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20 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

They do this so they can tell themselves that they didn't finish the ice cream.

They are also convinced that 2 spoonfuls is their actual serving size. 

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21 hours ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

I’m about to by the wife a new car and this is my fear.
She’s dinged and scratched the crap out of her current ride.

same boat.  but we gotta do something soon, so when we hand down my car to the oldest, we don't end up with two car payments.

but my wife should join NASCAR.  can only execute left turns, apparently.  when she took out the stop sign at 183 and Barrington, I said, "yeah that signs in a weird spot.  gets run over a few times a year."

when she tried to take out a big bright yellow steel and concrete post in the UPS customer counter parking lot, I said, "maybe we should just weld a 1/4" steel skid plate on the passenger side."  she said [tone].

changed jobs.  now she parks in a big parking garage everyday.   now she has a big white scuff on the right front corner.  I said nothing.

Lucas Glover does sound like kind of a pussy.

Edited by skipperj

On 5/13/2018 at 2:41 PM, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I threw my used-up deodorant container in the bathroom trash.   A couple hours later I see my wife carrying it downstairs and I’m like WTF?  She’s trying to recycle it.   I made her put on her reading glasses and look at the bottom of it.  Not recyclable. For a reason. 

Mine wastes about 35 gallons of water to be able to wash and clean food containers so that they can be recycled. Then proceeds to leave the lights on and a/c set to 70 after she leaves for work. 

7 minutes ago, Equinox said:

My wife joined a line dancing group.

This year? LMFAO

Krista Glover must have gone to the same upbringing class my ex-wife did.  PTSD from the flashbacks that just created for me.  Thanks Obama.

Had to look it up. Dude has 20 million in career earnings and she's acting cunty.

Sent from my SM-G930P using Tapatalk

17 hours ago, 936horn said:

Nice one, but I see you and raise you this -

Wife is in her brand new SUV (I mean it's like 2 months old when this happens). I had pulled in from work and my car was sitting (running) in the driveway - lined up DIRECTLY in line with where I pull into the garage. I got out to roll a trashcan in as she is pulling out for a nail appointment or some shit and she manages to back her NEW car into our OTHER car. Put a nice scratch on her car and a nice dent and scratch in mine. Gotta love family car on family car accidents.

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It's a four-ton truck. It's not like it's a packet of fucking peanuts. It was at a funny angle. It's behind you, Tyrone. Whenever you reverse, things come from behind you.

19 hours ago, 686 said:

I always go lightly used 2-3 years old cars for the wife, because since she's going to scratch/ding it constantly and thrash the interior, I might as well start off by letting someone else take about $10K of depreciation.

Same. My wife beats the shit out of her cars, and treats the interior like her own personal dumpster.

She has a bunch of Rubbermaid totes full of craft supplies taking up her half of the attached garage. One day she decides she's going to "clean out" the garage. She proceeds to move all the totes out of the garage into driveway and starts stacking them on the hood of her car. She sweeps the garage out, then proceeds to put all the totes back in the exact same place, (doesn't organize/ condense/ throw away anything). In moving the totes back into the garage, she manages to drag (instead of lift) the ones she stacked on the car - scratching the shit out of the paint in the process.

Most recently, she managed to knock off the chrome trim piece from the bottom of the passenger door. She claims to have picked it up and put it in the hatch, but now its missing. Replacement piece from Nissan is $200. (eyeroll)

2 hours ago, Brewin’1up said:

Same. My wife beats the shit out of her cars, and treats the interior like her own personal dumpster.

She has a bunch of Rubbermaid totes full of craft supplies taking up her half of the attached garage. One day she decides she's going to "clean out" the garage. She proceeds to move all the totes out of the garage into driveway and starts stacking them on the hood of her car. She sweeps the garage out, then proceeds to put all the totes back in the exact same place, (doesn't organize/ condense/ throw away anything). In moving the totes back into the garage, she manages to drag (instead of lift) the ones she stacked on the car - scratching the shit out of the paint in the process.

Most recently, she managed to knock off the chrome trim piece from the bottom of the passenger door. She claims to have picked it up and put it in the hatch, but now its missing. Replacement piece from Nissan is $200. (eyeroll)

Years ago, after I observed some fresh scratches on her car bumper, the right side of my brain thought "Where is she parking where other people are constantly bumping her car?" Then the left side of my brain responded with this:

 

lol_idi_amin.gif

Krista Glover must have gone to the same upbringing class my ex-wife did.  PTSD from the flashbacks that just created for me.  Thanks Obama.
Oh hai. My ex too. Nothing was ever good enough. Hate soul suckers like that.

I finally got over the PTSD from her maniacal rants.

Undefeated? Hell, I missed the cut.
1 hour ago, BearSchlong said:

Oh hai. My ex too. Nothing was ever good enough. Hate soul suckers like that.

I finally got over the PTSD from her maniacal rants.

Undefeated? Hell, I missed the cut.

