Jump to content
View in the app

A better way to browse. Learn more.

Surly Horns

A full-screen app on your home screen with push notifications, badges and more.

To install this app on iOS and iPadOS
  1. Tap the Share icon in Safari
  2. Scroll the menu and tap Add to Home Screen.
  3. Tap Add in the top-right corner.
To install this app on Android
  1. Tap the 3-dot menu (⋮) in the top-right corner of the browser.
  2. Tap Add to Home screen or Install app.
  3. Confirm by tapping Install.

Featured Replies

  • Popular Post

Boy's 2nd birthday today. Wife takes a ton of pics on her phone and sends them to me. Tells me to post on Facebook. I post. 

"Why are there never pics of me and him?"

  • Replies 23.8k
  • Views 2.2m
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Most Popular Posts

  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

  • BearCountry11
    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

Posted Images

  • Popular Post

My wife:  I just texted you a website that looks kind of suspicious, but they have really good deals on car seats.  They are cheaper than I've ever seen them before, by a lot.

Me:  Googles qdwcz.com.   Yeah it looks like this is a scam, don't buy anything from them.

My Wife:  Oh, it's too late, I already bought two.

14 minutes ago, Colonel Sanders said:

My wife:  I just texted you a website that looks kind of suspicious, but they have really good deals on car seats.  They are cheaper than I've ever seen them before, by a lot.

Me:  Googles qdwcz.com.   Yeah it looks like this is a scam, don't buy anything from them.

My Wife:  Oh, it's too late, I already bought two.

The good news is you probably got some underage scat pics in that deal. 

My wife:  I just texted you a website that looks kind of suspicious, but they have really good deals on car seats.  They are cheaper than I've ever seen them before, by a lot.
Me:  Googles qdwcz.com.   Yeah it looks like this is a scam, don't buy anything from them.
My Wife:  Oh, it's too late, I already bought two.

Look who’s waiting 7-10 days for a new credit card...


giphy.gif
1 hour ago, Colonel Sanders said:

My wife:  I just texted you a website that looks kind of suspicious, but they have really good deals on car seats.  They are cheaper than I've ever seen them before, by a lot.

Me:  Googles qdwcz.com.   Yeah it looks like this is a scam, don't buy anything from them.

My Wife:  Oh, it's too late, I already bought two.

Because if there’s any place you want to maximize your savings, it’s car seats.

19 minutes ago, OrangEngr said:

Because if there’s any place you want to maximize your savings, it’s car seats.

Wives amirite?

On 2/27/2021 at 3:50 PM, Nivek said:

Of course she is married.  Notice how she couldn't admit she was wrong?

My parents divorced in 1973 and the next time I hear my mom admit she was wrong will be the first. This is an actual quote: “I may have made mistakes but I was never wrong at the time.”

I don’t support my dad dumping her but I sort of understand. 

On 2/27/2021 at 12:02 PM, Post Oak said:

Bless her heart.

 

Btw I fucking love my battery organizer and tester.  I'm a dork

I just drop them.  If the bounce/flip they are depleted.  If they have a dampened response they are good.

15 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

Boy's 2nd birthday today. Wife takes a ton of pics on her phone and sends them to me. Tells me to post on Facebook. I post. 

"Why are there never pics of me and him?"

Avatar checks out

15 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

Boy's 2nd birthday today. Wife takes a ton of pics on her phone and sends them to me. Tells me to post on Facebook. I post. 

"Why are there never pics of me and him?"

Tell her “It’s him and me.”  

15 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

Boy's 2nd birthday today. Wife takes a ton of pics on her phone and sends them to me. Tells me to post on Facebook. I post. 

"Why are there never pics of me and him?"

Did she tell you that she did send some of him with his father?

3 hours ago, Nivek said:

I just drop them.  If the bounce/flip they are depleted.  If they have a dampened response they are good.

Well, that's a new one for me.

On 2/28/2021 at 9:22 PM, Colonel Sanders said:

My wife:  I just texted you a website that looks kind of suspicious,

Me:  Googles website.   Yeah, it looks like this is 100% phishing & virus laden, don't click there.

My Wife:  Oh, it's too late, I already looked all over it to see what they were selling.  That's how I got the website address to email over to you.

I was looking for a different kind of punchline..

Tell her “It’s him and me.”  
I was surprised when I scanned up to see who posted this and it wasn't trashmaster

Mrs. Rox calls, on the way home from work:  "What's for dinner?"

Me:  "Shrimp scampi / pasta thing... I'm adding xtra shrimp & pasta so it will feed 4."

Mrs., goes to pan for serving herself:  "Is there garlic in this?"

  • Popular Post

I was watching a documentary about the Titanic last night, the wife was on her phone and halfway watching it. They talked about Benjamin Guggenheim going down with the ship and how he was so wealthy. The wife says, "Well of course he was wealthy, he printed all of those bibles! Remember how we saw that big one in Washington, DC??". 

 

I witnessed a ton of women doing stupid shit at my complex during the snowpocalypse:

Pouring hot water on frozen wind shields

Exposed fires on patios inches from door ways

Scraping ice off cars with metal spatulas.

Attempting drive out the exit which is up hill and so icy one can't walk up it without falling or sliding back down

17 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

I witnessed a ton of women doing stupid shit at my complex during the snowpocalypse:

Pouring hot water on frozen wind shields

Exposed fires on patios inches from door ways

Scraping ice off cars with metal spatulas.

