Jump to content
View in the app

A better way to browse. Learn more.

Surly Horns

A full-screen app on your home screen with push notifications, badges and more.

To install this app on iOS and iPadOS
  1. Tap the Share icon in Safari
  2. Scroll the menu and tap Add to Home Screen.
  3. Tap Add in the top-right corner.
To install this app on Android
  1. Tap the 3-dot menu (⋮) in the top-right corner of the browser.
  2. Tap Add to Home screen or Install app.
  3. Confirm by tapping Install.
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Featured Replies

 My nephew and his soon to be sibling will be 14 years apart 

 

My wife is 34. We have three kids 10, 7, and 4. She has a 5yr old brother. I’m 2 months older than Step MIL.

  • Replies 23.8k
  • Views 2.2m
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Most Popular Posts

  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

  • BearCountry11
    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

Posted Images

58 minutes ago, Fudbelty said:

 

My wife is 34. We have three kids 10, 7, and 4. She has a 5yr old brother. I’m 2 months older than Step MIL.

giphy.gif

1 hour ago, Fudbelty said:

 

My wife is 34. We have three kids 10, 7, and 4. She has a 5yr old brother. I’m 2 months older than Step MIL.

Pics of step MIL?

I have a 51 year old cousin who remarried after his first wife passed away. They had one kid who just graduated high school this year. His now wife has an 11 year old daughter and is now expecting twins. He will be 70 when they graduate HS.

1 hour ago, Fudbelty said:

 

My wife is 34. We have three kids 10, 7, and 4. She has a 5yr old brother. I’m 2 months older than Step MIL.

I’ve seen that movie before I believe. Even though she’s younger than you she wants to spank you for being a very bad boy- bc she’s your mommy now.

You should definitely let her give you a bath. 

2 hours ago, Fudbelty said:

 

My wife is 34. We have three kids 10, 7, and 4. She has a 5yr old brother. I’m 2 months older than Step MIL.

Your FIL sounds wealthy 

3 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Your FIL sounds healthy

Fify

2 hours ago, Fudbelty said:

 

My wife is 34. We have three kids 10, 7, and 4. She has a 5yr old brother. I’m 2 months older than Step MIL.

It's some kind of bizzaro world where your older kids can buy beer for their uncle before he turns 21.  Talk about being the cool nephew/niece.

34 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I've got kids 37, 34, 17, and 16.

And your third wife just graduated high school, right?

  • Popular Post
12 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

My ggrandfather wore out three wives producing 23 kids.

Damn. The Mayflower was rockin

21 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

My ggrandfather wore out three wives producing 23 kids.

wasn't much else to do in the 18th century

26 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

My ggrandfather wore out three wives producing 23 kids.

That was the best way to get free labor before the slave trade got going. 

5 hours ago, Fudbelty said:

 

My wife is 34. We have three kids 10, 7, and 4. She has a 5yr old brother. I’m 2 months older than Step MIL.

Your kids and their uncle are going to raise absolute hell  

15 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

That was the best way to get free labor before the slave trade got going. 

The original form of Life Insurance  

Your kids and their uncle are going to raise absolute hell  


Uncle and my son will be going to the same school same grade. Going to be interesting.
On 6/6/2020 at 3:24 AM, ROFL BOX said:

My wife reposted some inane bullshit on FB & 2× she deleted my comment with 3 reasonable answers as to why it was fake.

The item was about how "the MSM won't show this to you - the Lincoln Memorial was totally defaced with vandalism & spray paint... this got deleted 3× today! Share it everywhere!".

So I reported her post to FB as fake news.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk
 

My wife has been on a rampage reporting her dad's FB posts.

52 minutes ago, G650 said:

My wife has been on a rampage reporting her dad's FB posts.

Is this because she thinks her Dad reported her?

Just now, ABSR said:

Is this because she thinks her Dad reported her?

No, just because he posts all sorts of insane memes and shit.

43 minutes ago, G650 said:

No, just because he posts all sorts of insane memes and shit.

Is there anything other than that on Facebook?

1 minute ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Is there anything other than that on Facebook?

Damn if I know, I stay away from that place like the plague

  • Popular Post

My wife was looking for something the other day and came across a cuckoo clock that her sister had bought for her as a gift 20 something years ago. She immediately goes into, "Where am I going to put this cuckoo clock?" mode. She furiously searches the house for 6 square inches of unused wall space, which is no easy task. She eventually decides to stick it in the guest bathroom. Then she decides that it would look too busy in there with the wallpaper. Then she starts really looking at the cuckoo clock more closely, and comes to the realization that it kinda sucks, is too small and rather cheap looking. Then of course she decides she needs to shop for a new cuckoo clock and eventually buys one. Then the new cuckoo clock shows up in the mail and now she can't figure out where she wants to hang it up. Again.

35 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

My wife was looking for something the other day and came across a cuckoo clock that her sister had bought for her as a gift 20 something years ago. She immediately goes into, "Where am I going to put this cuckoo clock?" mode. She furiously searches the house for 6 square inches of unused wall space, which is no easy task. She eventually decides to stick it in the guest bathroom. Then she decides that it would look too busy in there with the wallpaper. Then she starts really looking at the cuckoo clock more closely, and comes to the realization that it kinda sucks, is too small and rather cheap looking. Then of course she decides she needs to shop for a new cuckoo clock and eventually buys one. Then the new cuckoo clock shows up in the mail and now she can't figure out where she wants to hang it up. Again.

