November 7, 20214 yr It’s like a live feed to all our houses. Same stories. Wife: "You do too much stuff on your phone while driving."Me: "Please use the app & get into that "not a reservation / call ahead seating" whatever it is thing."Wife, interrupted from watching Grey's Anatomy on her phone: "[ s i g h ] Really? Why can't you do it?"Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk
November 7, 20214 yr I have DND with auto response while driving. Wife always texts me to see where I am but doesn’t call until I pull in the drive. Maddening
November 8, 20214 yr Had some bad winds last week, probably up to 50 mph at peak. Wife calls me while I'm going to pick up the kids from daycare: Wife: The grill is blowing away out into the yard! Me: Can you go get it and put it in the corner of the porch??? Wife: ... ... Ok *hangs up*
November 9, 20214 yr It's well established on here that my wife says a lot of things wrong.. this time it wasn't her, but she was so proud of herself that she recognized someone else's mistake and took great joy in sharing it.. We're watching the local news here in OKC, they're interviewing an OSU defensive player.. .he said we're playing so well, the "sky is the ceiling" going forward. Her: *laughing loudly* what an idiot!! then proceeds to text this to the kids. Of course they all reply..this sounds like something you've actually said before mom.
November 9, 20214 yr Popular Post Her: All six candidates I've submitted to that position have gotten interviews, really awesome that I'm batting a hundred. Me: A thousand, you mean. Her: [confused look] What?? It's impossible to do better than 100%.
November 9, 20214 yr 17 minutes ago, SuperSport said: Her: All six candidates I've submitted to that position have gotten interviews, really awesome that I'm batting a hundred. Me: A thousand, you mean. Her: [confused look] What?? It's impossible to do better than 100%.
November 9, 20214 yr 26 minutes ago, SuperSport said: Her: All six candidates I've submitted to that position have gotten interviews, really awesome that I'm batting a hundred. Me: A thousand, you mean. Her: [confused look] What?? It's impossible to do better than 100%. Well technically it's 1.000, but colloquially you are correct.
November 9, 20214 yr 9 minutes ago, Mo Horn said: Well technically it's 1.000, but colloquially you are correct.
November 10, 20214 yr Popular Post Her: I'm at the top of the food chain right now. Me: Wha? Her: The food chain. Me: Yeah, you're human Her: I know, but I need to be better Me: What are you talking about? Her: I'm as heavy as I've ever been, I'm at the top of the food chain. Me: How many people have you said this to? What do you think the food chain is?? Her: Is it not when your at your highest weight? Me: Sweet Jesus. Sure, why not..
November 10, 20214 yr 6 minutes ago, Pokoloco said: How many people have you said this to? This is awesome. Nice job trying to protect her from herself.
November 10, 20214 yr 31 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said: This is awesome. Nice job trying to protect her from herself. Yeah, the 'I'm correcting you so you don't embarrass yourself" (really me) reasoning has never worked out for me
November 10, 20214 yr 10 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said: Yeah, the 'I'm correcting you so you don't embarrass yourself" (really me) reasoning has never worked out for me yup, from my experience this never ends well
November 10, 20214 yr Just now, tx ind said: yup, from my experience this never ends well Neither does the opposite. My problem is listening to a rambling question, giving some answer just to keep moving forward in life, she repeats whatever bullshit I told her to someone else, someone else says, “What the fuck are you talking about?” Then the shit hits the fan at home that night.
November 10, 20214 yr In reference to the last page my dad once told me “90% of being married is yelling ‘what?’ From across the house.”
November 10, 20214 yr 3 hours ago, Pokoloco said: Me: Sweet Jesus. Sure, why not.. Best part of the whole exchange, tbh.
November 10, 20214 yr If you get in a conversation with your wife about her weight, you're a dead man. It didn't matter what you say or the context of your answer, you're going to be made to regret it. You can agree that she looks great if she lost weight and she will respond "So you thought I was too fat before?"
November 10, 20214 yr 1 hour ago, Crapinon said: If you get in a conversation with your wife about her weight, you're a dead man. It didn't matter what you say or the context of your answer, you're going to be made to regret it. You can agree that she looks great if she lost weight and she will respond "So you thought I was too fat before?" Right answer... wrong answer... You're still not getting a blowjob.