Attempting drive out the exit which is up hill and so icy one can't walk up it without falling or sliding back down

Which one was your wife? 

2 hours ago, Longboard Horn said:

Which one was your wife? 

All of the above. It was quite a time. 

On 3/2/2021 at 9:08 PM, MissingInAction said:

I witnessed a ton of women doing stupid shit at my complex during the snowpocalypse:

Pouring hot water on frozen wind shields

Exposed fires on patios inches from door ways

Scraping ice off cars with metal spatulas.

Attempting drive out the exit which is up hill and so icy one can't walk up it without falling or sliding back down

Well if you had scraped the ice off the car she wouldn’t have had to use hot water or a spatula, would she? 

I found that a spatula worked pretty good to scrape ice off of my windshield.  Living in Houston we don't generally keep ice scrapers in the car.  What should I have used otherwise?

53 minutes ago, CycleTex87 said:

I found that a spatula worked pretty good to scrape ice off of my windshield.  Living in Houston we don't generally keep ice scrapers in the car.  What should I have used otherwise?

piss

4 hours ago, Llogg said:

CD jewel case works in a pinch.

You must be younger than I am. We used to use cassette tape cases back before the invention of the CD 

4 hours ago, CycleTex87 said:

I found that a spatula worked pretty good to scrape ice off of my windshield.  Living in Houston we don't generally keep ice scrapers in the car.  What should I have used otherwise?

Plastic spatula is fine, it’s metal you don’t want to use. You can scratch your windshield to hell.  Best is to get an early start, crank the heater up all the way on defrost, and use a brush to get rid of it after the shell stuck to the glass melts. 

6 hours ago, CycleTex87 said:

I found that a spatula worked pretty good to scrape ice off of my windshield.  Living in Houston we don't generally keep ice scrapers in the car.  What should I have used otherwise?

Credit cards work.  Best to just let it warm up and melt. 

2 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Plastic spatula is fine, it’s metal you don’t want to use. You can scratch your windshield to hell.  Best is to get an early start, crank the heater up all the way on defrost, and use a brush to get rid of it after the shell stuck to the glass melts. 

 

3 hours ago, NWBuck said:

 

That is the one and only movie my dad ever took me to see in a theatre. He loved it.

11 hours ago, Nivek said:

piss

The answer is ALWAYS "piss", isn't it?

12 hours ago, CycleTex87 said:

What should I have used otherwise?

@Armybrat always used the cylinder from his phonograph to scrape the ice out his mule's eyes.

2 hours ago, markstanco said:

So, the youngest asked mom the other day if she could get him a safe. He's 10, so gotta protect that $38 he has for chores and leftover Christmas.

This just came in: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01L7U3SXW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_E52AZYC3KAS0SS342SYW?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

Son: I can't find the keys to my safe and I cannot remember the code or find the paper with the code written on it.

Wife: I was cleaning up and I put them in a safe place.

Dad: Where is that?

Wife: I can't remember.

Sometime, somewhere, this is someone's future, current or ex-wife.

Post image

10 hours ago, mininghorn88 said:

Son: I can't find the keys to my safe and I cannot remember the code or find the paper with the code written on it.

Wife: I was cleaning up and I put them in a safe place.

Dad: Where is that?

Wife: I can't remember.

Obviously inside the safe would be the safest place

Credit cards work.  Best to just let it warm up and melt. 


My defroster doesn’t get warm enough to melt a credit card.
3 minutes ago, luke duke said:

 


My defroster doesn’t get warm enough to melt a credit card.

 

Give it to your wife.  She'll have the credit card burning up in no time.

22 hours ago, markstanco said:

So, the youngest asked mom the other day if she could get him a safe. He's 10, so gotta protect that $38 he has for chores and leftover Christmas.

This just came in: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01L7U3SXW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_E52AZYC3KAS0SS342SYW?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

Probably a little weird, but I would have loved one of those when I was ten.....and right after I discovered tits

 

Son: I can't find the keys to my safe and I cannot remember the code or find the paper with the code written on it.
Wife: I was cleaning up and I put them in a safe place.
Dad: Where is that?
Wife: I can't remember.

Reminds me of our safety deposit box at the bank. Wife set it up ~4 years ago. She has no idea where the key is. But she says that’s fine because she’s never put anything in it
23 hours ago, SquishMitten said:


Reminds me of our safety deposit box at the bank. Wife set it up ~4 years ago. She has no idea where the key is. But she says that’s fine because she’s never put anything in it

Nothing safer than that!

23 hours ago, SquishMitten said:


Reminds me of our safety deposit box at the bank. Wife set it up ~4 years ago. She has no idea where the key is. But she says that’s fine because she’s never put anything in it

Just cheaper to keep paying the rent rather than the cost to drill out the lock?

16 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Just cheaper to keep paying the rent rather than the cost to drill out the lock?

Had one drilled the other day. $300. 

20 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

Had one drilled the other day. $300. 

I had one drilled out on a office fire safe a few months ago that I bought, it was $125.  What kind of lock was this for 300?

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

Configure browser push notifications

Chrome (Android)
  1. Tap the lock icon next to the address bar.
  2. Tap Permissions → Notifications.
  3. Adjust your preference.
Chrome (Desktop)
  1. Click the padlock icon in the address bar.
  2. Select Site settings.
  3. Find Notifications and adjust your preference.