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"I thought you went to the store to get the turkey?"
"Yes, I didn't want you to have to fight the crowd."
"Why is there no turkey in our freezer or refrigerator?"
"It's at work."
Narrator: the turkey is supposed to brine in buttermilk for 36 hours.

Reminds me of the time mine brought home a twin pack of butts because she wanted pulled pork.
For dinner
It was 4pm
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  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

  • BearCountry11
    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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23 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

I want one of those trucks.

They aren't easy to find.

If it was the indeed the 454 Chevy. I believe they were all in black with red accents.

I'm sorry, what did you say your stupid wife did?

This one was dark blue with blue cloth seats. Last year of the 4 headlight setup. One row bench seat and a sliding rear window. 

The guy my dad bought it from had added a roll bar and off road tires. 

It was pure 1980's small town Texas. 

I parked it in my dad's garage the day we drove off for college (no need for cars in Boston) and I literally never saw that truck again. 

With Black Friday/Cyber Monday deals, I told my wife we need to watch our spending this month a bit, as we had a ton of big vacations this year.  Her response was along the lines of, "if we can't afford X, then we are saving too much and should cut back there." 

Jackie Chan/torbush/facepalm.jpg

 

This time of year, I'm so thankful my wife doesn't really spend money. All the women in our family (Her mother, my mom, Knox's wife and sisters) all went black Friday shopping.  Mrs Jameslaw wanted to stay home and watch the UT/TT game

1 hour ago, Biff Tannen said:

With Black Friday/Cyber Monday deals, I told my wife we need to watch our spending this month a bit, as we had a ton of big vacations this year.  Her response was along the lines of, "if we can't afford X, then we are saving too much and should cut back there." 

Jackie Chan/torbush/facepalm.jpg

 

giphy.gif

1 hour ago, workswithseed said:

Is she saying that y'all are saving too much? Am I reading that right?

correct

If you are going on vacations all the time and still saving money then you can afford to indulge her Xmas nuttery. 

18 minutes ago, Biff Tannen said:

correct

Sorry, I just didn't think that could be her take. I am sorry to doubt her thinking.

19 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

If you are going on vacations all the time and still saving money then you can afford to indulge her Xmas nuttery. 

How did my wife take over Pato's account?

19 minutes ago, Biff Tannen said:

How did my wife take over Pato's account?

She “paid” for access

On 11/26/2019 at 8:50 AM, nnm said:

Mrs. NNM decided a pre-Thanksgiving cleaning of the oven was in order.  So she used the self-cleaning function, which basically just superheats the oven for 5 hours, incinerating anything in it.

Well, she forgot that she had a silicone oven liner on the bottom of the top oven.  Basically, a little shelf on the bottom to catch drips, crumbs, etc.  When you superheat a silicone oven liner, you incinerate it, and the particles get plastered all over the sides, top, bottom, and door of the oven, and get sucked into the convection and fan system.  Making the oven unusable forevermore.  And because it's a dual oven setup, both are now trash.

And these are not old ovens.  We built the house 3 years ago.  And upgraded the appliances.  

So now we're looking at about 5k to replace perfectly good, upgraded ovens.  A day before Thanksgiving.

homeowner's insurance claim?

12 minutes ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

I’d love to hear the purported cause of loss claimed on that one.

Wife.

It would be approved in a flash. 

9 minutes ago, cactusflinthead said:

"It's a purse for fuck's sake! You don't put things you want to find in there!"

C’mon. This can’t be true...but then again it can, can’t it. 

On 11/26/2019 at 11:22 AM, Jerry Callo said:

Holy shit.  Your wife cleans the oven?

You're missing the main point. His wife is incredibly hot, it's totally worth it, and he didn't post pics. 

Edited by Thetexashammer

39 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

C’mon. This can’t be true...but then again it can, can’t it. 

I swear it's verbatim. 

On 11/25/2019 at 11:35 PM, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

Down stairs is kinda like a halfway basement type thing because our house is on a hill leading down to the lake. We don't really go down there for much, so it was a centipede graveyard until recently. 3yo wanted a bubble bath and the upstairs only has a shower, so the bath mat had to come out along with all the dead bugs it was harboring. And yes the color is terrible. And the shower head is like chest height. Everything about the bathroom is bad. It wasn't exactly next on the list for remodeling,  but I guess it is now.

Bonding primer is your best friend right now. It will work on both the cabinet and shower enclosure/tub and make that shit look good for under $200 with some sweat equity and a few hours over a weekend. Need to space it out over 2-3 days for cure time between coats(2 prime coats and 2 paint coats).  Just did this on two 1970s dark wood kitchens and a bathroom with an avocado green shower stall. All three came out great. Bonding primer is what those 'miracle' bath remodel in a day companies use. You can even use it on formica countertops. Not sure if it will work with that 'cultured marble' counter but it will adhere to smooth tile so it should.

I recommend Insl-x -  http://www.insl-x.com/product-detail/inslx-products/stix-waterborne-bonding-primer  4-5 hours between coats

Then paint over it with Benjamin Moore's Advance in satin. https://www.benjaminmoore.com/en-us/interior-exterior-paints-stains/product-catalog/awiap/advance-interior-paint  16 hours between coats

Apply all coats with a smooth foam roller.

