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39 minutes ago, wd40 said:

on a family road trip.  lots of micro stupid.

wife:  where's the hand sanitizer

me:  check the floorboard between your feet 

wife:  ah.  thanks.

later

w:  where's the sunscreen?

m:  check the floorboard between your feet (I actually found it wedged between her seat and the center console)

wife:  ah.  thanks.

later

w:  has anyone seen my water bottle?

m:  check the floorboard between your feet

wife:  ah.  thanks.

etc.

 

later

W: wheres my dildo?

OP: check the floorboard between your feet

W: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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3 hours ago, wd40 said:

if you're at HEB and not barcode labeling your produce when you pick it, you're slowing things down for the checker and everyone behind you.  fuck metrics.

 

I do the "weigh & print your barcode" thing, yeah, but the HEB @ 71 & 290 doesn't have any of those printers, only old school spring type scales.  Even then, the checker still has an improved IPM if veggies go first.

9 minutes ago, ROFL BOX said:

I do the "weigh & print your barcode" thing, yeah, but the HEB @ 71 & 290 doesn't have any of those printers, only old school spring type scales.  Even then, the checker still has an improved IPM if veggies go first.

What am I missing?  Whether the veggies are first, middle or last, the time from the start of scanning to the end of scanning should be the same(ish).

I haven't been to a store with a bagger in 4 years. I use the self checkout 99% of the time. The other 1% always pisses me off because they get my shit all out of order. I group it on the belt the way I want to bag it. They decide to grab shit randomly and hold some things back. I much prefer to just do it myself.

Which is also what my wife says.

24 minutes ago, Llogg said:

I haven't been to a store with a bagger in 4 years. I use the self checkout 99% of the time. The other 1% always pisses me off because they get my shit all out of order. I group it on the belt the way I want to bag it. They decide to grab shit randomly and hold some things back. I much prefer to just do it myself.

Which is also what my wife says.

You either never do any real grocery shopping or you ignore the signs re: max number of items in self-checkout.

56 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

What am I missing?  Whether the veggies are first, middle or last, the time from the start of scanning to the end of scanning should be the same(ish).

Again, an H.E.B. thing... I don't know what's the what with Randall's or (gawd forbid) Wal Mart.

Because the veggies need a bit more care than a can of whatever, if the veggies come up first to scan then they don't count against the metric of "items per minute".  A register worker is going to face a metric of how many IPM's they can scan.  Faster = better & there are various spiffs or bonuses or whatevers if they keep up with that.

35 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

You either never do any real grocery shopping or you ignore the signs re: max number of items in self-checkout.

Oh I'm sorry I thought the sign said 100 items or less

1 hour ago, TrashMaster G said:

You either never do any real grocery shopping or you ignore the signs re: max number of items in self-checkout.

It's the latter but also we are not a family of great big fat persons so my weekly trips are around 20-25 items at the most.

1 hour ago, Grade of D as in David said:

Oh I'm sorry I thought the sign said 100 items or less

ser davos jon snow GIF by BuzzFeed

2 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

You either never do any real grocery shopping or you ignore the signs re: max number of items in self-checkout.

If you think all self-checkout lanes have a max number of items then maybe you should do more real grocery shopping. 

"Wives-and-the-stupid-shit-they-say-do" talk apparently going away.

40 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

If you think all self-checkout lanes have a max number of items then maybe you should do more real grocery shopping. 

They do at HEB, which is where I shop for groceries.  'Cuz I'm a Texan.

6 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

They do at HEB, which is where I shop for groceries.  'Cuz I'm a Texan.

So what you're saying is not everything is bigger in Texas?

Most of the self-checkout lanes I use are no-limit and the same size as a normal checkout line just with the conveyer belt placed after the scanner instead of before. 

Fuck the self check out and fuck bagging my own shit. Much prefer the regular line and letting someone else do that shit.

22 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

Fuck the self check out and fuck bagging my own shit. Much prefer the regular line and letting someone else do that shit.

Agreed.

"Please place the item in the bag"

Fuck those shitty scales that only pick up the weight of additional items half of the time.

1 hour ago, tbone_ said:

Fuck the self check out and fuck bagging my own shit. Much prefer the regular line and letting someone else do that shit.

Yeah!  It let's those slow, weird looking kids have jobs...so I support that!   I'm a giver!

40 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

What thread am I in? 

Yes, someone please get us back on track.  Surely some wife has said/done something stupid today.

Yes, someone please get us back on track.  Surely some wife has said/done something stupid today.

It sounds like they let their husbands go shopping!

We’re wandering all over the place, let’s get back on task here.

I must be lucky because Mrs. Brat doesn’t do stupid shit.

3 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

She married you didn't she?

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck...

 

 

...It may very well be from Taylor.

3 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

She married you didn't she?

 

096D6AD0-1034-49B2-9CD2-792C8BC68C23.gif

1 minute ago, ROFL BOX said:

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck...

 

 

...It may very well be from Taylor.

Yep, drum majorette....

688A04F5-C290-4326-9FA9-8D49C8F1D12A.jpeg

Yep, drum majorette....
688A04F5-C290-4326-9FA9-8D49C8F1D12A.thumb.jpeg.983acff95e04a140824b57c9e13faefb.jpeg

Is that Dana Carvey with the white tuba over his left shoulder and bronze one over the right?
Also, is the second dude from the right on the back row 50?
On 7/30/2020 at 9:03 PM, ABSR said:

The real question is why are you grocery shopping together?  Are you newly weds?  Cut that shit out.

