Jump to content
View in the app

A better way to browse. Learn more.

Surly Horns

A full-screen app on your home screen with push notifications, badges and more.

To install this app on iOS and iPadOS
  1. Tap the Share icon in Safari
  2. Scroll the menu and tap Add to Home Screen.
  3. Tap Add in the top-right corner.
To install this app on Android
  1. Tap the 3-dot menu (⋮) in the top-right corner of the browser.
  2. Tap Add to Home screen or Install app.
  3. Confirm by tapping Install.

Featured Replies

My kid just gets the shits for three days when she eats eggs (or gluten or dairy). We actually lucky her allergies are not more serious.

That is not how it works. It can trigger an auto immune reaction as well as a host of other unseen issues such as perforated gut.
  • Replies 23.8k
  • Views 2.2m
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Most Popular Posts

  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

  • BearCountry11
    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

Posted Images


That is not how it works. It can trigger an auto immune reaction as well as a host of other unseen issues such as perforated gut.

In her case it does. We tried her on gluten again about 8 months ago and she had diarrhea within an hour of eating. Wait a couple of days and she’s back to normal.
On 2/18/2020 at 6:46 PM, EE2B said:


In her case it does. We tried her on gluten again about 8 months ago and she had diarrhea within an hour of eating. Wait a couple of days and she’s back to normal.

Diarrhea is part of the more or less visible acute reactions, but there are likely chronic ones at work which cause longterm issues.  Many of those afflicted by Celiac disease have complaints about cognitive impairment they often refer to as "brain fog" (yes, I know Joe Vs. the Volcano).   

 

also, diarrhea is a dish best served cold.

  • Popular Post

Her: Rebeca's in the hospital.

Me: Oh no, what happened?

Her:  Her husband was in a bike accident.  He broke a rib and hurt his wrist.

Me: Is she OK?  Why is she there?

Her: [sigh, like 'I just told you'] Her husband is there!

Me: Well don't say someone is in the hospital if, nevermind.  ... I mean, you could've just said her husband was in, nevermind.

Her: Rebeca's in the hospital.
Me: Oh no, what happened?
Her:  Her husband was in a bike accident.  He broke a rib and hurt his wrist.
Me: Is she OK?  Why is she there?
Her: [sigh, like 'I just told you'] Her husband is there!
Me: Well don't say someone is in the hospital if, nevermind.  ... I mean, you could've just said her husband was in, nevermind.

Cyclist or motorcycle? Trying to figure out if I need to send t’s and p’s or not
  • Popular Post
1 hour ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:


Cyclist or motorcycle? Trying to figure out if I need to send t’s and p’s or not

I thought it would be insensitive to ask at a time like this.  I mean, Rebeca's in the hospital!

9 minutes ago, miguelito said:

I thought it would be insensitive to ask at a time like this.  I mean, Rebeca's in the hospital!

Maybe Rebeca works at the hospital. 

Never mind. Don't ask.

2 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:


Cyclist or motorcycle? Trying to figure out if I need to send t’s and p’s or not

Depends, did you hit a cyclist this morning, by chance? 

Just now, Js1 said:

Depends, did you hit a cyclist this morning, by chance? 

Are you a cop? You have to tell him if you're a cop.

was he lane splitting?

Edited by elfenix

45 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Are you a cop? You have to tell him if you're a cop.

"Her husband was in a bike accident."

"Oh.  Over on 14th?"

"Yeah...how did you know?"

"Fucker blew through a stop sign over on 12th, it was my duty to follow him for 2 blocks and then hit him" 

Edited by Js1

My wife, the professional organizer, was very proud of herself for finding the perfect spot to set up our rechargeable battery charging station. It's out in the tool shed, and I have to admit, it's very tidy, and easy to find.

Middle of a snowstorm, though, and she wants batteries for her flashlight to do something or other on the front porch, and she asks me where the batteries are. She knows damned well where they are, she was fishing to get me to go out back to the tool shed to get them for her.