November 10, 20214 yr Do y'alls wives ever give you a recount of a conversation by reciting every line like it's a fiction novel? And I'm talking about dumb shit, like a furniture order, where the words used and context isn't important.Wife:They called and said the chair is finally at the warehouse!She said we need to pay the balance remaining.She says it's $600So I said, I thought we already paid it off?She said we didn't and we only paid for half back in January.So I said OK, when can it be delivered?And she was like, "well maybe Friday or Saturday, depends on what we have scheduled. If you don't want the chair any more, we can refund you and sell it to someone else immediately.And I said I would discuss it with my husband first, since I didn't know if we still needed it. And she said ok, we will hold it for you for now. *** Me trying not to look bored or annoyed that I don't get an executive summary instead ***Me: Do you still want the chair?Wife: yesMe: ok let's get it then***Few days later***Wife: hey can you call the store and pay the balance on the chair and schedule delivery?Sure. [emoji52]
November 11, 20214 yr Popular Post 2 hours ago, Dutchrudder said: Do y'alls wives ever give you a recount of a conversation by reciting every line like it's a fiction novel? Every damn day. It really hits hard when she even includes the end of the convo: "She said ok and I said ok, thanks bye"
November 11, 20214 yr It’s like they’re addicted to the sound of their own voice. Like the vibrations of their larynx stimulates the sinuses in their skull in an orgasm like manner. Like they can’t stop talking because they’re just about to nut.
November 11, 20214 yr 9 hours ago, Not that Bob said: It’s like they’re addicted to the sound of their own voice. Like the vibrations of their larynx stimulates the sinuses in their skull in an orgasm like manner. Like they can’t stop talking because they’re just about to nut. go on...
November 11, 20214 yr 12 hours ago, Not that Bob said: It’s like they’re addicted to the sound of their own voice. Like the vibrations of their larynx stimulates the sinuses in their skull in an orgasm like manner. Like they can’t stop talking because they’re just about to nut. A woman at work is like that, acts like she gets paid by the syllable. All the women at my job like to start talking to someone from far away, yelling and getting quieter as they approach. Why they can't wait until they get to the person to start talking remains a mystery.
November 12, 20214 yr Popular Post Monday when HS playoff pairings were announced, I told the wife that we were going to a game in Bastrop on Thursday evening. So yesterday, she came home at about 6 and I said, "We need to leave by 6:30." Completely blank look: "For what?" So we leave by 6:30 and are going to be at the game on time. We pass this Mexican restaurant that I had wanted to eat at and it was completely dark. I mention that if we had decided to go out to eat before that game, that I had wanted to go there. In retrospect, mentioning this was a terrible mistake. "Whyyyyyyy didn't you tell me?!???" "It didn't matter, it was closed. It's a good thing we didn't." "Yes, but whyyyyyyyy didn't you tell me?!??!?" "I told you we were going to the game, and you completely forgot that." "You could have told me this morning." "OK, I'm not doing this." "Doing what?" "I'm not going to have an argument about me not telling you about this restaurant that turned out to be closed when you couldn't even remember that we were going to the game. I'm trying to fucking drive." "I'm not trying to have an argument; I'm trying to have a discussion." "I'm not doing this." "Can you just text me next time?" "I'm not doing this." "You're making me really mad."
November 12, 20214 yr 1 hour ago, Beau Vine said: Monday when HS playoff pairings were announced, I told the wife that we were going to a game in Bastrop on Thursday evening. So yesterday, she came home at about 6 and I said, "We need to leave by 6:30." Completely blank look: "For what?" So we leave by 6:30 and are going to be at the game on time. We pass this Mexican restaurant that I had wanted to eat at and it was completely dark. I mention that if we had decided to go out to eat before that game, that I had wanted to go there. In retrospect, mentioning this was a terrible mistake. "Whyyyyyyy didn't you tell me?!???" "It didn't matter, it was closed. It's a good thing we didn't." "Yes, but whyyyyyyyy didn't you tell me?!??!?" "I told you we were going to the game, and you completely forgot that." "You could have told me this morning." "OK, I'm not doing this." "Doing what?" "I'm not going to have an argument about me not telling you about this restaurant that turned out to be closed when you couldn't even remember that we were going to the game. I'm trying to fucking drive." "I'm not trying to have an argument; I'm trying to have a discussion." "I'm not doing this." "Can you just text me next time?" "I'm not doing this." "You're making me really mad." You should have told her.