This is what it's all about, gentlemen.

47 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

My wife was looking for something the other day and came across a cuckoo clock that her sister had bought for her as a gift 20 something years ago. She immediately goes into, "Where am I going to put this cuckoo clock?" mode. She furiously searches the house for 6 square inches of unused wall space, which is no easy task. She eventually decides to stick it in the guest bathroom. Then she decides that it would look too busy in there with the wallpaper. Then she starts really looking at the cuckoo clock more closely, and comes to the realization that it kinda sucks, is too small and rather cheap looking. Then of course she decides she needs to shop for a new cuckoo clock and eventually buys one. Then the new cuckoo clock shows up in the mail and now she can't figure out where she wants to hang it up. Again.

I'm keeping a list of items right now going on at my house during my wife's 5 month spring break/COVID pregnancy experience.  I shall list them out when the daughter is born.  

  • Popular Post

Mrs. Hoffa- I am going to Costco do you need anything? 

Me- Yes, furnace filters 

Mrs.- What size? (bonus points for knowing they come in sizes) 

Me- 25x25x1

Mrs.- OK

Back from Costco-

Mrs. Hoffa- They didn't have 25x25x1 filters so I got 20x25x1

Me- Thanks, I will take those back the next time I go to get the size we actually need.

Mrs.- Obligatory Tone. 

  • Popular Post

She's used things being undersized and still making them work.

37 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

we are all just guests in Mitch's world 

Sometimes I think I'm just a guest here, too.

And of course my wife can't figure out why I'm pissed off moving the ladder all over the house trying out different spots for the new motherfucking cuckoo clock. "Move it over to the right just a little. No, I mean left. Try it up a little higher. Oh great, that's perfect. Well I don't know now. I'm just not sure. Let's try it i the kitchen instead. What do you think if we hang it over the doorway into the dining room?" FML.

I'm just really curious as to what the bathroom wall looks like to be "too busy" to hang paraphernalia.  Must be pretty bad...

2 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Sometimes I think I'm just a guest here, too.

And of course my wife can't figure out why I'm pissed off moving the ladder all over the house trying out different spots for the new motherfucking cuckoo clock. "Move it over to the right just a little. No, I mean left. Try it up a little higher. Oh great, that's perfect. Well I don't know now. I'm just not sure. Let's try it i the kitchen instead. What do you think if we hang it over the doorway into the dining room?" FML.

it would be a got-damn shame if it fell to the floor and broke into 10,000 pieces ala the leg lamp in A Christmas Story 

 

1 hour ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

My wife was looking for something the other day and came across a cuckoo clock that her sister had bought for her as a gift 20 something years ago. She immediately goes into, "Where am I going to put this cuckoo clock?" mode. She furiously searches the house for 6 square inches of unused wall space, which is no easy task. She eventually decides to stick it in the guest bathroom. Then she decides that it would look too busy in there with the wallpaper. Then she starts really looking at the cuckoo clock more closely, and comes to the realization that it kinda sucks, is too small and rather cheap looking. Then of course she decides she needs to shop for a new cuckoo clock and eventually buys one. Then the new cuckoo clock shows up in the mail and now she can't figure out where she wants to hang it up. Again.

Because God forbid she get disowned from the family when her sister, having not said anything about it for 30 years, suddenly asks why the shitty cuckoo clock she bought her all those years ago isn't still hanging somewhere in the house.

You know she would just buy another one.

59 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Sometimes I think I'm just a guest here, too.

And of course my wife can't figure out why I'm pissed off moving the ladder all over the house trying out different spots for the new motherfucking cuckoo clock. "Move it over to the right just a little. No, I mean left. Try it up a little higher. Oh great, that's perfect. Well I don't know now. I'm just not sure. Let's try it i the kitchen instead. What do you think if we hang it over the doorway into the dining room?" FML.

Spoiler alert:  There is no good place to hang a cuckoo clock.  

46 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

Just save the giant crab.

I think it should be hanging from one of the crab claws.  Off-center and all 

26 minutes ago, Trey3216 said:

I think it should be hanging from one of the crab claws.  Off-center and all 

One cuckoo clock on each claw!  But with the ties different so they go off at different intervals.

2 hours ago, HoffaJimmy said:

Mrs. Hoffa- I am going to Costco do you need anything? 

Me- Yes, furnace filters 

Mrs.- What size? (bonus points for knowing they come in sizes) 

Me- 25x25x1

Mrs.- OK

Back from Costco-

Mrs. Hoffa- They didn't have 25x25x1 filters so I got 20x25x1

Me- Thanks, I will take those back the next time I go to get the size we actually need.

Mrs.- Obligatory Tone. 

You missed out returning a cheaper filter. They were on sale last month. Have to time your returns to the months that the filters are $10 cheaper.

3 hours ago, Flg8rfan said:

Mitch brings it

Every.Single.Time.

