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Featured Replies

On 4/1/2020 at 9:51 PM, Penelope said:

I’m including myself as a Karen. 2 are married. 

To each other?!

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You forgot "closing doors", "turning off light switches", etc.
... and yes, we're all married to her.
It's the turning off lights for me. Rage. Rage. Rage.

Luckily I have converted to almost (95%) to all LED but got DAMN than makes me mad. How hard is it?
I know this has been covered but I'm watching the rose bowl, wide is cleaning before the maid comes tomorrow. I just don't get it.
Why the fuck are y'all bringing in the maid during a shelter-at-home order? Good luck with the Rona.
7 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

I like the way the line runs up the back of the stockings 

I always liked those kind of high heels too

Brings me back. Now this is my favorite thread on the entire internet. Enjoy everything that wasn’t going to happen to you , young lads. 
 

 

13 hours ago, Scheiss Meister said:

Yeah, just like that.  A little more to the right, yeah.

Oh Scheiss... whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat's happening?

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My wife is the opposite on the lights. My office is the converted garage. I have to leave the light on in the kitchen/lr otherwise I have to walk through there in pitch black to where the light switch is. Every damn time she turns them all off 

1 hour ago, RamjetFDO said:

Oh Scheiss... whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat's happening?

spacer.png

Thank you for not putting Bert in there.  That would give me the willies.

38 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

My wife is the opposite on the lights. My office is the converted garage. I have to leave the light on in the kitchen/lr otherwise I have to walk through there in pitch black to where the light switch is. Every damn time she turns them all off 

You lucky bastard.

41 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

My wife is the opposite on the lights. My office is the converted garage. I have to leave the light on in the kitchen/lr otherwise I have to walk through there in pitch black to where the light switch is. Every damn time she turns them all off 

You not have your phone with you for a light source?

9 hours ago, Modessit said:
14 hours ago, DCA_HORN said:
I know this has been covered but I'm watching the rose bowl, wide is cleaning before the maid comes tomorrow. I just don't get it.

Why the fuck are y'all bringing in the maid during a shelter-at-home order? Good luck with the Rona.

Yeah.  We canceled ours coming...but are paying them anyway.  We will be generous about this as long as I don't get laid off. 

17 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

I like the way the line runs up the back of the stockings 

I always liked those kind of high heels too

And not black. Too contrived. Every woman thinks it must be black.

A very sheer nude stocking, or ivory.

Thank you.

2 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

My wife is the opposite on the lights. My office is the converted garage. I have to leave the light on in the kitchen/lr otherwise I have to walk through there in pitch black to where the light switch is. Every damn time she turns them all off 

Will Ferrell Reaction GIF

17 hours ago, Scheiss Meister said:

No, no, no, no, don't take 'em off.  Leave 'em on, leave 'em on.

Yeah, just like that.  A little more to the right, yeah.

Let’s just put the whole thing out there. 

 

1 hour ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Either black or white depending on skin tone.  Nothing else will do.

Quaker.  

3 hours ago, Lidig8r said:

And not black. Too contrived. Every woman thinks it must be black.

A very sheer nude stocking, or ivory.

Thank you.

I don't remember this part of the song at all.

1 hour ago, Beau Vine said:

I don't remember this part of the song at all.

DLR does it in his solo shows.

On 3/31/2020 at 11:56 AM, UT_OB1 said:

Well she admitted the reason she hasn’t been frisky at all the last 4 weeks is because she’s afraid it will increase the chances she (or possibly me, but mostly her because I still go to work half time) will get the corona virus. So odds are good one of us is ending up in that fucking bag before this is over. 

We were watching tv and she asked me to massage her feet. Told her no I didn’t want to possibly infect her with virus. Apparently that wasn’t appreciated and she left and went to bed. Looks like I’m not getting laid tonight...oh wait. 

21 hours ago, Modessit said:
On 4/2/2020 at 9:02 PM, DCA_HORN said:
I know this has been covered but I'm watching the rose bowl, wide is cleaning before the maid comes tomorrow. I just don't get it.

Why the fuck are y'all bringing in the maid during a shelter-at-home order? Good luck with the Rona.

House still needs cleaning doesn’t it? It’s not like my wife and 2 teenage kids could take care of it or anything.

8 minutes ago, Brew said:

House still needs cleaning doesn’t it? It’s not like my wife and 2 teenage kids could take care of it or anything.

giphy.gif

11 minutes ago, Brew said:

House still needs cleaning doesn’t it? It’s not like my wife and 2 teenage kids could take care of it or anything.

Plus you're keeping the economy moving!

