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I don't know how the hell those with wives that don't work do it but my wife has called me at a minimum 476 times to telling me something "exciting" that happened to her on her day off.....

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32 minutes ago, JimmyHoffa said:

I don't know how the hell those with wives that don't work do it but my wife has called me at a minimum 476 times to telling me something "exciting" that happened to her on her day off.....

She discovered the bean after all these years???

So my wife needs to be in Germany for the Frankfurt book fair, and has been strongly encouraged to stop by dornach, Switzerland for a couple of days to meet some people. 

We are making it a family trip because why not, me and the boys can find things to do that are educational. 

But even though she is the one working, and she is the one that knows what days she needs to be where, she keeps asking me what dates to book the flights. And then when I ask her things like can you do your things on sat/sun she says she doesn’t know and acts all frazzled.  

So my wife needs to be in Germany for the Frankfurt book fair, and has been strongly encouraged to stop by dornach, Switzerland for a couple of days to meet some people. 
We are making it a family trip because why not, me and the boys can find things to do that are educational. 
But even though she is the one working, and she is the one that knows what days she needs to be where, she keeps asking me what dates to book the flights. And then when I ask her things like can you do your things on sat/sun she says she doesn’t know and acts all frazzled.  
Sounds super important.
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On 8/24/2019 at 8:43 AM, deadshank said:

(Cross posted from Amazon wildfires thread)

My wife was in a panic over this.  

Seems she ordered some dog chew toys from Amazon and then saw the news crawl stating the Amazon was burning and she desperately states she hoped the chew toys shipped out prior to Amazon catching on fire.  

True story.  

This reminds me of the story from Shaggy from one of the Posters from Tennessee in 2008. I think he was a lawyer.   Hopefully I retell the story correctly.

Shaggy poster comes to work the day after Russia "encouraged" Georgia to let North Ossetia be its own country by flat out invading Georgia and destroyed their military.

His secretary is sitting at her desk, highly upset and crying.

He asks whats wrong, and she says that she just saw on the news that Russia had invaded Georgia and they were killing people left and right, and that because Tennessee bordered Georgia, Tennesses was probably next, and that they were all about to be killed by the Russians.

15 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

"Everytime you call me you have to blow me."

and his phone never rang again.

I'd go with a sliding scale, with one free call per day (3 minute limit).

1 - Free

2 - BJ

3 - Sex

4 - Sex & sammich

5 - Pooper

13 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

So my wife needs to be in Germany for the Frankfurt book fair, and has been strongly encouraged to stop by dornach, Switzerland for a couple of days to meet some people. 

We are making it a family trip because why not, me and the boys can find things to do that are educational. 

But even though she is the one working, and she is the one that knows what days she needs to be where, she keeps asking me what dates to book the flights. And then when I ask her things like can you do your things on sat/sun she says she doesn’t know and acts all frazzled.  

Congrats on being married to a woman.

Mrs. Mudcat is at it again.  We're in the process of selling her mom's house in Houston, so she goes down there frequently.  She always, and I mean ALWAYS, forgets something.  As she was leaving this time, I followed her out to the car.  Dog?  Check.  Paperwork?  Check.  Leash?  Check.  Phone?  Check.  Ipad?  Check.  Charger?  Check.  Suitcase?  Check.

I'm thinking she's good to go.  I'm wrong.

 

She forgot the keys to the house.  $120 later, she's in.

8 hours ago, AUS-97HORN said:

This reminds me of the story from Shaggy from one of the Posters from Tennessee in 2008. I think he was a lawyer.   Hopefully I retell the story correctly.

Shaggy poster comes to work the day after Russia "encouraged" Georgia to let North Ossetia be its own country by flat out invading Georgia and destroyed their military.

His secretary is sitting at her desk, highly upset and crying.

He asks whats wrong, and she says that she just saw on the news that Russia had invaded Georgia and they were killing people left and right, and that because Tennessee bordered Georgia, Tennesses was probably next, and that they were all about to be killed by the Russians.

I think I remember that.

1 hour ago, Mudcat35 said:

Mrs. Mudcat is at it again.  We're in the process of selling her mom's house in Houston, so she goes down there frequently.  She always, and I mean ALWAYS, forgets something.  As she was leaving this time, I followed her out to the car.  Dog?  Check.  Paperwork?  Check.  Leash?  Check.  Phone?  Check.  Ipad?  Check.  Charger?  Check.  Suitcase?  Check.

I'm thinking she's good to go.  I'm wrong.

 

She forgot the keys to the house.  $120 later, she's in.

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22 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

So my wife needs to be in Germany for the Frankfurt book fair, and has been strongly encouraged to stop by dornach, Switzerland for a couple of days to meet some people. 

We are making it a family trip because why not, me and the boys can find things to do that are educational. 

But even though she is the one working, and she is the one that knows what days she needs to be where, she keeps asking me what dates to book the flights. And then when I ask her things like can you do your things on sat/sun she says she doesn’t know and acts all frazzled.  

She doesn't want to admit that she doesn't know the days of the week in Germany. 

