Jump to content
View in the app

A better way to browse. Learn more.

Surly Horns

A full-screen app on your home screen with push notifications, badges and more.

To install this app on iOS and iPadOS
  1. Tap the Share icon in Safari
  2. Scroll the menu and tap Add to Home Screen.
  3. Tap Add in the top-right corner.
To install this app on Android
  1. Tap the 3-dot menu (⋮) in the top-right corner of the browser.
  2. Tap Add to Home screen or Install app.
  3. Confirm by tapping Install.
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Featured Replies

1 hour ago, TKthunder2 said:

Package from wife’s work came in the mail with a branded soft cooler.

me - that’s looks like an odd shape

wife - yeah it’s like a circular prism

me - you mean a cone?

wife - no, a circular prism

/walks over and looks, it’s was a cylinder

Is it one of those that loads cans like a shotgun tube that you wear like a bandalero?

  • Replies 23.8k
  • Views 2.2m
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Most Popular Posts

  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

  • BearCountry11
    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

Posted Images

  • Popular Post

My now ex and I used to live in a neighborhood that was very popular with trick-or-treaters. People from around the community would come in droves to have their kids, all dressed up in costumes, come for the treats. My ex tells me to hand out extra candy to the neighborhood kids.

Me: What did you just say?

ex: give the neighborhood kids more candy.

me: And just how am I to know which ones are the neighborhood kids? The have mask and costumes on.

ex: no words, just the look and tone.

Opened the under-sink cabinet (you know where all the cleaning crap ends up) to find two dirty dog food bowls.

Asked her about it and apparently when we had people over last week, the dishwasher was full so she didn’t know where to put them.

12 minutes ago, Flg8rfan said:

Opened the under-sink cabinet (you know where all the cleaning crap ends up) to find two dirty dog food bowls.

Asked her about it and apparently when we had people over last week, the dishwasher was full so she didn’t know where to put them.

ok, i will be the asshole.....   

have you not fed your dog for more than a week?

On 10/21/2021 at 6:18 AM, deadshank said:

Opening cans of paint is hard. 

91D47E63-BFC7-476E-A29A-B54D4354798F.jpeg

  That looks like anger management therapy

17 minutes ago, Flg8rfan said:

Opened the under-sink cabinet (you know where all the cleaning crap ends up) to find two dirty dog food bowls.

Asked her about it and apparently when we had people over last week, the dishwasher was full so she didn’t know where to put them.

  Something our 13 year old daughter would do.

4 minutes ago, AUS-97HORN said:

ok, i will be the asshole.....   

have you not fed your dog for more than a week?

  We have multiple rotations of animal bowls.

3 hours ago, AUS-97HORN said:

ok, i will be the asshole.....   

have you not fed your dog for more than a week?

If he hasn’t fed his dogs for more than a week, I think he is the asshole. 

  We have multiple rotations of animal bowls.

Same here
20 hours ago, Flg8rfan said:


Same here

Thirded, but our dog is old and only has a few teeth left so he gets soft food which requires washing a bowl twice a day.

On 10/23/2021 at 9:49 PM, mininghorn88 said:

My now ex and I used to live in a neighborhood that was very popular with trick-or-treaters. People from around the community would come in droves to have their kids, all dressed up in costumes, come for the treats. My ex tells me to hand out extra candy to the neighborhood kids.

Me: What did you just say?

ex: give the neighborhood kids more candy.

me: And just how am I to know which ones are the neighborhood kids? The have mask and costumes on.

ex: no words, just the look and tone.

We know most of the kids in our neighborhood.  And many I can tell who they are despite a costume.  Others with masks we know from talking to them. I don't discriminate in candy distribution though.  I am happy for any kid who is trick or treating regardless of where they live.

On 10/11/2021 at 10:44 AM, blacklab said:

Update on stair color:

Wife admitted since I spend more time on the first floor than anyone else since my office is there that she should listen to me when picking the color and she painted it yesterday to match the first floor. 

I'm really confused and don't know what to think about this. 

You’re going to be murdered in your sleep

On the dog bowl situation. I was sweeping the other day noticed that we have two water bowls and two food bowls for the dogs in the kitchen. We have three dogs. I would fully understand if we had either 3 water bows and 3 food bowls. Or one of each. But I honest to god have been wondering about the math for like a week now. 

