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On 6/8/2018 at 4:54 PM, TrashMaster G said:

You shoulda tried this:  "That ice cream looks good.  I really admire how hard you're going to work to eat that and keep within your diet.  And you're looking especially thin today.  You must be doing something right!"

there's another option as well:  "Honey, you look great no matter what.  In fact, I'd like to help you gain a little weight by pumping you full of jizz tonight."

women love that kind of romantic shit.

Edited by mulletpelini

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Daughters birthday party sleepover. Nothing unusual. Only backstory I can plausibly come up with is that she's a miserable feminist man hater, which is true as well but likely only a tangent to the ridiculous accusation. She decided I was the enemy that day after we got married.

Yikes.
2 hours ago, Thetexashammer said:

Daughters birthday party sleepover. Nothing unusual. Only backstory I can plausibly come up with is that she's a miserable feminist man hater, which is true as well but likely only a tangent to the ridiculous accusation. She decided I was the enemy that day after we got married.

I’m assuming you meant to post in the stupid shit my ex-wife says thread because there’s no way you’ve been dealing with the for 12+ years and you’re still married, right?

Since he said “my daughter” and not “our daughter”, I’m hoping he hasn’t been married to his second wife for that long. 

3 hours ago, Thetexashammer said:

Daughters birthday party sleepover. Nothing unusual. Only backstory I can plausibly come up with is that she's a miserable feminist man hater, which is true as well but likely only a tangent to the ridiculous accusation. She decided I was the enemy that day after we got married.

That's on you then.


A good start would be to buy real bacon.
I pointed that out ("I got the HEB brand.") and was informed that I can cook all bacon from now on. So - there should be no more issues like this.

We should start a Surly collection to pay for Thetexashammer's divorce costs.

6 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

We should take up a collection to have her house painted

Hi Jimmy Hoffa!

Edited by AM Wood

I

On 6/8/2018 at 10:56 AM, AUS-97HORN said:

she wants you to spoon feed her the ice cream yourself

If she says she's on a diet there is nothing you can say "supportive" that won't be met with angry tears......especially if it involves ice cream

11 hours ago, skipperj said:

Were they like cheerleader 12yo’s or math club 12yo’s?

Devil is in the details.

14 hours ago, Scheiss Meister said:

From my experience, having shit for brains is a requirement for running most HR departments.

Not all HR departments are run by people with shit for brains. Mostly it's the ones run by women in Service industries. Manufacturing tends to be different. IMHO. Now back to the regular scheduled programming......

21 hours ago, Modessit said:

Bacongate - part 2.

This time she used foil, but said she "watched a video that said to cook it that way for 20 minutes".

d0e156861827c5f2962fc8a8afb23bae.jpg

Chef Hamm with the bacon y’all!

 

On 6/9/2018 at 12:29 PM, Modessit said:

Bacongate - part 2.

This time she used foil, but said she "watched a video that said to cook it that way for 20 minutes".

d0e156861827c5f2962fc8a8afb23bae.jpg

The superfluous paper towel cracks me up.  There is absolutely zero grease left in that jerky for the paper towel to have any use.

On 6/10/2018 at 8:26 AM, AM Wood said:

Hi Jimmy Hoffa!

 

Hi. 

On ‎6‎/‎10‎/‎2018 at 8:34 AM, Dolemite said:

Devil is in the details.

Leave me out of that one.

On 6/8/2018 at 9:51 AM, Chrispy said:

I haven’t read this thread in it’s entirety, but I’m sure this has been covered at some point. My wife has decided that it’s time she goes on a diet and would love my support. 

So, last night after we get the kids down for bed, she decides she wants to eat a bowl of ice cream as we watch a show. I decided it was a perfect opportunity to mention that we ought to not buy ice cream anymore. She looked at me like I was a knife wielding maniac and said she couldn’t believe I “shamed her.” 

I’m still trying to understand what she means when she says she wants support. 

 

If you ever figure it out, please let the rest of us know.

Come home yesterday and the wife is upset because she left a frozen casserole in the sink to thaw for too long. She’d pulled it out the night before, but apparently stacked dirty dishes on top so it was hidden. It was in Tupperware, but seriously? Anyway, I told her it needed to be trashed (not even remotely cold anymore), and she got upset because she’d spent a lot of time making it. But good news! There’s one more smaller container left. Anybody want to guess where she put it, and where I found it this morning? If you guessed the sink, you’d be correct.

On 6/10/2018 at 8:38 AM, BamaSucks said:

Not all HR departments are run by people with shit for brains. Mostly it's the ones run by women in Service industries. Manufacturing tends to be different. IMHO. Now back to the regular scheduled programming......

oh come on...

Our neighbors have maids come clean their house more frequently than most.

Wife: The Maid Bridge is over at the neighbors again

Me: Maid Bridge? (looks out window) You mean the Maid Brigade?

Wife: Whatever, I only saw B-r-i

Me: and that made you think Maid Bridge?

