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  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

  • BearCountry11
    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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On the moving thing, since it’s in the female pop culture zeitgeist right now I think I’d try asking her as she’s packing to take the time to think about each item and whether it “sparks joy” and if not, to trash it.  
I can envisage several ways for this to backfire however, so plan accordingly should you attempt it. 

Oh HELL no.  None of my stuff "sparks her joy", but all of her shit does.  That's an open invitation to lose your favorite clothes and fishing gear.

"Did Tom Arnold get fired?"

Wasn't sure how to answer that one.

I know this is well worn ground around here, so I’m just adding another data point.  It’s Sunday so I’m taking my wife’s car to wash and fill with gas.  Car has multi-zone temperature control in perfect working order.  I know this because I set it up properly and use it when I drive it.
 

Back to Sundays...It’s never on dual control, always single zone. It’s always set to either 65 or 80, which doesn’t matter because the auto control button is off, the AC button is off, and the fan is on full blast.  
 

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1 hour ago, Guadaloopy said:

I know this is well worn ground around here, so I’m just adding another data point.  It’s Sunday so I’m taking my wife’s car to wash and fill with gas.  Car has multi-zone temperature control in perfect working order.  I know this because I set it up properly and use it when I drive it.
 

Back to Sundays...It’s never on dual control, always single zone. It’s always set to either 65 or 80, which doesn’t matter because the auto control button is off, the AC button is off, and the fan is on full blast.  
 

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Related, I have lost count how many times my wife has adjusted the A/C in the car a single degree because she’s either too cold or too hot. 

2 hours ago, Guadaloopy said:

I know this is well worn ground around here, so I’m just adding another data point.  It’s Sunday so I’m taking my wife’s car to wash and fill with gas.  Car has multi-zone temperature control in perfect working order.  I know this because I set it up properly and use it when I drive it.
 

Back to Sundays...It’s never on dual control, always single zone. It’s always set to either 65 or 80, which doesn’t matter because the auto control button is off, the AC button is off, and the fan is on full blast.  
 

200.gif

Yep. Mrs. NNM (no pics) does not care about the auto function. Takes away her control. 

Related, I have lost count how many times my wife has adjusted the A/C in the car a single degree because she’s either too cold or too hot. 

I always adjust by a single degree. See if that works. If not, then another click.
9 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Team 73°

72 or 70, depending on conditions. 

Reminds me of trivial things that make the rest of NNM family surly. When I set an alarm, I never set it for an even number. Instead of 6:00, I’ll set it for 5:57, or 6:02. Usually I set my morning alarm for 4:44. The rest of NNM family thinks that’s just freaky. They’re probably right, but getting old sucks, so I control the little things where I can. 

Probably more of "you had to be there".

Wife (from TN) sees a headline from back home that says something along the lines of, "100 Pounds of Dip Thrown Out By Health Dept.".

Wife: Only in Tennessee would there be a major article about throwing away 100 pounds of chewing tobacco.

Me: Keep reading.  I'll bet there's a surprise.

Wife:  ... Oh.  It was queso.

23 minutes ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

Probably more of "you had to be there".

Wife (from TN) sees a headline from back home that says something along the lines of, "100 Pounds of Dip Thrown Out By Health Dept.".

Wife: Only in Tennessee would there be a major article about throwing away 100 pounds of chewing tobacco.

Me: Keep reading.  I'll bet there's a surprise.

Wife:  ... Oh.  It was queso.

Is she a Red Man fan?

How the hell has that brand not drawn the ire of the SJWs?

1 minute ago, Buzzrock said:

How the hell has that brand not drawn the ire of the SJWs?

you have a point GIF by Billions

I know this is well worn ground around here, so I’m just adding another data point.  It’s Sunday so I’m taking my wife’s car to wash and fill with gas.  Car has multi-zone temperature control in perfect working order.  I know this because I set it up properly and use it when I drive it.
 
