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Featured Replies

On 1/16/2021 at 1:14 PM, Paco said:

My wife went to the Mazda dealership to pick up the plates for her new Nissan.

Your wife is Katfid?!?!?.!?

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On 1/16/2021 at 9:57 AM, luke duke said:

 


I buy a new house when the floors get dirty.

 

I send my butler to buy a new house for me 

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Did she ask to see a manager before she figured it out?
She actually got irritated because, after embarrassing herself at Mazda, she drove over to Nissan and pulled into the service bay like they told her to do when she called.
Service dude says, no you have to go inside to get your plates. So she's annoyed but gets her plates finally.

Then it dawned on her that she had actually called Mazda too.
3 minutes ago, Paco said:

She actually got irritated because, after embarrassing herself at Mazda, she drove over to Nissan and pulled into the service bay like they told her to do when she called.
Service dude says, no you have to go inside to get your plates. So she's annoyed but gets her plates finally.

Then it dawned on her that she had actually called Mazda too.

That last line killed me.

6 minutes ago, Paco said:

She actually got irritated because, after embarrassing herself at Mazda, she drove over to Nissan and pulled into the service bay like they told her to do when she called.
Service dude says, no you have to go inside to get your plates. So she's annoyed but gets her plates finally.

Then it dawned on her that she had actually called Mazda too.

I'm guessing she said "y'all look alike to me".

She said the service manager had a short name like "Kip" or "Ned" 

56 minutes ago, Lobo said:

She said the service manager had a short name like "Kip" or "Ned" 

GIF by hero0fwar

3 hours ago, Lobo said:

She said the service manager had a short name like "Kip" or "Ned" 

extra super-duper bonus points if actually "Ned".

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We have a fountain in our courtyard. It has minimal upkeep. You only need to put in some bleach every month or so to keep the algae down. No problem. 
Mrs. NNM sees some algae today and goes to get the bleach. Bleach is empty. She thinks “what could kill that algae?  Oh, I know, Oxy Clean!”

 

57C3372B-EFEE-4047-B958-C435B7BBFED0.jpeg

Foam party with the wife 

50 minutes ago, nnm said:

We have a fountain in our courtyard. It has minimal upkeep. You only need to put in some bleach every month or so to keep the algae down. No problem. 
Mrs. NNM sees some algae today and goes to get the bleach. Bleach is empty. She thinks “what could kill that algae?  Oh, I know, Oxy Clean!”

 

57C3372B-EFEE-4047-B958-C435B7BBFED0.jpeg

Billy Mays here?

We have a fountain in our courtyard. It has minimal upkeep. You only need to put in some bleach every month or so to keep the algae down. No problem. 
Mrs. NNM sees some algae today and goes to get the bleach. Bleach is empty. She thinks “what could kill that algae?  Oh, I know, Oxy Clean!”
 
57C3372B-EFEE-4047-B958-C435B7BBFED0.thumb.jpeg.fcfa034702122b17a9c7bbb02b4aa232.jpeg

How’s the clean up in the living room going after the fireplace incident the other day?
On 1/16/2021 at 8:02 AM, SHOOTER12 said:

Dyson,OK 

Electrolux/Kirby... Fucking rip-off

well fuck me I guess. I bought a Sanitaire (by electrolux) vacuum and a hard wood carry around thing from Sanitaire. Traded in a Riccar that bit the dust

 

 

 

Am I the only one who is catching the "I'm in a cul-de-sac AND I have a courtyard, complete with fountain feature" humblebrag?

On 1/19/2021 at 12:18 PM, TrashMaster G said:

That last line killed me.

It's called a "punchline".

18 hours ago, nnm said:

We have a fountain in our courtyard. It has minimal upkeep. You only need to put in some bleach every month or so to keep the algae down. No problem. 
Mrs. NNM sees some algae today and goes to get the bleach. Bleach is empty. She thinks “what could kill that algae?  Oh, I know, Oxy Clean!”

 

57C3372B-EFEE-4047-B958-C435B7BBFED0.jpeg

Put this picture on your refrigerator, please. 