Edited by ShaggyBevo RIP

db8e3abc5d4732e4fdc7ae9789b0bf18.jpg53fe81e955e067e72125c5fd783cc1f2.jpgd9056d43312e20f1f7de5324fefed4df.jpg

 

These are the 3 spaces I just did this way in our mountain cottage. There is a walkout basement apartment which is why there are two kitchens. All of those cabinet were dark wood.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Edited by ShaggyBevo RIP

giphy.gif

 

You need to post the before pictures too.

Edited by Hate

19 minutes ago, Hate said:

giphy.gif

 

You need to post the before pictures too.

I didn't think to take any.

I’d love to hear the purported cause of loss claimed on that one.


Dumbassery

I wonder if the Bruins fan board has a shart thread so mustardman can mark one down.

On 12/3/2019 at 6:50 AM, ShaggyBevo RIP said:

Bonding primer is your best friend right now. It will work on both the cabinet and shower enclosure/tub and make that shit look good for under $200 with some sweat equity and a few hours over a weekend. Need to space it out over 2-3 days for cure time between coats(2 prime coats and 2 paint coats).  Just did this on two 1970s dark wood kitchens and a bathroom with an avocado green shower stall. All three came out great. Bonding primer is what those 'miracle' bath remodel in a day companies use. You can even use it on formica countertops. Not sure if it will work with that 'cultured marble' counter but it will adhere to smooth tile so it should.

I recommend Insl-x -  http://www.insl-x.com/product-detail/inslx-products/stix-waterborne-bonding-primer  4-5 hours between coats

Then paint over it with Benjamin Moore's Advance in satin. https://www.benjaminmoore.com/en-us/interior-exterior-paints-stains/product-catalog/awiap/advance-interior-paint  16 hours between coats

Apply all coats with a smooth foam roller.

Did you have to sand them first?

"I promise, I won't buy anymore Christmas decorations......"

Two days later-

5 new hand towels- "they were so cheap"

A 7ft LED tree for outsdie- "It will look so perfect on the corner of the house"

Full set of xmas plates and bowls- "I have been looking for ones like these forever"

3 wreaths- I couldn't decide on which one I wanted to put on the front door"

AND

27 other things I either don't know about or don't remember. 

 

 

15 hours ago, JimmyHoffa said:

"I promise, I won't buy anymore Christmas decorations......"

Two days later-

5 new hand towels- "they were so cheap"

A 7ft LED tree for outsdie- "It will look so perfect on the corner of the house"

Full set of xmas plates and bowls- "I have been looking for ones like these forever"

3 wreaths- I couldn't decide on which one I wanted to put on the front door"

AND

27 other things I either don't know about or don't remember. 

Christmas will be the death of me. We will have the following conversation 25 times before the holiday.

Her: Ugh! I have so much to do! I have to bake for the people at work, shop for (insert person I have never heard of before), something something for the church, I'll never get it all done!!

Me: But you volunteered for all that. 

 

5 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Christmas will be the death of me. We will have the following conversation 25 times before the holiday.

Her: Ugh! I have so much to do! I have to bake for the people at work, shop for (insert person I have never heard of before), something something for the church, I'll never get it all done!!

Me: But you volunteered for all that. 

 

 

  • Popular Post
22 hours ago, JimmyHoffa said:

"I promise, I won't buy anymore Christmas decorations......"

Two days later-

5 new hand towels- "they were so cheap"

A 7ft LED tree for outsdie- "It will look so perfect on the corner of the house"

Full set of xmas plates and bowls- "I have been looking for ones like these forever"

3 wreaths- I couldn't decide on which one I wanted to put on the front door"

AND

27 other things I either don't know about or don't remember. 

 

 

Only 3 wreaths? Fucking amateur.

1 hour ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Only 3 wreaths? Fucking amateur.

So sayeth the Godfather of Unwanted Tchotchkes.

Well the wife wants me to take her to the thrift store that only has Christmas stuff. Now we get to buy a bunch of other people Christmas junk. As she would say, "It was cheap and I thought it would like nice". I thought I had put a moratorium on bringing home decorator crap for the house. She is supposed to get rid of stuff before bringing more crap home. 

21 minutes ago, Stormandy said:

 I thought I had put a moratorium on bringing home decorator crap for the house. She is supposed to get rid of stuff before bringing more crap home. 

amin laughing GIF

Just found out we got another one "for the other side of the house"

"It was on sale at Costco"

(Not my actual house) 

imageService?profileId=12026540&id=13948

15 hours ago, Stormandy said:

Well the wife wants me to take her to the thrift store that only has Christmas stuff. Now we get to buy a bunch of other people Christmas junk. As she would say, "It was cheap and I thought it would like nice". I thought I had put a moratorium on bringing home decorator crap for the house. She is supposed to get rid of stuff before bringing more crap home. 

That doesn't work.  What does work?  For me, selectivity in getting Christmas decorations down from the attic.  Started with one of the boxes getting a red X, now there are probably 5.  

22 minutes ago, Jerry Callo said:

That doesn't work.  What does work?  For me, selectivity in getting Christmas decorations down from the attic.  Started with one of the boxes getting a red X, now there are probably 5.  

5? My wife laughs at your number.

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