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Featured Replies

6 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

I wanna know how a person can be that allergic to poison ivy and not fucking know what poison ivy looks like. That's like a grown adult with a peanut allergy going "Snickers? Sure I'll try it." 

Hey man, Snickers are good. And if the EpiPen is about to expire anyways...

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I wanna know how a person can be that allergic to poison ivy and not fucking know what poison ivy looks like. That's like a grown adult with a peanut allergy going "Snickers? Sure I'll try it." 

I’m so allergic to it I avoid all vine like plants like the plague.
11 hours ago, luke duke said:


No new pic, but we’re up to one doctor visit, one cortisone injection, three prescriptions, four days of bitching and zero sexytime.

dumb and dumber GIF

2 hours ago, Fudbelty said:


I’m so allergic to it I avoid all vine like plants like the plague.

Yep.  I end up getting that shit from my dog once or twice a year.  Little fucker won't stay away from the fence lines thanks to squirrels and what not.  

On 10/11/2021 at 9:44 AM, blacklab said:

Update on stair color:

Wife admitted since I spend more time on the first floor than anyone else since my office is there that she should listen to me when picking the color and she painted it yesterday to match the first floor. 

I'm really confused and don't know what to think about this. 

Let us know when you find out who she's banging.


No new pic, but we’re up to one doctor visit, one cortisone injection, three prescriptions, four days of bitching and zero sexytime.
Coincidentally, this perfectly describes cooking with luke duke at the rodeo.
Coincidentally, this perfectly describes cooking with luke duke at the rodeo.

Except the zero sexytime part.
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As I’ve mentioned before, momma is booster president for daughters HS VB team. Just had senior night and all went well. Homecoming parade was postponed this year so it’s still a month away. Guess what she wants to keep to decorate the float……

9ab828418419e6317aa691012cbeff75.jpg
9ab828418419e6317aa691012cbeff75.jpg

2 hours ago, luke duke said:


Except the zero sexytime part.

dumb and dumber GIF

23 minutes ago, Flg8rfan said:

As I’ve mentioned before, momma is booster president for daughters HS VB team. Just had senior night and all went well. Homecoming parade was postponed this year so it’s still a month away. Guess what she wants to keep to decorate the float……

9ab828418419e6317aa691012cbeff75.jpg
9ab828418419e6317aa691012cbeff75.jpg

Does she really think in 30 days these will still have their full inflation & helium content?

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25 minutes ago, Flg8rfan said:

As I’ve mentioned before, momma is booster president for daughters HS VB team. Just had senior night and all went well. Homecoming parade was postponed this year so it’s still a month away. Guess what she wants to keep to decorate the float……

9ab828418419e6317aa691012cbeff75.jpg
9ab828418419e6317aa691012cbeff75.jpg

Those balloons will look like Armybrat's balls by the time the float is built.  

Does she really think in 30 days these will still have their full inflation & helium content?

Yes, one of the other gals took the rest home to keep them safe.

All the guys (including myself) are just laughing.
Those balloons will look like Armybrat's balls by the time the float is built.  

Florida garage, I give them a week
Yep.  I end up getting that shit from my dog once or twice a year.  Little fucker won't stay away from the fence lines thanks to squirrels and what not.  

You probably should avoid having sex with it.
59 minutes ago, Flg8rfan said:

As I’ve mentioned before, momma is booster president for daughters HS VB team. Just had senior night and all went well. Homecoming parade was postponed this year so it’s still a month away. Guess what she wants to keep to decorate the float……

9ab828418419e6317aa691012cbeff75.jpg
 

Would be a real shame if a random gust of wind caught those while the garage door was open and they floated away...

1 minute ago, SuperSport said:

Would be a real shame if a random gust of wind caught those while the garage door was open and they floated away...

up-flying.gif

More of a vent, because similar exchanges happen far too often, but... (preface, son goes to HS 10 miles away on the way to wife's work, starts 30 minutes later than daughter, whose school is 1 mile away):

Me: "I have a very important 8 am call tomorrow"

Wife: (with severe tone) "So, I'm dropping both kids off tomorrow?!?"

