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As someone with a wife from a 3rd world country, Eddie Murphy was right. With Facebook and social media they will talk to other women from their country that have foreign husbands that let them get and do everything they want and then they will start asking for the same.  Not to mention American women getting hold of them if you live in the USA. There is no safe wife pool.
 
 


Friend with a mail order Russian bride would agree. She owns his ass.
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  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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12 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Don’t those fully cooked bacon packages have like 6 strips in them, separated with a plastic insert that spaces them out?  If so that’s a lot of freezer space for a half pound of bacon. 

They have some at Sam's that come in a big plastic bag and don't need to be refrigerated until opened.

2 hours ago, Hate said:


Wait, Junior Miller lives in Illinois??

Lived. Past tense. 
 

*Tinfoil hat* - they just want you to believe they didn’t have the virus and weren’t going to die from it. This is how China keeps the numbers down. /tinfoil hat

12 hours ago, Jhawkmvp said:

They have been linked to reduced sperm/hormone levels, cancer, heart problems, and stomach ulcers and a host of less long term illnesses/problems. 

Whelp, that sounds better than marriage. 

22 hours ago, workswithseed said:

What was she trying to say? Emo?

Yes

Precooked and “microwave ready” bacon is an abomination. Especially since you can microwave regular bacon anyway in a pinch.

Mrs. A: Hey dear I am late. I am on day 58. 

A: Yeah, look its probably just stress.  I had a vasectomy and am shooting blanks.

Mrs. A: I wish I could just go to Walgreens and buy a test.

A: This is dumb, but if you must buy one off amazon.

Mrs. A: It's gonna take a week to deliver, i can't go that long under the circumstances without wine.

A: Well, I do have the second jizz kit from Dr. Shah. If you are willing to help things out we can go do that. 

 

So the test was negative, but I a got a beej and a little helping hand. She tried but could not cancel the order for a pregnancy test through amazon.  All in all, I count this one as a win under the circumstances. 

3 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Precooked and “microwave ready” bacon is an abomination. Especially since you can microwave regular bacon anyway in a pinch.

This is true.  My kids love it, but I call it "cardboard bacon".  It's shit.

Precooked and “microwave ready” bacon is an abomination. Especially since you can microwave regular bacon anyway in a pinch.
Yea this. I eat bacon 3ish times a year and have had the precooked once. More salt than the ocean.

Give me a skillet and 7 minutes to cook it until black where it is crunchy like potato chips.
3 hours ago, Anastasis said:

All in all, I count this one as a win under the circumstances. 

unless........she really is pregnant 

2 minutes ago, mulletpelini said:

unless........she really is pregnant 

HardtofindJollyCheetah-size_restricted.g

3 hours ago, Anastasis said:

So the test was negative, but I a got a beej and a little helping hand. She tried but could not cancel the order for a pregnancy test through amazon.  All in all, I count this one as a win under the circumstances. 

9 minutes ago, mulletpelini said:

unless........she really is pregnant 

Any resemblance to me is purely coincidental.

7 hours ago, markstanco said:

Yea this. I eat bacon 3ish times a year and have had the precooked once. More salt than the ocean.

Give me a skillet and 7 minutes to cook it until black where it is crunchy like potato chips.

Black, crunchy bacon?  

You ridiculous dude. 

Nothing better IMO. When it is cooked "normally" I don't like the texture. Feels raw. I always find the most cooked pieces.

Yea this. I eat bacon 3ish times a year and have had the precooked once. More salt than the ocean.

Give me a skillet and 7 minutes to cook it until black where it is crunchy like potato chips.


I have so many questions.
Mrs. A: Hey dear I am late. I am on day 58. 
A: Yeah, look its probably just stress.  I had a vasectomy and am shooting blanks.
Mrs. A: I wish I could just go to Walgreens and buy a test.
A: This is dumb, but if you must buy one off amazon.
Mrs. A: It's gonna take a week to deliver, i can't go that long under the circumstances without wine.
A: Well, I do have the second jizz kit from Dr. Shah. If you are willing to help things out we can go do that. 
 
So the test was negative, but I a got a beej and a little helping hand. She tried but could not cancel the order for a pregnancy test through amazon.  All in all, I count this one as a win under the circumstances. 