Back to Sundays...It’s never on dual control, always single zone. It’s always set to either 65 or 80, which doesn’t matter because the auto control button is off, the AC button is off, and the fan is on full blast.  
 
200.gif

That’s my wife AND my daughters (nopics)
2 hours ago, Armybrat said:

Is she a Red Man fan?

Big Chief (big sniff), the best

My car battery has been losing a lot of power because 1) I never drive it and 2) it's old.  Daughter took wife's car the other day, so she decided that was when she had to go to the bank, so she took my car.  "I hope it starts," I said.  

Sure enough, 30 minutes later, she calls from the bank and says the car won't start.

Me: "What do you want me to do?  I have no car here."

Her: "I don't know, I was just telling you."

At 4:39 she called back and said that she was on her way home and asked if I wanted her to stop and get a new battery.  I told her no, I'll deal with that later.  

At 5:00, she's not home and I google mapped the bank -- 2.1 miles away and 9 minute drive.  I called and she said she was stuck in traffic.  She finally got home at 5:09.  Turns out she had gotten on the Interstate to drive home, and then instead of exiting on Wonder World Drive to come home like normal, she decided to avoid it because of the terrible backup at that intersection because they're doing typically stupid San Marcos construction.  

Me: Well, how did you plan on getting home?

Her: I thought I'd take Hunter Road.  (See map -- construction area circled; we live up off the top of the map)

image.thumb.png.01c28039db46e45190a22bbae8b60b16.png

Me: But it's the Wonder World-Hunter intersection where the traffic is so terrible...?

Her:  Yes, I wasn't thinking.

 

Postscript-- Today I had to go to the doctor.  Car started up just fine.  I mentioned it to her.

Her: Well, it shouldn't matter, but I did have the key turned on to Accessory for a couple of minutes yesterday.

Me:  WHHHHYYYY??

Her: I was listening to the radio, but it wasn't long enough to matter...  

 

Well, don't know where the stupid husband thread is. But since I'm put her on here a few times. I should fess up. 

Other night, I cooked some fajitas in my cast iron skillet. Afterword, the dogs wouldn't leave the skillet alone, so I put it outside on the patio.

She said "You're drinking, so your going to forget it's out there and it's going to rust."

Me "Trust me honey. There is no way I would forget to leave literally my favorite cook tool outside on the patio to get ruined."

 

So anyway, I went to check on the chickens this morning, and now I have a cast iron skillet hidden in the shed until my wife is gone long enough for me to reseason it....

 

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5 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Well, don't know where the stupid husband thread is.

This entire thread is actually the stupid husband thread.

25 minutes ago, Sam Lin said:

This entire thread is actually the stupid husband thread.

real and true GIF

PSA: AAA will bring you a battery and install it for a competitive price to buying one at a store.

Just overheard in HEB parking lot.

10-year-old,"Mom, can I start the car?"

Woman, "sure,  put your foot on the brake and press start."

"Which one's the brake?"

Nervous giggle. "You know I forgot."

Double check whether raging mom car can cause damage in my row.

 

Edited by Nolacycling

Her, pretty much every day:  throws something haphazardly into the garage to keep the house from “clutter.”  
 

Her, Every 90 days:  the garage is a mess. WE need to clean it up today. 

15 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Her, pretty much every day:  throws something haphazardly into the garage to keep the house from “clutter.”  
 

Her, Every 90 days:  the garage is a mess. WE need to clean it up today. 

Ditto every closet in the house. RIP, my brother.

Her, pretty much every day:  throws something haphazardly into the garage to keep the house from “clutter.”  
 
Her, Every 90 days:  the garage is a mess. WE need to clean it up today. 

I was under the impression that items placed into the garage by someone other than myself are for trash.

probably three times a week: do you want me to take the dog out?

me: um, yes.

why would i ever say no to that?

Do you want....

Most passive aggressive thing ever. It’s never something you want.

3 hours ago, strangulation! said:

probably three times a week: do you want me to take the dog out?

me: um, yes.

why would i ever say no to that?