2 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Am I the only one who is catching the "I'm in a cul-de-sac AND I have a courtyard, complete with fountain feature" humblebrag?

Yes.  

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On 1/19/2021 at 8:51 PM, nnm said:

We have a fountain in our courtyard. It has minimal upkeep. You only need to put in some bleach every month or so to keep the algae down. No problem. 
Mrs. NNM sees some algae today and goes to get the bleach. Bleach is empty. She thinks “what could kill that algae?  Oh, I know, Oxy Clean!”

 

57C3372B-EFEE-4047-B958-C435B7BBFED0.jpeg

Update. Apparently it is well known that Oxy Clean is the preferred substance of choice for pranksters that want to bubble a fountain. My 19-yo son informs me that Oxy Clean is exactly what they used to use to bubble the fountain at their high school for senior days. 

Mrs. NNM could have used this information.  Now she knows.

Two days later, bubbles still bubbling along ....  We’re flushing the reservoir with the hose, but we’re beginning to attract attention in the neighborhood ....

Oh, and Oxy Clean also bleaches river rocks, but does not kill algae.  Ironically, bleach does NOT bleach river rocks, but does kill algae.  We now know this.

60E43C00-2106-427F-96E3-519F4DA53EC9.jpeg

Edited by nnm

Update: humblebragging the fuck out of my 1% neighborhood by taking a daytime pic. Strong flex, sir

Update: humblebragging the fuck out of my 1% neighborhood by taking a daytime pic. Strong flex, sir
Looks like each lot is .4 acres. Not 1%
42 minutes ago, markstanco said:
45 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:
Update: humblebragging the fuck out of my 1% neighborhood by taking a daytime pic. Strong flex, sir

Looks like each lot is .4 acres. Not 1%

And no trees. New build in LeanderPark Hill.

This one is a little bit intellectual, but Mrs CL mentioned to me the other day that she had never read Animal Farm or 1984

I jokingly told her last night that her preteen children are now more well read than she is since they have now read Orwell. 

She responds, "I don't care. That whole War of the Worlds thing was terrible."

"Do you mean "H.G. Wells or Orson Wells, because neither one wrote 1984?"

"Obviously the first guy. Wasn't Orson Wells a fat guy who sold wine?"

I give her half credit on that one answer. 

Edited by crimsonlonghorn

1 minute ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Wasn't Orson Wells a fat guy who sold wine?"

Not before it's time.

My 5 year old daughter out on a longhorn shirt, drew a longhorn then grabbed her stuff beco and some other loosely texas related toys to show me how much loves Texas. My wife then said she didn’t care if she went to a&m. Despite the fact that she is a foreigner, I am considering divorcing her. Jesus fucking Christ I feel like I have failed.

Wow, I just realized how bad Apple autocorrect is. I am too lazy to go back and clarify my last post. The important part is my wife is ok with my kids being Aggy, if they so choose. I am not. And as long as I am alive, I will fight to not let happen.

You should post pics of your ex as she bangs her way across North America to make up for this bullshit.

You should post pics of your ex as she bangs her way across North America to make up for this bullshit.

I thought I already did that. At least once.
10 hours ago, Patricio Swayze said:

Wow, I just realized how bad Apple autocorrect is. I am too lazy to go back and clarify my last post. The important part is my wife is ok with my kids being Aggy, if they so choose. I am not. And as long as I am alive, I will fight to not let happen.

The wife and I had this exact conversation and we agreed that we’d grudgingly accept the kids going to aggy if want to be veterinarians since they obviously favor their undergrads for admission.

LOL.  My 14 year-old said he'd go to the University of Kabul if aggy was the only school that offered him.  I'm assuming there's a University of Kabul.

LOL.  My 14 year-old said he'd go to the University of Kabul if aggy was the only school that offered him.  I'm assuming there's a University of Kabul.
aggy has a Qatar campus.
On 1/21/2021 at 9:32 PM, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Update: humblebragging the fuck out of my 1% neighborhood by taking a daytime pic. Strong flex, sir

He’s in New Mexico I think. Those houses are like 200k there. 