Best believe I would have gloved and masked up and gone to Walgreens. They can probably hand you a test at the drive through.
35 minutes ago, markstanco said:

Nothing better IMO. When it is cooked "normally" I don't like the texture. Feels raw. I always find the most cooked pieces.

Philistine.   I'd hate to see what you'd do to a ribeye. 

Philistine.   I'd hate to see what you'd do to a ribeye. 
Rare to medium rare.
Just now, markstanco said:
2 minutes ago, deadshank said:
Philistine.   I'd hate to see what you'd do to a ribeye. 

Rare to medium rare.

You are intriguing. 

9 hours ago, markstanco said:

Yea this. I eat bacon 3ish times a year and have had the precooked once. More salt than the ocean.

Give me a skillet and 7 minutes to cook it until black where it is crunchy like potato chips.

My man.

34 minutes ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

The upside of precooked bacon is you can just eat it straigh out of the fridge. Like a cold cut, but bacon.

Pato del Muerto does that with regular bacon. 

Yea this. I eat bacon 3ish times a year and have had the precooked once. More salt than the ocean.

Give me a skillet and 7 minutes to cook it until black where it is crunchy like potato chips.


Black and hard - just like you like your men.
Pato del Muerto does that with regular bacon. 

60ee8c2b6573adade79320f52bf6c224.gif

Whose wife popped their hood instead of their trunk at grocery store pick up section this morning?

12 hours ago, Anastasis said:

Mrs. A: Hey dear I am late. I am on day 58. 

A: Yeah, look its probably just stress.  I had a vasectomy and am shooting blanks.

Mrs. A: I wish I could just go to Walgreens and buy a test.

A: This is dumb, but if you must buy one off amazon.

Mrs. A: It's gonna take a week to deliver, i can't go that long under the circumstances without wine.

A: Well, I do have the second jizz kit from Dr. Shah. If you are willing to help things out we can go do that. 

 

So the test was negative, but I a got a beej and a little helping hand. She tried but could not cancel the order for a pregnancy test through amazon.  All in all, I count this one as a win under the circumstances. 

There’s another thread for people who will suck dick for wine

10 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

unless........she really is pregnant by someone else.

Oh my, the shits about to hit the blank shooting fan.

2 hours ago, ramirezut said:

Whose wife popped their hood instead of their trunk at grocery store pick up section this morning?

Was she driving the Porsche? Common mistake if so.

18 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

unless........she really is pregnant 

A5610710-A701-40-EA-B095-91-A83-FC3-FC37

Has point A in a home ever been cleaned/organized/decluttered by a wife without cluttering up point B? Has this process ever made it to point E without much of the original stuff from point A not back at point A?

Asking for a friend.

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No.

And guess what I learned today? That in a time where social gatherings may never happen again we needed a new set of fancy dishes for 12 because the ones we have now suck for dinner parties.

I’ve got like 100 pounds of flour and rice on my front porch. Maybe more. 

0AE05D23-296C-469A-AB0F-A1F9EF2E71A5.jpeg

Edited by Pato del Muerto

Just told me she found a restaurant wholesaler who found himself with a lot of extra inventory. 
 

hopefully we can sell/give some away to neighbors. 

Edited by Pato del Muerto

I was wrong. It’s:

100lb bleached white flour

100lb stone ground wheat flour

100lb some other wheat flour 

100lb brown rice

100lb granulated white sugar

Maybe I’m supposed to open up a confectionary or bakery. 
 

and I’m a thousand miles from the nearest HEB, or more. 

I've been doing gig grocery delivery and gotdamn I can't understand how women live on their phone but can't answer a text in a timely manner. All these wives want input on every little thing if what they ordered is out of stock but can't bother answering even though they just texted me something 2 seconds ago.

 

 

My wife just asked me if Rockport is on the coast.  Btw she has been to Rockport well over100 times in her life. 

to be fair, the correct answer is, "sort of."

3 hours ago, tbone_ said:

No.

And guess what I learned today? That in a time where social gatherings may never happen again we needed a new set of fancy dishes for 12 because the ones we have now suck for dinner parties.

Was it on sale?

I’ve got like 100 pounds of flour and rice on my front porch. Maybe more. 
0AE05D23-296C-469A-AB0F-A1F9EF2E71A5.thumb.jpeg.9ef334fcee0fb2a020a54ae0d4fba62b.jpeg


That’s a lot more than 100 lbs.
Was it on sale?

You know the answer to that.

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