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10 minutes ago, luke duke said:

 


I thought that was herpes.

 

no, herpes is the gift you keep forever, like luggage

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  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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On 11/7/2019 at 7:58 PM, mulletpelini said:

 

 

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At least you guys are giving South Austins mom a break

15 hours ago, Pig Bellmont said:

Mitch’s wife is a treasure 

 

12 hours ago, luke duke said:

 


I thought that was herpes.

 

Why not both?

15 hours ago, Sbbruin said:

She's the gift that keeps on giving.

That it is, Edward. That it is, indeed.

9e2e5bb161ab7ca0852f0e33842ddaf59cb6c6d9

On 12/16/2019 at 7:50 PM, ISUCyclones said:

The other end of this is when they are all arranged touching and leaning on each other and clang around and get all chipped up. 

My ex used to put the nice wine glasses against things like ceramic baking dishes.... They didn't last long

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“I swear these cookies are taking forever to cook!”

”that’s because you preheated the bottom oven, and put the cookies in the top oven...”

“I swear these cookies are taking forever to cook!”
”that’s because you preheated the bottom oven, and put the cookies in the top oven...”


First world problems.

Way back when my wife and started dating she had come over to cook me dinner. Well she went to pre heat the oven and I asked which way she turned the knob. She said whichever way you’re supposed to. Well I told her if you turn it that way then it actually becomes an ice maker.

She went back turned it off then back on the opposite direction.
On 12/18/2019 at 10:48 PM, Not that Bob said:

What ever needs to be done in the kitchen, she uses the semi nice paring knife. Cut fruit, paring knife. Fine. Cut slice of bread, paring knife...uh...not so fine. Spread butter on the bread, paring knife. Urgh! I finally asked why she uses a knife that has to be hand washed and sharpened rather than using the appropriate utensil. Answer...tone. 

Opening a billion boxes from amazon, pairing knife.  Yet, the box cutter goes unused in the utility drawer.

On 12/18/2019 at 10:48 PM, Not that Bob said:

What ever needs to be done in the kitchen, she uses the semi nice paring knife. Cut fruit, paring knife. Fine. Cut slice of bread, paring knife...uh...not so fine. Spread butter on the bread, paring knife. Urgh! I finally asked why she uses a knife that has to be hand washed and sharpened rather than using the appropriate utensil. Answer...tone. 

Opening a billion boxes from amazon, pairing knife.  Yet, the box cutter goes unused in the utility drawer.

1 hour ago, Fudbelty said:

 


First world problems.

Way back when my wife and started dating she had come over to cook me dinner. Well she went to pre heat the oven and I asked which way she turned the knob. She said whichever way you’re supposed to. Well I told her if you turn it that way then it actually becomes an ice maker.

She went back turned it off then back on the opposite direction.

 

Wait, what?

so 2 billion boxes with one pairing knife.  Sounds like a pretty good fucking knife.

35 minutes ago, mulletpelini said:

so 2 billion boxes with one pairing knife.  Sounds like a pretty good fucking knife.

Well, it was 

2 hours ago, Enchubben said:

Opening a billion boxes from amazon, pairing knife.  Yet, the box cutter goes unused in the utility drawer.

 

2 hours ago, Enchubben said:

Opening a billion boxes from amazon, pairing knife.  Yet, the box cutter goes unused in the utility drawer.

Pair of posts, pairing knife. Makes sense. 

Wait, what?



I joked/lied to her and she bought it? Stupid shit future wives do?

Wife, every year: "No, I don't EVER want to go visit your family for Thanksgiving - it's the heaviest time of the year for travel... literally EVERYONE is on the road!".

Me: "Well, if that was true then when "they" got to wherever they were going, nobody would be there because that person was ALSO traveling to visit someone else."
Her: ...tone...

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

6 hours ago, Enchubben said:

Opening a billion boxes from amazon, pairing knife.  Yet, the box cutter goes unused in the utility drawer.

9/11 changed everything.

5 hours ago, HenryJames said:

9/11 changed everything.

Box Cutter Lives Matter

12 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Wife, every year: "No, I don't EVER want to go visit your family for Thanksgiving - it's the heaviest time of the year for travel... literally EVERYONE is on the road!".

Me: "Well, if that was true then when "they" got to wherever they were going, nobody would be there because that person was ALSO traveling to visit someone else."
Her: giphy.gif

 

fify

My house is setback about 200 yards off of a low traveled paved county road.  The only access is our private gravel road that t-bones the county road with nothing but pasture on all sides.  Today I chuckled when she drove up our road.  Stopped before turning.  Turned on her right blinker and turned.  I guess she didn’t want to confuse me in case I was behind her on my riding lawn mower.

On 12/20/2019 at 10:47 PM, Enchubben said:

Opening a billion boxes from amazon, pairing knife.  Yet, the box cutter goes unused in the utility drawer.

I now own half a dozen of my favorite paring knives.

A tree outside. That’s a new angle.

I did that once. Wife wanted a live tree. Brought home something that made everyone sick with allergies so i booted the fucker outside.
On 12/21/2019 at 10:46 PM, ruitxn said:

My house is setback about 200 yards off of a low traveled paved county road.  The only access is our private gravel road that t-bones the county road with nothing but pasture on all sides.  Today I chuckled when she drove up our road.  Stopped before turning.  Turned on her right blinker and turned.  I guess she didn’t want to confuse me in case I was behind her on my riding lawn mower.