Maybe if you had been a millionaire pro golfer, you could have had a better wife.  Err...wait.

5 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

Oh hai. My ex too. Nothing was ever good enough. Hate soul suckers like that.

I finally got over the PTSD from her maniacal rants.

Undefeated? Hell, I missed the cut.

Mine too. It fucking sucked. 

On 5/15/2018 at 10:37 PM, Equinox said:

My wife joined a line dancing group.

Line dancing?  That’s a hell of a cover excuse.

1 hour ago, Newdoc said:

Line dancing?  That’s a hell of a cover excuse.

Oh no, it's a real thing. I've witnessed it.

My kids pre-K teacher is going to Australia to be with her daughter when she has her baby in August. She is going to be gone from August to October.
Tonight, my wife said: It’s like she’ll be in a whole different country for three months.
Me: No shit, a whole different continent even.

2 hours ago, EE2B said:

My kids pre-K teacher is going to Australia to be with her daughter when she has her baby in August. She is going to be gone from August to October.
Tonight, my wife said: It’s like she’ll be in a whole different country for three months.
Me: No shit, a whole different continent even.

Get the fuck out of here.

My wife woke up at 4:30 this morning to watch the royal wedding. I've never seen her wake up so early without me having to drag her out of bed. Not to leave for vacation or anything. But to watch the folks we fought two wars to kick out get married.

Mine recorded it and won't let me turn on the tv so I don't spoil it. That is some stupid shit...

2 minutes ago, Yarbr said:

Mine recorded it and won't let me turn on the tv so I don't spoil it. That is some stupid shit...

Surely you turned on the tv anyway, right?

No reason to, it's never going to rain again and the Astros don't come on until 230.

19 minutes ago, Yarbr said:

Mine recorded it and won't let me turn on the tv so I don't spoil it. That is some stupid shit...

What spoilers would there be?  Someone objects?

I'm hoping for a Janet Jackson style nip slip.

34 minutes ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

But to watch the folks we fought two wars to kick out get married.

In fairness, we then fought two wars to save their asses.

I've never understood American's fascination with British royalty. 

9 minutes ago, HouTex said:

I've never understood American's fascination with British royalty. 

I can explain it very simply....   Every girl wants to be a princess.  Royal weddings exude everything they want/wanted theirs to be.  

 

33 minutes ago, Macanudo said:

I can explain it very simply....   Every girl wants to be a princess.  Royal weddings exude everything they want/wanted theirs to be.  

 

Yep.  This shit ain’t that hard, people.

My wife made a hat for the occasion. I was informed it is called a fascinator.

2 hours ago, HouTex said:

I've never understood American's fascination with British royalty. 

It's fucking weird, especially when you realize that the vast majority of British people don't give near as much of a shit.

My wife made a hat for the occasion. I was informed it is called a fascinator.

Taparep. I woke up in a hotel room, fully expecting it to be 8:30 as I wanted to sleep late. Sealed off the drapes and everything to keep it dark as possible.

 

Nope. 6am. I drifted in and out of sleep for the next 2 hours, while my lady wept at how the American girl became a real princess.

 

David Muir isn't quite as stiff when he's not reading the evening news. And I had no idea fascinators existed.

 

So pull into a speedy stop for gas and a piss. Start the pump and then walk into the store to get rid of some coffee.

When I walk out she's overfilling the gas tank. Fuel spilling out onto the rear panel and tires. She is watching the pump display, oblivious.

You should let her know she’s not a real princess, just a princess by marriage.

On 5/15/2018 at 9:24 PM, gaspar said:

Mine wastes about 35 gallons of water to be able to wash and clean food containers so that they can be recycled. 

Wish I had a nickel for every time I had this conversation with my wife.  

We were discussing an incident that happened at my kid's school and my wife said that someone would have to "reap the percussions" of their actions. I couldn't even think of a response, I just drove on in silence.

37 minutes ago, Sandman said:

We were discussing an incident that happened at my kid's school and my wife said that someone would have to "reap the percussions" of their actions. I couldn't even think of a response, I just drove on in silence.

So...band issue?

17 hours ago, EE2B said:

My kids pre-K teacher...

Obligatory...pics of teacher?

3 hours ago, GSU&UT said:

It's fucking weird, especially when you realize that the vast majority of British people don't give near as much of a shit.

I think it it because the media covers it so much.  Trying to create the hype/demand.   

You should let her know she’s not a real princess, just a princess by marriage.

I believe she’s a Duchess. Like Fergie was when she married Prince Andrew. And Harry becomes a Duke.
My wife made a hat for the occasion. I was informed it is called a fascinator.
If you could get a pic of the hat for this thread, that would be great

She stuck a Styrofoam plate inside some tulle and tied it to a headband? Hopefully you got a pic of her wearing it.

There was a whole group of them with similar contraptions.

3 hours ago, Modessit said:

She stuck a Styrofoam plate inside some tulle and tied it to a headband? Hopefully you got a pic of her wearing it.

inside some what?

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