Jump to content
View in the app

A better way to browse. Learn more.

Surly Horns

A full-screen app on your home screen with push notifications, badges and more.

To install this app on iOS and iPadOS
  1. Tap the Share icon in Safari
  2. Scroll the menu and tap Add to Home Screen.
  3. Tap Add in the top-right corner.
To install this app on Android
  1. Tap the 3-dot menu (⋮) in the top-right corner of the browser.
  2. Tap Add to Home screen or Install app.
  3. Confirm by tapping Install.
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Featured Replies

Okay....puppy referenced from a few pages back...4e329d444f18e3f535a7ac5f37c554fd.jpg085eefadb30c8322f9cd5b20499a8f3a.jpg

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

  • Replies 23.8k
  • Views 2.2m
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Most Popular Posts

  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

  • BearCountry11
    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

Posted Images

Just poured an eighth full bottle of dishwashing soap into a 3/4 full bottle. Apparently, waiting 5 seconds for the soap to flow to the nozzle is too much effort, but we can’t be throwing away $0.50 worth of soap either. 

11 hours ago, markstanco said:

Okay....puppy referenced from a few pages back...4e329d444f18e3f535a7ac5f37c554fd.jpg085eefadb30c8322f9cd5b20499a8f3a.jpg

Who's a good doggie? Who's a good doggie? You're a good doggie! Yes you are! Yes you are!

On 5/4/2018 at 9:28 AM, EastTexan said:

 

I have been doing my own laundry for many years. Ever since I bitched about how she folded my jeans. 

Yep.  About 12 years ago, when we first started dating, still in the courting stage, my now-wife thought she’d be nice and do my laundry for me while I was at work one day.

One load of whites with a pack of orange gum in it and me bitching about it later...aaaaaand I’ve done my own laundry ever since.

My wife successfully used cardinal directions today when talking about what soccer field our kid was playing on. "It's the field north of the one he played on yesterday" and she was right. I don't know what is going on. 

So the Avatar's little shit-assed bark machine has to wear the Donut of Shame due to a recent procedure.  He's a complete pussy anyway, but his inability to lick the affected area turned him into a nighttime bark machine.  Normally I'd throw the training collar on him as he responds to the beeping (have only had to deliver voltage on a couple of rare occasions); however, can't do that with the Donut of Shame.

So I take the collar, buckle it up, and secure it with a carabiner to the kennel door.  Just before bed, the Avatar asks "You aren't going to shock him, are you?"  "Good thing you have nice tits babe."

 

Set-up worked like a champ FWIW.

54 minutes ago, HornOnTheBayou said:

My wife successfully used cardinal directions today when talking about what soccer field our kid was playing on. "It's the field north of the one he played on yesterday" and she was right. I don't know what is going on. 

1 in 4 chance hits from time to time

She just redeemed herself by swearing to our nine year-old that Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was in Space Jam. Then she had to look it up on imdb.com because "YES, HE WAS IN SPACE JAM! ... Oh wait, he was in Airplane."

More like she asked the coach which field it was and that's what they told her. Probably took her a few tries to find it herself.

My wife apparently cannot get the concept of a moonrise and Monet. She said something along the lines of "I love it when the moon is out during the day, but of course it's always out so..." I tried asking her how people on the other side of the world can see the moon if it's always out on our side of the world, but I guess that was too much for her to take in.

10 minutes ago, Sam Lin said:

The moon is always out in this Monet.

charing_cross_bridge_monet_14_265da87d-c

This one too. (Monet Weir, daughter of Grateful Dead rhythm guitarist Bob Weir.)

30076366_1711041615597650_57862139057725

On 5/4/2018 at 6:04 PM, WhatTheBuck said:

What else is he supposed to do with them? Start a book club?

Escorts are classy bro.

13 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

This one too. (Monet Weir, daughter of Grateful Dead rhythm guitarist Bob Weir.)

30076366_1711041615597650_57862139057725

Wow.

