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Another favorite wife comment.  "Guess who I saw today?"

I used to say "I don't know" but a few years ago, I just start throwing out random. made up names or people we haven't seen in years.   

I think next time it happens, I'll yell, "Tom Hanks!"

 

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8 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

I think next time it happens, I'll yell, "Tom Hanks!"

Which one?

3 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Which one?

I plan to rotate through all of them.  Probably in the same order as they appear in this thread.  It's only fitting.  

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Actually rather proud of the wife for this gem:

 

Mrs. Ponderer to Home Depot clerk:  "I need to get a hand saw."

Home Depot clerk:  "What are you going to use it on?"

Mrs. Ponderer:  "Hands."

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20 minutes ago, PilotsError said:

JFC people.  We get it.

R1vvN0.gif
 

you pretty much asked for that

On 1/8/2020 at 2:37 PM, Sandman said:

Mine likes to recap her conversations but she tells me every single thing that was said:

"I told her what I heard and she was like 'OMG' and I said 'yep' and she said 'I can't believe it' and I said 'I know' and she said 'that's crazy!' and I'm like "totally!'. Then she had to go so I said bye and she said bye."

 

That's a wonderful story, Bodie.  I noticed you stopped stuttering.

1 hour ago, Walden Ponderer said:

Actually rather proud of the wife for this gem:

 

Mrs. Ponderer to Home Depot clerk:  "I need to get a hand saw."

Home Depot clerk:  "What are you going to use it on?"

Mrs. Ponderer:  "Hands."

I would sleep with one eye open if I were you . . .

32 minutes ago, nnm said:

I would sleep with one eye open if I were you . . .

Gripping his pillow tight?

On 1/8/2020 at 3:07 PM, AM Wood said:

welp, that's fucking annoying. mine tells a story and only says the highlights that she thinks are important. more than half the important information she figures you already know because it's in her mind.  most of the time i have no idea what the fuck she's talking about, but i nod yes and raise eyebrows and stuff so i don't have to hear about it anymore.

Or maybe she's yada yadaing you.

I met this lawyer.  We went out to dinner.  I had the lobster bisque.  We went back to my place.  Yada, yada, yada, I never heard from him again.

Watching the jack ryan series on amazon prime with my wife is among the most frustrating things I can imagine. 

21 minutes ago, Anastasis said:

Watching the jack ryan series on amazon prime with my wife is among the most frustrating things I can imagine. 

Pausing every two minutes to wait for her to stop yammering?

On 1/8/2020 at 3:07 PM, AM Wood said:

welp, that's fucking annoying. mine tells a story and only says the highlights that she thinks are important. more than half the important information she figures you already know because it's in her mind.  most of the time i have no idea what the fuck she's talking about, but i nod yes and raise eyebrows and stuff so i don't have to hear about it anymore.

My wife is always doing this as well. I've been out of town for 3 days and got home tonight. She works in a day care part time.

Driving home from the airport She told me "The kids at school can't play with the water anymore. None of the other teachers would do anything about it, but it's very dangerous. I had to go to Patty and explain what was going on and next time I passed by someone was in there fixing it."

I have no fucking idea what she is talking about.

I hope you didn't bother to ask for further explanation.  In a similar situation, mine would have replied with the back story of all the characters involved and how it is somewhat relevant to this story before actually getting to the point.

1 hour ago, blacklab said:

I did not. I just nodded my head and said you did the right thing.

Don’t do this if you’ve had more than 2 drinks. You’ll end up with new outdoor furniture that you have to put together and don’t understand why until a few weeks later when you hear her joking to her friends about how you let her order it after drinking four margaritas at the last happy hour...

5 hours ago, blacklab said:

My wife is always doing this as well. I've been out of town for 3 days and got home tonight. She works in a day care part time.

Driving home from the airport She told me "The kids at school can't play with the water anymore. None of the other teachers would do anything about it, but it's very dangerous. I had to go to Patty and explain what was going on and next time I passed by someone was in there fixing it."

I have no fucking idea what she is talking about.

Jebus Christ it’s exactly this. 

6 hours ago, NoRagrets said:

Don’t do this if you’ve had more than 2 drinks. You’ll end up with new outdoor furniture that you have to put together and don’t understand why until a few weeks later when you hear her joking to her friends about how you let her order it after drinking four margaritas at the last happy hour...

username does not check out

8 hours ago, blacklab said:

My wife is always doing this as well. I've been out of town for 3 days and got home tonight. She works in a day care part time.

