March 16, 20214 yr 48 minutes ago, Nivek said: That’s like you saying we are having hamburgers for dibber but then I say that’s fine but it really isn’t. And then you are surprised I am not helping you make hamburgers. The goddamn crux of every married argument. They never fucking say what they actually mean.
March 16, 20214 yr 11 minutes ago, Frank The Tank said: The goddamn crux of every married argument. They never fucking say what they actually mean. It's not about the nail.
March 16, 20214 yr Better than an argument that once occurred at my house. Her: You do not like blow jobs, I've never seen you get one! Me: That's because you won't give me one and since we're married you're my only option. The closest I've ever gotten to not liking blow jobs was decades ago when I got a really toothy one that bruised my junk from my high school girlfriend and it was still glorious. Last year you were having drinks with your friend and you called and asked if I wanted anything on your way home. I said "yes, a blow job when you get home" and you said "okay". I got pissed at you because you came home and didn't give me a blow job! Me: I assure you, I like getting head, it feels good. Her: No, it doesn't. Me: What?!?!?!? Think about what you're doing -- you're arguing with *ME*, a guy with a dick, about whether *I* like it to get sucked by a woman! Have you lost your fucking mind? Why would you be arguing about this? Every guy in the world likes getting head and you'll find that out someday when we get divorced. Narrator: They got divorced a year later.Narrator: she was sucking someone else’s dick.
March 16, 20214 yr 2 hours ago, Frank The Tank said: The goddamn crux of every married argument. They never fucking say what they actually mean.
March 16, 20214 yr On 3/15/2021 at 2:02 PM, gernblansten said: Her: You do not like blow jobs, I've never seen you get one! Next time you get a blow job ask her if she wants to watch
March 16, 20214 yr 4 hours ago, Nivek said: ...lists off 5 pleonastic ways to say “fine”... "Dear Diary, Today I learned a new word. Love, Ramjet"
March 16, 20214 yr Popular Post Wife can't sleep last night and wakes me up around 1:30am. Now I can't sleep. She takes an ambien. I take some melatonin. Hour goes by, still no sleep. She gets up, pours herself a glass of wine. Comes to bed maybe 45 mins later. Of course I'm still awake. I figure this might be a good time to knock one out to help me pass out. I make a move but she's pretty groggy at this point after the pills and wine, and not into it. So I go rub one out. I take off my wedding ring and set it down in the bathroom, get down to business, and then finally go back to bed and pass out. I get up early, take my daughter to school and go to my office while my wife's still asleep. I get a frantic phone call after she wakes up and finds my wedding ring in the bathroom, "Oh my God. What happened last night? I'm completely freaking out. What did I say? Are we getting divorced?"
March 16, 20214 yr Popular Post 6 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said: Wife can't sleep last night and wakes me up around 1:30am. Now I can't sleep. She takes an ambien. I take some melatonin. Hour goes by, still no sleep. She gets up, pours herself a glass of wine. Comes to bed maybe 45 mins later. Of course I'm still awake. I figure this might be a good time to knock one out to help me pass out. I make a move but she's pretty groggy at this point after the pills and wine, and not into it. So I go rub one out. I take off my wedding ring and set it down in the bathroom, get down to business, and then finally go back to bed and pass out. I get up early, take my daughter to school and go to my office while my wife's still asleep. I get a frantic phone call after she wakes up and finds my wedding ring in the bathroom, "Oh my God. What happened last night? I'm completely freaking out. What did I say? Are we getting divorced?" Your reply should have been yes, and I'm keeping the crab.
March 16, 20214 yr 5 minutes ago, NorthLoop said: Who takes their wedding ring off to jerk off? No fucking kidding? Plus that means he's going lefty, and while I write lefthanded, jerking is a strictly righty activity.