Me: "No, I can drop off May and be back in time"

Wife: "No, I like dropping her off so I can see what's going on at school (i.e. gossip with the other mothers)"

Me:  WTF did you cop a tone if that's what you wanted all along?!

Wife: (seemingly dumbfounded tone) "I was just asking?!"

Cripes

On 10/13/2021 at 3:38 PM, Trey3216 said:

Those balloons will look like Armybrat's balls by the time the float is built.  

You’ve seen AB’s balls?  Interesting.  Weird but interesting.  

On 10/13/2021 at 11:30 PM, Wade said:

More of a vent, because similar exchanges happen far too often, but... (preface, son goes to HS 10 miles away on the way to wife's work, starts 30 minutes later than daughter, whose school is 1 mile away):

Me: "I have a very important 8 am call tomorrow"

Wife: (with severe tone) "So, I'm dropping both kids off tomorrow?!?"

Me: "No, I can drop off May and be back in time"

Wife: "No, I like dropping her off so I can see what's going on at school (i.e. gossip with the other mothers)"

Me:  WTF did you cop a tone if that's what you wanted all along?!

Wife: (seemingly dumbfounded tone) "I was just asking?!"

Cripes

Proof that tone is a reflex, not a considered choice.

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I don’t know if you guys realize this, but women establish dominance by asserting their opinion. It goes on between them naturally, as they all freely offer their opinion to each other. 
 

but for most of us, they have to solicit our opinion before they can assert their own. 
 

additionally, in the stairwell painting example above, he happened to have the same opinion as her.  So she goes ahead and asserts dominance by asserting the opposite opinion and then later pivots back to what she really wants in a way that martyrs herself.  So now she is both dominant and magnanimous. Martyrdom is another tent pole of womanhood as they compete with each other to see who can do more- like be booster president for a hs volleyball team AND also help with homecoming float decoration, for instance. 
 

I suspect that in time, the story about painting the house will become how blacklab wanted it painted like upstairs and she insisted on painting it downstairs. 

Edited by Pato del Muerto

7 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I don’t know if you guys realize this, but women establish dominance by asserting their opinion. It goes on between them naturally, as they all freely offer their opinion to each other. 
 

but for most of us, they have to solicit our opinion before they can assert their own. 

Actually an interesting insight, thanks PdM.

I don’t know if you guys realize this, but women establish dominance by asserting their opinion. It goes on between them naturally, as they all freely offer their opinion to each other. 
 
but for most of us, they have to solicit our opinion before they can assert their own. 
 
additionally, in the stairwell painting example above, he happened to have the same opinion as her.  So she goes ahead and asserts dominance by asserting the opposite opinion and then later pivots back to what she really wants in a way that martyrs herself.  So now she is both dominant and magnanimous. Martyrdom is another tent pole of womanhood as they compete with each other to see who can do more- like be booster president for a hs volleyball team AND also help with homecoming float decoration, for instance. 
 
I suspect that in time, the story about painting the house will become how blacklab wanted it painted like upstairs and she insisted on painting it downstairs. 

I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
3 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I don’t know if you guys realize this, but women establish dominance by asserting their opinion. It goes on between them naturally, as they all freely offer their opinion to each other. 
 

but for most of us, they have to solicit our opinion before they can assert their own. 
 

additionally, in the stairwell painting example above, he happened to have the same opinion as her.  So she goes ahead and asserts dominance by asserting the opposite opinion and then later pivots back to what she really wants in a way that martyrs herself.  So now she is both dominant and magnanimous. Martyrdom is another tent pole of womanhood as they compete with each other to see who can do more- like be booster president for a hs volleyball team AND also help with homecoming float decoration, for instance. 
 

I suspect that in time, the story about painting the house will become how blacklab wanted it painted like upstairs and she insisted on painting it downstairs. 