November 12, 20214 yr 2 hours ago, Beau Vine said: Monday when HS playoff pairings were announced, I told the wife that we were going to a game in Bastrop on Thursday evening. So yesterday, she came home at about 6 and I said, "We need to leave by 6:30." Completely blank look: "For what?" So we leave by 6:30 and are going to be at the game on time. We pass this Mexican restaurant that I had wanted to eat at and it was completely dark. I mention that if we had decided to go out to eat before that game, that I had wanted to go there. In retrospect, mentioning this was a terrible mistake. "Whyyyyyyy didn't you tell me?!???" "It didn't matter, it was closed. It's a good thing we didn't." "Yes, but whyyyyyyyy didn't you tell me?!??!?" "I told you we were going to the game, and you completely forgot that." "You could have told me this morning." "OK, I'm not doing this." "Doing what?" "I'm not going to have an argument about me not telling you about this restaurant that turned out to be closed when you couldn't even remember that we were going to the game. I'm trying to fucking drive." "I'm not trying to have an argument; I'm trying to have a discussion." "I'm not doing this." "Can you just text me next time?" "I'm not doing this." "You're making me really mad." It would have been open if you told her, asshole.
November 12, 20214 yr Popular Post my all time favorite.... Wife: "You're just trying to Delegate an argument!" Me: "The word is instigate." Wife: "stop trying to make me feel stupid." Me: "I'm not trying." Edited November 12, 20214 yr by FloridaHorn
November 13, 20214 yr On 11/4/2021 at 7:16 PM, NAVY said: I hear ya man. I’ll ask a yes or no question and get sprayed with 5 minutes of verbal diarrhea. I just go to a happy place in my mind until it’s over "Say the last thing first."
November 13, 20214 yr I believe "and things like that" has officially replaced "et cetera" in all women's vocabulary. Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk
November 13, 20214 yr I believe "and things like that" has officially replaced "et cetera" in all women's vocabulary. Sent from my SM-G975U using TapatalkMy wife will tell a long story and end it with "So..." like she's ready to continue it at any time. I wisely refuse to engage.
November 13, 20214 yr 1 hour ago, Dutchrudder said: I believe "and things like that" has officially replaced "et cetera" in all women's vocabulary. Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk "and things of that nature"- Stephanie A. Smith
November 13, 20214 yr 3 hours ago, Dutchrudder said: I believe "and things like that" has officially replaced "et cetera" in all women's vocabulary. Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk My wife prefers "and that sort of thing" & "and whatever". She'll occasionally toss in "and ____ kinda thing".
November 15, 20214 yr my all time favorite.... Wife: "You're just trying to Delegate an argument!" Me: "The word is instigate." Wife: "stop trying to make me feel stupid." Me: "I'm not trying."Her. Light in spare bedroom isn't working....Quickly degrades....bla bla blaMe. That last thing you said doesn't even make sense.Her. I CAN ASK STUPID QUESTIONS IF I WANT!Sent from my Lenovo TB-X606F using Tapatalk
November 15, 20214 yr 3 hours ago, hullabelew said: Her. Light in spare bedroom isn't working.... Quickly degrades....bla bla bla Me. That last thing you said doesn't even make sense. Her. I CAN ASK STUPID QUESTIONS IF I WANT! Sent from my Lenovo TB-X606F using Tapatalk She’s moving up the pyramid Edited November 15, 20214 yr by OrangEngr
November 16, 20214 yr Popular Post We went out to do some birthday/christmas shopping for the kids, my wife wanted to look for some new shoes for herself while we're out, no big deal. First, she has really big feet, women's 11-12, so she always has problems finding shoes that fit. She sees this pair and while trying to cram her foot into it, she hurts her toe. Her: "OW! These just don't fit, that really hurt!" Me: "Cool, let's move on then" Her: "I want to try this other one first" Me: .... Her: "These don't work either. Let me try the first ones again" Me: "The ones that hurt? Why would you try those again?" Her: "They might work this time. OW! No, they don't fit." Me: WTF
November 16, 20214 yr 1 hour ago, Sandman said: We went out to do some birthday/christmas shopping for the kids, my wife wanted to look for some new shoes for herself while we're out, no big deal. First, she has really big feet, women's 11-12, so she always has problems finding shoes that fit. She sees this pair and while trying to cram her foot into it, she hurts her toe. Her: "OW! These just don't fit, that really hurt!" Me: "Cool, let's move on then" Her: "I want to try this other one first" Me: .... Her: "These don't work either. Let me try the first ones again" Me: "The ones that hurt? Why would you try those again?" Her: "They might work this time. OW! No, they don't fit." Me: WTF
November 16, 20214 yr 1 hour ago, Sandman said: my wife wanted to look for some new shoes for herself while we're out, no big deal. That's on you
November 16, 20214 yr 2 hours ago, Sandman said: First, she has really big feet, women's 11-12, so she always has problems finding shoes that fit. You married to Ryan Tannehill’s wife?
