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1 hour ago, Trey3216 said:

Thanks for making the bed.  But you didn’t pull the sheets all the way under the pillows and they’re not tucked in under the sides of the mattress so I can destroy it as soon as I get into bed 2 hours before you 

We had a very similar conversation 20+ years ago when Mrs. MO started leaving the house in the morning before I do. The next day she came home to an unmade bed and asked why it wasn't made. I told her she didn't like the way I did it, and I couldn't care less if the bed was made or not, so unless she wanted to do it herself she could either get used to an unmade bed or let me make it my way. I've made the bed ever since and she's never said another word. 

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32 minutes ago, Mo Horn said:

We had a very similar conversation 20+ years ago when Mrs. MO started leaving the house in the morning before I do. The next day she came home to an unmade bed and asked why it wasn't made. I told her she didn't like the way I did it, and I couldn't care less if the bed was made or not, so unless she wanted to do it herself she could either get used to an unmade bed or let me make it my way. I've made the bed ever since and she's never said another word. 

I’m working on that right now.  It’s a made bed, just not her preferred method.  I’m like “it’s about the effort here teach” 

1 hour ago, Mo Horn said:

We had a very similar conversation 20+ years ago when Mrs. MO started leaving the house in the morning before I do. The next day she came home to an unmade bed and asked why it wasn't made. I told her she didn't like the way I did it, and I couldn't care less if the bed was made or not, so unless she wanted to do it herself she could either get used to an unmade bed or let me make it my way. I've made the bed ever since and she's never said another word. 

I’m going to start walking the dog 30 minutes before she leaves instead of 5 so she can make the shit herself.   But I know how that will work too 

I’m going to start walking the dog 30 minutes before she leaves instead of 5 so she can make the shit herself.   But I know how that will work too 

If it’s your dog, at least you get 30 min of peace and a dog that wants to be with you.
7 minutes ago, General Specific said:


If it’s your dog, at least you get 30 min of peace and a dog that wants to be with you.

It’s actually about an hour every morning.   She is most certainly my dog. 

"I'm the only one who does anything around the house to keep this place straight."

Took every ounce of my being to hold back a response...

"I'm the only one who does anything around this place that pays the mortgage."

It was a little easier to keep it clapped since I got a quickie this afternoon. 

8 minutes ago, Anastasis said:

"I'm the only one who does anything around the house to keep this place straight."

I got this once.  'Cept it was a bit more direct:
"You need to start pulling your weight around here."
After the shock subsided, I reminded her of that mortgage.  And the Electric bill.  The Gas bill.  The Water bill, the sewer bill, the grocery bill, the car payment, the car insurance, the cable bill, and a few other things.  Asked her to start pulling her weight there.  Got the "well, we'd need to get child care".  Fine, we'll split that 50/50 as well.  I knew I'd STILL end up $500-$600 per month ahead.
Never heard anything after that.

5 hours ago, Trey3216 said:

Thanks for making the bed.  But you didn’t pull the sheets all the way under the pillows and they’re not tucked in under the sides of the mattress so I can destroy it as soon as I get into bed 2 hours before you 

I make the bed (guy standard) every morning. I pull the sheet and bedspread up and straighten them, easy to get in bed when night falls. 

But I don’t “make” the bed (wife standard). The bed isn’t “made” unless the 15 (yes, count them, 15) pillows are placed in their proper order, at the proper angles. Which then takes another 5 minutes to properly stow on the bedroom couch at bedtime. 

I hate those pillows. 

Dont even get me fucking started on the god damned pillows. 

My Mom (well, she was my Dad's wife) just now while watching the UH-WSU game:

"How long did these games used to be before they started calling all these penalties?"

confused jimmy fallon GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

 

Dont even get me fucking started on the god damned pillows. 

17
20 hours ago, Grade of D as in David said:

Keeps you from watching it, and you know a watched pot never boils.

What if the lid is see-through?

18 hours ago, JimmyHoffa said:

Wife: I am so busy and have too much on my plate can you take care of task XYZ for me? (followed by 20 minutes of explaining why she is so busy and can't do it) 

Me: Sure

5 minutes later.....

Wife: When you do task XYZ make sure you......(a list of 50 things over half which are unnecessary)

Me: Sounds good

That night-

Wife: Have you done XYZ yet? 

Me: No, I will take care of it tomorrow

Wife: Well don't wait too long it needs to be done, did I remind you of exactly how it needs to be done you know so detailed that a 3 year old could do it? 

Me: yes

The next day-

Wife: Did you take care of XYZ yet?

Me: No, I was slammed at work so I am going to do it tomorrow

Wife: DON'T FORGET TO DO IT!!!!!!!!! IT NEEDS TO BE DONE!!!!!!!!