8 hours ago, Nivek said:

Diarrhea is part of the more or less visible acute reactions, but there are likely chronic ones at work which cause longterm issues.  Many of those afflicted by Celiac disease have complaints about cognitive impairment they often refer to as "brain fog" (yes, I know Joe Vs. the Volcano).   

 

"Brain clouds."  The answer was "brain clouds".  No points for you.

To be fair, the wife and I have lately experienced some cold weather flights. This week however, we were boarding a connecting flight from Phoenix to Puerto Vallarta. It was at least 85 outside in Phoenix headed to warm beach.  As our plane backed out of our gate it paused, and I jokingly said we are deicing.   She said....Really. 

I don’t think we’ve hit 85 yet here, but still solid.

28 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

I don’t think we’ve hit 85 yet here, but still solid.

Tomorrow is the first 80.  Crud.

16 hours ago, Scheiss Meister said:

"Brain clouds."  The answer was "brain clouds".  No points for you.

Brain clouds was Joe vs. Volcano.  Brain fog is what celiac's use to describe themselves. 

On 2/20/2020 at 12:35 PM, Nivek said:

Diarrhea is part of the more or less visible acute reactions, but there are likely chronic ones at work which cause longterm issues.  Many of those afflicted by Celiac disease have complaints about cognitive impairment they often refer to as "brain fog" (yes, I know Joe Vs. the Volcano).   

 

Ooooh, look at the big brain on Nivek.

On 2/18/2020 at 3:53 PM, Spartan52 said:

Yeah yeah, in Australia we spell colour correctly and Hoods are people from a bad neighbourhood

Fuck off ya bogan cunt

  • Popular Post

Time for an offseason update on my wife's shenanigans:

She decided to stop drinking a few months ago, so the time previously spend drinking wine and watching Netflix is now spent brainstorming new business ideas.  I came home this weekend to a bunch of arts and crafts shit all over the dining table, with her unloading Michael's bags.

Me: What's up?

Wife:  You know how gold necklaces always get knotted up?

Me: No, but I'll take your word for it.

Wife:  Well it's really bad when you travel.  So I'm going to come up with some kind of carrying case that I can put my necklaces in when I travel, WITHOUT knotting up.

Me:  (wagging my finger, lying my ass off). Now THAT sounds like a winner.

Wife:  I know!  Speaking of jewelry I forgot to tell you about the diamond thing.

Me:  (deep breath) Diamond thing?

Wife:  Remember that Canadian couple we met in Cabo?  Well I've stayed in contact with the wife.  We'd like to go into business with one another but couldn't find the right opportunity.  Well, she found one.  We're going to try to reopen a dormant diamond mine on Eskimo land.

I shit you not. Reopen a dormant diamond mine on Eskimo land. 

Me:  Have you started drinking again? (leans in to smell breath)

Wife: Oh stop! She has good government connections for this kind of thing.  We'll just need to round up some investors.

Me:  I'd think so, to the tune of 10's of millions of dollars.

Wife: Nah, not that much, we're only going for a controlling interest at 51%

I walk away shaking my head.  This is becoming a runaway locomotive, so after a couple of hours of more head shaking I decide it's time to apply some brakes. I decide to tell her about that scrunchie into a cup cover thing that @mulletpellini posted a few weeks back.

I pull up the article on my phone and hand it to her, hold my breath.

Wife: (reads a bit) Shit! (sits down, keeps reading)  A scrunchie on a cup lid?!  Who the hell wants hair in their drink?  So dumb. Ours is completely different.

Me: (shoulder shrug) Just thought you'd like to know.

Wife:  Just goes to show you what a good idea it was.  Women have to protect themselves from getting roofied.  Animals out there.

 

So my attempt at placing brakes on this locomotive have been torched to shreds and lie smoldering on the side of the tracks.  Oh well, I've never met Eskimos before.  Sounds kind of cool.

 

 

We might have to rename this thread ponzi scheme involving diamonds at some point.