4 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

My wife was looking for something the other day and came across a cuckoo clock that her sister had bought for her as a gift 20 something years ago. She immediately goes into, "Where am I going to put this cuckoo clock?" mode. She furiously searches the house for 6 square inches of unused wall space, which is no easy task. She eventually decides to stick it in the guest bathroom. Then she decides that it would look too busy in there with the wallpaper. Then she starts really looking at the cuckoo clock more closely, and comes to the realization that it kinda sucks, is too small and rather cheap looking. Then of course she decides she needs to shop for a new cuckoo clock and eventually buys one. Then the new cuckoo clock shows up in the mail and now she can't figure out where she wants to hang it up. Again.

Was really expecting to read about the new wallpaper going up. Still 10/10

We are both working from home and our jobs are transitioning into a WFH one mostly even when our county eventually reopens. Our office was rocking the $129 Target hutch style desk I bought immediately after graduating college in 2003 and we had talked about replacing it for a while so now was the opportunity. 

We bought a new desk (a standing one from Imovr, which we love) and need a new bookshelf or whatever to store everything in since the new desk has no cabinets or drawers. 

She’s been looking on Wayfair and I keep telling her, “Hey let’s just go to our Amish dude who we buy everything from. You know, the guy who designed our entire dining room set and every other bookshelf we own?)” 

We went Saturday and she asks him where the particular piece we were buying would be made.

Was really expecting to read about the new wallpaper going up. Still 10/10
I was assuming the new one was going to look like the old one.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

I'm keeping a list of items right now going on at my house during my wife's 5 month spring break/COVID pregnancy experience.  I shall list them out when the daughter is born.  
Neg bomb-a-comin' if you don't. 74eaf840daa54646c3cf9045caa438fe.jpg

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

That was the best way to get free labor before the slave trade got going. 
Or, between the 1950's & 70's you always had someone around to change the TV channel.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

9 hours ago, The Ace of Aces said:

We are both working from home and our jobs are transitioning into a WFH one mostly even when our county eventually reopens. Our office was rocking the $129 Target hutch style desk I bought immediately after graduating college in 2003 and we had talked about replacing it for a while so now was the opportunity. 

We bought a new desk (a standing one from Imovr, which we love) and need a new bookshelf or whatever to store everything in since the new desk has no cabinets or drawers. 

She’s been looking on Wayfair and I keep telling her, “Hey let’s just go to our Amish dude who we buy everything from. You know, the guy who designed our entire dining room set and every other bookshelf we own?)” 

We went Saturday and she asks him where the particular piece we were buying would be made.

This one happens at our house.   We had a dude remodel a kitchen and build a portico on the front (I call it a shed roof) and another one on the basement door.  He had done work on 3-4 other houses in our hood, and has done a ton of work since, on our recommendations.  He was under budget, ahead of schedule, not ONE problem.  

Few years roll around.  Time to remodel master bath.  "Let's use Matt", Hulla says.  "I want to try someone new" replies the spouse.  Her inane justifications go on and on, so I fold. 

In comes a crazy ass 'designer' and her Bosnian handyman.  I was keeping a list of all of the fucking trouble we had but I got disgusted and burned the book in a ceremonial pyre in the backyard once the nightmare was over.   I casually bring this up when we start looking at adding a screened in porch on the back of the house...as she wants to 'try someone new' for that project.  Hulla's foot came down, my shit-fit worked and the kitchen dude (Matt) was hired.  Again, under-budget, ahead of schedule, and even added about half a dozen things, at no charge, that he thought of during the process.  

Now, she is wanting some more work done upstairs and I see her perusing a local contractor book and that cesspool, Nextdoor.  "What da fuck ya doin', I axe her?  Just looking at contractors.  Fuckity, fuck, fuck.    Another tick on the wall of "Women just aren't meant to be happy or content unless they are stressing the fuck out about something.   

Carry on.  

You fool, hulla.  Matt has no creative instinct or artistic flair.  He just does what we tell him we want done.  We need an artiste!

37 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

Women just aren't meant to be happy or content unless they are stressing the fuck out about something.

If this thread had a motto, you just nailed it.

They brought in these 4 prints to hang in the bathroom.  The Bosnian handyman didn't want to hang them so they brought in some 'professional picture hanger' to do the job.  I purposely stayed the fuck out of everything associated with the entire project in the bathroom.  So when shit went wrong and more money was spent, I could plead plausible deniability.  

Oh....only thing I did do was have my  drinking buddy, who works for a large plumbing supply company price out all of the fixtures.  I got them all at cost...pissed off the designer since she wasn't getting her cut from her guy.  Bosnian got confused by the depth of the counter and threw up his hands....designer into a tizzy.....wife crying.   I had the adapter delivered to the house (actually the bar) withing an hour.  I grinned, gleefully.  

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Configure browser push notifications

Chrome (Android)
  1. Tap the lock icon next to the address bar.
  2. Tap Permissions → Notifications.
  3. Adjust your preference.
Chrome (Desktop)
  1. Click the padlock icon in the address bar.
  2. Select Site settings.
  3. Find Notifications and adjust your preference.