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Lulz.  Wife hates flying.  She hates even thinking about it.  Even though every trip we take together she inherits the perks from my status premium cabin and yadda yadda yadda.

But for her, travel is a matter of necessity, so if she needs to do it, she picks the quickest option and the cheapest price.  Bing bang boom.

So she booked our family visit on a discount carrier.  Even though we get dinged for checking a damn bag, picking a damn seat, gotta pay for drinks on the concourse, whatever - the base fare is cheaper, right?

 

Anyway, we were just boarding this flight when we got pulled to the side for weight check.  Our carry-on is over, so we gotta pay inflated price for a penalty and worse - she has to check in her new bag.

 

She's fucking steamed.  She's been cursing under her breath for the last 10 minutes, swearing to write a review on Yelp and never taking this carrier again.  Thank God !!!!

 

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25 years in June. Based on the fact no one believes a colossal fuckup such as that should be parlayed into sexual favors(more deviant than usual), I’m starting to believe I’m the only married guy in here.

 

10 minutes ago, Texaus said:

25 years in June. Based on the fact no one believes a colossal fuckup such as that should be parlayed into sexual favors(more deviant than usual), I’m starting to believe I’m the only married guy in here.

 

Sex. What the hell is that? I’m starting to believe I’m the only married guy in here.

30 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

She's fucking steamed.  She's been cursing under her breath for the last 10 minutes, swearing to write a review on Yelp and never taking this carrier again.  Thank God !!!!

I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER PILOT!

  • Popular Post

10yo is going to 6th grade/junior high next year.

Wife makes comment that it's going to be a pain in the ass to go to lunch with the kids because 9yo will still be in elementary school.

I let her know she shouldn't be going to junior high with the kid in junior as people will make fun of him.

She argues and argues about kids aren't mean, they wouldn't do that, other mothers go there, etc. etc.

Fast forward to this week and she's talking to a neighbor who has a kid at the junior high. Asks about going to lunch to see her kid. Neighbor laughs at wife and says "I wouldn't ever go to eat with them, they'd be made fun of by all of the other kids forever if I did that"

Why the fuck do women believe a stranger over their husband? What really drives me nuts is when it's something I have more knowledge than the average person like setting up a website or fixing a computer.

Her: The homeless guy said my computer is probably running slow because I have a virus!

Me: No, it's because you have 100 tabs open in chrome and it's using all the memory on your laptop. get laptop, show task manager, show her she's using all the memory.

Her: That can't be it. Can you scan for viruses?

me: ok

I go reboot computer and hand it back

her: OMG it's so much faster, did you find a virus?

me: uh, yeah

Lulz.  Wife hates flying.  She hates even thinking about it.  Even though every trip we take together she inherits the perks from my status premium cabin and yadda yadda yadda.
But for her, travel is a matter of necessity, so if she needs to do it, she picks the quickest option and the cheapest price.  Bing bang boom.
So she booked our family visit on a discount carrier.  Even though we get dinged for checking a damn bag, picking a damn seat, gotta pay for drinks on the concourse, whatever - the base fare is cheaper, right?
 
Anyway, we were just boarding this flight when we got pulled to the side for weight check.  Our carry-on is over, so we gotta pay inflated price for a penalty and worse - she has to check in her new bag.
 
She's fucking steamed.  She's been cursing under her breath for the last 10 minutes, swearing to write a review on Yelp and never taking this carrier again.  Thank God !!!!
 

Yeah but is she hot? She sounds hot!
1 hour ago, Cheeseweasel said:

I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER PILOT!

One of the few times I've seen her public freakout.  She's usually too conscious to do it.  She sneared in her softest loud voice, "if you damage my bag, are YOU going to pay for it?!?!?"

 

I tried not to chortle.  But it actually worked since they let her carry it on ...after the $$ of course.

1 hour ago, General Specific said:


Yeah but is she hot? She sounds hot!

She was certainly boiling

This one was dark blue with blue cloth seats. Last year of the 4 headlight setup. One row bench seat and a sliding rear window. 

Say it again but slower........

12 hours ago, blacklab said:

 

Why the fuck do women believe a stranger over their husband? What really drives me nuts is when it's something I have more knowledge than the average person like setting up a website or fixing a computer.

Her: The homeless guy said my computer is probably running slow because I have a virus!

Me: No, it's because you have 100 tabs open in chrome and it's using all the memory on your laptop. get laptop, show task manager, show her she's using all the memory.

Her: That can't be it. Can you scan for viruses?

me: ok

I go reboot computer and hand it back

her: OMG it's so much faster, did you find a virus?

me: uh, yeah

There are millions of people just like your wife who justify my employment.

Thank you.

3 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

There are millions of people just like your wife who justify my employment.

Thank you.

You work for Geek Squad?

