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  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

  • BearCountry11
    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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#16152
22 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

I think my wife has a little Munchausen going on. Yesterday she was complaining about her knee hurting. We're sitting in bed in the evening, the toddler is bouncing around on the mattress. She's got her leg out right where it's obvious to everyone within a 5 mile radius that the kid is about to jump/roll over her bum knee, which of course he does, and she acts like she got hit by a sniper. Then I get yelled at for rolling my eyes. 

I guess you didn't get the memo, but Munchausen Syndrome has been changed to Factitious Disorder Imposed on Self

  • Popular Post
#16153

Girlfriend, not wife.

(looking at her iphone)

"Gil, is Fremont in California?"

"Yeah, it's up by San Jose, why do you ask?"

"It was just voted the happiest city in California". 

#16158
13 hours ago, Llogg said:

It's also a neighborhood in Seattle that's kinda touristy, so she might get a pass.

Not anymore... Too corporate. 

#16160
1 hour ago, CycleTex87 said:

Wait, has California taken over part of Seattle?  I haven't heard this before.  I guess I need to keep up with current events.

That's the narrative from the "locals" (who all moved here in the first tech boom)... buncha Californians up here talking about roads and shit.

  • Popular Post
#16167

“What time is it???”

Me:
“Eleven”

Her:
“SOMEONE SET ALL THE KITCHEN CLOCKS BACK AN HOUR!!!”

This woman is 49 years old.

  • Popular Post
#16168

Mrs. Deadshank:  Hey, I bought some vintage (used) boots for the upcoming rodeos.  They were a great deal.  Only $250!!

Me:  Oh, OK, hon.


 (3 weeks later)

Mrs. Deadshank:  I’m selling the vintage (used) boots to Molly.  I don’t like them that much.   She’s paying me $50 for them!   That’s awesome!

Me: Uh, didn’t you just pay $250 for them three weeks ago?  Now you’re unloading them for $50?  And that’s awesome?  How is that awesome?

Mrs. Deadshank:  Well $50 is the going rate for vintage (used) boots.   It’s a great deal!!

Me:  If $50 is the going rate then why did you pay $250?

Mrs. Deadshank:  tone. 

#16169
17 minutes ago, deadshank said:

Mrs. Deadshank:  Hey, I bought some vintage (used) boots for the upcoming rodeos.  They were a great deal.  Only $250!!

Me:  Oh, OK, hon.


 (3 weeks later)

Mrs. Deadshank:  I’m selling the vintage (used) boots to Molly.  I don’t like them that much.   She’s paying me $50 for them!   That’s awesome!

Me: Uh, didn’t you just pay $250 for them three weeks ago?  Now you’re unloading them for $50?  And that’s awesome?  How is that awesome?

Mrs. Deadshank:  Well $50 is the going rate for vintage (used) boots.   It’s a great deal!!

Me:  If $50 is the going rate then why did you pay $250?

Mrs. Deadshank:  tone. 

Goddammit this 

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#16171

Wife made an appointment at the dealer to have some warranty work done on her car, the appointment was for this morning, whenever they open. She told me, "I'm going up there to drop off my car and my mom is going to pick me up and take me to work". I offered to pick her up but I have to be at work by 8 and she goes in at 9-930 and she hates getting up when I do, so she asked her mom to drive her. Whatever, that's fine.

As I'm showering this morning, she sticks her head in the door and says "Ok, I'm heading to the dealer now, just come get me as soon as you're ready". I said WTF, I thought your mom was taking you? She said "Well you offered the other day".  Thanks for the heads up, Hon.

 

#16172
Mrs. Deadshank:  Hey, I bought some vintage (used) boots for the upcoming rodeos.  They were a great deal.  Only $250!!
Me:  Oh, OK, hon.