3 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

On the dog bowl situation. I was sweeping the other day noticed that we have two water bowls and two food bowls for the dogs in the kitchen. We have three dogs. I would fully understand if we had either 3 water bows and 3 food bowls. Or one of each. But I honest to god have been wondering about the math for like a week now. 

Maybe she's trying to kill off one of the dogs but they've outsmarted her

19 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

On the dog bowl situation. I was sweeping the other day noticed that we have two water bowls and two food bowls for the dogs in the kitchen. We have three dogs. I would fully understand if we had either 3 water bows and 3 food bowls. Or one of each. But I honest to god have been wondering about the math for like a week now. 

Ask the question . . . and report back.

  • Popular Post
49 minutes ago, Jerry Callo said:

Ask the question . . . and report back.

I finally caved last night. And it turns out she's right and this made absolute logical sense. Turns out, after I leave, Wife(who works from home) puts the dogs and one set of bowls outside until they start whining. Then in for half an hour, then back outside. This way she can have one set inside and one outside. Then she brings the bowls in at night so that racoons or rats don't find them (we back up to like this wooded alley thing).

Me : Wow. That makes perfect sense.

Her : Then better damn well put that on your fucking football forum, too

24 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

I finally caved last night. And it turns out she's right and this made absolute logical sense. Turns out, after I leave, Wife(who works from home) puts the dogs and one set of bowls outside until they start whining. Then in for half an hour, then back outside. This way she can have one set inside and one outside. Then she brings the bowls in at night so that racoons or rats don't find them (we back up to like this wooded alley thing).

Me : Wow. That makes perfect sense.

Her : Then better damn well put that on your fucking football forum, too

The type of shame   

24 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

I finally caved last night. And it turns out she's right and this made absolute logical sense. Turns out, after I leave, Wife(who works from home) puts the dogs and one set of bowls outside until they start whining. Then in for half an hour, then back outside. This way she can have one set inside and one outside. Then she brings the bowls in at night so that racoons or rats don't find them (we back up to like this wooded alley thing).

Me : Wow. That makes perfect sense.

Her : Then better damn well put that on your fucking football forum, too

200.gif

47 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

I finally caved last night. And it turns out she's right and this made absolute logical sense. Turns out, after I leave, Wife(who works from home) puts the dogs and one set of bowls outside until they start whining. Then in for half an hour, then back outside. This way she can have one set inside and one outside. Then she brings the bowls in at night so that racoons or rats don't find them (we back up to like this wooded alley thing).

Me : Wow. That makes perfect sense.

Her : Then better damn well put that on your fucking football forum, too

well she sounds awesome

  • Popular Post
15 minutes ago, BHMCruiser said:

well she sounds awesome

spacer.png

7 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

I finally caved last night. And it turns out she's right and this made absolute logical sense. Turns out, after I leave, Wife(who works from home) puts the dogs and one set of bowls outside until they start whining. Then in for half an hour, then back outside. This way she can have one set inside and one outside. Then she brings the bowls in at night so that racoons or rats don't find them (we back up to like this wooded alley thing).

Me : Wow. That makes perfect sense.

Her : Then better damn well put that on your fucking football forum, too

This is a terrible resolution 

On 10/25/2021 at 3:53 PM, Jameslaw121 said:

 But I honest to god have been wondering about the math for like a week now. 

math.thumb.JPG.36d33c337b448c4e2e2f8aefda86d110.JPG

I finally caved last night. And it turns out she's right and this made absolute logical sense. Turns out, after I leave, Wife(who works from home) puts the dogs and one set of bowls outside until they start whining. Then in for half an hour, then back outside. This way she can have one set inside and one outside. Then she brings the bowls in at night so that racoons or rats don't find them (we back up to like this wooded alley thing).
Me : Wow. That makes perfect sense.
Her : Then better damn well put that on your fucking football forum, too

Well. She doesn’t have to be a potty mouth to us

What is it with wives and cars?
- She’s currently ruining a set of Michelins because she doesn’t see the big ass Costco sticker telling her when to rotate the tires.
- she’s all sorts of pissed she needs to go in person to renew her registration because the renewal notice sat for over year on her desk.
- she hauls around a bunch of crap and then complains there’s no room. She borrowed a stapler from a friend and carried it around for 2 fucking years in the truck because she was going to return it.
- I detailed the interior and she just get annoyed that she can’t use it for 2 hours. I also returned said stapler. Not a single thank you.
- there’s a big ass gash on the right fender of her car and doesn’t know how it happened.