11 hours ago, AUS-97HORN said:

This reminds me of the story from Shaggy from one of the Posters from Tennessee in 2008. I think he was a lawyer.   Hopefully I retell the story correctly.

Shaggy poster comes to work the day after Russia "encouraged" Georgia to let North Ossetia be its own country by flat out invading Georgia and destroyed their military.

His secretary is sitting at her desk, highly upset and crying.

He asks whats wrong, and she says that she just saw on the news that Russia had invaded Georgia and they were killing people left and right, and that because Tennessee bordered Georgia, Tennesses was probably next, and that they were all about to be killed by the Russians.

It's just too bad the internet wasn't around to check things like this back in 2008.  Poor millennials

(Cross posted from Amazon wildfires thread)
My wife was in a panic over this.  
Seems she ordered some dog chew toys from Amazon and then saw the news crawl stating the Amazon was burning and she desperately states she hoped the chew toys shipped out prior to Amazon catching on fire.  
True story.  
I work a gig job for Amazon and my wife asked me the other day if the fire was going to affect my hours.
12 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Now she wants to throw a couple days in Paris on the front end. This is her gimp to flog now. 

You put  her in charge. Enjoy you couple of days in Paris, TX when she fucks up the itinerary. 

19 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

You put  her in charge. Enjoy you couple of days in Paris, TX when she fucks up the itinerary. 

I hear it's beautiful that time of year.

11 hours ago, Modessit said:
On 8/24/2019 at 8:43 AM, deadshank said:
(Cross posted from Amazon wildfires thread)
My wife was in a panic over this.  
Seems she ordered some dog chew toys from Amazon and then saw the news crawl stating the Amazon was burning and she desperately states she hoped the chew toys shipped out prior to Amazon catching on fire.  
True story.  

I work a gig job for Amazon and my wife asked me the other day if the fire was going to affect my hours.

Tell her yes, you'll have to work more hours, then go to the bar for those hours. 

40 minutes ago, miguelito said:

Tell her yes, you'll have to work more hours, then go to the bar for those hours. 

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On 8/24/2019 at 5:28 PM, elfenix said:

i regularly keep like 50 tabs open between chrome and firefox and don't experience these computer slowdowns.  browsers and operating systems automatically unload unused tabs from main memory when the memory gets needed by something.  y'all probably just have slow computers.

Precisely

This has been discussed already but I cant fucking stand the whole "guess what" bullshit.  My wife and I are expecting a baby boy in the next few weeks and she had a doctors appointment today where they got the baby's estimated weight.  I get this text message:

Her:  OMG GUESS WHAT???

Me:  What?

…..30 minutes pass....

Me:  ???

...15 minutes pass...

Me (calls her):  What is going on?  Everything ok?

Her:  Sorry I was on the phone with my sister.  The baby weighs over 7 lbs!

 

Drives me crazy.  Just tell me that initially - don't make me guess then not respond.  

You made a mistake by responding to her initial text.

On ‎8‎/‎22‎/‎2019 at 10:11 AM, GottaB said:

 


She’s hiding something alright.

IMG_5651.JPG

 

Either faked or the lamest hood fuck ever. 

This has been discussed already but I cant fucking stand the whole "guess what" bullshit.  My wife and I are expecting a baby boy in the next few weeks and she had a doctors appointment today where they got the baby's estimated weight.  I get this text message:
Her:  OMG GUESS WHAT???
Me:  What?
…..30 minutes pass....
Me:  ???
...15 minutes pass...
Me (calls her):  What is going on?  Everything ok?
Her:  Sorry I was on the phone with my sister.  The baby weighs over 7 lbs!
 
Drives me crazy.  Just tell me that initially - don't make me guess then not respond.  
Just tell her those estimated baby weights are never right.
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31 minutes ago, Modessit said:
2 hours ago, BearCountry11 said:
This has been discussed already but I cant fucking stand the whole "guess what" bullshit.  My wife and I are expecting a baby boy in the next few weeks and she had a doctors appointment today where they got the baby's estimated weight.  I get this text message:
Her:  OMG GUESS WHAT???
Me:  What?
…..30 minutes pass....
Me:  ???
...15 minutes pass...
Me (calls her):  What is going on?  Everything ok?
Her:  Sorry I was on the phone with my sister.  The baby weighs over 7 lbs!
 
Drives me crazy.  Just tell me that initially - don't make me guess then not respond.  

Read more  

Just tell her those estimated baby weights are never right.

Better yet,  tell her that seven pounds seems light as she has gained a LOT more weight than that!   

1 hour ago, ABSR said:

Better yet,  tell her that seven pounds seems light as she has gained a LOT more weight than that!   

Yeah, just say "I was going to guess 12.3 pounds."

2 hours ago, DigglerontheHoof said:

Either faked or the lamest hood fuck ever. 

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2 hours ago, Jerry Callo said:

Yeah, just say "I was going to guess 12.3 pounds."

You have to say something about making a visual estimate of her circumference as well.

Buddy’s wife trying to make him feel better about the current Clemson - GT beat down:

“Well they are the number one team and it’s a preseason game, so don’t worry about it.”