Driving home from the airport She told me "The kids at school can't play with the water anymore. None of the other teachers would do anything about it, but it's very dangerous. I had to go to Patty and explain what was going on and next time I passed by someone was in there fixing it."

I have no fucking idea what she is talking about.

Count your blessings. I would've had to hear Patty's entire dating history and how she finally met a guy we all like. Not like her last boyfriend, who was a total asshole. You remember him, we met him at that party four years ago. Remember? You talked to him about Longhorn football.

8 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

Pausing every two minutes to wait for her to stop yammering?

Oh, look!  Look here! (Pushes iPad toward me).  There's a sale on fondue sets at Bed, Bath and Beyond. 

18 minutes ago, deadshank said:

Oh, look!  Look here! (Pushes iPad toward me).  There's a sale on fondue sets at Bed, Bath and Beyond. 

Wouldn't that be great for our Holiday Party next December???

25 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

Wouldn't that be great for our Holiday Party next December???

I bet Patty has a gorgeous fondue set her husband bought her. Asshole 

1 hour ago, Js1 said:

I bet Patty has a gorgeous fondue set her husband bought her. Asshole 

I bet Patty gives her husband blowjobs.

Prude.

23 minutes ago, workswithseed said:

I bet Patty gives her husband blowjobs.

Prude.

 spacer.png

3 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

Wouldn't that be great for our Holiday Party next December???

And then, at best, a second use. Ever. 

29 minutes ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:


Chocolate fondue is best fondue.

giphy.gif

 

giphy.gif

6 hours ago, deadshank said:

Oh, look!  Look here! (Pushes iPad toward me).  There's a sale on fondue sets at Bed, Bath and Beyond. 

We had a fondue set once.  We used it once.  I eventually threw it out and she hasn't asked about it since.  

16 minutes ago, Longhornfan1024 said:

We had a fondue set once.  We used it once.  I eventually threw it out and she hasn't asked about it since.  

we all did.

 

6 minutes ago, CycleTex87 said:

Didn't Tom Hanks eat fondue in that one movie with that girl?

amiyah scott train GIF

1 hour ago, LABEVO said:

Lots of this thread energy

 

host reminds me of Thomas J Henry.

 

btw there is a shitload more to this story.   turns out this was the THIRD question they had to ask.  neither of the 2 of them could answer the previous sudden death question.

 

the ditzy blond was also asked in the same sudden death round, but unaired....to “name something you might see in the sky on a clear night” and answered “helicopter.”

Helicopter.

Contacted about the viral popularity of the clip, her mother told a newspaper that she’s taking it in good humor. “At least I’m pretty,” she supposedly said. 

23 hours ago, blacklab said:

My wife is always doing this as well. I've been out of town for 3 days and got home tonight. She works in a day care part time.

Driving home from the airport She told me "The kids at school can't play with the water anymore. None of the other teachers would do anything about it, but it's very dangerous. I had to go to Patty and explain what was going on and next time I passed by someone was in there fixing it."

I have no fucking idea what she is talking about.

My wife does this.  In order to maintain what little sanity I have left, I ignore her (it's for the good of the country, really).  I believe she suspects this, and wants to know why I don't listen to her.  There is no way out.  There is no way to win.  I am but a simple man, trying to survive.  

My wife to me last week: “Why the fuck does our nanny have to explain every little small detail of every fucking thing she does with the kids and make a mountain out of a molehill of every little thing all day long as if every red spot is the onset of mumps and every runny nose is SARs. It’s so annoying.  

And why do you look like you are about to bust out laughing?”

Nice humblebrag...and pics of nanny?

6 minutes ago, Hate said:

Nice humblebrag...and pics of nanny?

She’s a solid 2.7.  Maybe a College Station 5.  so I don’t think y’all want that. I certainly failed there.  

1 hour ago, A-Tex Devil said:

She’s a solid 2.7.  Maybe a College Station 5.  so I don’t think y’all want that. I certainly failed there.  

Should have gone with an au pair instead.

2 hours ago, A-Tex Devil said:

She’s a solid 2.7.  Maybe a College Station 5.  so I don’t think y’all want that. I certainly failed there.  

Ok Arnie. Let us know how the second family works out for you. 

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