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Featured Replies

22 minutes ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Tried to implement a one toy in, one toy out policy (donate or throw away) a while back, failed miserably. Never select a battle you cannot win.

Yeah, I make the kids donate / throw away stuff every 1-2 months. We actually got rid of 2 trash bags of old toys - 1 to donate, 1 to toss.

I just think it’s a shame that she buys toys, and we then turn around and donate / give it friends’ kids a year later. It’s clutter and a waste of money. I’d rather just get them LEGOs. They will play for hours and don’t get sick or them. 

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  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

  • BearCountry11
    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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ROFL BOX,
Back in my HS days (80s) we’d switch between Red Man and Levi Garrett. They came out with a LG “plug” around mid-80s and that was the go-to on the golf course!

The days of metal spikes, persimmon woods, balata balls, and a chaw in your cheek! The days of HS golf growing up in SE Texas! When it was cooler temps, Wrangler jeans were allowed at my home golf course.

18 minutes ago, msucolt45 said:

ROFL BOX,
Back in my HS days (80s) we’d switch between Red Man and Levi Garrett.

I graduated HS in '85.  Red Man?  I simply thought that's what you did.  I had rodeo family in Louisiana & I was trying to pick up on that connection.

I was watching an episode of Nova about Jupiter and there was footage of the Pioneer and Voyager launches. My wife was casually watching and asked "Were those manned missions?". When I just quietly said no, she said "Well, I mean, we didn't land there, right? I mean, were there people on the ships or whatever?". Another quiet "No" from me and that was that. It was hard to keep from laughing out loud but I was strong. 

Idk. Seems unrealistic to expect 99.9% of females to know those details. I’d say props to her for at least being interested in your Nova nerdfest.

Young granddaughter (11) was overheard during Christmas swearing and talking sex and my wife kind of confronted our son-in-law about not "protecting" her from the Internet. She's not wrong, I think my daughter and her husband are too hands-off when it comes to their kids' use of the Internet, but Jesus Christ. Who was ever a parent whose style made everyone perfectly happy? It's life, it's ugly and difficult and raising kids is a nightmare.

I walked in as the extremely awkward confrontation was wrapping up and just kind of escorted her away because she was not understanding at all that she was completely in the wrong.

Daughter is very unhappy with us, which she should be. Not going to throw wife under the bus (a lifelong policy, we are a team especially when we fuck up) so I'm going to need to coach her into understanding how she crossed a line and how to smooth shit over.

Fucking wives, man.

I absolutely owe the son-in-law good bourbon after this is settled.

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interesting... I just assumed you were a raging asshole at all times because you are a total cocksucker on this board, and live to troll everyone taking the most assinine take on an issue.  But I'll be damned if that post didnt imply that you are at least partially human. 

11 hours ago, bad_teammate said:

Young granddaughter (11) was overheard during Christmas swearing and talking sex and my wife kind of confronted our son-in-law about not "protecting" her from the Internet. She's not wrong, I think my daughter and her husband are too hands-off when it comes to their kids' use of the Internet, but Jesus Christ. Who was ever a parent whose style made everyone perfectly happy? It's life, it's ugly and difficult and raising kids is a nightmare.

I walked in as the extremely awkward confrontation was wrapping up and just kind of escorted her away because she was not understanding at all that she was completely in the wrong.

Daughter is very unhappy with us, which she should be. Not going to throw wife under the bus (a lifelong policy, we are a team especially when we fuck up) so I'm going to need to coach her into understanding how she crossed a line and how to smooth shit over.

Fucking wives, man.

I absolutely owe the son-in-law good bourbon after this is settled.

Son in law is banging your daughter like a screen door in a hurricane. He’ll be fine. Save your bourbon for yourself. 

12 hours ago, cactusflinthead said:

Nah, he's still an asshole but, he's rarely wrong.

Fixed.

Quote

Son in law is banging your daughter like a screen door in a hurricane. He’ll be fine. Save your bourbon for yourself. 

 

I mean hopefully she did to make up for my wife's inappropriate intrusion; would be her way of helping out the side.

Edited by bad_teammate

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17 hours ago, bad_teammate said:

Not going to throw wife under the bus (a lifelong policy, we are a team

user name does not check out. 

8 minutes ago, Anastasis said:

user name does not check out. 

Me when I post something and people I don't recognize talk about how horrible I am.

 

On 12/8/2020 at 9:08 PM, Kennythetiger said:

I got my mind on my money and my money on my mind. 

My ex is from England, so she has that as an excuse for how she thought the words were "rollin' down the street, smokin' and/or sippin' on gin & juice." With the "and/or" heavily emphasized.

I guess it's strictly true, as Mr Dogg by no means felt compelled himself to stick to just one of those activities at any given time. Sometimes he would be smokin', other times sippin', and then you had the third way -- both.  

So our car was stolen this week. My wife was convinced the thieves moved one car about 3 feet and stole the other. She drove both cars. When I asked her where the keys were she produced both sets from one car.

Our white car was stolen the other night, from our driveway. Since my wife drove both cars last, I asked her where the keys were. She found both sets of keys to one car in her purse. Not so much for the black car.

The car stolen was parked in front of the other car. She was convinced they must have moved the black car, and then parked it back into our driveway but leaving a large gap. She was looking at photos our kid took after the theft to the current arrangement.