November 16, 20214 yr Popular Post 10 hours ago, Sandman said: We went out to do some birthday/christmas shopping for the kids, my wife wanted to look for some new shoes for herself while we're out, no big deal. First, she has really big feet, women's 11-12, so she always has problems finding shoes that fit. She sees this pair and while trying to cram her foot into it, she hurts her toe. Her: "OW! These just don't fit, that really hurt!" Me: "Cool, let's move on then" Her: "I want to try this other one first" Me: .... Her: "These don't work either. Let me try the first ones again" Me: "The ones that hurt? Why would you try those again?" Her: "They might work this time. OW! No, they don't fit." Me: WTF
November 16, 20214 yr 11 hours ago, Sandman said: We went out to do some birthday/christmas shopping for the kids, my wife wanted to look for some new shoes for herself while we're out, no big deal. First, she has really big feet, women's 11-12, so she always has problems finding shoes that fit. She sees this pair and while trying to cram her foot into it, she hurts her toe. Her: "OW! These just don't fit, that really hurt!" Me: "Cool, let's move on then" Her: "I want to try this other one first" Me: .... Her: "These don't work either. Let me try the first ones again" Me: "The ones that hurt? Why would you try those again?" Her: "They might work this time. OW! No, they don't fit." Me: WTF 9 hours ago, Js1 said: You married to Ryan Tannehill’s wife? 38 minutes ago, Mo Horn said:
November 16, 20214 yr 13 hours ago, Sandman said: We went out to do some birthday/christmas shopping for the kids, my wife wanted to look for some new shoes for herself while we're out, no big deal. First, she has really big feet, women's 11-12, so she always has problems finding shoes that fit. She sees this pair and while trying to cram her foot into it, she hurts her toe. Her: "OW! These just don't fit, that really hurt!" Me: "Cool, let's move on then" Her: "I want to try this other one first" Me: .... Her: "These don't work either. Let me try the first ones again" Me: "The ones that hurt? Why would you try those again?" Her: "They might work this time. OW! No, they don't fit." Me: WTF 11 hours ago, Trey3216 said: 10 hours ago, Js1 said: You married to Ryan Tannehill’s wife? 2 hours ago, Mo Horn said: 1 hour ago, NorthLoop said:
November 16, 20214 yr Just catching up. Regarding saving Trixie from embarrassment... very early in the relationship I was with the GF now wife and she answered her phone with "this is her" My face must have looked like I had just been kicked in the balls by a farting donkey. Afterwards she asked me what that was about and I said "this is she" is the way to say that. If you say it the way you just did anyone with any sense is going to think you are an idiot. I said it in a nice way and said I just wanted her to look her best to any and everyone. And she changed it that day. Probably the last time she actually listened to me and took life lesson advice. But hey, we will always have Paris.
November 16, 20214 yr 16 hours ago, Sandman said: We went out to do some birthday/christmas shopping for the kids, my wife wanted to look for some new shoes for herself while we're out, no big deal. First, she has really big feet, women's 11-12, so she always has problems finding shoes that fit. She sees this pair and while trying to cram her foot into it, she hurts her toe. Her: "OW! These just don't fit, that really hurt!" Me: "Cool, let's move on then" Her: "I want to try this other one first" Me: .... Her: "These don't work either. Let me try the first ones again" Me: "The ones that hurt? Why would you try those again?" Her: "They might work this time. OW! No, they don't fit." Me: WTF
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