On 4/1/2020 at 7:12 PM, Grade of D as in David said:

That gif will never not bring a smile to my face.

 

W was a shitty president, but damn he had good reaction time.

 

Always reminds me of this

 

On 4/1/2020 at 10:45 PM, Llogg said:

You can say vagina here. Or pussy.

 

On 4/1/2020 at 11:38 PM, NeverMarryAStripper said:


Or even cunt

 

On 4/1/2020 at 11:41 PM, Pato del Muerto said:

Ham wallet or cock holster. There’s really no reason to be so repetitive.  Many choices. 

 

On 4/1/2020 at 11:43 PM, rage-a-holic said:

Axe. Wound.

 

On 4/2/2020 at 1:58 AM, mulletpelini said:

meat sleeve

 

All good suggestions.  I also like hate ditch.  

1 hour ago, Francisco 2.0 said:

 

All good suggestions.  I also like hate ditch.  

Cock pocket

Boner garage

Love glove

Twat

Slit

Snatch

Beaver

Clunge

Meat taco

Catcher's Mitt

Hot dog warmer

Quim

 

Edited by TrashMaster G

6 hours ago, markstanco said:

OMG what is happening to me

331225ff865280d6ecc92cea319d0a9c.jpg

You still have a vehicle with a carburetor?

You still have a vehicle with a carburetor?
A bunch of them. Four wheeler, lawn mower, weed eater, edger, and a blower.
She turned you into a stepford husband?
Na, funny joke from a few weeks back concerning laundry detergent. I was cleaning out the garage today and this made me chuckle.
1 hour ago, markstanco said:
6 hours ago, Grade of D as in David said:
She turned you into a stepford husband?

Na, funny joke from a few weeks back concerning laundry detergent. I was cleaning out the garage today and this made me chuckle.

I remember, I was trying to suggest that she somehow flipped it on you and now you're hoarding stuff. (Swing and a miss on that joke)

 

I loved that she filled in the new empty space with additional detergent almost immediately.

On 4/3/2020 at 12:58 PM, nnm said:

Let’s just put the whole thing out there. 

 

I want some too!

Cock pocket
Boner garage
Love glove
Twat
Slit
Snatch
Beaver
Clunge
Meat taco
Catcher's Mitt
Hot dog warmer
Quim
 

Cockpit
A bunch of them. Four wheeler, lawn mower, weed eater, edger, and a blower.

Kinky
A bunch of them. Four wheeler, lawn mower, weed eater, edger, and a blower.


She has a name.

Fucking hell. I don’t even know where to begin.

We just had our biggest fight of the ‘Rona because she tricked the family into going to the other side of the neighborhood to get pictures with some booger eating neighborhood kid in a bunny suit. They had some dweeb photographer and his assistant taking pics with a FUCKING IPAD.

I thought we were getting in the car to go look at Easter eggs that all the families had put in the windows of their houses. So we roll up and I told the kids “don’t touch anything and stay six feet away”. She proceeds to say “Why don’t you kids climb on that bench with the bunny?” Which I told the kids not to do. We take one picture of us standing together six feet from bunny boy. Then she stands shoulder to shoulder with this photo assistant lady giving her all our info.

Back in the car and I’m fuming. She says “Why are you so mad? Aren’t you always telling me to remain calm?” I explained, as calmly as I could, that what she had just done was a totally unnecessary risk and not smart. At all.

So she wheels back into the driveway in a huff and yells “THANKS FOR RUINING MY DAY!” At all of us.

12 minutes ago, Buzzrock said:

Fucking hell. I don’t even know where to begin.

We just had our biggest fight of the ‘Rona because she tricked the family into going to the other side of the neighborhood to get pictures with some booger eating neighborhood kid in a bunny suit. They had some dweeb photographer and his assistant taking pics with a FUCKING IPAD.

I thought we were getting in the car to go look at Easter eggs that all the families had put in the windows of their houses. So we roll up and I told the kids “don’t touch anything and stay six feet away”. She proceeds to say “Why don’t you kids climb on that bench with the bunny?” Which I told the kids not to do. We take one picture of us standing together six feet from bunny boy. Then she stands shoulder to shoulder with this photo assistant lady giving her all our info.

Back in the car and I’m fuming. She says “Why are you so mad? Aren’t you always telling me to remain calm?” I explained, as calmly as I could, that what she had just done was a totally unnecessary risk and not smart. At all.

So she wheels back into the driveway in a huff and yells “THANKS FOR RUINING MY DAY!” At all of us.
 

spacer.png

19 minutes ago, Buzzrock said:

Fucking hell. I don’t even know where to begin.