5 hours ago, TKthunder2 said:

The wife and I had this exact conversation and we agreed that we’d grudgingly accept the kids going to aggy if want to be veterinarians since they obviously favor their undergrads for admission.

Nah. Show your kids that UCDavis, NC State, Ohio State, Cornell all have higher rated Vet Schools. Even Purdue has a decent vet school.

No aggy. Bad aggy.

13 minutes ago, Lidig8r said:

Nah. Show your kids that UCDavis, NC State, Ohio State, Cornell all have higher rated Vet Schools. Even Purdue has a decent vet school.

No aggy. Bad aggy.

I know that, but dummies in this state respect an aggy vet right or wrong.  But yes obviously will try to push them elsewhere.  I think Colorado State would be a good spot.

When my wife goes into the bathroom, I pretty much never knock on the door to ask anything. I know WTF is going on in there.  Whatever I need can wait, it ain’t gonna get solved while she’s in there. 

But it seems like 2/3 shits I take, I get a knock on the door for some inane question. Makes my eyelid twitch. 

When does Tech open their vet school? I know it’s under construction in Amarillo but not sure on completion. Fucktard aggys decided they would put a vet school at WTAMU in Canyon when Tech started construction on their school.

59 minutes ago, RMac5 said:

When does Tech open their vet school? I know it’s under construction in Amarillo but not sure on completion. Fucktard aggys decided they would put a vet school at WTAMU in Canyon when Tech started construction on their school.

Not sure when but Tech’s school is targeted at larger animals (cows/horses) and not smaller ones (dogs/cats).  That’s how they got the lege to approve it since it solved a major need for West Texas ranchers.  Now they may add small animals eventually but not at first.

I didn’t realize it was just large animals. Still a great deal for those students wanting the education but don’t want to go to aggville. Plus it keeps them somewhat at home and not going to okie lite. 

3 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

When my wife goes into the bathroom, I pretty much never knock on the door to ask anything. I know WTF is going on in there.  Whatever I need can wait, it ain’t gonna get solved while she’s in there. 

But it seems like 2/3 shits I take, I get a knock on the door for some inane question. Makes my eyelid twitch. 

Goddamn it. I can even use the shitter on an entirely different floor of the house and she’ll need something out of there, right then. 

When my wife goes into the bathroom, I pretty much never knock on the door to ask anything. I know WTF is going on in there.  Whatever I need can wait, it ain’t gonna get solved while she’s in there. 
But it seems like 2/3 shits I take, I get a knock on the door for some inane question. Makes my eyelid twitch. 
Why are you shutting the door? You have guests visiting?
3 hours ago, TKthunder2 said:

Not sure when but Tech’s school is targeted at larger animals (cows/horses) and not smaller ones (dogs/cats).  That’s how they got the lege to approve it since it solved a major need for West Texas ranchers.  Now they may add small animals eventually but not at first.

Queue one of phlegm’s common photos

2 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Goddamn it. I can even use the shitter on an entirely different floor of the house and she’ll need something out of there, right then. 

And then complain about the smell.  I mean, really, what do you think goes on here?  Is it worth commenting on? 

Years ago when I lived in Florida I saw a new construction custom home that had his and hers toilets in separate rooms in the master suite. Makes perfect sense to me today.

Wife had a baby 11 days ago and is still having some minor girl shit going on. She calls the doctor in a panic today and the answering service says they will have the doctor call her back. You would think she would keep the phone by her and the ringer on. You would think anyways. 

43 minutes ago, Clintonaldo said:

Wife had a baby 11 days ago and is still having some minor girl shit going on. She calls the doctor in a panic today and the answering service says they will have the doctor call her back. You would think she would keep the phone by her and the ringer on. You would think anyways. 

Yours?  If so, congratulations. If not, well, good luck. 

1 hour ago, Clintonaldo said:

Wife had a baby 11 days ago

Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a baby... always use the indefinite article a baby, never your baby.

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