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She pulled it from "grammas secret recipie book for a happy husband" that was handed down to her over a "couple" of mimosas the morning of the wedding. A good laugh was had as she flipped through to the back where ol' grammy had jotted down some tips on both giving and receiving oral pleasure. 
Grams was like that.


[armybrat]What’s her mailing address? I’d like to court her.[/armybrat]
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  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

  • BearCountry11
    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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10 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

I ain't gonna say WHO, but a Shagger²'s wife came walking out of the front door while we were doing a total re-roof & she was holding her sneakers in her arms, 100% barefoot.  Headed to her car to go to work.  Shingle trash & related detritus everywhere.

Sneakers.  In her arms.  Totally barefoot.

Having had 4 longer term relationships with boobed people, I can absolutely visualize this from past experience.

On 8/13/2020 at 12:42 AM, orangecat92 said:

I’ll play...rural Alaska version....we traveled back late July....we both packed, and last time I saw my important red folder it was in her hands in Texas.  I knew she packed it.  

Shortly after we arrive, her: I don’t know where that red folder is and I lost that other important binder with valuables such as birth certificates etc.  that you told me to hide.

she then gets on Facebook, asks her Facebook friends where they would hide a binder, etc.  been married since 1994 to the lady, so I know better than to get upset.  I don’t say much at all.

Today, her:  I found your red folder.....me : where was it?  Her: in a suitcase.  Me: so all you’ve lost is the binder?  No, I found that last week, I didn’t tell you?  me: did you tell our son, your sister, Facebook friends, etc. that u found your stuff.?

her no.  Me.. you know all your Facebook friends are worried about your binder. Small frown on her face. 

cant make it up.......have to give her credit...first time she’s lost stuff like this. Was bound to happen sooner or later. 

 

 

did she also write this post for you? it's incomprehensible

My wife (and me I guess) has weird ocd.

She's a clean freak. Great for me, I'm not dirty but a single shirt on the floor overnight doesn't bother me.

On the other hand, just grabbed her phone to make a call since mine is in the other room, 1% battery.

Rageragerage

I borrowed my wife's phone to look something up because mine was in the bedroom. She had 48 pages open on her internet browser.

9 hours ago, Modessit said:

I borrowed my wife's phone to look something up because mine was in the bedroom. She had 48 pages open on her internet browser.

There are guys on here reading this thinking “that few?” In relation to their own wives.

not wife, but my daughter had over a hundred chrome tabs last time I was on her phone.

We had painters coming today.  In preparation this weekend I spent Saturday night painting the trim in the stairwell and upstairs hallway because it had never been done.  We also have two bay-view windows that were previously painted, but she likes to put some sticky crap down to hold her Christmas displays and fake snow in the winter...and so those have to be sanded a bit and touched up. This was late last night while I'm busy working on a million things:

Her: "Why don't you sand and paint those bay-view windows tonight?"

Me: "Nah, I'll do them after he leaves."

Her: "You painted the stairwell trim last night, why not fix the bay-view windows while you're at it?  Why is every suggestion I make disregarded?"

Me: "The stairwell trim has never been painted.  If I do it now and make some mistakes in a rush, the painter is just going to paint over the mistakes later.  The bay-view window trim is already painted, it just needs touch ups.  It can be fixed without getting paint close to the walls, so it's not a priority.  I'd rather prioritize the rest of the evening getting furniture moved away from the walls, dust, straighten things up, etc so he can work."

Her: "Oh, that makes sense."

We have this same discussion about priorities on a regular basis.  When the painter was coming to do the estimate weeks ago I wanted to clean up the house before he came so it wasn't such a mess.  The wife decided that was a good time to sort through an old box of kids clothes that had been stored away in the laundry room...the painter wasn't even going near the laundry room.

TF? Painters were coming so you painted? Thatsnothowthisworks.gif

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9 minutes ago, Llogg said:

TF? Painters were coming so you painted? Thatsnothowthisworks.gif

Wives cleaning before the maid comes, husbands painting before for the painters come.  