Fortunately my son (9)left me with this;
92ee22b6fa6ec892c169f5dab9f25882.jpg

Yes, I said my son. He looks more like her, but that humor was all me.

Watching a TV show yesterday, a character had his larynx removed. Wife says “I just don’t understand how he can live without being able to talk.”

Never bit my tongue so hard........

Not that it helps make any sense, but modern thieves rarely need a car's key to steal it.

At a traffic light today near a restaurant our family likes:

W: Hey, didn’t your dad say that place was closed? 
M: He said they were going to close tomorrow for a while to remodel after the holiday season.

W: But look, people are eating there right now!!!

 

On 12/24/2020 at 4:54 PM, blacklab said:

Wife: What color should I paint the fence boards?

Me: Get some stain that matches the current fence.

  Reveal hidden contents

1195220572_2020-12-2416_02_29.thumb.jpg.0a28cd1063a3ee01ad45d0ed6148eefc.jpg

Whitewash?  Is your wife Tom Sawyer?

On 12/25/2020 at 7:53 PM, ShaggyBevo RIP said:

I have previously posted the question of is 'decluttering' a circular cycle? Has decluttering ever happened without adding clutter elsewhere and the non participatory spouse blamed for the clutter at the newly cluttered location?  What percentage of 'decluttered' items end up back in at their origin point within a year?

So once a month??

On 12/26/2020 at 1:45 PM, 956 Worldwide said:

Tried to implement a one toy in, one toy out policy (donate or throw away) a while back, failed miserably. Never select a battle you cannot win.

Doesn’t compute with South Austin’s mom

Edited by Trey3216

5 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Divorce works wonders for decluttering

135 pounds of junk just disappears. 

7 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Divorce works wonders for decluttering

Having your shit thrown on the lawn really helps you realize what things are important

3 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Having your shit thrown on the lawn really helps you realize what things are important

maxresdefault.jpg

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Thank God not my wife, but a wife at the zoo today, talking to her kid while we visited the herpetarium:

”Snakes don’t have bones. They have exoskeletons, their skin is like their bones. They have to shed it when it gets too rigid.”

Very, very hard not to go over and tell the kid not to listen to his mom, ever. 

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This weekend, my wife wanted to bake a few casseroles for some families who are sick.  Needed a lot of garlic and didn't want to chop it.

She sent me to the store with a list that included "Minced Garlic - Jar".

I got everything she needed and sat down to watch one of the games, and then this ensues;

Her - "Babe - I wanted the garlic in plastic squeeze bottle!"

Me - "You literally wrote the word JAR on the list".

Her - "Well, for future reference, if I say jar, I want the the plastic squeeze bottle."

 

She sent me to the store......

43 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

This weekend, my wife wanted to bake a few casseroles for some families who are sick.  Needed a lot of garlic and didn't want to chop it.

She sent me to the store with a list that included "Minced Garlic - Jar".

I got everything she needed and sat down to watch one of the games, and then this ensues;

Her - "Babe - I wanted the garlic in plastic squeeze bottle!"

Me - "You literally wrote the word JAR on the list".

Her - "Well, for future reference, if I say jar, I want the the plastic squeeze bottle."

 

Yeah you fucking moron.

2 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

For future reference, if I say you look nice, I want a blow job.

Bold And Beautiful Yes GIF by CBS

19 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

FWIW, Garlic in a jar is a hate crime.

Agreed, but it was her dish and I wasn't eating it.  Not my circus.......

36 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

Agreed, but it was her dish and I wasn't eating it.  Not my circus.......

You married it, so technically...

Agreed, but it was her dish and I wasn't eating it.  Not my circus.......

Did you not light the “Unity Candle” with you wife? From that moment on, it’s always your circus! Now, you may not be the main show in this circumstance...

It’s Surly, so you have a beard, DDs and can twirl plate with your “trunk”!
46 minutes ago, General Specific said:


Then WTF is garlic from a squeeze tube?

A pretty good prank idea if label swapped for toothpaste?

1 hour ago, Incredulity said:

You married it, so technically...

Maybe if he ate her dish more often there would be less garlic miscommunication in their marriage. 

52 minutes ago, General Specific said:


Then WTF is garlic from a squeeze tube?

A hate crime with aggravating circumstances?

7 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

For future reference, if I say you look nice, I want a blow job.

And that dress makes you look fat. 

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Her: This virus is spreading like Wildflower!

Me:  Like what?

Her:  Is that not right?

On 1/11/2021 at 9:02 AM, Sam Lin said:

A pretty good prank idea if label swapped for toothpaste?

This is better - and, yes, I speak from experience.

0030057.jpg?quality=80&bg-color=255,255,

59 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

You married Trixie’s sister?  

I can confirm they aren't sisters but must be distant relatives.  She is fluent.  

Over the years, I've just learned to understand and correct as little as possible while hoping she doesn't speak off the cuff too often in social situations.

1 hour ago, PhillyD said:

I can confirm they aren't sisters but must be distant relatives.  She is fluent.  

Over the years, I've just learned to understand and correct as little as possible while hoping she doesn't speak off the cuff too often in social situations.

Think she might be my wifes sister, especially after reading the social situations part.

We use a lot of "Montreal" seasoning at home, so I cringe when she asks grocery store employees why they don't carry the large "Masterpiece" seasoning any longer.

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