Jump to content
View in the app

A better way to browse. Learn more.

Surly Horns

A full-screen app on your home screen with push notifications, badges and more.

To install this app on iOS and iPadOS
  1. Tap the Share icon in Safari
  2. Scroll the menu and tap Add to Home Screen.
  3. Tap Add in the top-right corner.
To install this app on Android
  1. Tap the 3-dot menu (⋮) in the top-right corner of the browser.
  2. Tap Add to Home screen or Install app.
  3. Confirm by tapping Install.
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Featured Replies

  • Replies 23.8k
  • Views 2.2m
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Most Popular Posts

  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

  • BearCountry11
    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

Posted Images

On 11/13/2019 at 4:49 PM, Tylerocks said:

My wife has pulled this before as well.  

I saw over the weekend, in-laws were visiting, where my wife learned to load the dishwasher.  Holy Fuck.

small plates in the top rack.  Glasses in between the prongs, so they just slide around.

 

I mean.....

I don’t understand the dishwasher debates on here. Didn’t your dishwasher wear white at your wedding?  End of story. 

On 11/14/2019 at 12:59 PM, CycleTex87 said:

This is exactly right.  Our kitchen island is a dumping ground for drink cups, mail, medicine, whatever.  We are cleaning up for folks coming over, my wife says "get your stuff off the island!".  Easy.  done.  Not one piece of this stuff derived from me.

Yup. The only time in our relationship I've truly been mad.

 

A couple of months after we moved into our house. And after multiple times of me explaining that I just dumped my life savings into the down payment, that the kitchen, living, and bathroom areas where guest would be would stay clean. I came home after about a 12 hour work day and there wasn't enough room for me to set a glass and a bottle of whiskey on the island, I shoved everything off of it onto the floor. Breaking a whole bunch of crap and waking up the kids. 

She was pretty pissed for a couple of days, but the island has remained mostly clean. 

On 11/13/2019 at 1:38 PM, Modessit said:


 

 


Why do you think so many women slow down when approaching a green light?

Because they are checking Facebook.

1 hour ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Yup. The only time in our relationship I've truly been mad.

 

A couple of months after we moved into our house. And after multiple times of me explaining that I just dumped my life savings into the down payment, that the kitchen, living, and bathroom areas where guest would be would stay clean. I came home after about a 12 hour work day and there wasn't enough room for me to set a glass and a bottle of whiskey on the island, I shoved everything off of it onto the floor. Breaking a whole bunch of crap and waking up the kids. 

She was pretty pissed for a couple of days, but the island has remained mostly clean. 

But what about the rest of the kitchen..... and the living & bathroom areas?

3 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

But what about the rest of the kitchen..... and the living & bathroom areas?

Those have remained clean enough. No Martha Stewart or anything, but enough that I'm not embarrassed if someone comes over unexpectedly.

 

Her, last night:  you need to help clean up around the house more

Maybe this is just her subtle way of telling you that she’d rather be married to a man that can properly cook her some fucking bacon?
4 minutes ago, Texaus said:


Maybe this is just her subtle way of telling you that she’d rather be married to a man that can properly cook her some fucking bacon?

I prepare the bacon, and all cooked meats, in this household to the specifications requested by each person.  
 

thank you for your concern. 

Wife: hey a new season of man in the Hightower dropped. 
 

Me: great let’s watch an episode. 
 

30 seconds into the intro she realizes she didn’t watch season 3. 
 

me: fuck that I am watching s4e1. Let me know when you catch up. 

3 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

* High Castle 

blame the bourbon. 

Fuck me. How haven’t I had a dryer fire in the last twelve years. At least one inch on the clean out .

I just assumed the Hightower was what she thought it was called.  So disappoint.

On 11/15/2019 at 9:28 PM, Anastasis said:

Wife: hey a new season of man in the Hightower dropped. 

Happy Jason Mccourty GIF by New England Patriots

  • Popular Post
On 11/14/2019 at 9:37 AM, Pato del Muerto said:

Her, last night:  you need to help clean up around the house more

me, this morning: /folds scarf laying over chair back 

her:  that’s actually a decorative scarf that’s supposed to be there. 

Today

kid(with food and drink in hand):  will you move that scarf in the chair so I can sit and eat lunch?

me:  ok but that belongs on the chair as decoration. 
 

wife:  actually I was wearing that today and just put it on the chair when I came in. 
 

me:  goddamn it

1 hour ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Today

kid(with food and drink in hand):  will you move that scarf in the chair so I can sit and eat lunch?

me:  ok but that belongs on the chair as decoration. 
 

wife:  actually I was wearing that today and just put it on the chair when I came in. 
 

me:  goddamn it

Who (thinks somebody) would decorate with a scarf?

giphy.gif

 

1 minute ago, TrashMaster G said:

Who (thinks somebody) would decorate with a scarf?

giphy.gif

 

Did you read my quoted post?

Today
kid(with food and drink in hand):  will you move that scarf in the chair so I can sit and eat lunch?
me:  ok but that belongs on the chair as decoration. 
 
wife:  actually I was wearing that today and just put it on the chair when I came in. 
 
me:  goddamn it

I would drape my underwear over everything and declare it a decoration.

Women in my wife's orbit.

I get a call from my mother in law.