You work for Geek Squad?
He works the Returns desk at Kohls.
He works the Returns desk at Kohls.
The rare one-sentence double burn. Savage.
On 12/13/2019 at 12:35 PM, blacklab said:

Why the fuck do women believe a stranger over their husband?

you new around here?

Edited by mulletpelini
rookie





Unloaded the dishwasher (the appliance)


Best part of this post.

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Breaking down a box before putting it in the recycling bin is not difficult, right? I'm asking because the female in my house still has not grasped the concept that you can fit more boxes in the recycling bin if you break them down.

Edited by HornOnTheBayou

24 minutes ago, HornOnTheBayou said:

Breaking down a box before putting it in the recycling bin is not difficult, right? I'm asking because the female in my house still has not grasped the concept that you can fit more boxes in the recycling bin if you break them down.

You just triggered my PTSD.

5 minutes ago, G650 said:

You just triggered my PTSD.

Image result for i feel you brother gif

 

It's a year-round struggle, but it's really bad around the holidays. So many, many boxes.

30 minutes ago, HornOnTheBayou said:

Breaking down a box before putting it in the recycling bin is not difficult, right? I'm asking because the female in my house still has not grasped the concept that you can fit more boxes in the recycling bin if you break them down.

Be thankful your wife gets them to the recycling. The whole box gets tossed in our four season room for me to break down and take out. When it does go out you can bet it's not broken down though

A room in a hotel but that's not important right now. It's a fucking porch. If it's a room useable all year like a gift from cousin Eddie it would just be part of the house.

Think screened in porch but glass instead of screen. For colder climates obviously. 

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Just got back a week ago from Disney World.  One day at one of the parks in the late morning my wife says to me, “the kids really want gyros. Can you get them for them?”

So I start scrolling through the Disney app trying to find gyros. After about 5 minutes my wife asks, “whats the problem? Gyros are everywhere.”

I look at her like her hair is on fire not sure WTF she is talking about.

Turns out she meant churro and not gyro.

I did my very best to keep level headed, but fuck me.  I don’t drive my wife’s SUV often, but took the boy yesterday to get a tree as the wife and daughter were home sick.  First, the remote battery is dead.  No problem, use the key.  Turn on the car, and of course the engine service light comes on.  OK, she does know that means service is due NOW, right?  Start backing up, and I can hardly turn the wheel.  It takes all of my strength to back into the the street.  WHAT IN THE EVER-LOVING FUCK?  I call her and ask what in the hell she is thinking.  Her response, “It’s only that way when you go really slow.”  Oh really?  Yes, power steering is less critical at higher speeds.  What a revelation.  You do realize this is a MAJOR safety issue, right?  “I haven’t had time.”  Dafuq, man.

18 minutes ago, Sbbruin said:

I did my very best to keep level headed, but fuck me.  I don’t drive my wife’s SUV often, but took the boy yesterday to get a tree as the wife and daughter were home sick.  First, the remote battery is dead.  No problem, use the key.  Turn on the car, and of course the engine service light comes on.  OK, she does know that means service is due NOW, right?  Start backing up, and I can hardly turn the wheel.  It takes all of my strength to back into the the street.  WHAT IN THE EVER-LOVING FUCK?  I call her and ask what in the hell she is thinking.  Her response, “It’s only that way when you go really slow.”  Oh really?  Yes, power steering is less critical at higher speeds.  What a revelation.  You do realize this is a MAJOR safety issue, right?  “I haven’t had time.”  Dafuq, man.

she hasnt had time because shes had to meet with her besties the last 3 days lunches, and its Christmas buying season, what kind of fucking cretin gets their car repaired the 2nd to last weekend before CHRISTMAS?????

Shes got shit to do man.  shes busy

27 minutes ago, AUS-97HORN said:

she hasnt had time because shes had to meet with her besties the last 3 days lunches, and its Christmas buying season, what kind of fucking cretin gets their car repaired the 2nd to last weekend before CHRISTMAS?????

Shes got shit to do man.  shes busy

Car maintenance has always been optional for her.  I usually ride herd on it a little closer, but I made the mistake of thinking she was responsible.  Silly me.

You gotta drive that shit on the reg just to see

2 hours ago, AUS-97HORN said:

she hasnt had time because shes had to meet with her besties the last 3 days lunches, and its Christmas buying season, what kind of fucking cretin gets their car repaired the 2nd to last weekend before CHRISTMAS?????

Shes got shit to do man.  shes busy

and stressed.

57 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

and stressed.

My fucking her is supposed to take care of that.  Doesn’t seem to be working.

my son says the steering has been like that for awhile.  Jesus Christ.

Meanwhile,  on the Stupid Shit Husbands Say thread on Pintrest...Mrs. Sbbruin says " my SUV is a little hard to steer but I'm like NBD...he tries to drive it and is all in my face crying about 'safety'....I think I'll buy him a gym membership...time to man up Nancy"

Edited by Dennis Taylor

5 hours ago, tbone_ said:

You gotta drive that shit on the reg just to see

Or never.