The look ensues

On 6/10/2018 at 8:38 AM, BamaSucks said:

Not all HR departments are run by people with shit for brains. Mostly it's the ones run by women in Service industries. Manufacturing tends to be different. IMHO. Now back to the regular scheduled programming......

congrats on running an HR department.

1 hour ago, FriendofaFriend said:

Our neighbors have maids come clean their house more frequently than most.

Wife: The Maid Bridge is over at the neighbors again

Me: Maid Bridge? (looks out window) You mean the Maid Brigade?

Wife: Whatever, I only saw B-r-i

Me: and that made you think Maid Bridge?

The look ensues

Charlie: Ohhhhhhh shit. Look at that door, dude. You see that door right there? The one marked “Pirate”. You think a pirate lives in there?
Dennis: I see a door marked “Private”. Is that the door you were talking about?
Charlie: No I was talking–
Dennis: Yep.
Charlie: I didn’t say… what did you hear?
Dennis: I heard you say you saw a door marked “Pirate.” And “is there a pirate living in there.”
Charlie: No..
Dennis: Why would there be a pirate living in a Korean restaurant?
Charlie: Look are we gonna talk about pirates all day or are we gonna go find out what lives in there!?

 

 

v3pVp0F00qfnt7nxGRRgPshDo1_1280.png

1 hour ago, AM Wood said:

or having shit for brains.

whynotboth.gif

You’re probably correct. Three years of marriage and I’m still learning things the hard way. 


You should probably start studying/reading up the divorce thread.
34 minutes ago, EE2B said:

ae52f189c569fc5d85a055657dfd64b3.jpg

Finishing something implies gluttony. They will leave the most minute amount of food or drink so they can not have finished it. 

Meanwhile, I once ate one of those giant boxes of goldfish crackers for dinner, and I regret nothing. 

Edited by Pato del Muerto

My wife's exaggerations are maddening.

Going to the lake in a few weeks with friends(65 miles away) and she says "we aren't going on Friday are we? I cant leave from work until around 4 and that will put us there at 8. I have to pack the kids clothes and grocery shop when we get there.

"How fast are you planning on driving on the interstate, 20 mph? Also, 2 hours at the grocery store for a 36-42 hour weekend and what all clothes are you going to need to coordinate for the kids at a LAKE HOUSE for those 36 hours? "

No answer.

Is it just me, or does that seem like plenty for a small bowl of cereal? Especially if you are putting fruit in it.

Is it just me, or does that seem like plenty for a small bowl of cereal? Especially if you are putting fruit in it.
That would be plenty for one of my kids (ages 4 and 2).
2 hours ago, skipperj said:

Is it just me, or does that seem like plenty for a small bowl of cereal? Especially if you are putting fruit in it.

Looks like a good cup. That's a serving. I judge my cereal pour on how full my bowl is, not by how much is left in the box. When my bowl is full, I stop pouring (within reason).

Some of you may not believe this but it's actually possible to mix cereals. 

It was maybe half a cup left in the bag. When I put milk over it I just drank it. No reason to dirty a spoon.

4 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Looks like a good cup. That's a serving. I judge my cereal pour on how full my bowl is, not by how much is left in the box. When my bowl is full, I stop pouring (within reason).

Some of you may not believe this but it's actually possible to mix cereals. 

First part is correct. However, if the bag is close to empty then you top off the bowl after a few spoonfuls. 

12 hours ago, Ldogg53 said:

 


You should probably start studying/reading up the divorce thread.

 

I’ve been avoiding that thread like the plague, lest I succumb to a self fulfilling prophecy. 

9 hours ago, skipperj said:

Is it just me, or does that seem like plenty for a small bowl of cereal? Especially if you are putting fruit in it.

dude.

4c9afd2e8dac02732c98a269dd876cff.jpg

6 hours ago, Brew said:

First part is correct. However, if the bag is close to empty then you top off the bowl after a few spoonfuls. 

Or save it to toss in a bowl of ice cream that night.  

1 hour ago, Ldogg53 said:

Or save it to toss in a bowl of ice cream that night.  

you know how i know you're fat?

Wife can't understand why I can't take out additional taxes so she can get 'her' money back.  I've explained thoroughly that I'm 1099, she doesn't get it.  Whole night worth of arguing about this and that and why.  Dammit man

Wife can't understand why I can't take out additional taxes so she can get 'her' money back.  I've explained thoroughly that I'm 1099, she doesn't get it.  Whole night worth of arguing about this and that and why.  Dammit man

Her money is hers and your money is hers. What's hard to understand about that?
Wife can't understand why I can't take out additional taxes so she can get 'her' money back.  I've explained thoroughly that I'm 1099, she doesn't get it.  Whole night worth of arguing about this and that and why.  Dammit man
"Don't worry, honey. You won't have to worry about it once the divorce gets finalized."
"Don't worry, honey. You won't have to worry about it once the divorce gets finalized."


Haha truth!

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