March 16, 20214 yr 7 hours ago, Nivek said: Wife: (talking about kids and electronics: summarized as reduce time) do you agree? Me: that’s fine. Wife: what do you mean by fine? Me: um it’s OK. Wife: but do I have your support? What are you willing to do? I don’t know what ‘fine’ means. That’s like you saying we are having hamburgers for dibber but then I say that’s fine but it really isn’t. And then you are surprised I am not helping you make hamburgers. Me: (tom cruise “what look?”). I don’t understand anything you said. Wife: that’s an analogy. You are really hurting my feelings! Of you agree with me you should say “(lists off 5 pleonastic ways to say “fine” and I tuned out for another minute or so). Me: (i continue to wash dishes). I really have no idea what you are talking about. That’s fine means I agree. Affirmative. I didn’t say “fine!” Like some annoyed teenager. Don’t give me a bad read here. I said “that’s fine”. That’s it. I thought you wanted to talk about our kid not parse out what Nivek really means when he says something. (I am not that complicated, deeper end of normal voice, capable of sitting on my balls, not overly verbose except when telling a story. Happy to sit in silence. ) you know how prescious these moments to talk are without interruption of kids. Wife: ......(she has to be thinking “thats fine”) Why were you washing the dishes? According to this story you have a wife - and kids.
March 16, 20214 yr 41 minutes ago, NorthLoop said: Who takes their wedding ring off to jerk off? Who pours a glass of wine in the middle of the night to fall asleep?
March 16, 20214 yr 49 minutes ago, NorthLoop said: Who takes their wedding ring off to jerk off? He doesn't want his hand to know he's married
March 16, 20214 yr I don't even think I could finish if I jerked off left handed. I could probably golf better left handed than jerk off.
March 16, 20214 yr On 3/15/2021 at 2:02 PM, gernblansten said: Better than an argument that once occurred at my house. Her: You do not like blow jobs, I've never seen you get one! Me: That's because you won't give me one and since we're married you're my only option. The closest I've ever gotten to not liking blow jobs was decades ago when I got a really toothy one that bruised my junk from my high school girlfriend and it was still glorious. Last year you were having drinks with your friend and you called and asked if I wanted anything on your way home. I said "yes, a blow job when you get home" and you said "okay". I got pissed at you because you came home and didn't give me a blow job! Me: I assure you, I like getting head, it feels good. Her: No, it doesn't. Me: What?!?!?!? Think about what you're doing -- you're arguing with *ME*, a guy with a dick, about whether *I* like it to get sucked by a woman! Have you lost your fucking mind? Why would you be arguing about this? Every guy in the world likes getting head and you'll find that out someday when we get divorced. Narrator: They got divorced a year later. You married a women that never even gave you a blowjob while you were dating even?!!! Your lack of bj’s now is totally on you then.
March 16, 20214 yr Popular Post 1 hour ago, NorthLoop said: Who takes their wedding ring off to jerk off? 1 hour ago, Sbbruin said: No fucking kidding? Plus that means he's going lefty, and while I write lefthanded, jerking is a strictly righty activity. 25 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said: He doesn't want his hand to know he's married 23 minutes ago, Hate said: I don't even think I could finish if I jerked off left handed. I could probably golf better left handed than jerk off. You guys must have small dicks if you only have to use one hand.
March 17, 20214 yr 36 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said: You guys must have small dicks if you only have to use one hand.
March 17, 20214 yr 3 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said: Wife can't sleep last night and wakes me up around 1:30am. Now I can't sleep. She takes an ambien. I take some melatonin. Hour goes by, still no sleep. She gets up, pours herself a glass of wine. Comes to bed maybe 45 mins later. Of course I'm still awake. I figure this might be a good time to knock one out to help me pass out. I make a move but she's pretty groggy at this point after the pills and wine, and not into it. So I go rub one out. I take off my wedding ring and set it down in the bathroom, get down to business, and then finally go back to bed and pass out. I get up early, take my daughter to school and go to my office while my wife's still asleep. I get a frantic phone call after she wakes up and finds my wedding ring in the bathroom, "Oh my God. What happened last night? I'm completely freaking out. What did I say? Are we getting divorced?" Please tell me you sent her an image of fight the power kitten in response
March 17, 20214 yr 1 hour ago, Hate said: I don't even think I could finish if I jerked off left handed. I could probably golf better left handed than jerk off. I popped a tendon in my right hand. Jerking lefty was no problem, just took practice to get the right motion. Felt like I was cheating on my right, but I got over it.