Next time I’ll just buy her a beater car, save tens of thousands of dollars, use that money to buy a bunch of crap to fill her car, sight my new scope on one of her fenders, and arrive at the same fucking state.

Sorry but 1&2 are on you.  Gotta handle the registration/inspection and rotating the tires yourself.

Edited by tx ind

Unbeknownst my wife, I threw away a premier protein tonight that’s sat in the back of the fridge since November of last year while she was gone. The expiration date said February 22. This last 5 months every time I tried to clear the fridge after a grocery run, I’d ask I can throw it. Of course it’s a stern no…until tonight. See if she even notices it gone

1 hour ago, William_Cannon said:

What is it with wives and cars?
- She’s currently ruining a set of Michelins because she doesn’t see the big ass Costco sticker telling her when to rotate the tires.
- she’s all sorts of pissed she needs to go in person to renew her registration because the renewal notice sat for over year on her desk.
- she hauls around a bunch of crap and then complains there’s no room. She borrowed a stapler from a friend and carried it around for 2 fucking years in the truck because she was going to return it.
- I detailed the interior and she just get annoyed that she can’t use it for 2 hours. I also returned said stapler. Not a single thank you.
- there’s a big ass gash on the right fender of her car and doesn’t know how it happened.

Next time I’ll just buy her a beater car, save tens of thousands of dollars, use that money to buy a bunch of crap to fill her car, sight my new scope on one of her fenders, and arrive at the same fucking state.

Should've married a lesbian.

26 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Unbeknownst my wife, I threw away a premier protein tonight that’s sat in the back of the fridge since November of last year while she was gone. The expiration date said February 22. This last 5 months every time I tried to clear the fridge after a grocery run, I’d ask I can throw it. Of course it’s a stern no…until tonight. See if she even notices it gone

The trick is to never ask. 99% of the time she won't notice. 1% of the time "what protein?" 

2 hours ago, ztejas said:

Should've married a lesbian.

But what if he doesn't like the Subaru brand?

  • Popular Post

Mrs. NNM said I needed to look under her car, that there was something scraping. She said she ran over a small stick in our driveway.  We’re out in the country in ETX, have about 100 pine trees in the front yard and about a 75 yard driveway through those trees, so there were a LOT of sticks blown down in the wind over the last couple of days. 
 

I got down there, and was able to get the skid plate off. Her story, and she’s sticking to it, is that it was only a “small stick” she ran over. 
 

I think I need to go look for bodies on the side of the road on the highway ….

066AAA13-FFE6-42B0-97EF-3A5B3C669D37.jpeg

3D46F2CC-8DF3-4A28-AE91-AE77FAE1EB3B.jpeg

3 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

Wtf is that?

Cover plate. May or may not be from her car.

Annnndddd... were back

Wife's sisters birthday. Their family wants to have dinner (this all occurred Thursday morning) around 6:30. Now, we normally put the 2 year old to bed around 7. So, I tell her to go without me and I would watch the kids and get her to bed and stuff. She agrees. We're on the phone talking about logistics, when I'll get home, if she's making dinner for us, does the baby need a bath, ect...

Me (driving): Ok - I need to get off the phone about to be on a highway. Text me if anything changes.

Her : Wait - what are we doing for dinner?

Me : You mean Friday? Probably order a pizza (which we do pretty much every Friday)

Her : No tonight.

Me : I'll make myself something after the baby goes to bed. 

Her : We have left over grilled chicken, maybe a salad.

Me : WTF are you talking about?

Her : Dinner

Me : You're having dinner with your family. That was the whole point of this phone call

Her : tone

Edited by Jameslaw121

23 hours ago, tx ind said:

Sorry but 1&2 are on you.  Gotta handle the registration/inspection and rotating the tires yourself.

Yeah, but that stapler, though…

23 hours ago, ztejas said:

Should've married a lesbian.

Why does he want a Subaru?

Edited by Incredulity
Tip of cap to ROFLBOX

At the swim meet.

