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Featured Replies

On 1/17/2022 at 8:21 PM, Bullneck said:

I've had the app on my phone for three years and my wife doesn't know.

We've had a Nest for years and not only does the wife forget she can't walk up to it and just rotate either way, she forgets you can change the settings in the app itself which she uses to look at any of the half-dozen cameras we have.  I could be thousands of miles away and inevitably I'll get a text..."the house is too hot, can you turn on the A/C?"

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3 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Ok that makes it better because 4 foot tall bronze cranes have a lot more uses

I could be wrong about it being a crane. Maybe it’s a heron. But it’s definitely not a flamingo. Maybe Mitch can fill us in. 

4 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

God dammit motherfucker. 

 

IMG_20220119_162147014_HDR.jpg

Something has to eat the crab.

2 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

I could be wrong about it being a crane. Maybe it’s a heron. But it’s definitely not a flamingo. Maybe Mitch can fill us in. 

Heron, right? - long s shaped neck. 

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2 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

I could be wrong about it being a crane. Maybe it’s a heron. But it’s definitely not a flamingo. Maybe Mitch can fill us in. 

My wife says crane. So it's almost certainly a flamingo or heron or a fucking chupacabra what the fuck do I know. What I do know is that in a few months, once she's forgotten about them, that sumbitch and it's ugly twin are going to be "stolen" from our yard and thrown in the dumpster at my office. 

13 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

God dammit motherfucker. 

 

IMG_20220119_162147014_HDR.jpg

What was the bargain price for that lovely addition to your home?

God dammit motherfucker. 
 
IMG_20220119_162147014_HDR.thumb.jpg.aedd19b240dedcdd02576f4653bd111c.jpg

Is this from the guy who fixes furniture that conned your wife and she took this for “collateral”?

She got them from her brother, which is either a sad commentary on him or a complete fabrication to cover up how much she paid for them. I'm going with the former because she told me, "I don't know if I even like them or if we should keep them," plus I saw him on the doorbell cam. Don't worry honey, I'll take care of them for you. He also gave her this little wooden stand/table thing that sits on the ground maybe about a foot tall, and I asked her what the fuck we were supposed to do with it. She had no clue. I already suggested using it for fire wood this weekend.

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We have two old cats, 19 & 17. Both are in pretty good shape but the 19 yo is deaf and half senile. No reason to put her down, she's just getting old. She has a hard time hitting the litter box and ends up peeing on the floor, so I got a plastic tray to put under the litter box. We add a pad and that takes care of most the problem. Occasionally we have to take it out in the back yard and rinse the tray off. The other day I came in and the tray was in the kitchen sink. I asked my wife why the hell was it there and not in the back yard. She said the back faucet was covered and she couldn't use it. I told her the cover comes off in 10 seconds, but even so, why didn't she just wash it off in the shower and not the sink. She said she bathes in the shower and didn't want to get it dirty with cat pee. I ask her if it made her feel any cleaner by washing it out in the sink we use to clean our cooking utensils, plates and silverware. Tone and silence. 

Edited by Crapinon

17 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

God dammit motherfucker. 

 

IMG_20220119_162147014_HDR.jpg

Is that rebar on your leg, or are you just happy to see Mrs. Cumsteen?

14 minutes ago, Crapinon said:

We have two old cats, 19 & 17. Both are in pretty good shape but the 19 yo is deaf and half senile. No reason to put her down, she's just getting old. She has a hard time hitting the litter box and ends up peeing on the floor, so I got a plastic tray to put under the litter box. We add a pad and that takes care of most the problem. Occasionally we have to take it out in the back yard and rinse the tray off. The other day I came in and the tray was in the kitchen sink. I asked my wife why the hell was it there and not in the back yard. She said the back faucet was covered and she couldn't use it. I told her the cover comes off in 10 seconds, but even so, why didn't she just wash it off in the shower and not the sink. She said she bathes in the shower and didn't want to get it dirty with cat pee. I ask her if it made her feel any cleaner by washing it out in the sink we use to clean our cooking utensils, plates and silverware. Tone and silence. 