Yep. You know who has two thumbs and no fucking idea what his wife’s grocery routine is?

E9DA5D4F-A019-40B4-BC71-D906DECDF167.jpeg.d3b853018dc3736d65fcc2793b1cbfbb.jpeg

16 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:
17 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

 

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck...


 

a witch! a witch!

1 hour ago, chikin23 said:

"Want to have a garage sale next weekend?" b124de7e115575adee3861abe05ab9c0.jpg

If it's the only way your wife will allow your kid's crap from when they were 3 years old to actually leave the house, then... yes, yes I do.

What the hell happened to this thread? Guys arguing about the proper order of produce and groceries on a conveyor?  What the hell kind of twilight zone did I wander into?  Metrosexual thread is over on another board somewhere. 
 

Thanks to @wd40 for trying to get it back on track. It sounds like your wife has a lot of things between her legs. Are her and south Austin’s mom related?

Is this enough hand sanitizer for one car?

c9257db91565660b3a58f12beee19a5a.jpg

Probably not. She doesn’t know where your nasty ass hands have been.

50 minutes ago, EE2B said:

Is this enough hand sanitizer for one car?

c9257db91565660b3a58f12beee19a5a.jpg

Depends on where she's been putting her hands 

On 7/30/2020 at 10:03 PM, ABSR said:

The real question is why are you grocery shopping together?  Are you newly weds?  Cut that shit out.

Truth.

On 7/30/2020 at 9:03 PM, ABSR said:

The real question is why are you grocery shopping together?  Are you newly weds?  Cut that shit out.

Until covid, I used to enjoy shopping with my wife. But we have small children. So now we split it up. I go and buy meats and veggies. Then she gets pretty much every thing else while I watch baseball with the kids

28 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Until covid, I used to enjoy shopping with my wife. But we have small children. So now we split it up. I go and buy meats and veggies. Then she gets pretty much every thing else while I watch baseball with the kids

Say What GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

If it's the only way your wife will allow your kid's crap from when they were 3 years old to actually leave the house, then... yes, yes I do.
Once every few weeks when I'm home alone I fill a trash bag with randomness found around the house. Nobody has ever asked about any of it disappearing.
44 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Until covid, I used to enjoy shopping with my wife. But we have small children. So now we split it up. I go and buy meats and veggies. Then she gets pretty much every thing else while I watch baseball with the kids

Baseball started a week ago 

13 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Baseball started a week ago 

Yeah, since the Super Bowl, I've watched the Ken Burn's Doc. And about 100 replays on the MLB network. Nothing else much on a Sunday. Did try NASCAR a couple of times, but it didn't hold the boys interest much after about 30 laps.

 

 

Wife's car burns oil, so I have to occasionally top it off. But since she's been working from home due to covid, and I do all the grocery shopping, her car hardly ever gets driven, so its been awhile since I've bothered to check it. I keep a quart in the cargo area along with a funnel and paper towels.

The other day she asked me if the oil was "still good". I asked her why it wouldn't be. She said "well, its been getting really hot lately..." (talking about the weather and it getting hot inside the car).

10 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Wife's car burns oil, so I have to occasionally top it off. But since she's been working from home due to covid, and I do all the grocery shopping, her car hardly ever gets driven, so its been awhile since I've bothered to check it. I keep a quart in the cargo area along with a funnel and paper towels.

The other day she asked me if the oil was "still good". I asked her why it wouldn't be. She said "well, its been getting really hot lately..." (talking about the weather and it getting hot inside the car).

I mean you need to be careful. If it gets up past 500 degrees outside the oil could start to evaporate. I know we haven't seen those temps yet this summer but it's just now August.

2 hours ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Wife's car burns oil, so I have to occasionally top it off. But since she's been working from home due to covid, and I do all the grocery shopping, her car hardly ever gets driven, so its been awhile since I've bothered to check it. I keep a quart in the cargo area along with a funnel and paper towels.

The other day she asked me if the oil was "still good". I asked her why it wouldn't be. She said "well, its been getting really hot lately..." (talking about the weather and it getting hot inside the car).

Dude, just be glad she actually is aware the car uses oil.  

56 minutes ago, dingleberryswitzer said:

Dude, just be glad she actually is aware the car uses burnsoil.  

FIFY

11 hours ago, nnm said:

What the hell happened to this thread? Guys arguing about the proper order of produce and groceries on a conveyor?  What the hell kind of twilight zone did I wander into?  Metrosexual thread is over on another board somewhere. 
 

Thanks to @wd40 for trying to get it back on track. It sounds like your wife has a lot of things between her legs. Are her and south Austin’s mom related?

aren't they all related in that regard?

it goes back to the women trashing their vehicles.  done with it?  drop it on the floor.  can't find it again later?  huh.  that's weird.

just got home.  while I'm unloading the car, she starts a load of laundry.  hot water.  because, you know, no one would want to maybe take a shower after a 12 hour drive and 5 minutes outside in the steambox we call Austin.

home sweet home

 

 

16 hours ago, AUS-97HORN said:

FIFY

No, it was right the other way.

As in any knowledge that a car requires ANYTHING other than gas.

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