Nice humble brag about your wife knowing where the blinker is.

Not sure you want to discourage turn signal usage

On 12/16/2019 at 7:17 PM, Sbbruin said:

And we just bought a $1,200 dishwasher so I'm sure it can handle it a little more density.

Worst humblebrag ever?

On 11/13/2019 at 1:04 PM, Beau Vine said:

Wife noticed this morning that we have forgotten to run the dishwasher two nights in a row.

Me: "Fine, just start it now."

Her: "But we're about to go to work."

Me: "So, the dishwasher doesn't need us here to run."
 

Her: "But what if it leaks?"

Me: "We've run this dishwasher 100 times and it has never leaked.  Why would you assume it's going to leak now?"

Her: "You of all people who is an expert in probability should realize that the past doesn't predict the future!" (Yes, I swear she said that.)

Me: "Why the hell do you do this kind of shit where you conjure up horrible outcomes and use them to base your decision on?" (I actually know the answer to that -- it's because her mother does the exact same thing.)

Her: "Are you telling me that there's no chance the dishwater is going to leak?"

Me: "Well, there's also a chance this refrigerator is going to explode, so I guess we should unplug it every time we leave the house?"

Her: "Now you're just being ridiculous."

 

Just now catching up on this thread. My wife also will never run the dishwasher unless somebody is home and awake. I can’t even get her to run it after dinner some nights because “it won’t be finished by the time we go to bed”.

I'm actually ok with that, clotheswasher too.  If something goes shitty, I'd rather someone be there to respond to it then let it go unattended for hours before someone finds it.  Some days we're not at home for the majority of the time.

 

just found rotator/glass plate in microwave completely discombobulated and timer at :02 however

Edited by mulletpelini

Holiday cooking and fractions....

"How much is two 3/4 sticks of butter?"

3 hours ago, Liteitup said:

Holiday cooking and fractions....

"How much is two 3/4 sticks of butter?"

An imaginary number.

3 hours ago, Liteitup said:

Holiday cooking and fractions....

"How much is two 3/4 sticks of butter?"

Tell her it’s 6/8 please. 

3 hours ago, Liteitup said:

Holiday cooking and fractions....

"How much is two 3/4 sticks of butter?"

She must be gorgeous. 

Tell her it’s 6/8 please. 


giphy.gif
4 hours ago, Liteitup said:

Holiday cooking and fractions....

"How much is two 3/4 sticks of butter?"

Well if it's that Kerrygold butter from Ireland that my wife likes so much, they're on the metric system so it's 3/4ths the stick times 1.61 conversion to metric, so about 1.21 sticks.  

 

Just now catching up on this thread. My wife also will never run the dishwasher unless somebody is home and awake. I can’t even get her to run it after dinner some nights because “it won’t be finished by the time we go to bed”.
Do you eat at 10p and go to bed at 1030p? Or does your dishwasher take 3 hours to complete the cycle?
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My dishwasher's cycle is about 28 days.

4 hours ago, Modessit said:
18 hours ago, Larry T. Spider said:
Just now catching up on this thread. My wife also will never run the dishwasher unless somebody is home and awake. I can’t even get her to run it after dinner some nights because “it won’t be finished by the time we go to bed”.

Do you eat at 10p and go to bed at 1030p? Or does your dishwasher take 3 hours to complete the cycle?

She runs it on some crazy long cycle that takes forever. Well over an hour. I have to be up at 5:30 for work so I go to bed early. 

This thread  fucks.

Free marriage therapy

 

7 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

Just tell her about the size of my cock, she'll remember.

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While we were at the zoo today the wife received a text about a toy she ordered for our daughter finally came in, and is ready to pick up.   After we got home, I went to clean kitchen and prepare food and I suggested she go out to get the item; I’ll handle the kids,  she declines.  It is now 11 pm and she is out searching for kid toys due to the imbalance.  

 

 

On 12/24/2019 at 7:53 AM, Liteitup said:

Holiday cooking and fractions....

"How much is two 3/4 sticks of butter?"

Do you now have 2  - 1/4 open sticks of butter in the fridge?

Do you now have 2  - 1/4 open sticks of butter in the fridge?

Is that a rhetorical question?

Wife stone cold asked me how much twice a 1/3 cup was yesterday. To her credit, she did laugh after I told her.

Edited by G650

On 12/18/2019 at 10:07 PM, mulletpelini said:

these mfers stole her fucking idea!  She would have gotten away with it if it hadn't been for those meddling kids!

https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2019/12/18/fsu-grad-sister-combat-date-rape-custom-scrunchie-nightcap/2687686001/

 

Just caught this.

I copied the article and put it in an email to her, but just before I hit send I started shaking and sweating.   There is no fucking way in hell I'm sending that to her.  It will somehow be my fault, I just know it.  I will be called the Killer of Dreams, among other things.

Believe it or not she's still working on the fucking prototype with some firm in the Bay Area.  Let them tell her about it.

1 hour ago, Mach 1 said:

Just caught this.

I copied the article and put it in an email to her, but just before I hit send I started shaking and sweating.   There is no fucking way in hell I'm sending that to her.  It will somehow be my fault, I just know it.  I will be called the Killer of Dreams, among other things.

Believe it or not she's still working on the fucking prototype with some firm in the Bay Area.  Let them tell her about it.

So send it to them under the guise of “hey make sure you work around any patents from this”

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