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Featured Replies

18 minutes ago, UT_OB1 said:

Are you still talking about the printer?

It's not about the nail.

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  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

  • BearCountry11
    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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2 hours ago, hullabelew said:

I'm with you @Buzzrock.  My wife goes completely overboard in one area with this shit....Gotta stay safe....don't bring that in the house, leave your shoes in the garage, leave your clothes in the garage...take a shower every time you go out..../

Just now...she goes outside to pick up the mail.  Brings a box in.....sets in on the cutting board on the center island, opens it with a fucking kitchen knife, puts the knife back on the wall, unpacks the box of batteries that came from China, and sites is all on the fucking cutting board.  

Me:  "How many people do you think have handled that box since it left China?"
Her:  "The mailman was wearing gloves"
Me:  "Me...ok.  Nevermind."  

And don't get me started on believing every thing she reads...no matter the source.  "Have you look at the CDC site?"   Meh....you can't trust what they say.

Yesterday, she was on some Zoom meeting with her Sunday school class.  I quit long ago because I can't stand the people in there.  I heard one lady actually say, "The pour high school kids don't get to have prom.   That just isn't right."    Fuck Me.  

 

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7 hours ago, Grade of D as in David said:

I'm willing to travel around and sexually disappoint the seniors that have turned 18 so that they don't miss out on that part of prom.

 

6 hours ago, luke duke said:

 


Great. I’ll call the football coach and tell him to send the o-line over to your place.

 

Well he definitely isn't discriminating towards either gender...NTTAWWT.

An equal opportunity disappointer.

I'm willing to travel around and sexually disappoint the seniors that have turned 18 so that they don't miss out on that part of prom.
Ironically I kept it on school grounds. WITH a junior in HS behind the jr high building.
15 hours ago, Grade of D as in David said:

I'm willing to travel around and sexually disappoint the seniors that have turned 18 so that they don't miss out on that part of prom.

My wife said she heard the seniors are the ones most likely to kill you

21 hours ago, luke duke said:

 


Great. I’ll call the football coach and tell him to send the o-line over to your place.

more like the oh- oh- oh- OH- OH- line, amirite?

 

1h0qh7.jpg

 

now that everyone is dialing in during WFH, we have all sorts of people -- ceos, evps, directors, whatever -- inadvertently broadcasting the occasional background "family noise".  audio and video.

 

but when wife is having her weekly, 4-member, team updates.... she thinks its akin to giving the presidential state of the union address, and i have to scramble to maintain the sanctity of the Skype meeting:

  dog must be removed from the room. 

  window must be closed - mustnt let people hear a fucking bird chirp!!! 

  dont use the microwave or run the dish washer. 

  flush only the toilet on the other floor.  etc.  

 

even though 90% of the call is listening to cindy and mindy describe the status of their excel spreadsheet or whatever trivial boring shit her team talks about.

14 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Next time she's on walk up to her with her dildo and tell her you found it under the bed and want to know what it is.

Or just yell from offscreen, "Honey, do you still need me to replace the batteries in your vibrator?"

On 4/6/2020 at 8:10 AM, hullabelew said:

,"The pour high school kids don't get to have prom.   That just isn't right."    Fuck Me.  

 

How pour are they? 

20 minutes ago, workswithseed said:

How pour are they? 

Not very, since they would have been poored into their limos on a regular prom night.

An hour ago my wife was too busy to throw some stuff in the microwave for the kids to eat.
A half hour ago she got a call that a coworker got hit by a car. She’s been on the phone ever since gossiping and speculating on what may have happened.

17 minutes ago, luke duke said:

An hour ago my wife was too busy to throw some stuff in the microwave for the kids to eat.
A half hour ago she got a call that a coworker got hit by a car. She’s been on the phone ever since gossiping and speculating on what may have happened.

You insensitive bastard!

An hour ago my wife was too busy to throw some stuff in the microwave for the kids to eat.
A half hour ago she got a call that a coworker got hit by a car. She’s been on the phone ever since gossiping and speculating on what may have happened.

I hope the persons ok but damn that’s funny
40 minutes ago, luke duke said:

speculating on what may have happened.

I'm guessing they were talking on their cellphone about meaningless shit and walked into traffic.

Sorry/not sorry

Is this the place where we post pictures of the shit our wives have hoarded during the pandemic?

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My daughter was talking about dying her hair black during the quarantine, just to see what she'd look like.

Wife: With your light skin, you'll wind up looking nemo.

Daughter: NEMO?! Are you serious?!!

(we're both laughing loudly)

Wife: Yes. You're too fair skinned.

Daughter:  I'm going to look like a little orange fish??

Wife: Why would you say that?

 

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Clown fish question, bro 

2 hours ago, Pokoloco said:

My daughter was talking about dying her hair black during the quarantine, just to see what she'd look like.

Wife: With your light skin, you'll wind up looking nemo.

Daughter: NEMO?! Are you serious?!!

(we're both laughing loudly)

Wife: Yes. You're too fair skinned.

Daughter:  I'm going to look like a little orange fish??

Wife: Why would you say that?

 

What was she trying to say? Emo?

I inadvertently walked across my wife's zoom meeting with the other 18 school nurses in our district with just a towel on fresh out of the shower. You're welcome, ladies. 