MIL- There is something wrong with my phone.

Me- Oh?

MIL- I can't pull up the internet.

Me knowing she's traveling-  Where are you?

MIL- XYZ

Me - That's in the middle of a national forest. There is no internet there and I'm actually surprised you were able to connect to a cell tower.

11 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I was going to make a joke about how fat your wife must be if women are orbiting her, but I decided not to.

Don't worry, you'll come around to it....

2 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I was going to make a joke about how fat your wife must be if women are orbiting her, but I decided not to.

That was big of you 

Jim_hightower_2008.jpg

My first thought was why are you posting a picture of roflbox.
On 11/18/2019 at 3:03 PM, wd40 said:

spacer.png

That's a great movie. Speaking of wives, mine hates it when I quote the "pretty fast for a "caucasian" line to my kids.

13 hours ago, ShaggyBevo RIP said:

Women in my wife's orbit.

I get a call from my mother in law.

MIL- There is something wrong with my phone.

Me- Oh?

MIL- I can't pull up the internet.

Me knowing she's traveling-  Where are you?

MIL- XYZ

Me - That's in the middle of a national forest. There is no internet there and I'm actually surprised you were able to connect to a cell tower.

But why did you answer the phone?

3 hours ago, HenryJames said:

But why did you answer the phone?

replace He'll with She'll.  obviously.

8 hours ago, HenryJames said:

But why did you answer the phone?

Because I assumed she was lost somewhere.

We have a full-on range hood.  And we just cook typical neutral stuff like Italian.  Yet she has this hyper odor sensitity that drives this obsession with needing to "change the air" every damn evening around dinner time. 

 

That means opening every window from the bedroom to the living room, for about atleast an hour.  Keep in mind its fucking freezing outside.  And hell, spaghetti carbonara doesnt smell too bad. 

 

I actually dont mind the windows being open, or it being cold.  What irks me is the dissonance of her occasional remarks of "dont shower too long it wastes the water/heat", and at the same time blasting BTUs out the window while our heater is going full blast.

14 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

hyper odor sensitity

Also known as being a woman

5 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Can she smell her own pussy?

Can't we all?

I was going to make a joke about how fat your wife must be if women are orbiting her, but I decided not to.
It's good that you appreciate the gravity of the situation his MiL found herself in.
15 hours ago, ShaggyBevo RIP said:

Because I assumed she was lost somewhere.

And?

On 11/20/2019 at 4:05 PM, 52-80 said:

We have a full-on range hood.  And we just cook typical neutral stuff like Italian.  Yet she has this hyper odor sensitity that drives this obsession with needing to "change the air" every damn evening around dinner time. 

 

That means opening every window from the bedroom to the living room, for about atleast an hour.  Keep in mind its fucking freezing outside.  And hell, spaghetti carbonara doesnt smell too bad. 

 

I actually dont mind the windows being open, or it being cold.  What irks me is the dissonance of her occasional remarks of "dont shower too long it wastes the water/heat", and at the same time blasting BTUs out the window while our heater is going full blast.

We need natgas prices to go up, tell she's allowed to do this twice/day, and encourage her friends to do the same.  

How to use coolant to fix an overheated engine:

 

On 11/20/2019 at 4:05 PM, 52-80 said:

We have a full-on range hood.  And we just cook typical neutral stuff like Italian.  Yet she has this hyper odor sensitity that drives this obsession with needing to "change the air" every damn evening around dinner time. 

 

Simple issues need simple solutions:

 

849392005275.jpg

 

10 hours ago, nnm said:

How to use coolant to fix an overheated engine:

 

Well, it isn't safe to open the radiator cap, so what was she supposed to do?? Tone.

C'mon. It clearly states on the container "add coolant to engine".

On 11/20/2019 at 4:05 PM, 52-80 said:

We have a full-on range hood.  And we just cook typical neutral stuff like Italian.  Yet she has this hyper odor sensitity that drives this obsession with needing to "change the air" every damn evening around dinner time. 

 

That means opening every window from the bedroom to the living room, for about atleast an hour.  Keep in mind its fucking freezing outside.  And hell, spaghetti carbonara doesnt smell too bad. 

 

I actually dont mind the windows being open, or it being cold.  What irks me is the dissonance of her occasional remarks of "dont shower too long it wastes the water/heat", and at the same time blasting BTUs out the window while our heater is going full blast.

Are you sure she's not ripping farts while she cooks and therefore wants the windows open?

My wife is at Target getting stuff for us to host thanksgiving. Told her to get the heavier duty (like chinet) paper plates. She calls:

Her : "Do you want the chinet think paper ones or the clear plastic ones"

Me "Which is cheaper?"

Her : "They're the same price (per package), but the plastic ones only have 16 plates, but the paper ones have 32 plates to a package."

I paused, then just told her to get whatever she liked.....

 

7 hours ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

Wife said to quit wasting water when I started running it for a shower.

We’re at a hotel.

lmao

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Configure browser push notifications

Chrome (Android)
  1. Tap the lock icon next to the address bar.
  2. Tap Permissions → Notifications.
  3. Adjust your preference.
Chrome (Desktop)
  1. Click the padlock icon in the address bar.
  2. Select Site settings.
  3. Find Notifications and adjust your preference.