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I don’t get this. Why doesn’t she ask your daughter if the panties belong to her?  Or better yet, wasn’t she the one that bought them in the first place? Or does your 7 year old daughter go around buying her own underwear?

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My dog found and ate some article of clothing that looks like panties or a swimsuit bottom yesterday.  Dog then threw it up in my daughter's (no pics, she's 6 years old you pervs) room.  They were a size 7, my daughter wears a size 7.  My wife is convinced that I was cheating on her yesterday and now is not talking to me.  The peace and quiet is nice.

You have peace and quiet? Here dog, come here pooch, come on boy, I have a treat for you...
3 hours ago, AM Wood said:

I don’t get this. Why doesn’t she ask your daughter if the panties belong to her?  Or better yet, wasn’t she the one that bought them in the first place? Or does your 7 year old daughter go around buying her own underwear?

<Points to the thread title>

16 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

So your kid likely shit her pants, your dog is a shit-eating poop-intolerant pervert and your wife is batshit crazy.  Sounds shitty all around.

Did you not listen to the dude’s story, Donny? There was peace and quiet.

 

On 9/9/2019 at 7:56 PM, luke duke said:

I get an alert on my phone whenever someone manually overrides the thermostat.

Dad Level - 150

20 hours ago, txhorns said:

My dog found and ate some article of clothing that looks like panties or a swimsuit bottom yesterday.  Dog then threw it up in my daughter's (no pics, she's 6 years old you pervs) room.  They were a size 7, my daughter wears a size 7.  My wife is convinced that I was cheating on her yesterday and now is not talking to me.  The peace and quiet is nice.

giphy.gif

Not sure whether to post this here or under the “lol” thread, so I’m doing both. Which one of you Surly dudes is married to this rocket scientist?

 

 

41 minutes ago, nnm said:

Which one of you Surly dudes is married to this rocket scientist?

We all are.

7 hours ago, AM Wood said:

I don’t get this. Why doesn’t she ask your daughter if the panties belong to her?  Or better yet, wasn’t she the one that bought them in the first place? Or does your 7 year old daughter go around buying her own underwear?

You, uh....You're aware what thread you're on, right?

On ‎9‎/‎10‎/‎2019 at 12:31 PM, txhorns said:

My dog found and ate some article of clothing that looks like panties or a swimsuit bottom yesterday.  Dog then threw it up in my daughter's (no pics, she's 6 years old you pervs) room.  They were a size 7, my daughter wears a size 7.  My wife is convinced that I was cheating on her yesterday and now is not talking to me.  The peace and quiet is nice.

Are the two events related or are you just letting us know that 1)your dog is disgusting and 2)your wife is on to your extramarital shenanigans?

Are the two events related or are you just letting us know that 1)your dog is disgusting and 2)your wife is on to your extramarital shenanigans?

What’s the opposite of humble brag?

Not sure whether to post this here or under the “lol” thread, so I’m doing both. Which one of you Surly dudes is married to this rocket scientist?

 

Yeah, don’t get me started on wife, ML350 and power steering fluid.
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I'm sure it happens to everyone on this thread, but it drives me crazy when my wife asks me a question, I answer, then she continues to ask/explain the question.

<I walk out of laundry room after grabbing some batteries>
Her:  Are you using the washer?
Me:  No
Her:  Because I need to wash the sheets
Me:  I said I'm not using it
Her:  The sheets need to be washed because the dog jumped in the pool and I didn't notice and when I let him in he ran and jumped on the bed and now the <I walk out of room> sheets are all wet and I need to wash them.  Do you think it's too hot for the dogs outside?  Should I get them a fan for outside?  I think there is a fan on sale at Target, I'll go tomorrow.  Oh!, you'll never guess who I ran into at Target the other day......
 

6 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

You married my mom??

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.

3 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.

That's gonna be some sour ass milk. Just sayin'...

32 minutes ago, Angry Gorilla said:

I'm sure it happens to everyone on this thread, but it drives me crazy when my wife asks me a question, I answer, then she continues to ask/explain the question.

<I walk out of laundry room after grabbing some batteries>
Her:  Are you using the washer?
Me:  No
Her:  Because I need to wash the sheets
Me:  I said I'm not using it
Her:  The sheets need to be washed because the dog jumped in the pool and I didn't notice and when I let him in he ran and jumped on the bed and now the <I walk out of room> sheets are all wet and I need to wash them.  Do you think it's too hot for the dogs outside?  Should I get them a fan for outside?  I think there is a fan on sale at Target, I'll go tomorrow.  Oh!, you'll never guess who I ran into at Target the other day......
 

She's trying to share her day with you, you insensitive bastard!   

5 hours ago, Buffsoldier said:

You, uh....You're aware what thread you're on, right?

Dudes, it’s not the stupid husband thread. The easiest way to shut her dumb ass up would be to say “why don’t you go ask your daughter who’s underwear those are and leave me the fuck out of this.”