March 17, 20214 yr 1 hour ago, Hate said: I don't even think I could finish if I jerked off left handed. I could probably golf better left handed than jerk off. I’d still be in there trying to nudge across the finish line before the heart attack set in.
March 17, 20214 yr 4 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said: Wife can't sleep last night and wakes me up around 1:30am. Now I can't sleep. She takes an ambien. I take some melatonin. Hour goes by, still no sleep. She gets up, pours herself a glass of wine. Comes to bed maybe 45 mins later. Of course I'm still awake. I figure this might be a good time to knock one out to help me pass out. I make a move but she's pretty groggy at this point after the pills and wine, and not into it. So I go rub one out. I take off my wedding ring and set it down in the bathroom, get down to business, and then finally go back to bed and pass out. I get up early, take my daughter to school and go to my office while my wife's still asleep. I get a frantic phone call after she wakes up and finds my wedding ring in the bathroom, "Oh my God. What happened last night? I'm completely freaking out. What did I say? Are we getting divorced?" Should have sent a pic of the missing sofas from old dude and the mural and said “Ya think”
March 17, 20214 yr 5 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said: You guys must have small dicks if you only have to use one hand. Shit- What about the one guy who took his ring off and jerked off with it? (or did I read that wrong?)
March 17, 20214 yr I went left a long time ago. I think it was easier to surf porn with the mouse in my right hand and my dick in my left (back when I jerked off using a real computer setup on a desk, unlike now when I’m sitting on a toilet with my phone/iPad).
March 17, 20214 yr 13 hours ago, Sbbruin said: No fucking kidding? Plus that means he's going lefty, and while I write lefthanded, jerking is a strictly righty activity. Try jerking with the left hand. Feels completely different. I tried it once, shit felt good then a mother fucker.
March 17, 20214 yr 14 hours ago, NorthLoop said: Who takes their wedding ring off to jerk off? Don't hate the player. Hate the game.
March 17, 20214 yr 6 hours ago, TKthunder2 said: I went left a long time ago. I think it was easier to surf porn with the mouse in my right hand and my dick in my left (back when I jerked off using a real computer setup on a desk, unlike now when I’m sitting on a toilet with my phone/iPad).
March 17, 20214 yr On 3/15/2021 at 2:02 PM, gernblansten said: Better than an argument that once occurred at my house. Her: You do not like blow jobs, I've never seen you get one! Me: That's because you won't give me one and since we're married you're my only option. The closest I've ever gotten to not liking blow jobs was decades ago when I got a really toothy one that bruised my junk from my high school girlfriend and it was still glorious. Last year you were having drinks with your friend and you called and asked if I wanted anything on your way home. I said "yes, a blow job when you get home" and you said "okay". I got pissed at you because you came home and didn't give me a blow job! Me: I assure you, I like getting head, it feels good. Her: No, it doesn't. Me: What?!?!?!? Think about what you're doing -- you're arguing with *ME*, a guy with a dick, about whether *I* like it to get sucked by a woman! Have you lost your fucking mind? Why would you be arguing about this? Every guy in the world likes getting head and you'll find that out someday when we get divorced. Narrator: They got divorced a year later. Wait, you married a women knowing that she wouldn't give blowjobs?
March 17, 20214 yr 13 minutes ago, JesusSweatDuck said: Wait, you married a women knowing that she wouldn't give blowjobs? He beat the rush.
March 17, 20214 yr 3 hours ago, JesusSweatDuck said: Wait, you married a women knowing that she wouldn't give blowjobs? They all give blowjobs until those fateful words are uttered: "I do."
March 17, 20214 yr 7 minutes ago, Sbbruin said: They all give blowjobs until those fateful words are uttered: "I do." Agreed, but who marries one that doesn't do that BEFORE. You know you're in for a life of celibacy if she's that uptight before you get married.