 

 

Companies shut down productive diamond mines all the time, right?

canadian diamond mines were a common delivery point on ice road truckers. 
 

your Cabo friends are not canadian. 

So you'll have even more Eskimo brothers!

3 hours ago, Mach 1 said:

Wife:  Just goes to show you what a good idea it was.  Women have to protect themselves from getting roofied.  Animals out there.

 

 

Why not floories, right? 'Cause when you take 'em, you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof. What about groundies? That's a good new name fo' 'em.

On 2/20/2020 at 9:44 PM, ruitxn said:

To be fair, the wife and I have lately experienced some cold weather flights. This week however, we were boarding a connecting flight from Phoenix to Puerto Vallarta. It was at least 85 outside in Phoenix headed to warm beach.  As our plane backed out of our gate it paused, and I jokingly said we are deicing.   She said....Really. 

Next time convince her the pilot just put it in 'R'

This might go in the trivial things thread, but:

“Do you have any room in your suitcase?”

Every. Single. Trip. I don’t think she would be able to travel alone.

Wife just gave me the same lecture in the same tone that she gave to the United airlines CSR about her issue. 
because apparently she can’t compartmentalize conversations. 

14 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Wife just gave me the same lecture in the same tone that she gave to the United airlines CSR about her issue. 
because apparently she can’t compartmentalize conversations. 

Do you speak with an Indian accent?  Maybe she got triggered. 

17 hours ago, Mach 1 said:

Oh well, I've never met Eskimos before.  Sounds kind of cold

 

 

FTFY

On 2/21/2020 at 8:27 PM, Mach 1 said:

Wife:  You know how gold necklaces always get knotted up?

Me: No, but I'll take your word for it.

Wife:  Well it's really bad when you travel.  So I'm going to come up with some kind of carrying case that I can put my necklaces in when I travel, WITHOUT knotting up.

Me:  (wagging my finger, lying my ass off). Now THAT sounds like a winner.

 

Grab the Saran Wrap, lay necklace on wrap, roll wrap around necklace, she doesn't profit.

Might practice it before demonstrating to her. 

Doesn't matter how many times grease splatters on exposed forearm and hands from the stove being on too high, it still stays on too high.

1 hour ago, ShaggyBevo RIP said:

Grab the Saran Wrap, lay necklace on wrap, roll wrap around necklace, she doesn't profit.

Might practice it before demonstrating to her. 

All you would need then is a vacation inventory jewelry app!

Regular ass plastic straws for necklace storage.

And please for the love of everything holy try to dig up the email strings between wife and Canadian as they brainstormed

11 hours ago, bluto said:

Regular ass plastic straws for necklace storage.

And please for the love of everything holy try to dig up the email strings between wife and Canadian as they brainstormed

Works for chains but not chunky necklaces with stones.

11 hours ago, bluto said:

Regular ass plastic straws for necklace storage.

And please for the love of everything holy try to dig up the email strings between wife and Canadian as they brainstormed

Secretly recorded footage

 

On 2/22/2020 at 8:08 PM, mulletpelini said:

Doesn't matter how many times grease splatters on exposed forearm and hands from the stove being on too high, it still stays on too high.

Couple years into being married I came home to wife cooking a meal with 3 burners on High and just going crazy trying to keep everything from burning up.  With the kitchen quickly filling up with smoke I turned on the exhaust fan and all 3 burners to low.

 She looked at me like I was fucking Gandalf.

  • Popular Post

spacer.png

2 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Well Ian McKellen did swing that way, so maybe not phrasing

He's dead?

1 hour ago, Cheeseweasel said:

He's dead?

That would be news to him. 

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

Configure browser push notifications

Chrome (Android)
  1. Tap the lock icon next to the address bar.
  2. Tap Permissions → Notifications.
  3. Adjust your preference.
Chrome (Desktop)
  1. Click the padlock icon in the address bar.
  2. Select Site settings.
  3. Find Notifications and adjust your preference.