5 hours ago, El Diablo said:

That's gonna be some sour ass milk. Just sayin'...

Nothin’ wrong with buttermilk.

38 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Maybe you should just tell her that maybe if she was a size 7 you’d be fucking her

 

And that’s when the fight started?

That’s when she stabbed him in his sleep.

19 hours ago, Angry Gorilla said:

I'm sure it happens to everyone on this thread, but it drives me crazy when my wife asks me a question, I answer, then she continues to ask/explain the question.

<I walk out of laundry room after grabbing some batteries>
Her:  Are you using the washer?
Me:  No
Her:  Because I need to wash the sheets
Me:  I said I'm not using it
Her:  The sheets need to be washed because the dog jumped in the pool and I didn't notice and when I let him in he ran and jumped on the bed and now the <I walk out of room> sheets are all wet and I need to wash them.  Do you think it's too hot for the dogs outside?  Should I get them a fan for outside?  I think there is a fan on sale at Target, I'll go tomorrow.  Oh!, you'll never guess who I ran into at Target the other day......
 

Every married man endures this constantly. As far as I can tell, men mainly use language to CONVEY information, e.g. the house is THERE. So, once you have responded to her question with a decisive answer, in your mind there is nothing left to discuss and the jibber jabber that follows is like being dragged over hot coals. But women use language to PROCESS information, which has an emotional component. So talking about something, no matter how irrelevant, is part of their process of explaining how things are affecting them.

It is essentially an unbridgeable psychological divide and you just have to be patient. She has the same frustration on her end, which is that you are rude and never talk to her, from her perspective. Good luck. You will fail. We all will fail. 

15 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Maybe you should just tell her that maybe if she was a size 7 you’d be fucking her

 

Make sure you have a hoplon with you 

14 hours ago, Armybrat said:

Nothin’ wrong with buttermilk.

Image result for phaedra buttermilk gif

1 hour ago, BHMCruiser said:

Every married man endures this constantly. As far as I can tell, men mainly use language to CONVEY information, e.g. the house is THERE. So, once you have responded to her question with a decisive answer, in your mind there is nothing left to discuss and the jibber jabber that follows is like being dragged over hot coals. But women use language to PROCESS information, which has an emotional component. So talking about something, no matter how irrelevant, is part of their process of explaining how things are affecting them.

It is essentially an unbridgeable psychological divide and you just have to be patient. She has the same frustration on her end, which is that you are rude and never talk to her, from her perspective. Good luck. You will fail. We all will fail.  Bitches be crazy

Fixed it for you.



Every married man endures this constantly. As far as I can tell, men mainly use language to CONVEY information, e.g. the house is THERE. So, once you have responded to her question with a decisive answer, in your mind there is nothing left to discuss and the jibber jabber that follows is like being dragged over hot coals. But women use language to PROCESS information, which has an emotional component. So talking about something, no matter how irrelevant, is part of their process of explaining how things are affecting them.
It is essentially an unbridgeable psychological divide and you just have to be patient. She has the same frustration on her end, which is that you are rude and never talk to her, from her perspective. Good luck. You will fail. We all will fail. 


ce76ce95b8939784cc2c1fb1d63164c2.jpg

Even she had to laugh when the phone bill showed her minutes at 1,100 for the month, and I was at 17.  She told me all about it.

I used to take the train from Baltimore to DC and back every day. And women would ALWAYS be on their phones talking to people. The whole way there. The whole way back. Basically no man was on his phone. I would just wonder who the fuck these people were talking to? Were they just somewhere else in the train? Had I died and gone to hell? I was just surrounded by idiotic blathering from every angle. The only other option was the quiet car, where you could hear somebody forty feet away clinching in a fart.

38 minutes ago, BHMCruiser said:

I used to take the train from Baltimore to DC and back every day. And women would ALWAYS be on their phones talking to people. The whole way there. The whole way back. Basically no man was on his phone. I would just wonder who the fuck these people were talking to? Were they just somewhere else in the train? Had I died and gone to hell? I was just surrounded by idiotic blathering from every angle. The only other option was the quiet car, where you could hear somebody forty feet away clinching in a fart.

With a 95% confidence interval, it was either their Mother, Sister, or very best friend, and they talk to the same one every day.  And every day it's about the same shit.  

Edited by Trey3216

I'd rather be surrounded by blathering women then clinching a fart. 

38 minutes ago, Trey3216 said:

With a 95% confidence interval, it was either their Mother, Sister, or very best friend, and they talk to the same one every day.  And every day it's about the same shit.  

Yeah, I don't get it. 

Just now, Cheeseweasel said:

Yeah, I don't get it. 

I don't either.  But I only know because everyday at 6:30, when my wife is on her way out the door for her 20 minute drive to work, her best friend calls and they talk the whole way to work.  They work at the same school.  It's truly baffling.  

4 minutes ago, Trey3216 said:

I don't either.  But I only know because everyday at 6:30, when my wife is on her way out the door for her 20 minute drive to work, her best friend calls and they talk the whole way to work.  They work at the same school.  It's truly baffling.  

