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1 hour ago, Buffsoldier said:

I wait 'til my GF's in the shower, then open the shower door and pee in the shower.

That's funny... I also wait until your GF is in the shower, then open the shower door and pee in the shower.

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4 minutes ago, Walden Ponderer said:

That's funny... I also wait until your GF is in the shower, then open the shower door and pee in the shower.

I wait until yours is in the bathtub, then I pee in the bath water.  

30 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I wait until she's in the shower and then I shit in it so she can do the waffle stomp

The first time I shat around my wife (then gf) we were in a one bedroom apartment in West Campus.  She was in the shower when I got home feeling sick, so I went in and took one of the most horrendously smelling dumps of my life in the toilet right next to the shower.  It was one of those dumps where it smelled so bad that even I wanted to get out of the bathroom, but she was stuck in there with the stench while trying to get out of the shower.  Over ten years later, she still brings it up. 

1 hour ago, Walden Ponderer said:

That's funny... I also wait until your GF is in the shower, then open the shower door and pee in the shower.

Mother?

The first time I shat around my wife (then gf) we were in a one bedroom apartment in West Campus.  She was in the shower when I got home feeling sick, so I went in and took one of the most horrendously smelling dumps of my life in the toilet right next to the shower.  It was one of those dumps where it smelled so bad that even I wanted to get out of the bathroom, but she was stuck in there with the stench while trying to get out of the shower.  Over ten years later, she still brings it up. 

And she still married your disgusting ass huh?

Today Mrs. Ace had to drive to Philadelphia for a meeting. No biggie, a very common thing. 

But this time she had a rental car because she’s traveling elsewhere around PA afterward and it’s cheaper than mileage. I gave her the EZ Pass last night and she went and put it in the rental car’s glovebox. I told her to go take it out and set it on the dash so it’ll read and at 6 a.m. you might forget to take it out. 

I got a call screaming at me at 6:20 a.m. saying she dud GT have cash so had to blow the toll booth because I forgot to give her the EZ Pass despite her telling me three times.

Edited by The Ace of Aces

Surly clearly celebrates all flavors of golden shower.

5 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I wait until she's in the shower and then I shit in it so she can do the waffle stomp

Does she like sour kraut.

2 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

She gave head to the toll booth dude?  Something seems amiss. 

I’m sure her blowjobs are only worth $1.30 anyhow 

Edited by Js1

Today Mrs. Ace had to drive to Philadelphia for a meeting. No biggie, a very common thing. 
But this time she had a rental car because she’s traveling elsewhere around PA afterward and it’s cheaper than mileage. I gave her the EZ Pass last night and she went and put it in the rental car’s glovebox. I told her to go take it out and set it on the dash so it’ll read and at 6 a.m. you might forget to take it out. 
I got a call screaming at me at 6:20 a.m. saying she dud GT have cash so had to blow the toll booth because I forgot to give her the EZ Pass despite her telling me three times.
So...she forgot that you gave her the pass the night before even tho she physically brought the pass to glove box?
3 hours ago, Js1 said:

I’m sure her blowjobs are only worth $1.30 anyhow 

In Philadelphia they’re worth fifty bucks. 

Thats why she goes there so often. 

13 hours ago, tbone_ said:


And she still married your disgusting ass huh?

Well, I do have a big penis.

Youngest turned 15 last week and was chomping at the bit to get his permit.  Took Monday off to take him.  Keep in mind, our oldest just got his permit this summer so we have gone through this recently.  If you have gone to the DPS lately for a permit, you know the paperwork required is just shy of buying a house.  I told her to get everything and put in an envelope so we can go through the 3 hour beatdown...*she assured me everything is in there.  I dont have to finish this for you to already know she missed one thing and i didnt find this out until i got to the dps window after 3 hours of waiting.

 

*I do shoulder some responsibility because I should have double checked as opposed to trusting she did something right. 

1 hour ago, Longhornfan1024 said:

Well, I do have a big penis.

 

8 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

In Philadelphia they’re worth fifty bucks. 

Thats why she goes there so often. 

How much for the gun?  

19 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:
22 hours ago, The Ace of Aces said:
Today Mrs. Ace had to drive to Philadelphia for a meeting. No biggie, a very common thing. 
But this time she had a rental car because she’s traveling elsewhere around PA afterward and it’s cheaper than mileage. I gave her the EZ Pass last night and she went and put it in the rental car’s glovebox. I told her to go take it out and set it on the dash so it’ll read and at 6 a.m. you might forget to take it out. 
I got a call screaming at me at 6:20 a.m. saying she dud GT have cash so had to blow the toll booth because I forgot to give her the EZ Pass despite her telling me three times.