Sometimes they're just being bitchy.

Stupid shit husbands and wives do. Had planned a short family trip and the budget carrier was the only one that flies to our destination. Wife was the one planning everything so she booked tickets. 
 

Cause of a family issue she had to fly home to help her mom but she insisted we go anyway. “Don’t worry, I’ll have lots of time there, I’ll check you in and send all the documents.”

 

Morning of the flight she sends screenshots of the “you are checked in” screen but NOT the boarding passes. Did not have phone with her to send the actual passes. I pay the 20 buck “boarding pass reprint fee” for me and the kids.

 

Stupid shit husbands do because I should have insisted she send me all the confirmation number and checked in on my own. 

2 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Wife was the one planning everything so she booked tickets. 

Spoiler alert.

Honestly thought you were going to say tickets were for wrong days and/or destination 

Not sure whether to put this in the lol thread or this one.   But wives…

 

 

E7399168-CCEC-4E0B-8E8F-378A61A4171D.jpeg

11 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Which is "gently used", the wife or the cart?

She's gently used since becoming a wife.  

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Opening cans of paint is hard. 

91D47E63-BFC7-476E-A29A-B54D4354798F.jpeg

On 10/15/2021 at 10:33 AM, luke duke said:


I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

You better ask your wife

35 minutes ago, deadshank said:

Opening cans of paint is hard. 

I'm sitting here trying to figure out how she did that. That's impressive.

It’s not too bad, actually. Mine would have used whatever power tool is blurry there in the back. She has a balls to the wall approach that is very hard on my equipment. 

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25 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

She has a balls to the wall approach that is very hard on my equipment. 

Talking Episode 7 GIF by Curb Your Enthusiasm



Opening cans of paint is hard. 


Somewhere, just off-camera, is a flathead screwdriver with a broken tip. Also within reach and hanging on the pegboard is a paint can opener key.
2 minutes ago, RamjetFDO said:

Somewhere, just off-camera, is a flathead screwdriver with a broken tip.

Also not shown, rubber mallet that's been destroyed by hitting the aforementioned screwdriver.

25 minutes ago, RamjetFDO said:


 

 


Somewhere, just off-camera, is a flathead screwdriver with a broken tip. Also within reach and hanging on the pegboard is a paint can opener key.

 

She used the paint can key but worked it into the inside ledge on the can’s lid instead of the outside can lid edge.  Didn’t read the instructions.  This is the 2nd can she’s butchered.  
 

Of course, it’s my fault.  

On 10/19/2021 at 11:18 AM, Trey3216 said:

She's gently used since becoming a wife.  

Gently used by the husband, sure.  By the other guy?  Notsomuch.

20 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Your wife has nice cans.

Look pretty beat up to me 

25 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

Look pretty beat up to me 

Another botched procedure 

It’s not too bad, actually. Mine would have used whatever power tool is blurry there in the back. She has a balls to the wall approach that is very hard on my equipment. 

Your married to South Austins mom?

Package from wife’s work came in the mail with a branded soft cooler.

me - that’s looks like an odd shape

wife - yeah it’s like a circular prism

me - you mean a cone?

wife - no, a circular prism

/walks over and looks, it’s was a cylinder

53 minutes ago, TKthunder2 said:

Package from wife’s work came in the mail with a branded soft cooler.

me - that’s looks like an odd shape

wife - yeah it’s like a circular prism

me - you mean a cone?

wife - no, a circular prism

/walks over and looks, it’s was a cylinder

Kaleidoscope was the word she was looking for.  She was close to speaking in  Trixie and I've learned to translate.

2 minutes ago, PhillyD said:

Kaleidoscope was the word she was looking for.  She was close to speaking in  Trixie and I've learned to translate.

Kaleidoscope is a witch of a word to spell. I recently did a deal with a company called kaleidoscope, and if it weren’t for autocorrect I would never spell that word correctly. 

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