Jiffylube don't fucking advertise on fucking Pintrest SBB, get your shit together man

7 hours ago, AUS-97HORN said:

she hasnt had time because shes had to meet with her besties the last 3 days lunches, and its Christmas buying season, what kind of fucking cretin gets their car repaired the 2nd to last weekend before CHRISTMAS?????

Shes got shit to do man.  shes busy

She volunteered for six different committees at the kid's school and she has to bake cookies for 3 classroom parties. Why don't you help out with some of these things she volunteered for, you ungrateful a-hole?

11 hours ago, HornOnTheBayou said:

Breaking down a box before putting it in the recycling bin is not difficult, right? I'm asking because the female in my house still has not grasped the concept that you can fit more boxes in the recycling bin if you break them down.

Are we Eskimo brothers?

We have a space for paper recycling. Usually a Trader Joe’s bag we’ll stuff and then just toss the whole thing in the recycling bin.

She refuses to put any paper/paper towel roll/la croix box on it in any kind of systematic order. Instead of putting items in vertically so you can fit a metric ton in it she lets each item float like a snowflake to the bag so it’s full after 15 or whatever items.

I get mad typing this. 

3 minutes ago, The Ace of Aces said:

Are we Eskimo brothers?

We have a space for paper recycling. Usually a Trader Joe’s bag we’ll stuff and then just toss the whole thing in the recycling bin.

She refuses to put any paper/paper towel roll/la croix box on it in any kind of systematic order. Instead of putting items in vertically so you can fit a metric ton in it she lets each item float like a snowflake to the bag so it’s full after 15 or whatever items.

I get mad typing this. 

Image result for preach gif

Sell also "How to put dishes in the dishwasher". Those of you with daughters need to teach them how to play Tetris and maybe the idea of spatial awareness will somehow seep into their brain. Their future husband will thank you.

If I could just get the heavy shit placed in the back so the fucking rails don't get bent on the pull out top drawer, I'd consider that a victory.

I know this gets said every so often, but goddamn, some of y'all married some stupid fucking bitches. 

And don't give us that, "Oh, she's got a degree in Astrophysics and won the Nobel in Economics, this is just a quirk." bullshit.  Being EDUCATED is way different than being SMART. 

And for the record, yes, I married one too.  I'm free of my chains now, but I fucked up by putting a ring on it too.

2 hours ago, Buffsoldier said:

I know this gets said every so often, but goddamn, some of y'all married some stupid fucking bitches. 

And don't give us that, "Oh, she's got a degree in Astrophysics and won the Nobel in Economics, this is just a quirk." bullshit.  Being EDUCATED is way different than being SMART. 

And for the record, yes, I married one too.  I'm free of my chains now, but I fucked up by putting a ring on it too.

Why don't you rub it in some more

4 hours ago, Buffsoldier said:

I know this gets said every so often, but goddamn, some of y'all married some stupid fucking bitches. 

And don't give us that, "Oh, she's got a degree in Astrophysics and won the Nobel in Economics, this is just a quirk." bullshit.  Being EDUCATED is way different than being SMART. 

And for the record, yes, I married one too.  I'm free of my chains now, but I fucked up by putting a ring on it too.

spacer.png

16 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Why didn’t he tell you? Are you sure he’s not your daughter?

op incest GIF

13 hours ago, HornOnTheBayou said:

 

Sell also "How to put dishes in the dishwasher". Those of you with daughters need to teach them how to play Tetris and maybe the idea of spatial awareness will somehow seep into their brain. Their future husband will thank you.

I really don’t understand this dishwasher talk. Unless your wife is South Austin’s mom, why are you putting dishes IN the dishwasher?  Didn’t your dishwasher wear white at your wedding?  End of story. 

39 minutes ago, Grade of D as in David said:

I bet she looked lovely walking down the aisle to Warrant's Cherry Pie though.

Definite not as classy as their first dance, which was to NIN Closer. 

Edited by Pato del Muerto

16 hours ago, HornOnTheBayou said:

 Those of you with daughters need to teach them how to play Tetris and maybe the idea of spatial awareness will somehow seep into their brain. Their future husband will thank you.

Why would I want to help the guy who's trying to fuck my daughter? He can deal with the bullshit just like the rest of us do/did.

18 hours ago, The Ace of Aces said:

Are we Eskimo brothers?

We have a space for paper recycling. Usually a Trader Joe’s bag we’ll stuff and then just toss the whole thing in the recycling bin.

She refuses to put any paper/paper towel roll/la croix box on it in any kind of systematic order. Instead of putting items in vertically so you can fit a metric ton in it she lets each item float like a snowflake to the bag so it’s full after 15 or whatever items.

I get mad typing this. 

I think we have a tribe of Eskimos, here.  The unbroken down 2'x3' Amazon box in the recycling can is a miracle.  She'll fill one large bin with like 2-3 boxes.  

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