14 minutes ago, Llogg said:

TF? Painters were coming so you painted? Thatsnothowthisworks.gif

The original quote we took was just for walls since most of the trim was done.  He was going to charge a lot to add the trim that wasn't done, but just $500 to paint the entire 1st floor, stairwell, upstairs hallway, and bathroom walls.  I took the cost effective approach.

Edited by ulukinatme

Pretty sure it was before you pointed out her mistake, but it might not be again for a while.

46 minutes ago, blacklab said:

me: you sure it wasn't W-A-P

also me.... cousin of F-A-P

did she also write this post for you? it's incomprehensible

Your fault for giving important shit to your wife.
7 hours ago, blacklab said:

wife: Do you know was W-A-S means?

me: no

wife: It means wet ass (points to her private parts)

me: you sure it wasn't W-A-P

wife: pretty sure it's W-A-S

you will blow her fucking mind with this.

 

9 hours ago, blacklab said:

wife: Do you know was W-A-S means?

me: no

wife: It means wet ass (points to her private parts)

me: you sure it wasn't W-A-P

wife: pretty sure it's W-A-S

Any indication as to what she thought the S stood for?  

Jesus Pato no wonder your bacon is all fucked up it was probably rotten.

wife: Do you know was W-A-S means?

me: no

wife: It means wet ass (points to her private parts)

me: you sure it wasn't W-A-P

wife: pretty sure it's W-A-S

Wet ass snatch also works

 

Damn it kaiser stole my thunder

1 hour ago, blacklab said:

No, I was trying to work so I didn't feel like extending the conversation.

 

This man has been married a long time.  Double digits for sure, but over 20 if I had to guess.

2 hours ago, Not a cat said:

This man has been married a long time.  Double digits for sure, but over 20 if I had to guess.

"This guy doesn't fuck!" in other words 

11 hours ago, blacklab said:

No, I was trying to work so I didn't feel like extending the conversation.

 

This isn't about you, it's about us.

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Look, I love you guys but I don't have an hour in the middle of the day to listen to a story about why she thought it was S.

We have a remote control shock collar for the dogs. Wife went on a walk with one of the dogs and decided to take it off and put it in her pocket. She then put the remote in her other pocket and in the process of putting it in her pocket accidentally hit the shock button and shocked herself.

 

29 minutes ago, blacklab said:

Look, I love you guys but I don't have an hour in the middle of the day to listen to a story about why she thought it was S.

We have a remote control shock collar for the dogs. Wife went on a walk with one of the dogs and decided to take it off and put it in her pocket. She then put the remote in her other pocket and in the process of putting it in her pocket accidentally hit the shock button and shocked herself.

 

 

42 minutes ago, blacklab said:

Look, I love you guys but I don't have an hour in the middle of the day to listen to a story about why she thought it was S.

We have a remote control shock collar for the dogs. Wife went on a walk with one of the dogs and decided to take it off and put it in her pocket. She then put the remote in her other pocket and in the process of putting it in her pocket accidentally hit the shock button and shocked herself.

 

This dog shock collar device - I'm assuming there is an "off" switch? 

On 8/17/2020 at 4:30 PM, ulukinatme said:

We had painters coming today.  In preparation this weekend I spent Saturday night painting the trim in the stairwell and upstairs hallway because it had never been done.  We also have two bay-view windows that were previously painted, but she likes to put some sticky crap down to hold her Christmas displays and fake snow in the winter...and so those have to be sanded a bit and touched up. This was late last night while I'm busy working on a million things:

Her: "Why don't you sand and paint those bay-view windows tonight?"

Me: "Nah, I'll do them after he leaves."

Her: "You painted the stairwell trim last night, why not fix the bay-view windows while you're at it?  Why is every suggestion I make disregarded?"

