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Featured Replies

7 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

Can I get to Myspace on Netscape?

Let me Ask Jeeves.

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  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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3 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Remember All Those AOL CDs? There Were More Than You Think – Now I Know

500 hours? That ought to get the typical surlyite through next Tuesday.  

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Trash/Recycle day was yesterday. There is literally nothing else in this recycle bin besides this giant box from one of her stupid meal/smoothie delivery services. 5F592BF8-E7FA-4366-A06E-93DC3844C6BC.thumb.jpeg.d25dd9506b889dda09c6a0a38764d03d.jpeg
 

49 minutes ago, Frank The Tank said:

Trash/Recycle day was yesterday. There is literally nothing else in this recycle bin besides this giant box from one of her stupid meal/smoothie delivery services. 5F592BF8-E7FA-4366-A06E-93DC3844C6BC.thumb.jpeg.d25dd9506b889dda09c6a0a38764d03d.jpeg
 

Your wife put something in the recycle?   Braggart!

"Thirty-two or zero, doesn't matter. Freezing is freezing. We need to drip the faucets."

I bet you occupy your free time playing Castle Wolfenstein in DOS

Edited by Longhornstampede

Your wife put something in the recycle?   Braggart!

No shit. I’ve got about 8 snack boxes/diaper/ random boxes tossed from mud room door to the recycle bin. Guess I’ll just do that

Also props to Frank’s wife to putting it inside of the bin. Mine would’ve left it on top of the lid

My wife has a Communications Degree.  The irony is Shakespearean.

 

21 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

3033037-inline-01b717918.jpg

Come play my game, I'll test ya  

19 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:


No shit. I’ve got about 8 snack boxes/diaper/ random boxes tossed from mud room door to the recycle bin. Guess I’ll just do that

 

I use this as an excuse to spend more alone time in the garage. 

23 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

3033037-inline-01b717918.jpg

I thought finding sports scores on this was the most amazing thing.

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My wife doesn't understand how electricity works. She constantly unplugs things that aren't being used to "save electricity". I've tried to explain that a lamp doesn't use electricity until the switch is turned on and completes the circuit. She argued that there was electricity going from the wall to the switch and she was keeping that electricity from being wasted. Whatever. It's her problem as I don't use that and I'm tired of arguing. If I need to use the toaster or can opener or whatever then I plug it in and use it and leave it plugged in when not being used. She unplugs it later when she sees it.

I've also told her that the few things that have a clock use very little electricity and it's not worth unplugging it if you have to reset the time every time you plug it back in.

So - with that in mind, my wife's single-cup coffee machine usually gets unplugged after she makes her coffee in the morning. I don't drink coffee so I don't care. Recently she complained that her coffee machine was taking forever to make coffee. I determined that hard water deposits had clogged it up because she hadn't been running vinegar through it on a regular basis to clean it. I tried using vinegar but it was so clogged it wasn't clearing.

It just so happens we have a spare coffee machine that a friend gave us. This one is programmable. I figured the wife would want it so her coffee would be ready when she got up but she liked using her old machine. I pulled the spare machine out, plugged it in, looked up the manual online, set the clock, put in filter, coffee, and water, and programmed it to start at 5:45am. I'm usually gone for work by 2:30am, so I texted her later to see if it made coffee. "YES!" Good.

Except that night she wanted me to show her how to set the program. I told her it was already programmed and she just needed to hit the "Start Program" button. When she came back to tell me that didn't work, I went into the kitchen to find out she had unplugged it that morning and cleared everything. I explained how she shouldn't unplug it, showed her how to reset the clock, set the program, start the program, etc. I told her if she unplugs it again she'll have to do this all over again. If she leaves it plugged in and just turns it off, then she can just hit the Start Program button that night for the next morning. "OK."

Came home this morning and found the coffee machine unplugged again. I'm not saying a fucking thing.

58 minutes ago, Modessit said:

My wife doesn't understand how electricity works. She constantly unplugs things that aren't being used to "save electricity". I've tried to explain that a lamp doesn't use electricity until the switch is turned on and completes the circuit. She argued that there was electricity going from the wall to the switch and she was keeping that electricity from being wasted. Whatever. It's her problem as I don't use that and I'm tired of arguing. If I need to use the toaster or can opener or whatever then I plug it in and use it and leave it plugged in when not being used. She unplugs it later when she sees it.

I've also told her that the few things that have a clock use very little electricity and it's not worth unplugging it if you have to reset the time every time you plug it back in.

So - with that in mind, my wife's single-cup coffee machine usually gets unplugged after she makes her coffee in the morning. I don't drink coffee so I don't care. Recently she complained that her coffee machine was taking forever to make coffee. I determined that hard water deposits had clogged it up because she hadn't been running vinegar through it on a regular basis to clean it. I tried using vinegar but it was so clogged it wasn't clearing.

It just so happens we have a spare coffee machine that a friend gave us. This one is programmable. I figured the wife would want it so her coffee would be ready when she got up but she liked using her old machine. I pulled the spare machine out, plugged it in, looked up the manual online, set the clock, put in filter, coffee, and water, and programmed it to start at 5:45am. I'm usually gone for work by 2:30am, so I texted her later to see if it made coffee. "YES!" Good.