 (3 weeks later)
Mrs. Deadshank:  I’m selling the vintage (used) boots to Molly.  I don’t like them that much.   She’s paying me $50 for them!   That’s awesome!
Me: Uh, didn’t you just pay $250 for them three weeks ago?  Now you’re unloading them for $50?  And that’s awesome?  How is that awesome?
Mrs. Deadshank:  Well $50 is the going rate for vintage (used) boots.   It’s a great deal!!
Me:  If $50 is the going rate then why did you pay $250?
Mrs. Deadshank:  tone. 

One of the biggest fights me and the ex had in our early days before I was wise to the ways of the married Jedi was about whether selling a car for more than you owed on it was making money or not.
#16173
30 minutes ago, tbone_ said:


One of the biggest fights me and the ex had in our early days before I was wise to the ways of the married Jedi was about whether selling a car for more than you owed on it was making money or not.

You didn't specify which side of the argument you were on. 

#16174
10 hours ago, deadshank said:

Mrs. Deadshank:  Hey, I bought some vintage (used) boots for the upcoming rodeos.  They were a great deal.  Only $250!!

Me:  Oh, OK, hon.


 (3 weeks later)

Mrs. Deadshank:  I’m selling the vintage (used) boots to Molly.  I don’t like them that much.   She’s paying me $50 for them!   That’s awesome!

Me: Uh, didn’t you just pay $250 for them three weeks ago?  Now you’re unloading them for $50?  And that’s awesome?  How is that awesome?

Mrs. Deadshank:  Well $50 is the going rate for vintage (used) boots.   It’s a great deal!!

Me:  If $50 is the going rate then why did you pay $250?

Mrs. Deadshank:  tone. 

She paid $50 for the boots and $200 for something she doesn't want you to know about.  She just forgot that she told you that it was $250 for the boots.

#16175
35 minutes ago, Scheiss Meister said:

She paid $50 for the boots and $200 for something she doesn't want you to know about.  She just forgot that she told you that it was $250 for the boots.

It’s like you’ve never been in a boutique clothing store for women 

#16178
Mrs. Deadshank:  Hey, I bought some vintage (used) boots for the upcoming rodeos.  They were a great deal.  Only $250!!
Me:  Oh, OK, hon.

 (3 weeks later)
Mrs. Deadshank:  I’m selling the vintage (used) boots to Molly.  I don’t like them that much.   She’s paying me $50 for them!   That’s awesome!
Me: Uh, didn’t you just pay $250 for them three weeks ago?  Now you’re unloading them for $50?  And that’s awesome?  How is that awesome?
Mrs. Deadshank:  Well $50 is the going rate for vintage (used) boots.   It’s a great deal!!
Me:  If $50 is the going rate then why did you pay $250?
Mrs. Deadshank:  tone. 

Keep these stories to yourself.
#16179
14 hours ago, Pig Bellmont said:

It’s like you’ve never been in a boutique clothing store for women 

My wife works part-time at one in Houston.  The prices for clothes, jewelry, shoes and other woman stuff are astounding.  Simply astounding.  The joint is always full of "by appointment only" hoity-toity lady types.  The broad that owns the place is printing money and the husbands' wallets are getting clubbed like baby seals.  

#16180
25 minutes ago, deadshank said:

My wife works part-time at one in Houston.  The prices for clothes, jewelry, shoes and other woman stuff are astounding.  Simply astounding.  The joint is always full of "by appointment only" hoity-toity lady types.  The broad that owns the place is printing money and the husbands' wallets are getting clubbed like baby seals.  

It's a vicious circle because most of those type will look down their nose at something if it costs $50 but if the exact same item is $250 they'll gladly buy it because it's obviously better 

#16181
16 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

It's a vicious circle because most of those type will look down their nose at something if it costs $50 but if the exact same item is $250 they'll gladly buy it because it's obviously better 

Of course.  More expensive = better in the eyes of womenfolk.

#16182

My ex is a school teacher.  While we were married she wanted to supplement her income by selling "high end" costume jewelry.  When she approached me about selling it the conversation went pretty much like this:

Her:  I want to start making extra money.

Me: OK, what is involved?

