Please share!

8 minutes ago, Scheiss Meister said:

I've never seen a picture of a giraffe in a chair.  Please share!

giphy.gif

5 hours ago, Modessit said:
8 hours ago, Upgrayedd said:
Watching Apollo 11 with the UGa educated Gf and I mentioned the subsequent missions . . . 
Gf: “Wait, we went there again?  I thought it was only that one time.”
Me:  “SEC. SEC. SEC”
 
Now, not only is this colossally stupid, but we have had this exact same conversation before.  I even think I posted such on TOS.
 

Read more  

This would have been funnier if y'all had watched Apollo 13 within the past month.

13 didn’t get to the moon smartass 

2 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

My wife found FB Market place and whatever the nextdoor app is. FML. Random shit has started showing up in my house. Like picture of a Giraffe in my recliner right now....

 

So I get in my SUV for the first time in a couple of weeks (I've been driving a work vehicle.) I get in today, and there's a fucking dresser in the back.  WTF?

 

That’s a lot of acronyms. 

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6 hours ago, Scheiss Meister said:

I've never seen a picture of a giraffe in a chair.  Please share!

mini_giraffe_directv.gif

13 didn’t get to the moon smartass 
But they went there. They just didn't land.



My wife found FB Market place and whatever the nextdoor app is. FML. Random shit has started showing up in my house. Like picture of a Giraffe in my recliner right now....
 
So I get in my SUV for the first time in a couple of weeks (I've been driving a work vehicle.) I get in today, and there's a fucking dresser in the back.  WTF?
 


I assume you didn't need a metal detector to find any of this stuff
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20 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

My wife found FB Market place and whatever the nextdoor app is. FML. Random shit has started showing up in my house. Like picture of a Giraffe in my recliner right now....

 

So I get in my SUV for the first time in a couple of weeks (I've been driving a work vehicle.) I get in today, and there's a fucking dresser in the back.  WTF?

 

I look forward to the day that you eventually post about selling this crap, followed by a post by Mitch that it’s all at his house now. 

On 7/6/2019 at 12:23 AM, Modessit said:
On 7/5/2019 at 6:21 PM, Pato del Muerto said:
13 didn’t get to the moon smartass 

But they went there. They just didn't land.

Where there any aggy involved in that mission?

18 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I look forward to the day that you eventually post about selling this crap, followed by a post by Mitch that it’s all at his house now Toothless' garage getting reupholstered. 

1234

Wife comes out of the bedroom while brushing her teeth, proceeds to ask me a question with the toothbrush still in her mouth. "Gtrhu urth qwith thaiu?". After I said "What?", she rolled her eyes, as if I'm supposed to understand whatever the fuck she was trying to say. 

3 minutes ago, Sandman said:

Wife comes out of the bedroom while brushing her teeth, proceeds to ask me a question with the toothbrush still in her mouth. "Gtrhu urth qwith thaiu?". After I said "What?", she rolled her eyes, as if I'm supposed to understand whatever the fuck she was trying to say. 

Gf does this.  My reply is always "You want anal?  SureI"

9 hours ago, Sandman said:

Wife comes out of the bedroom while brushing her teeth, proceeds to ask me a question with the toothbrush still in her mouth. "Gtrhu urth qwith thaiu?". After I said "What?", she rolled her eyes, as if I'm supposed to understand whatever the fuck she was trying to say. 

Sorry, man. I've tried to tell her that when she has something long and hard swirling in her mouth, she needs to keep quiet. Unfortunately, she hasn't learned. Yet.

Last two days I've spent 8+ hours outside doing shit.  Lawn, trim, weeding, tractor stuff, changing oil, etc.  Have also done my fair share of inside chores.  Dishes, laundry (shut up), bed, swept, etc.

Today I come inside and see a towel sitting on the living room carpet.

M - "What's this?"

W - "Oh, I spilled my drink."

M - "Was it just water?"

W - "No, it was Pepsi."

M - "Did you put any carpet stuff on it?"

W - "no."

M - goes and gets carpet stuff, lays it on dining room chair where she and daughter were sitting.  Carry on.

FFW a couple hours. I've been relaxing for some time because, well, I earned it.

M - "Did you happen to put any stuff on that?"

W - "No.  I mean, you could have done it! I'd love to just sit here and do nothing."

M - "Um..."

Yes, passive aggressiveness always works with women.  If you wanted it on the carpet you should have just done it yourself.

  • Popular Post
10 hours ago, ernest_t_bass said:

Last two days I've spent 8+ hours outside doing shit.  Lawn, trim, weeding, tractor stuff, changing oil, etc.  Have also done my fair share of inside chores.  Dishes, laundry (shut up), bed, swept, etc.

Today I come inside and see a towel sitting on the living room carpet.

M - "What's this?"

W - "Oh, I spilled my drink."

M - "Was it just water?"

W - "No, it was Pepsi."

M - "Did you put any carpet stuff on it?"

W - "no."

M - goes and gets carpet stuff, lays it on dining room chair where she and daughter were sitting.  Carry on.

FFW a couple hours. I've been relaxing for some time because, well, I earned it.

M - "Did you happen to put any stuff on that?"

W - "No.  I mean, you could have done it! I'd love to just sit here and do nothing."

M - "Um..."

Gotta rub her nose in it.  Only way to curb that behavior.

1 hour ago, PilotsError said:

Yes, passive aggressiveness always works with women.  If you wanted it on the carpet you should have just done it yourself.

I'm guessing he was all out of fucks to give more so than he cared about changing her behavior.  

43 minutes ago, thunderlounge said:

So EB, if you’re doing all the yard and house work, exactly what is left for her part?

In his mind, it was lying on her back for 1-3 minutes.  In reality, it will be sitting on the couch and watching the Kardashians.  

On 7/6/2019 at 12:23 AM, Modessit said:
On 7/5/2019 at 6:21 PM, Pato del Muerto said:
13 didn’t get to the moon smartass 

But they went there. They just didn't land.

That's like saying you've been to Vegas because you drove down the strip.

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