Except that night she wanted me to show her how to set the program. I told her it was already programmed and she just needed to hit the "Start Program" button. When she came back to tell me that didn't work, I went into the kitchen to find out she had unplugged it that morning and cleared everything. I explained how she shouldn't unplug it, showed her how to reset the clock, set the program, start the program, etc. I told her if she unplugs it again she'll have to do this all over again. If she leaves it plugged in and just turns it off, then she can just hit the Start Program button that night for the next morning. "OK."

Came home this morning and found the coffee machine unplugged again. I'm not saying a fucking thing.

Mine does that and it drives me crazy.  The worst part is her running around unplugging unused cell phone chargers.

1 hour ago, Modessit said:

I'm usually gone for work by 2:30am

Fuck.  Do you work for a morning news show or something?

Goddamn. I understand your point about picking your battles but this would drive me insane. Ironically enough as I started reading I thought “I think I could deal with this until she unplugged my coffee maker.  Then it’s justifiable homicide.”  But nope, you covered that part too. 

Fuck.  Do you work for a morning news show or something?

Either that or he has one helluva commute.
On 2/6/2022 at 7:06 PM, crimsonlonghorn said:

Followed Mrs CL out to the farm this PM and this is how she left the gate. Obviously drive around it and didn’t learn a damn thing. Makes me kind of ragey. SMDH

 

 

378B527A-78E8-44AE-ABFA-63CA68E91601.jpeg

I’d suggest a solar powered gate opener or just switching to a cattle guard. Mostly because I want see how she fucks either of those up

Mine does that and it drives me crazy.  The worst part is her running around unplugging unused cell phone chargers.

Probably leaves all the lights on too, amirite?
3 hours ago, SHOOTER12 said:

Mine does that and it drives me crazy.  The worst part is her running around unplugging unused cell phone chargers.

My grandma does that shit to my dad (they live together for caretaking) and it frustrates him to no end, esp when she unplugs the cell phone charger that is actually charging his phone.

6 minutes ago, Sam Lin said:

My grandma does that shit to my dad (they live together for caretaking) and it frustrates him to no end, esp when she unplugs the cell phone charger that is actually charging his phone.

She knows what she's doing. 

My wife doesn't understand how electricity works. She constantly unplugs things that aren't being used to "save electricity". I've tried to explain that a lamp doesn't use electricity until the switch is turned on and completes the circuit. She argued that there was electricity going from the wall to the switch and she was keeping that electricity from being wasted. Whatever. It's her problem as I don't use that and I'm tired of arguing. If I need to use the toaster or can opener or whatever then I plug it in and use it and leave it plugged in when not being used. She unplugs it later when she sees it.

I've also told her that the few things that have a clock use very little electricity and it's not worth unplugging it if you have to reset the time every time you plug it back in.

So - with that in mind, my wife's single-cup coffee machine usually gets unplugged after she makes her coffee in the morning. I don't drink coffee so I don't care. Recently she complained that her coffee machine was taking forever to make coffee. I determined that hard water deposits had clogged it up because she hadn't been running vinegar through it on a regular basis to clean it. I tried using vinegar but it was so clogged it wasn't clearing.

It just so happens we have a spare coffee machine that a friend gave us. This one is programmable. I figured the wife would want it so her coffee would be ready when she got up but she liked using her old machine. I pulled the spare machine out, plugged it in, looked up the manual online, set the clock, put in filter, coffee, and water, and programmed it to start at 5:45am. I'm usually gone for work by 2:30am, so I texted her later to see if it made coffee. "YES!" Good.

Except that night she wanted me to show her how to set the program. I told her it was already programmed and she just needed to hit the "Start Program" button. When she came back to tell me that didn't work, I went into the kitchen to find out she had unplugged it that morning and cleared everything. I explained how she shouldn't unplug it, showed her how to reset the clock, set the program, start the program, etc. I told her if she unplugs it again she'll have to do this all over again. If she leaves it plugged in and just turns it off, then she can just hit the Start Program button that night for the next morning. "OK."

Came home this morning and found the coffee machine unplugged again. I'm not saying a fucking thing.

She sounds gorgeous.
On 2/8/2022 at 10:45 PM, Armybrat said:

It is new to me.

That's only because at your age you remember things for like 18 hours at a time.

4 hours ago, Biff Tannen said:

Fuck.  Do you work for a morning news show or something?

He probably just can't wait to get out of the house every day.  

6 hours ago, Modessit said:

My wife doesn't understand how electricity works. She constantly unplugs things that aren't being used to "save electricity". I've tried to explain that a lamp doesn't use electricity until the switch is turned on and completes the circuit. She argued that there was electricity going from the wall to the switch and she was keeping that electricity from being wasted. Whatever. It's her problem as I don't use that and I'm tired of arguing. If I need to use the toaster or can opener or whatever then I plug it in and use it and leave it plugged in when not being used. She unplugs it later when she sees it.