On 8/24/2019 at 4:28 PM, elfenix said:

i regularly keep like 50 tabs open between chrome and firefox and don't experience these computer slowdowns.

that shit must piss your husband off

4 minutes ago, mulletpelini said:

that shit must piss your husband off

he gets annoyed i won't close your mom's chaturbate

it is a pretty good channel

Edited by mulletpelini
did he like the recent updates?

10 hours ago, BearCountry11 said:

This has been discussed already but I cant fucking stand the whole "guess what" bullshit.  My wife and I are expecting a baby boy in the next few weeks and she had a doctors appointment today where they got the baby's estimated weight.  I get this text message:

Her:  OMG GUESS WHAT???

Me:  What?

…..30 minutes pass....

Me:  ???

...15 minutes pass...

Me (calls her):  What is going on?  Everything ok?

Her:  Sorry I was on the phone with my sister.  The baby weighs over 7 lbs!

 

Drives me crazy.  Just tell me that initially - don't make me guess then not respond.  

Should have replied 'I'm not the Father?'

Buddy’s wife trying to make him feel better about the current Clemson - GT beat down:

 

“Well they are the number one team and it’s a preseason game, so don’t worry about it.”

What was your buddy expecting preseason or regular season? Lolol that game was over the second Clemson got out of their buses

 

 

His wife sounds hot tho

This one takes the fur-lined jockey cap. 

Wife had gone to Houston to work on cleaning out her mom's house and took the dog with her.  While there, she scheduled a dinner for last night with our kids and another family.  We're supposed to meet at the restaurant in Austin at 8:00.  Her plan is to leave Houston early enough to get home, change clothes, and ride with us to the restaurant.  I knew without a doubt this was not going to happen.

As is typical, she's late.  I get a text that she'll be in Austin at 7:30 and will meet us at the restaurant at 8:00.  I know that's not going to happen, either.

Kids and I go to the restaurant.  We're there at 8:00.  I get a call at 8:30 with wife totally freaked out.  She got home and has lost the dog.  Swears the dog got out of the back yard.  She's driving around the neighborhood looking for the dog, knocking on neighbor's doors, etc.  She can't find the dog anywhere and tells me she's not coming to the restaurant.  OK, cool.

I then get the most amazing phone call of my life.  Seriously.  She pulls up in the driveway after not being able to find the little dog.  She's crushed.  Anytime we pull up in the driveway, the little dog starts yapping, happy we're home I guess.  Guess what happens this time?  Yep, you got it - little dog starts yapping.  From inside the house.

DOG HAD BEEN INSIDE THE HOUSE THE WHOLE TIME.

WIfe comes to restaurant, and being a good husband, I have a plate of food and a giant margarita waiting for her.

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"We've traced the barking. It's coming from inside the house!"

32 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I'm kind of disappointed.  I thought for sure that the dog was going to be in the car.

Yeah, that would have been better.

16 minutes ago, Mudcat35 said:

Yeah, that would have been better.

I thought it was going to be in the Houston house... 

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national-lampoons-vacation-1983-movie-08

I figured the dog kept up for a few miles, but probably gave up somewhere around Waller. 

I've got a few questions...


So was it a day trip and she flat out forgot the dog in austin?

Or she remembered the dog (to and from houston) and upon being late she went home...brought the dog inside and then proceeded to lose it?

Or the dog "escaped" and ran into the house she never checked?


I need closure

10 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

I've got a few questions...


So was it a day trip and she flat out forgot the dog in austin?

Or she remembered the dog (to and from houston) and upon being late she went home...brought the dog inside and then proceeded to lose it?

Or the dog "escaped" and ran into the house she never checked?


I need closure

It's kinda like Mudcat's wife wrote the story for him.

15 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Buddy’s wife trying to make him feel better about the current Clemson - GT beat down:

“Well they are the number one team and it’s a preseason game, so don’t worry about it.”

Silver lining: She knows what a preseason is and it has something to do with football 


WIfe comes to restaurant, and being a good husband, I have a plate of food and a giant margarita waiting for her.


This right here is exactly how marriage works.
3 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I'm kind of disappointed.  I thought for sure that the dog was going to be in the car.

I thought that's where this was going to end too.  Damn. 

1 hour ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

I've got a few questions...


So was it a day trip and she flat out forgot the dog in austin?

Or she remembered the dog (to and from houston) and upon being late she went home...brought the dog inside and then proceeded to lose it?

Or the dog "escaped" and ran into the house she never checked?


I need closure

Let me see if I can help...

 

She was in Houston for two days.  Successfully took the dog with her.

She came back to Austin and successfully let the dog in the house.  Let the other dog outside.  Went to the bathroom.  Let the other dog inside.  Little dog did not come in with the big dog, mainly because she was never outside to begin with.  Wife freaked out.  Little dog was later found to be in the house, as she was all along.

I can see why you'd ask if she forgot the dog in Houston.  That could definitely happen.

What about husbands and the stupid shit they do???

A couple of months ago I booked a romantic dinner/rooftop bar & pool/ hotel for tomorrow night.  Not even the thought of unlimited sexual relations is helping me with this decision.

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