We just had our biggest fight of the ‘Rona because she tricked the family into going to the other side of the neighborhood to get pictures with some booger eating neighborhood kid in a bunny suit. They had some dweeb photographer and his assistant taking pics with a FUCKING IPAD.

I thought we were getting in the car to go look at Easter eggs that all the families had put in the windows of their houses. So we roll up and I told the kids “don’t touch anything and stay six feet away”. She proceeds to say “Why don’t you kids climb on that bench with the bunny?” Which I told the kids not to do. We take one picture of us standing together six feet from bunny boy. Then she stands shoulder to shoulder with this photo assistant lady giving her all our info.

Back in the car and I’m fuming. She says “Why are you so mad? Aren’t you always telling me to remain calm?” I explained, as calmly as I could, that what she had just done was a totally unnecessary risk and not smart. At all.

So she wheels back into the driveway in a huff and yells “THANKS FOR RUINING MY DAY!” At all of us.
 

When y'all get the Rona, just tell at her that she ruined 2 weeks of y'alls lives.

3 hours ago, luke duke said:

 


She has a name.

 

South Austin’s Mom 

15 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Fucking hell. I don’t even know where to begin.

We just had our biggest fight of the ‘Rona because she tricked the family into going to the other side of the neighborhood to get pictures with some booger eating neighborhood kid in a bunny suit. They had some dweeb photographer and his assistant taking pics with a FUCKING IPAD.

I thought we were getting in the car to go look at Easter eggs that all the families had put in the windows of their houses. So we roll up and I told the kids “don’t touch anything and stay six feet away”. She proceeds to say “Why don’t you kids climb on that bench with the bunny?” Which I told the kids not to do. We take one picture of us standing together six feet from bunny boy. Then she stands shoulder to shoulder with this photo assistant lady giving her all our info.

Back in the car and I’m fuming. She says “Why are you so mad? Aren’t you always telling me to remain calm?” I explained, as calmly as I could, that what she had just done was a totally unnecessary risk and not smart. At all.

So she wheels back into the driveway in a huff and yells “THANKS FOR RUINING MY DAY!” At all of us.
 

Not my wife, but her niece puts out a post on FB asking what to do for her 11 year old daughter for Easter.

I said, "Put her on a cross."

 

It was not well received in our living room.  It's not like I typed it and put her on blast, it was just the first think that came to mind.  I mean who the fuck asks that?n Just look in the manual for "Easter during CV Plague..."

Edited by Iceman

I'm with you @Buzzrock.  My wife goes completely overboard in one area with this shit....Gotta stay safe....don't bring that in the house, leave your shoes in the garage, leave your clothes in the garage...take a shower every time you go out..../

Just now...she goes outside to pick up the mail.  Brings a box in.....sets in on the cutting board on the center island, opens it with a fucking kitchen knife, puts the knife back on the wall, unpacks the box of batteries that came from China, and sites is all on the fucking cutting board.  

Me:  "How many people do you think have handled that box since it left China?"
Her:  "The mailman was wearing gloves"
Me:  "Me...ok.  Nevermind."  

And don't get me started on believing every thing she reads...no matter the source.  "Have you look at the CDC site?"   Meh....you can't trust what they say.

Yesterday, she was on some Zoom meeting with her Sunday school class.  I quit long ago because I can't stand the people in there.  I heard one lady actually say, "The pour high school kids don't get to have prom.   That just isn't right."    Fuck Me.  

 

26 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

I'm with you @Buzzrock.  My wife goes completely overboard in one area with this shit....Gotta stay safe....don't bring that in the house, leave your shoes in the garage, leave your clothes in the garage...take a shower every time you go out..../

Just now...she goes outside to pick up the mail.  Brings a box in.....sets in on the cutting board on the center island, opens it with a fucking kitchen knife, puts the knife back on the wall, unpacks the box of batteries that came from China, and sites is all on the fucking cutting board.  

Me:  "How many people do you think have handled that box since it left China?"
Her:  "The mailman was wearing gloves"
Me:  "Me...ok.  Nevermind."  

And don't get me started on believing every thing she reads...no matter the source.  "Have you look at the CDC site?"   Meh....you can't trust what they say.

Yesterday, she was on some Zoom meeting with her Sunday school class.  I quit long ago because I can't stand the people in there.  I heard one lady actually say, "The pour high school kids don't get to have prom.   That just isn't right."    Fuck Me.  

 

I'm willing to travel around and sexually disappoint the seniors that have turned 18 so that they don't miss out on that part of prom.