Me: yep, I got it

Day #2

Me: XYZ is done

Wife: I saw that, thanks but you didn't do it exactly how I wanted it so I redid it myself. 

 

Pure, white hot, blinding rage. 

 

Last night renting a movie at 9:30: “No, I don’t want to watch that or that or that - how about a movie we haven’t seen?”

10 minutes into movie she wanted: *asleep*

Last night renting a movie at 9:30: “No, I don’t want to watch that, or that...

This is where I hand over the remote and pick up the guitar.
5 hours ago, tbone_ said:


This is where I hand over the remote and pick up the guitar.

animal house GIF

Thanks for making the bed.  But you didn’t pull the sheets all the way under the pillows and they’re not tucked in under the sides of the mattress so I can destroy it as soon as I get into bed 2 hours before you 

How many pillows?

I have become a master at stacking the 8 pillows on our bed in different ways.
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5d63901e159a66c9f3b1b832917b4544.jpg

Tell me one of your wives went on a trip to Iceland

23 hours ago, nnm said:

I make the bed (guy standard) every morning. I pull the sheet and bedspread up and straighten them, easy to get in bed when night falls. 

But I don’t “make” the bed (wife standard). The bed isn’t “made” unless the 15 (yes, count them, 15) pillows are placed in their proper order, at the proper angles. Which then takes another 5 minutes to properly stow on the bedroom couch at bedtime. 

I hate those pillows. 

I think we're down to 6 pillows.  Such a pain in the ass.

5d63901e159a66c9f3b1b832917b4544.jpg

Tell me one of your wives went on a trip to Iceland
Sounds like it was a wives trip.
11 hours ago, tbone_ said:


This is where I hand over the remote and pick up the guitar.

tbone_ av gif

I wish I could see the random number generator that she uses to decide what arbitrary and long-ago discussed thing to blindside me with on a Sunday morning.

"Fixing the drainage in my vegetable garden" hasn't been discussed in at least two months but this morning she decided that today was the day that she needed to be mad at me about it. 

On 9/13/2019 at 6:15 PM, Mo Horn said:

We had a very similar conversation 20+ years ago when Mrs. MO started leaving the house in the morning before I do. The next day she came home to an unmade bed and asked why it wasn't made. I told her she didn't like the way I did it, and I couldn't care less if the bed was made or not, so unless she wanted to do it herself she could either get used to an unmade bed or let me make it my way. I've made the bed ever since and she's never said another word. 

Yeah you really showed her 

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I make the bed (guy standard) every morning. I pull the sheet and bedspread up and straighten them, easy to get in bed when night falls. 
But I don’t “make” the bed (wife standard). The bed isn’t “made” unless the 15 (yes, count them, 15) pillows are placed in their proper order, at the proper angles. Which then takes another 5 minutes to properly stow on the bedroom couch at bedtime. 
I hate those pillows. 

Dont even get me fucking started on the god damned pillows. 

I think we're down to 6 pillows.  Such a pain in the ass.

You all will be pleased to know that in the future Semi-benevolent Dictatorship of Brisketexan (I figure I’ll weather the apocalypse, and then rise to power astride an up-armored 1999 F-150), throw pillows will be banned. Completely. Along with serving cobbler without ice cream and red beans and rice without sausage.
In fact, the death penalty may be in play on the throw pillow thing. They are a device meant to make a sleeping place (a bed) unusable for sleeping, and a sitting place (a couch) unsuitable for sitting. They are evil, diabolical, sick, twisted, and they must go. God, how I hate them.
On 9/13/2019 at 8:01 PM, General Specific said:


If it’s your dog, at least you get 30 min of peace and a dog that wants to be with you.

You calling his wife a dog bruh?

On 9/13/2019 at 10:11 PM, Anastasis said:

"I'm the only one who does anything around the house to keep this place straight."

Took every ounce of my being to hold back a response...

"I'm the only one who does anything around this place that pays the mortgage."

It was a little easier to keep it clapped since I got a quickie this afternoon. 

    This right g-damned here!!!  My wife works 3-4 hours a day Mon-Fri. I don't wanna hear that shit.

2 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

 

 


You all will be pleased to know that in the future Semi-benevolent Dictatorship of Brisketexan (I figure I’ll weather the apocalypse, and then rise to power astride an up-armored 1999 F-150), throw pillows will be banned. Completely. Along with serving cobbler without ice cream and red beans and rice without sausage.
In fact, the death penalty may be in play on the throw pillow thing. They are a device meant to make a sleeping place (a bed) unusable for sleeping, and a sitting place (a couch) unsuitable for sitting. They are evil, diabolical, sick, twisted, and they must go. God, how I hate them.