As someone that was once married for many years, let me translate this into wifespeak- I'm doing a chore that both of us are responsible for but I want to passive aggressively make sure you know I'm doing it so I can get credit for it.

As someone that was once married for many years, let me translate this into wifespeak- I'm doing a chore that both of us are responsible for but I want to passive aggressively make sure you know I'm doing it so I can get credit for it.

Yuuuuuuuuup
Wife: What color should I paint the fence boards?
Me: Get some stain that matches the current fence.
Spoiler

1195220572_2020-12-2416_02_29.thumb.jpg.0a28cd1063a3ee01ad45d0ed6148eefc.jpg


Haha someone just sent me this pic in a text message.
Wife: What color should I paint the fence boards?
Me: Get some stain that matches the current fence.
Spoiler

1195220572_2020-12-2416_02_29.thumb.jpg.0a28cd1063a3ee01ad45d0ed6148eefc.jpg



Don’t be poor. Stain the whole thing and pressure wash your driveway. I thought Tinseltown had standards.
Wife: What color should I paint the fence boards?
Me: Get some stain that matches the current fence.
Spoiler

1195220572_2020-12-2416_02_29.thumb.jpg.0a28cd1063a3ee01ad45d0ed6148eefc.jpg

Gotta primer it first.
On 12/21/2020 at 4:43 PM, Beau Vine said:

Daughter took wife's car the other day, so she decided that was when she had to go to the bank, so she took my car.  "I hope it starts," I said.  

Who the fuck goes to the bank anymore? 

Who the fuck goes to the bank anymore? 
I didn't ask why, but I had the same thought.


Don’t be poor. Stain the whole thing and pressure wash your driveway. I thought Tinseltown had standards.

No shit he’s going to trigger [mention=1619]MarkStanco[/mention].
On 12/23/2020 at 2:58 PM, Pato del Muerto said:

Her, pretty much every day:  throws something haphazardly into the garage to keep the house from “clutter.”  
 

Her, Every 90 days:  the garage is a mess. WE need to clean it up today. 

I have previously posted the question of is 'decluttering' a circular cycle? Has decluttering ever happened without adding clutter elsewhere and the non participatory spouse blamed for the clutter at the newly cluttered location?  What percentage of 'decluttered' items end up back in at their origin point within a year?

Edited by ShaggyBevo RIP

Wife to kids: Will you guys clean up the playroom? There are toys all over the place.

Wife at a Christmas. Buys more toys for the kids. 

1 hour ago, ShaggyBevo RIP said:

Has decluttering ever happened without adding clutter elsewhere and the non participatory spouse blamed for the clutter at the newly cluttered location?  What percentage of 'decluttered' items end up back in at their origin point within a year?

You're not even accounting for the additional shit that you're wife is assuredly going to buy and cram into the house.

1 hour ago, Superhero said:

Wife to kids: Will you guys clean up the playroom? There are toys all over the place.

Wife at a Christmas. Buys more toys for the kids. 

Avatar is appropriate 

On 12/24/2020 at 10:39 AM, tbone_ said:

Do you want....

Most passive aggressive thing ever. It’s never something you want.

This is a potential tie for "So, what are you doing on _____ "?  (which is the long way to get to "I want you to ____ but first I want to hear you say the equivalent of "Nothing that is of any real importance.".

On 12/21/2020 at 7:53 AM, Armybrat said:

Is she a Red Man fan?

That's was my selection back in HS when I rodeo'd... in those days, a 14 year old kid could buy it @ any C-store, no questions.

16 hours ago, Superhero said:

Wife to kids: Will you guys clean up the playroom? There are toys all over the place.

Wife at a Christmas. Buys more toys for the kids. 

Tried to implement a one toy in, one toy out policy (donate or throw away) a while back, failed miserably. Never select a battle you cannot win.

Edited by 956 Worldwide

On 12/21/2020 at 11:41 PM, Pato del Muerto said:

tenor.gif

It's not about the hammer?

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