  • Popular Post
I'm willing to travel around and sexually disappoint the seniors that have turned 18 so that they don't miss out on that part of prom.


Great. I’ll call the football coach and tell him to send the o-line over to your place.

Let me begin this with the fact that I should have asked more questions prior to purchasing. I know this, but we are both working from home due to virus. Still, I should have asked more questions. For your consideration.

 

Wife (Teacher): Hey, we need to make sure that the printer in the office is working. (Third request) Does it still work? Can I print to it?

Me: I believe it's out of ink and not really sure that the computer it was tied to is even serviceable. 

Wife: Well we need a printer, so I can print stuff out.

Me: Ok. I'll look around and see what's available and get us one we can you for work and home.

Cut to...

Me: Hey, I ordered a printer for us and it will be delivered tomorrow. So, you should be able to print whatever you need out by tomorrow. Cool?

Wife: Ok, I don't need to print anything.

Me: (Confused look on my face) I thought you said you needed to print something out. That's why I got a printer shipped to us tomorrow.

Wife: I just meant that it would be a good idea to have a printer in case we wanted to print something out. I like to print things out from work and write on them. Notes and stuff.

Me: You talking about the PDF you're looking at? It has an edit feature and will allow you to comment and add notes to it.

Wife: I like to print it out. Like this note pad I have here, i like to take notes on it. (show legal size note pad with notes)

Me: Why did I just purchase a printer then if you are just taking notes on a note pad? Can't you just use that?!?

Wife: Yeah, but I like to print out the page so I have it. (Looking confused) Can't you use it too? 

Me: ...yes, I guess I can. SMDH

6 minutes ago, Droopy said:

Let me begin this with the fact that I should have asked more questions prior to purchasing. I know this, but we are both working from home due to virus. Still, I should have asked more questions. For your consideration.

 

Wife (Teacher): Hey, we need to make sure that the printer in the office is working. (Third request) Does it still work? Can I print to it

Are you still talking about the printer?

I'm with you [mention=90]Buzzrock[/mention].  My wife goes completely overboard in one area with this shit....Gotta stay safe....don't bring that in the house, leave your shoes in the garage, leave your clothes in the garage...take a shower every time you go out..../
Just now...she goes outside to pick up the mail.  Brings a box in.....sets in on the cutting board on the center island, opens it with a fucking kitchen knife, puts the knife back on the wall, unpacks the box of batteries that came from China, and sites is all on the fucking cutting board.  
Me:  "How many people do you think have handled that box since it left China?"
Her:  "The mailman was wearing gloves"
Me:  "Me...ok.  Nevermind."  
And don't get me started on believing every thing she reads...no matter the source.  "Have you look at the CDC site?"   Meh....you can't trust what they say.
Yesterday, she was on some Zoom meeting with her Sunday school class.  I quit long ago because I can't stand the people in there.  I heard one lady actually say, "The pour high school kids don't get to have prom.   That just isn't right."    Fuck Me.  
 


My brotha.

I ordered her a bunch of gelato from a local shop that needs the sales, so she’s talking to me again. Not sure if that’s an improvement tbh.
Let me begin this with the fact that I should have asked more questions prior to purchasing. I know this, but we are both working from home due to virus. Still, I should have asked more questions. For your consideration.
 
Wife (Teacher): Hey, we need to make sure that the printer in the office is working. (Third request) Does it still work? Can I print to it?
Me: I believe it's out of ink and not really sure that the computer it was tied to is even serviceable. 
Wife: Well we need a printer, so I can print stuff out.
Me: Ok. I'll look around and see what's available and get us one we can you for work and home.
Cut to...
Me: Hey, I ordered a printer for us and it will be delivered tomorrow. So, you should be able to print whatever you need out by tomorrow. Cool?
Wife: Ok, I don't need to print anything.
Me: (Confused look on my face) I thought you said you needed to print something out. That's why I got a printer shipped to us tomorrow.
Wife: I just meant that it would be a good idea to have a printer in case we wanted to print something out. I like to print things out from work and write on them. Notes and stuff.
Me: You talking about the PDF you're looking at? It has an edit feature and will allow you to comment and add notes to it.
Wife: I like to print it out. Like this note pad I have here, i like to take notes on it. (show legal size note pad with notes)
Me: Why did I just purchase a printer then if you are just taking notes on a note pad? Can't you just use that?!?
Wife: Yeah, but I like to print out the page so I have it. (Looking confused) Can't you use it too? 
Me: ...yes, I guess I can. SMDH


This is fucking TEXTBOOK.

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