 

 

I, too, dream of this world. Where blowjobs abound, we’re on time for everything, and she tells the end of the story first. 

I, too, dream of this world. Where blowjobs abound, we’re on time for everything, and she tells the end of the story first. 

All it takes is complete societal collapse....the crew from the A-Team to modify my truck...and just the tiniest bit of luck...
You calling his wife a dog bruh?

Not at all. Acknowledging his peace and quiet while walking the K9. Picture of heaven if you ask me.

All it takes is complete societal collapse....the crew from the A-Team to modify my truck...and just the tiniest bit of luck...

So you’re saying there’s a chance?

I come into the kitchen this morning and Ms CL is cracking eggs into the electric skillet. 

"Are you making breakfast for [son]?" I ask.

"Yes, unless you want to."

"No. You can do it." And I proceed to put my own breakfast into the microwave.

Wife finishes cracking the eggs and puts the carton back into the refrigerator and walks off. 

Guess who ended up cooking the eggs and putting them on the table?

 

 

(ps - this morning's random number generator complaint was that the dog, who sleeps in the laundry room at night, prevented her from washing her bras as planned.)

I don't normally weigh in here cause this is a male place, but here is a random tidbit of info on the pillow war: remove all the pillows save two and hide the rest in an undisclosed location. Each pillow is returned via sexy time...

Very win win.

 

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She'd tell me just to keep the pillows.
She'd just buy new pillows.
48 minutes ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Wife finishes cracking the eggs and puts the carton back into the refrigerator and walks off. 

Guess who ended up cooking the eggs and putting them on the table?

Some poor sucker who lacked the will to let the eggs burn?

40 minutes ago, Modessit said:
48 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:
She'd tell me just to keep the pillows.

She'd just buy new pillows.

And then new bed sheets and comforter. And then new paint for me to apply to the walls. Which would then trigger a while house makeover. 

1 hour ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Some poor sucker who lacked the will to let the eggs burn?

<Hangs head in shame>

My wife signed up to be a host home for a parade of homes in December.  Immediately went this weekend to spend $1500 on new decorations including more pillows.

1 minute ago, txhorns said:

My wife signed up to be a host home for a parade of homes in December.  Immediately went this weekend to spend $1500 on new decorations including more pillows.

This hits close to home

and garden TV.

I don't normally weigh in here cause this is a male place, but here is a random tidbit of info on the pillow war: remove all the pillows save two and hide the rest in an undisclosed location. Each pillow is returned via sexy time...
Very win win.
 

Now this gentleman, is how you troll.

+1
54 minutes ago, txhorns said:

My wife signed up to be a host home for a parade of homes in December.  Immediately went this weekend to spend $1500 on new decorations including more pillows.

You might need your own thread around Thanksgiving or so.

My wife signed up to be a host home for a parade of homes in December.  Immediately went this weekend to spend $1500 on new decorations including more pillows.
Good fucking lord. How many weekends is it? I bet youre thrilled to have those pillows and complete strangers walking around your house
2 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:
1 hour ago, txhorns said:
My wife signed up to be a host home for a parade of homes in December.  Immediately went this weekend to spend $1500 on new decorations including more pillows.

Good fucking lord. How many weekends is it? I bet youre thrilled to have those pillows and complete strangers walking around your house

The parade of homes is only for 1 night.  But now apparently we have to get a hotel room for that night because the event ends at 9  but my little kids have to be in bed by 8.  Fuck that shit.  I'm taking them to dinner and a movie and leaving the wife/mom at home.

From female coworker over skype:

Can you explain this?

Me: explain what?

That thing from yesterday?

Me: which thing?

That issue obviously.

Me: were it obvious I would know wtf you are talking about.

Tone

5 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

(ps - this morning's random number generator complaint was that the dog, who sleeps in the laundry room at night, prevented her from washing her bras as planned.)

Was the dog using the washing machine?   I mean, if he is going to run a load of laundry he should tell you all so you can add stuff too.  That is just common decency.

19 minutes ago, ABSR said:

Was the dog using the washing machine?   I mean, if he is going to run a load of laundry he should tell you all so you can add stuff too.  That is just common decency.

Well, the wife can just go braless.

dog can post pics

3 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

Well, the wife can just go braless.

dog can post pics

Speaking of this subject, a lady (25-35 est.) was at the Home Depot yesterday in Katy, in a tube top and braless (sorry, no pics).  Blonde.  Attractive.  Asking for lots of help in the screw aisle.  Must have been cool in that aisle, but I didn't notice the temperature.  

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