Did you tell her what happens in the morning when you shower as soon as that hot water hits the dingus?? 

3 minutes ago, RamjetFDO said:

Is that rebar on your leg, or are you just happy to see Mrs. Cumsteen?

My man, you are slipping. I posted that 19 hours ago and usually you have it shopped into about 5 different terrifying/hilarious scenarios within minutes.

Her:  (after placing an Amazon Fresh order) I read that Amazon is now the biggest grocery provider in the United States.

Me:  Umm.  Are you not familiar with Wal-Mart, Kroger, Albertsons?

Her:  That's what I read.

Me:  Show your work.

Her:  *tone*

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9 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

My man, you are slipping. I posted that 19 hours ago and usually you have it shopped into about 5 different terrifying/hilarious scenarios within minutes.

They're coming.

Cumsteen-Heron-crab.thumb.jpg.f7272df9bdd9402232b0df06f12de471.jpg

21 minutes ago, Trey3216 said:

Did you tell her what happens in the morning when you shower as soon as that hot water hits the dingus?? 

No. Some things are better left unsaid. 

12 minutes ago, RamjetFDO said:

Cumsteen-Park.thumb.jpg.c3609f4a4d760756284735735dc735ae.jpg

I would pay admission to this

1 hour ago, RamjetFDO said:

Cumsteen-Heron-gladiator.thumb.jpg.f8de6359d61d69dc733358fc6f5b1dd0.jpg

FTW

12 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

My wife says crane. So it's almost certainly a flamingo or heron or a fucking chupacabra what the fuck do I know. What I do know is that in a few months, once she's forgotten about them, that sumbitch and it's ugly twin are going to be "stolen" from our yard and thrown in the dumpster at my office. 

Nooooo! That is just going to unleash pent up yard art needs because the "perfect" thing got taken away and she has to tie the yard back together again. Dont be daft, man!

4 hours ago, RamjetFDO said:

They're coming.

Cumsteen-Heron-crab.thumb.jpg.f7272df9bdd9402232b0df06f12de471.jpg

Kept looking for camo Kiser hiding in the brush

20 minutes ago, McFly said:

Kept looking for camo Kiser hiding in the brush

It's really really good camo...keep looking 

looks like a great egret to me

PB121739.JPG

Edited by WBT

5 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Found Bert.

The world stops until I find Bert. It borders on a being a compulsive disorder.  

1 minute ago, Guadaloopy said:

The world stops until I find Bert. It borders on a being a compulsive disorder.  

Yeah. When he leaves one out, it pains me.

18 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Yeah. When he leaves one out, it pains me.

 

Narrator: He never leaves one out ... you just didn't find him.

Just now, RamjetFDO said:

 

Narrator: He never leaves one out ... you just didn't find him.

Bert is the Danny Ings of photoshop. Even when he's there, he's not there.

41 minutes ago, WBT said:

looks like a great egret to me

PB121739.JPG

Yep. Mitch definitely egrets that his BIL dropped those statues off.

17 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

My wife says crane. So it's almost certainly a flamingo or heron or a fucking chupacabra what the fuck do I know. What I do know is that in a few months, once she's forgotten about them, that sumbitch and it's ugly twin are going to be "stolen" from our yard and thrown in the dumpster at my office. 

If you're in Austin, there's a metal recycling facility S of Ben White, W of 35.

4 hours ago, ABSR said:

Yep. Mitch definitely egrets that his BIL dropped those statues off.

I couldn’t help but laugh ridiculously at this dad joke.   

7 hours ago, WBT said:

looks like a great egret to me

Well, it's certainly nice, but I wouldn't go that far....

17 hours ago, ABSR said:

Yep. Mitch definitely egrets that his BIL dropped those statues off.