March 17, 20214 yr 3 hours ago, JesusSweatDuck said: Wait, you married a women knowing that she wouldn't give blowjobs? Unless a guy is stupid or delusional, we all marry women knowing she won't give blowjobs. This guy's girl just said "I don't" before the "I do".
March 17, 20214 yr 5 hours ago, Longboard Horn said: Try jerking with the left hand. Feels completely different. I tried it once, shit felt good then a mother fucker. It’s like being with a clumsy stranger.
March 17, 20214 yr 4 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said: It’s like being with a clumsy stranger. Sugar Baby for the poors.
March 17, 20214 yr 4 hours ago, Sbbruin said: They all give blowjobs until those fateful words are uttered: "I do." "I do" really means "I did, and now I don't"
March 18, 20214 yr They all give blowjobs until those fateful words are uttered: "I do."Wrong.gifYear 16 of marriage regards,
March 19, 20214 yr On 3/17/2021 at 10:49 AM, ABSR said: Unless a guy is stupid or delusional, we all marry women knowing she won't give blowjobs. This guy's girl just said "I don't" before the "I do". Count me as stupid and delusional because I'd have never gotten married if I knew what was coming (or more accurately not coming) in the bedroom. We all knew that everyone else's wives stop giving them, but we also all knew our girl was special and it wouldn't happen to us.
March 19, 20214 yr 10 hours ago, Not a cat said: Count me as stupid and delusional because I'd have never gotten married if I knew what was coming (or more accurately not coming) in the bedroom. We all knew that everyone else's wives stop giving them, but we also all knew our girl was special and it wouldn't happen to us.
March 19, 20214 yr Popular Post Oh for fuck's sake. It's MIL, but I'm not starting a new thread. Long story short. My MIL is a drama queen that can't handle a fucking thing on her own. Since I've known her she's left my wife's father for an Elvis impersonator, then left him for some guy that's actually a bigger loser. She has no sense of humor and talks to my wife like she's still 3 years old. So we're headed to the Hill Country a couple of days ago for Spring Break. Wife is driving 'cause I'm tired. We get the following text... MIL: Hi sweetie. Are you ok? I'm watching TWC and I see that there are horrible storms in your area. (They had passed through several hours earlier which, if you're really paying attention, you'd know. But, like I said, anything for drama.) I'm worried about y'all. I want you to be safe. Love you honey. Be safe. Let me know if the storms hurt you. You're my little angel. Wish I could keep you safe from the storms. (etc...) So I reply: We're ok. Trying to get the 8 year-old out of the tree where the winds blew him. We lost 1 out of 2 cats and at least 3 tshirts. Good news is that, when we opened the door, the world went from black and white to color. MIL: OMG. Is everyone ok? I'll come down there and help if need be. I'm so worried. My wife tells me to call her, so I do. As she freaks out, my wife is all, "He's giving you the plot of the Wizard of Oz. We're fine." Of course the MIL starts crying and says my text wasn't funny, then sends a book-long text to my SIL about how big of an asshole I am. F's sake. Maybe I'm callous or maybe I'm the product of being a latch-key kid, but I do not understand this woman.
March 19, 20214 yr shit, if you got that kind of reaction over the wizard of oz, imagine the reaction you would get over 2012 or earthquake or one of the other mega disaster flicks.
March 19, 20214 yr 1 minute ago, AUS-97HORN said: shit, if you got that kind of reaction over the wizard of oz, imagine the reaction you would get over 2012 or earthquake or one of the other mega disaster flicks. Funny you should say that. She'd be the type to worry about a tsunami in Alaska because it occurred in the same hemisphere.