Me: "The stairwell trim has never been painted.  If I do it now and make some mistakes in a rush, the painter is just going to paint over the mistakes later.  The bay-view window trim is already painted, it just needs touch ups.  It can be fixed without getting paint close to the walls, so it's not a priority.  I'd rather prioritize the rest of the evening getting furniture moved away from the walls, dust, straighten things up, etc so he can work."

Her: "Oh, that makes sense."

We have this same discussion about priorities on a regular basis.  When the painter was coming to do the estimate weeks ago I wanted to clean up the house before he came so it wasn't such a mess.  The wife decided that was a good time to sort through an old box of kids clothes that had been stored away in the laundry room...the painter wasn't even going near the laundry room.

"we are both wives" thread is in another forum

 

The original Office is the best Office.
5 hours ago, blacklab said:

Look, I love you guys but I don't have an hour in the middle of the day to listen to a story about why she thought it was S.

We have a remote control shock collar for the dogs. Wife went on a walk with one of the dogs and decided to take it off and put it in her pocket. She then put the remote in her other pocket and in the process of putting it in her pocket accidentally hit the shock button and shocked herself.

 

 

15 hours ago, blacklab said:

Look, I love you guys but I don't have an hour in the middle of the day to listen to a story about why she thought it was S.

 

On 8/19/2020 at 4:50 PM, blacklab said:

 

zH1qXI=

On 8/19/2020 at 4:19 PM, Kennythetiger said:

 

 

Crown Royal, guns, and rednecks. What could possibly go wrong?

^

the athleticism and prowess of these sportsmen is truly off the hook.  

On 8/11/2020 at 1:07 AM, mulletpelini said:

I don't think thermodynamics have anything to do with it because she'll forget she put it in there until she discovers the mess from it exploding.

It will push the cork out.

Edited by ShaggyBevo RIP

On 8/13/2020 at 12:58 PM, TrashMaster G said:

Yankees.

Sonic

On 8/13/2020 at 1:47 PM, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

Newlywed starter dinner.

 

On 8/13/2020 at 1:56 PM, immortal13 said:

Some shit you don't want...she knows I won't eat it. My wife is a fantastic cook, but she only made that to have something most people would eat and that would feed a lot of people. She told me they served over 80 homeless people lunch today, so props to her.

 

On 8/13/2020 at 2:01 PM, ztejas said:

She pulled it from "grammas secret recipie book for a happy husband" that was handed down to her over a "couple" of mimosas the morning of the wedding. A good laugh was had as she flipped through to the back where ol' grammy had jotted down some tips on both giving and receiving oral pleasure. 

Grams was like that. Although she came from a time of starched petticoats and long church services on Sunday mornings so cold it made the trees shiver, she could oft be found at the piano on holidays with a glass of brandy - singing Irish pub songs slightly out of tune - just as they had been intended. As an old family story went, on the eve of her sisters wedding she turned to the bride and audibly whispered "I just hope he's better in bed than his brother."

There was something about that generation that...

Meh, if it's made right it's like crack.

On 8/17/2020 at 4:32 PM, Llogg said:

TF? Painters were coming so you painted? Thatsnothowthisworks.gif

No shit, felt like I was taking crazy pills.

(Sound up)

My wife would be like that after one margarita, but she would admit to being drunk. Saves me a lot of money which I can spend on my own drinks.

 

 

Mrs. Ponderer sings ridiculous songs 24/7/365. She makes up voices for the animals, and does stand-up routines that just leave me in stitches.

But this morning, she put an ear-worm in my head that won't fucking go away.

Quote

Honey! New business idea! 80s hair band inspired perfume!

"He's the one they call Dr. Smells Good, he's the one that makes you smell all right!"

Goddammit.

25 minutes ago, Walden Ponderer said:

Mrs. Ponderer sings ridiculous songs 24/7/365. She makes up voices for the animals, and does stand-up routines that just leave me in stitches.

But this morning, she put an ear-worm in my head that won't fucking go away.

Goddammit.

Damn.  Screw Mrs Ponderer and my brain for the rest of the day.  What has been heard cannot be unheard.  

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