I've also told her that the few things that have a clock use very little electricity and it's not worth unplugging it if you have to reset the time every time you plug it back in.

So - with that in mind, my wife's single-cup coffee machine usually gets unplugged after she makes her coffee in the morning. I don't drink coffee so I don't care. Recently she complained that her coffee machine was taking forever to make coffee. I determined that hard water deposits had clogged it up because she hadn't been running vinegar through it on a regular basis to clean it. I tried using vinegar but it was so clogged it wasn't clearing.

It just so happens we have a spare coffee machine that a friend gave us. This one is programmable. I figured the wife would want it so her coffee would be ready when she got up but she liked using her old machine. I pulled the spare machine out, plugged it in, looked up the manual online, set the clock, put in filter, coffee, and water, and programmed it to start at 5:45am. I'm usually gone for work by 2:30am, so I texted her later to see if it made coffee. "YES!" Good.

Except that night she wanted me to show her how to set the program. I told her it was already programmed and she just needed to hit the "Start Program" button. When she came back to tell me that didn't work, I went into the kitchen to find out she had unplugged it that morning and cleared everything. I explained how she shouldn't unplug it, showed her how to reset the clock, set the program, start the program, etc. I told her if she unplugs it again she'll have to do this all over again. If she leaves it plugged in and just turns it off, then she can just hit the Start Program button that night for the next morning. "OK."

Came home this morning and found the coffee machine unplugged again. I'm not saying a fucking thing.

That pussy must be made of gold.....because her brain is made of oatmeal

10 hours ago, Biff Tannen said:

Fuck.  Do you work for a morning news show or something?

Time to make the donuts. 

10 hours ago, davidg said:


Probably leaves all the lights on too, amirite?

You know it!! 

On 2/8/2022 at 8:59 AM, Kennythetiger said:

Horses are herd animals- make sure you get two. 

Or at least a mini-donkey to keep it company.  Donkeys are smaller than horses & therefore eat less.  Maybe a mini-goat instead.

15 hours ago, Modessit said:

My wife doesn't understand how electricity works. She constantly unplugs things that aren't being used to "save electricity".

Are we permitted to say that your wife is an idiot?  Because she doesn't SOUND like an idiot - she absolutely IS one.

42 minutes ago, ROFL BOX said:

Or at least a mini-donkey to keep it company.  Donkeys are smaller than horses & therefore eat less.  Maybe a mini-goat instead.

I vote for the donkey. Leads to endless opportunities to comment on dat ass. 

22 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

Well her gypsy mother moved in last week then this happened.

20220206_163334.thumb.jpg.40861bbd92fd9a490ecee282f82e94da.jpg

What exactly are we looking at here?

21 hours ago, davidg said:


Probably leaves all the lights on too, amirite?

Our master shower is lit by a CFL bulb, in a recessed ceiling light fixture with a glass cover.  Wife is convinced that the heat emitted by leaving the light on 24/7 helps dry the shower and avoid mold growth.  I've tried to explain to her a thousand times how stupid that is, but she won't buy it.  I've given  up

To be revisited later

CC7279E3-A996-41D2-9F13-CC772BCAD74D.thumb.jpeg.9cd2b610d08128f1a5c11056479ce596.jpeg

yes yes, shaggypoor garage. I’ll finish it after I replace this wall

Suggest not repairing the wall. It'll just get hit again.

2 hours ago, Wade said:

Our master shower is lit by a CFL bulb, in a recessed ceiling light fixture with a glass cover.  Wife is convinced that the heat emitted by leaving the light on 24/7 helps dry the shower and avoid mold growth.  I've tried to explain to her a thousand times how stupid that is, but she won't buy it.  I've given  up

Freaking CFL bulbs. One of the worst things ever foisted on us. Make me surly. 

Edited by nnm

25 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Do you not know the tennis ball trick?

I set that up for my mom. She stops anywhere from 6" to 2ft past the tennis ball. So I guess it helps?

On 2/8/2022 at 8:05 PM, Mo Horn said:

Friend of mine told me about this, and instead of starting a new thread, I figured this was a good place to put it. Now we have a matrix to go with the stories that are posted

1*79nRWhJ2hYzpHfXnSGc5hQ.jpeg

That purple zone is full of shit. Do NOT try to move to a permanent zone. Why?  Because your 8,7 wife turns in to a 5 or 6, 9 or 10 wife after 5–10 years of marriage. You gotta be OK on the crazy scale plus 2 long term 

Edited by UT_OB1

1 hour ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Do you not know the tennis ball trick?

my wife uses ping pong balls for that

5 hours ago, tigol said:

That article admits you need a Kill A Watt or similar device to determine if something is actually a vampire power offender.

$20 on amazon for the wife and spend a romantic evening together checking everything in the house with it.

I use one of these:

https://www.amazon.com/Electricity-Monitor-Voltage-Overload-Protection/dp/B07DPJ3RGB/ref=pd_lpo_3?pd_rd_i=B07DPJ3RGB&psc=1

 

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