2 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

I inadvertently walked across my wife's zoom meeting with the other 18 school nurses in our district with just a towel on fresh out of the shower. You're welcome, ladies. 

Did you get a round of applause?  If not, you may need to up your workout regimen.

3 hours ago, Pokoloco said:

My daughter was talking about dying her hair black during the quarantine, just to see what she'd look like.

Wife: With your light skin, you'll wind up looking nemo.

Daughter: NEMO?! Are you serious?!!

(we're both laughing loudly)

Wife: Yes. You're too fair skinned.

Daughter:  I'm going to look like a little orange fish??

Wife: Why would you say that?

 

I have a feeling this isn't the last we're going to see from quarantine Trixie. If she's anything like the rest of us (which I hope to Jesus she isn't) her brain will accumulate a nice layer of covid fog. 

1 hour ago, MissingInAction said:

This guy fucks.

 

1 hour ago, NorthLoop said:

I inadvertently walked across my wife's zoom meeting with the other 18 school nurses in our district with just a towel on fresh out of the shower. You're welcome, ladies. 

nah

Currently there is more than 260 bottles of water plus another gallon and a half in 3.5 QT bottles in our garage.

4fa0edfab194eb60b49e9ace0d22864c.jpg

 

5 boxes of microwave bacon. I love bacon, but this should last a while.

61bdb2d1d321aea1f808b2c1154eb41e.jpg

 

so to be clear, you are mad that your wife loves getting pork.....d?

Edited by AUS-97HORN

31 minutes ago, AUS-97HORN said:

so to be clear, you are mad that your wife loves getting pork.....d?

Getting Wet and pork...d.

My daughter was talking about dying her hair black during the quarantine, just to see what she'd look like.
Wife: With your light skin, you'll wind up looking nemo.
Daughter: NEMO?! Are you serious?!!
(we're both laughing loudly)
Wife: Yes. You're too fair skinned.
Daughter:  I'm going to look like a little orange fish??
Wife: Why would you say that?
 
Oh, Trixie!
1 hour ago, EE2B said:

Currently there is more than 260 bottles of water plus another gallon and a half in 3.5 QT bottles in our garage.

4fa0edfab194eb60b49e9ace0d22864c.jpg

 

5 boxes of microwave bacon. I love bacon, but this should last a while.

61bdb2d1d321aea1f808b2c1154eb41e.jpg

 

Good thing the water is sitting next to that window so it gets all fucked up from constant sunlight interaction 

Don’t those fully cooked bacon packages have like 6 strips in them, separated with a plastic insert that spaces them out?  If so that’s a lot of freezer space for a half pound of bacon. 

16 minutes ago, Trey3216 said:

Good thing the water is sitting next to that window so it gets all fucked up from constant sunlight interaction 

Wait.. water goes bad?

the fucking entitlement is what gets me.  I blame the dads.  You put them up on a gotdamn pedestal and now we get to deal with this shit the rest of our ragey lives.

I'm telling my sons to find women from 3rd world countries fuck this shit.

No but there used to be a girl at palazio back when it was all nude that would pour candle wax on her clit and sell you the hardened mold for $20. 

Allegedly.

 

 

 

I seen it.

15 minutes ago, mulletpelini said:

the fucking entitlement is what gets me.  I blame the dads.  You put them up on a gotdamn pedestal and now we get to deal with this shit the rest of our ragey lives.

I'm telling my sons to find women from 3rd world countries fuck this shit.

 

As someone with a wife from a 3rd world country, Eddie Murphy was right. With Facebook and social media they will talk to other women from their country that have foreign husbands that let them get and do everything they want and then they will start asking for the same.  Not to mention American women getting hold of them if you live in the USA. There is no safe wife pool.

 

 

42 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

Wait.. water goes bad?

Many disposable plastic water and soda bottles contain the chemicals antimony and bisphenol A (BPA). They are leeched into the water/soda from the bottle when left in direct sunlight or a high heat environment (like a car in summer) for too long. They have been linked to reduced sperm/hormone levels, cancer, heart problems, and stomach ulcers and a host of less long term illnesses/problems. 

 

8 minutes ago, Jhawkmvp said:

Many disposable plastic water and soda bottles contain the chemicals antimony and bisphenol A (BPA). They are leeched into the water/soda from the bottle when left in direct sunlight or a high heat environment (like a car in summer) for too long. They have been linked to reduced sperm/hormone levels, cancer, heart problems, and stomach ulcers and a host of less long term illnesses/problems. 

 

Well shit.. I was wrong.  Wife was right.  Burn this document. 

Single use water bottles are Polyethylene (#1) which is not made with BPA, polycarbonate (#7) is made with BPA.

16 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

Wait... who's right? I need to know before she wakes up.

Did some research. Water bottles are plastic 1 like he said, and that’s PE and there’s no BPA to leach. But there is antimony, which is carcinogenic at certain levels. And heat and sunlight will degrade the plastic and leach antimony at some level. To what level, and how much is too much doesn’t seem to be consensus. 

5 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

I inadvertently walked across my wife's zoom meeting with the other 18 school nurses in our district with just a towel on fresh out of the shower. You're welcome, ladies. 

Found the footage:

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6 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

It's called a dad bod. The ladies dig it.

Yeah, but haven't you had that for like 20 years now & only married less than 3 years?

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