March 20, 20214 yr 2 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said: Oh for fuck's sake. It's MIL, but I'm not starting a new thread. Long story short. My MIL is a drama queen that can't handle a fucking thing on her own. Since I've known her she's left my wife's father for an Elvis impersonator, then left him for some guy that's actually a bigger loser. She has no sense of humor and talks to my wife like she's still 3 years old. So we're headed to the Hill Country a couple of days ago for Spring Break. Wife is driving 'cause I'm tired. We get the following text... MIL: Hi sweetie. Are you ok? I'm watching TWC and I see that there are horrible storms in your area. (They had passed through several hours earlier which, if you're really paying attention, you'd know. But, like I said, anything for drama.) I'm worried about y'all. I want you to be safe. Love you honey. Be safe. Let me know if the storms hurt you. You're my little angel. Wish I could keep you safe from the storms. (etc...) So I reply: We're ok. Trying to get the 8 year-old out of the tree where the winds blew him. We lost 1 out of 2 cats and at least 3 tshirts. Good news is that, when we opened the door, the world went from black and white to color. MIL: OMG. Is everyone ok? I'll come down there and help if need be. I'm so worried. My wife tells me to call her, so I do. As she freaks out, my wife is all, "He's giving you the plot of the Wizard of Oz. We're fine." Of course the MIL starts crying and says my text wasn't funny, then sends a book-long text to my SIL about how big of an asshole I am. F's sake. Maybe I'm callous or maybe I'm the product of being a latch-key kid, but I do not understand this woman.
March 20, 20214 yr On 3/16/2021 at 6:28 PM, Mitch Cumsteen said: You guys must have small dicks if you only have to use one hand. Your point?
March 20, 20214 yr 4th time she admitted she made a mistake in 18 years of marriage. Later the next day she asked me what we should do for dinner. I told her my idea and she replied 'that's fine' to me. As I snapped to look over at her there was a faint smile.
March 21, 20214 yr On 3/16/2021 at 4:28 PM, Mitch Cumsteen said: You guys must have small dicks if you only have to use one hand. I deliberately grew a small penis so I could just jerk with one hand while holding a burger with the other. Edited March 21, 20214 yr by Superhero
March 21, 20214 yr On 3/19/2021 at 11:04 PM, Knoxtnhorn said: Oh for fuck's sake. It's MIL, but I'm not starting a new thread. Long story short. My MIL is a drama queen that can't handle a fucking thing on her own. Since I've known her she's left my wife's father for an Elvis impersonator, then left him for some guy that's actually a bigger loser. She has no sense of humor and talks to my wife like she's still 3 years old. So we're headed to the Hill Country a couple of days ago for Spring Break. Wife is driving 'cause I'm tired. We get the following text... MIL: Hi sweetie. Are you ok? I'm watching TWC and I see that there are horrible storms in your area. (They had passed through several hours earlier which, if you're really paying attention, you'd know. But, like I said, anything for drama.) I'm worried about y'all. I want you to be safe. Love you honey. Be safe. Let me know if the storms hurt you. You're my little angel. Wish I could keep you safe from the storms. (etc...) So I reply: We're ok. Trying to get the 8 year-old out of the tree where the winds blew him. We lost 1 out of 2 cats and at least 3 tshirts. Good news is that, when we opened the door, the world went from black and white to color. MIL: OMG. Is everyone ok? I'll come down there and help if need be. I'm so worried. My wife tells me to call her, so I do. As she freaks out, my wife is all, "He's giving you the plot of the Wizard of Oz. We're fine." Of course the MIL starts crying and says my text wasn't funny, then sends a book-long text to my SIL about how big of an asshole I am. F's sake. Maybe I'm callous or maybe I'm the product of being a latch-key kid, but I do not understand this woman. Hope you somehow worked in being glad the house didn’t land on her into the apology.
March 21, 20214 yr On 3/17/2021 at 8:39 AM, Sbbruin said: They all give blowjobs until those fateful words are uttered: "I do." On 3/17/2021 at 1:34 PM, NWBuck said: "I do" really means "I did, and now I don't" Still get blown regularly 12 years into marriage. Too bad the I'ma Let You Finish mouth hugs only happen on birthdays now.
March 21, 20214 yr 14 hours ago, Superhero said: Still get blown regularly 12 years into marriage. Too bad the I'ma Let You Finish mouth hugs only happen on birthdays now. The oneupmanship thread is ............>
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