Quote

My wife and I discussed and agreed that she would do most of the laundry, etc if she quit work to stay home with the kids.  Eight years later, she has not gotten a job and guess who washes his own shit most of the time.  Good luck with your agreement.

I must have it good because the wife works and she does the laundry. I send a lot of my items to wash and fold but she washes, drys and folds all my t-shirts so they on't shrink or fade. She wants to do it. I don't even have to fake attempting to help

Edited by next2naus

6 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I need to try the ash and fold

I recommend the hash and fold.

1 hour ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I need to try the ash and fold

Is that where you just burn your clothes after wearing them?

19 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

Is that where you just burn your clothes after wearing them?

That will save you a lot of money on laundry detergent and dryer sheets.

Proposed to her a flight serviced by a 747 so we can sit at the nose.

"No, no way, if it crashes we're dying first"

 

Uh....if an airplane crashes, everybody's fucking dying.

37 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

Proposed to her a flight serviced by a 747 so we can sit at the nose.

"No, no way, if it crashes we're dying first"

 

Uh....if an airplane crashes, everybody's fucking dying.

Row 67 of coach is good too. 

Okay....puppy referenced from a few pages back...4e329d444f18e3f535a7ac5f37c554fd.jpg085eefadb30c8322f9cd5b20499a8f3a.jpg

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk


How you get revenge: a) teach it to fetch birds; b) give it lots of treats and attention so it likes you way more than her
Proposed to her a flight serviced by a 747 so we can sit at the nose.

"No, no way, if it crashes we're dying first"

 

Uh....if an airplane crashes, everybody's fucking dying.

Tell her you’ll sit in first class and she can sit in coach. That way you will die first and she can inherit everything,

12 hours ago, 52-80 said:

Proposed to her a flight serviced by a 747 so we can sit at the nose.

"No, no way, if it crashes we're dying first"

 

Uh....if an airplane crashes, everybody's fucking dying.

Yeah, but later. Like .023 seconds more living brah.

It never fails. Spend the day doing yardwork? The most logical time for my wife to mop is apparently right as I'm finishing up so she can yell at me for tracking in dirt.

23 minutes ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

It never fails. Spend the day doing yardwork? The most logical time for my wife to mope is apparently right as I'm finishing up so she can yell at me for tracking in dirt.

FIFY

20 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

She mops and you’re complaining?

I think its her complaining that is the problem.

11 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

If I have to die in a plane crash, I want to die drunk on free drinks in first class, not sitting next to a poor in coach.

Which airline to you fly for again?

22 hours ago, 52-80 said:

Proposed to her a flight serviced by a 747 so we can sit at the nose.

"No, no way, if it crashes we're dying first"

 

Uh....if an airplane crashes, everybody's fucking dying.

58feb0431400002000a9b9c9.jpeg?ops=scalef

I have a 56% chance of surviving if I'm riding on the wing?  Fuck me, why didn't someone tell me this before????  I know where I'm sitting next time.

 

56 minutes ago, GSU&UT said:

69%, nice

Guaranty that 99% of our wives would still want to sit at the front of the plane even after raising safety as their primary concern.  Facts don't matter.  

4 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Goes up even higher if you strap onto the tail.

Worked pretty well for this guy:

Western_Airlines_Wally_Bird_1975-500x379

It never fails. Spend the day doing yardwork? The most logical time for my wife to mop is apparently right as I'm finishing up so she can yell at me for tracking in dirt.
I take my shoes off at the door when I work in the yard.

If I have dirt on my clothes I make certain I don't do my usual somersaults in the kitchen like I do every other day.
10 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

I strapped on to your mom's tail last night

So you were one of the non-survivors eh/

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Configure browser push notifications

Chrome (Android)
  1. Tap the lock icon next to the address bar.
  2. Tap Permissions → Notifications.
  3. Adjust your preference.
Chrome (Desktop)
  1. Click the padlock icon in the address bar.
  2. Select Site settings.
  3. Find Notifications and adjust your preference.