Read more  

So...she forgot that you gave her the pass the night before even tho she physically brought the pass to glove box?

Yup. And forgot she for some reason put it in a rental car glove box. 

20 hours ago, Js1 said:

I’m sure her blowjobs are only worth $1.30 anyhow 

They’re pretty good. She is ball play subscriber. 

and not just too small, but too smollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.  Poor fella

7mo likes to throw his head around. A little situational awareness and use of reflexes and you can go all day without getting headbutted. Wife picks him up for 5 seconds and gets smashed in the cheekbone.

"This is why you're a worse driver than me."

She was not amused. 

2 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

and not just too small, but too smollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.  Poor fella

Bet he drives a F250 with a lift kit. 

7mo likes to throw his head around. A little situational awareness and use of reflexes and you can go all day without getting headbutted. Wife picks him up for 5 seconds and gets smashed in the cheekbone.
"This is why you're a worse driver than me."
She was not amused. 
This it's close to former home. My ex-wife works with special-needs kids, and would come home with knots on her head twice a week. She always said that they're so unpredictable, but she had three kids she was responsible for, wasn't allowed to hold any of them, and they were five.

She also totaled every car we ever owned.
This it's close to former home. My ex-wife works with special-needs kids, and would come home with knots on her head twice a week. She always said that they're so unpredictable, but she had three kids she was responsible for, wasn't allowed to hold any of them, and they were five.

She also totaled every car we ever owned.


She sounds hot.
20 hours ago, PatrickMcHorn said:

This it's close to former home. My ex-wife works with special-needs kids, and would come home with knots on her head twice a week. She always said that they're so unpredictable, but she had three kids she was responsible for, wasn't allowed to hold any of them, and they were five.

She also totaled every car we ever owned.

was she letting the retarded kids drive?

Now see, this right here is why the surl kicks ass.

On 10/18/2019 at 10:50 PM, luke duke said:

 

 

 

Great fucking band 

Lids.

Tightening them is apparently a foreign concept to my wife. peanut butter, salad dressing, vodka...doesn't matter.  If it's got a screw on lid or cap....forget about it.

Picked up a bottle of aspirin from the cabinet....doh...100 tablets all over the counter and floor.

I mean, wtf.

Edited by Tylerocks

7 minutes ago, Tylerocks said:

Lids.

Tightening them is apparently a foreign concept to my wife. peanut butter, salad dressing, vodka...doesn't matter.  If it's got a screw on lid or cap....forget about it.

Picked up a bottle of aspirin from the cabinet....doh...100 tablets all over the counter and floor.

I mean, wtf.

Something must be wrong with her grip. 

21 minutes ago, tantric superman said:

Just got this text message a couple of minutes ago.

"Got steak."

Sometimes they aren't stupid and are useful.

Good news. She's already home and has cooked it in the oven for 2 hrs on 350. Pick up some Ketchup!

20 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Good news. She's already home and has cooked it in the oven for 2 hrs on 350. Pick up some Ketchup!

spacer.png

how hot and wet does she like it?

Wife at 9:40: oh my god I am so tired. I can hardly keep my eyes open

 

wife at 10:20: *laying in bed on phone*

On 10/7/2019 at 3:24 PM, Pato del Muerto said:

With mine, the go to for lost keys is the pocket of the coat she last wore. 

What is this "coat" thing?

On 10/9/2019 at 9:38 AM, TrashMaster G said:

Bigger dogs, maybe.  They do exist.

1.5 pills for Zeus.  I'm just glad to read that someone besides me is throwing away ridiculous amounts of money on Apoquel.  

On 10/17/2019 at 10:19 PM, NorthLoop said:

7mo likes to throw his head around. A little situational awareness and use of reflexes and you can go all day without getting headbutted. Wife picks him up for 5 seconds and gets smashed in the cheekbone.

"This is why you're a worse driver than me."

She was not amused. 

Was the couch comfy?

19 hours ago, Incredulity said:

spacer.png

how hot and wet does she like it?

+1 for Renee Russo Priscilla Presley

Edited by CycleTex87
Hot older lady's rock

1 hour ago, CycleTex87 said:

+1 for Renee Russo

Probably missing the joke somewhere, but isn't that Priscilla Presley from the Naked Gun series

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