Hi, I'm Cyclettes father and I noticed your team shirt. Is there a booster club or team info site I can join?

Your wife: Coach usually sends a form.  But I  don't know what happened this year.

How would he send it to me?

Email

How would he get my email?

Did you go to the parents info meeting?

No.

Well, I  guess he doesn't have your email.

 

 

On 10/29/2021 at 1:33 AM, ROFL BOX said:

But what if he doesn't like the Subaru brand?

 

On 10/29/2021 at 10:10 PM, Incredulity said:

Why does he want a Subaru?

I caught this late but you both get rep. Don't spend it all in one place. 

19 hours ago, Nolacycling said:

At the swim meet.

Hi, I'm Cyclettes father and I noticed your team shirt. Is there a booster club or team info site I can join?

Your wife: Coach usually sends a form.  But I  don't know what happened this year.

How would he send it to me?

Email

How would he get my email?

Did you go to the parents info meeting?

No.

Well, I  guess he doesn't have your email.

 

 

I mean... she kinda punked you dude. 

13 hours ago, Nolacycling said:

I plead ignorance.  They didn't have my email to tell me 

because you didn't go to the meeting

Have gotten woefully out of shape that past few years.  For years, used to belong to a Fitness 19 about a mile from the house: very simple, very cheap, cardio, weights, machines, that's it, not even a shower.  Perfect.  Asked my wife to get me a membership for my birthday.  She comes back with a quote for a $430 annual fee.  Whoa, whoa, whoa, WTF!  I check online.  There's the basic option that I want: no enrollment fee, $13/month.  I call them today and confirm that there a no bullshit strings attached.  Will come in tomorrow with a check.

Tonight wife comes home with signed Premier annual membership for $350 (I guess she negotiated them down?)  Good news is I can work out at any Fitness 19 in the US.  Awesome

4 hours ago, Wade said:

Have gotten woefully out of shape that past few years.  For years, used to belong to a Fitness 19 about a mile from the house: very simple, very cheap, cardio, weights, machines, that's it, not even a shower.  Perfect.  Asked my wife to get me a membership for my birthday.  She comes back with a quote for a $430 annual fee.  Whoa, whoa, whoa, WTF!  I check online.  There's the basic option that I want: no enrollment fee, $13/month.  I call them today and confirm that there a no bullshit strings attached.  Will come in tomorrow with a check.

Tonight wife comes home with signed Premier annual membership for $350 (I guess she negotiated them down?)  Good news is I can work out at any Fitness 19 in the US.  Awesome

Face it.  One of the PTS is banging her.  

On 10/29/2021 at 3:52 PM, nnm said:

Mrs. NNM said I needed to look under her car, that there was something scraping. She said she ran over a small stick in our driveway.  We’re out in the country in ETX, have about 100 pine trees in the front yard and about a 75 yard driveway through those trees, so there were a LOT of sticks blown down in the wind over the last couple of days. 
 

I got down there, and was able to get the skid plate off. Her story, and she’s sticking to it, is that it was only a “small stick” she ran over. 
 

I think I need to go look for bodies on the side of the road on the highway ….

066AAA13-FFE6-42B0-97EF-3A5B3C669D37.jpeg

3D46F2CC-8DF3-4A28-AE91-AE77FAE1EB3B.jpeg

Hol shit that's great! Reminds me of one awhile back that said she ran over a 'traffic cone' (narrator- it was a construction barrel)

Wife refuses to work anywhere in the house but the living room even though she has a dedicated office and then gets annoyed when 10 month old crawls to her. Just today he knocked her ear buds off couch into toy basket and now she can’t find them. I think I am going to change the oil and sharpen the blades on the lawnmower tonight in the bedroom to see if she gets the idea. 

22 minutes ago, Clintonaldo said:

 I think I am going to change the oil and sharpen the blades on the lawnmower tonight in the bedroom to see if she gets the idea. 

This is code, right?

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Configure browser push notifications

Chrome (Android)
  1. Tap the lock icon next to the address bar.
  2. Tap Permissions → Notifications.
  3. Adjust your preference.
Chrome (Desktop)
  1. Click the padlock icon in the address bar.
  2. Select Site settings.
  3. Find Notifications and adjust your preference.