And (like every woman I work with) she walks in the office still talking. For the first 15 minutes of work.

20 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

I'd rather be surrounded by blathering women then clinching a fart. 

I'd rather not clinch and not be surrounded by anyone.

1 hour ago, miguelito said:

Even she had to laugh when the phone bill showed her minutes at 1,100 for the month, and I was at 17.  She told me all about it.

Using a lot of words, I'm guessing.

 

5 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

I'd rather be surrounded by blathering women then clinching a fart. 

Shart thread down there.... somewhere.... v

My wife has hit our garage doors in cars so many times over the years.  This is why we can't have nice things.

It's also a controversial topic with her to put a lid on a pot to boil water.  Yesterday she was complaining that the water was slow to boil.  No lid of course.

otherwise a smart, educated, capable adult.  It's mystifying.

2 minutes ago, Degenerate Gardner said:

My wife has hit our garage doors in cars so many times over the years.  This is why we can't have nice things.

It's also a controversial topic with her to put a lid on a pot to boil water.  Yesterday she was complaining that the water was slow to boil.  No lid of course.

otherwise a smart, educated, capable adult.  It's mystifying.

Until she loads it up with water and drops a bunch of pasta into the pot 

On 9/10/2019 at 8:12 AM, Kennythetiger said:

So your wife gives you her money?  Does she have any sisters?  

Grandmother's estate. Annual gift tax exemption. Her mom writes a big check every year from Grandma's old account. etc etc

I handle ALL of the household finances, including making deposits into the joint checking account.

She's an only child. I have two brothers who are each married with families - and my parents are divorced - so the tension there around holidays is its own contribution to this thread. Ms CL just doesn't understand why making plans with my family is so much more complicated than making a single phone call to her parents. 

16 hours ago, Trey3216 said:

I don't either.  But I only know because everyday at 6:30, when my wife is on her way out the door for her 20 minute drive to work, her best friend calls and they talk the whole way to work.  They work at the same school.  It's truly baffling.  

    Let me paint a picture that I am sure the rest of you have lived. You are at home and your daughter comes in the front door(after having gone to the store with your wife). There is no sound after she opens and closes the door. You wait a good while and then ask her where her mom is. She says outside. You then walk to the door to find her sitting in the car still talking. 

5 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I’d like to know more about lids on water helping it boil. 

Keeps you from watching it, and you know a watched pot never boils.

On 9/11/2019 at 3:06 PM, El Diablo said:

You married my mom  a woman??

Fify

Wife: I am so busy and have too much on my plate can you take care of task XYZ for me? (followed by 20 minutes of explaining why she is so busy and can't do it) 

Me: Sure

5 minutes later.....

Wife: When you do task XYZ make sure you......(a list of 50 things over half which are unnecessary)

Me: Sounds good

That night-

Wife: Have you done XYZ yet? 

Me: No, I will take care of it tomorrow

Wife: Well don't wait too long it needs to be done, did I remind you of exactly how it needs to be done you know so detailed that a 3 year old could do it? 

Me: yes

The next day-

Wife: Did you take care of XYZ yet?

Me: No, I was slammed at work so I am going to do it tomorrow

Wife: DON'T FORGET TO DO IT!!!!!!!!! IT NEEDS TO BE DONE!!!!!!!!

Me: yep, I got it

Day #2

Me: XYZ is done

Wife: I saw that, thanks but you didn't do it exactly how I wanted it so I redid it myself. 

 

1 hour ago, JimmyHoffa said:

Wife: I am so busy and have too much on my plate can you take care of task XYZ for me? (followed by 20 minutes of explaining why she is so busy and can't do it) 

Me: Sure

5 minutes later.....

Wife: When you do task XYZ make sure you......(a list of 50 things over half which are unnecessary)

Me: Sounds good

That night-

Wife: Have you done XYZ yet? 

Me: No, I will take care of it tomorrow

Wife: Well don't wait too long it needs to be done, did I remind you of exactly how it needs to be done you know so detailed that a 3 year old could do it? 

Me: yes

The next day-

Wife: Did you take care of XYZ yet?

Me: No, I was slammed at work so I am going to do it tomorrow

Wife: DON'T FORGET TO DO IT!!!!!!!!! IT NEEDS TO BE DONE!!!!!!!!

Me: yep, I got it

Day #2

Me: XYZ is done

Wife: I saw that, thanks but you didn't do it exactly how I wanted it so I redid it myself. 

 

Thanks for making the bed.  But you didn’t pull the sheets all the way under the pillows and they’re not tucked in under the sides of the mattress so I can destroy it as soon as I get into bed 2 hours before you 

40 minutes ago, Trey3216 said:

Thanks for making the bed.  But you didn’t pull the sheets all the way under the pillows and they’re not tucked in under the sides of the mattress so I can destroy it as soon as I get into bed 2 hours before you 

Goddamn it.  This right here.

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