Taxi Driver Clapping GIF by Hollywood Suite

On 1/20/2022 at 10:21 AM, PhillyD said:

I would pay admission to this

No need to.  Mrs. Cumsteen already paid.

The wife took the kids out of town this morning. I was looking forward to a quiet morning by myself. Made a pot of coffee and figured I'd fry up some bacon scraps with eggs. I get the bacon going in the pan and pull out the eggs to scramble... every egg had been hard boiled. Damnit. This may not seem egregious, but hard boiled eggs are not an every day occurrence in our house. When we do have them, they get labeled and put in the deli drawer. Not to mention that the wife wasn't going to be here this weekend and she's the boiled egg eater. And not to mention the nasty egg shells she had just left in the carton and put back in the fridge. I sent her this text this morning:
Screenshot_20220122-092312.jpg

6 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Why were only three half egg shells left in the carton?

Did you not read the text?  Explains everything.

40 minutes ago, fuggled said:

Did you not read the text?  Explains everything.

Oh, there are many levels of wrong in that picture. Forget the concept of “bacon scraps” and how that’s a thing, or why anyone would put hardboiled eggs back in the carton let alone egg shells. And let’s forget the question of whether or not the egg shells were placed in the carton at the same time as the hardboiled eggs and why eggs might have been prepared two different ways at the same time, some not to be consumed. I want to know about the egg shells. Were two eggs cracked and only 3/4 of the shells saved? Or were three eggs cracked and only 1/2 of each shell saved?

Okay, I can’t forget the whole “bacon scraps” thing. Go buy a package of bacon and fry the whole damn thing. I snack on more bacon than what is shown while I’m frying bacon and eat more with my eggs when it’s all done. Whatever’s left I keep in a plastic bag in the fridge and it can be heated up in the microwave in about 40 seconds. 

Oh, there are many levels of wrong in that picture. Forget the concept of “bacon scraps” and how that’s a thing, or why anyone would put hardboiled eggs back in the carton let alone egg shells. And let’s forget the question of whether or not the egg shells were placed in the carton at the same time as the hardboiled eggs and why eggs might have been prepared two different ways at the same time, some not to be consumed. I want to know about the egg shells. Were two eggs cracked and only 3/4 of the shells saved? Or were three eggs cracked and only 1/2 of each shell saved?
Okay, I can’t forget the whole “bacon scraps” thing. Go buy a package of bacon and fry the whole damn thing. I snack on more bacon than what is shown while I’m frying bacon and eat more with my eggs when it’s all done. Whatever’s left I keep in a plastic bag in the fridge and it can be heated up in the microwave in about 40 seconds. 
Lots of questions here...I appreciate the curiosity.

Per your request, I reexamined the eggshells. There are shells for 3 eggs, or 6 half shells. The shells are all nested so it just looks like 3 in the picture. I hope we can put that controversy to rest.

Regarding the bacon, I can't recall what I was making a week or so back but it was some dish that needed chopped or crumbled bacon. Because I didn't need slices, I had grabbed a big pack of bacon odds and ends at the store. If you haven't looked, they sell all the bits that don't make nice slices in separate packages. Since most of our bacon is consumed chopped up in tacos, this works well and is cheaper.
Don’t forget she drew little hearts on the eggs
Hahahaha, those are B's for "boiled". I give her credit for at least taking that reasonable step.
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Don’t forget she drew little hearts on the eggs


Hahahaha, those are B's for "boiled". I give her credit for at least taking that reasonable step.



I figured they were "heart-boiled" eggs.

Her:  (after placing an Amazon Fresh order) I read that Amazon is now the biggest grocery provider in the United States.
Me:  Umm.  Are you not familiar with Wal-Mart, Kroger, Albertsons?
Her:  That's what I read.
Me:  Show your work.
Her:  *tone*
86743f925b9e33c03c97e1f1ae20ea1c.jpg

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