Her:  I have to buy the inventory at a heavily discounted cost.  Plus set up selling parties with other women.  It will be fun.

Me: Ok, how much is the investment?

Her: It depends on how much I buy and it can go up or down depending on how well I do.  Plus, I get jewelry to wear at a discount.

Me: Oh, Ok, now I see.  Are you wanting to "sell" jewelry to make extra money or have it to wear?

Her: Make money.  The free or discounted jewelry is just a perk.

Me: Ok, just as long as we are in the black when you get tired of doing this.

Her: (angrily) You don't want me to do this do you?

Me: I did not "say" that.  I said, "Just be in the black when it is all said and done."

Her:  Fine. I won't do it.

Me: Ok.

She did eventually do it a couple of years later.  She was still doing it when we divorced.  Not sure if she ended up in the black (probably not).

#16183
1 minute ago, mininghorn88 said:

My ex is a school teacher.  While we were married she wanted to supplement her income by selling "high end" costume jewelry.  When she approached me about selling it the conversation went pretty much like this:

Her:  I want to start making extra money.

Me: OK, what is involved?

Her:  I have to buy the inventory at a heavily discounted cost.  Plus set up selling parties with other women.  It will be fun.

Me: Ok, how much is the investment?

Her: It depends on how much I buy and it can go up or down depending on how well I do.  Plus, I get jewelry to wear at a discount.

Me: Oh, Ok, now I see.  Are you wanting to "sell" jewelry to make extra money or have it to wear?

Her: Make money.  The free or discounted jewelry is just a perk.

Me: Ok, just as long as we are in the black when you get tired of doing this.

Her: (angrily) You don't want me to do this do you?

Me: I did not "say" that.  I said, "Just be in the black when it is all said and done."

Her:  Fine. I won't do it.

Me: Ok.

She did eventually do it a couple of years later.  She was still doing it when we divorced.  Not sure if she ended up in the black (probably not).

MLM. They prey on the housewives. I don’t know how many my wife has been approached about over the years. Thankfully she’s been educated about the game and hasn’t fallen for it. 

#16184
21 minutes ago, nnm said:

MLM. They prey on the housewives. I don’t know how many my wife has been approached about over the years. Thankfully she’s been educated about the game and hasn’t fallen for it. 

fucking Captain Humblebrag over here....

#16186
2 hours ago, mininghorn88 said:

She did eventually do it a couple of years later.  She was still doing it when we divorced.  Not sure if she ended up in the black (probably not).

The black ended up in her after divorcing you.

  • Popular Post
#16187

Met my In-Laws for MIL birthday Sunday afternoon at a Mexican restaurant near Forest and 75.  For reference, We live in Allen. I've lived in Dallas for all of about 3 combined years out o 45 I've been alive and also travel around DFW 3-4 days a week for work.

I have a couple of margaritas, so she drives home. Turns south on 75.

Me "You're going the wrong way."

During the argument, she used two phrases amongst many that stuck out. "I know you don't drive around her much." and "Your kinda drunk."

Me :"Okay, fine whatever." and let it go for about 5 more minutes. Finally

Me : "Hey look, on your left. That's hotel we stayed at the night of our wedding before leaving on our honeymoon."

Her :"Awww."

Me :"And if we were going to the correct direction, it would be on your right....."

Her (after a couple of minutes of trying to figure out how this is my fault) "Fuck you. " And then she exited

Me " Hey Kids! Look!! SMU"

/tone

 

 

 

Edited by Jameslaw121

#16190

This is only funny because Mrs CL likes to flatter herself about how informed she is about the news.

Quote

 

”What about the guys at the edge of Europe who aren’t members of NATO? What has Turkey been doing?”

”Turkey has been a member of NATO for 70 years.”

”They are? Well, places like Latvia and Lithuania probably need to be worried.”

”They’re also part of NATO.”

”Switzerland?”

”Aggressively neutral. Famous for it. That’s why Swiss bank accounts used to be a thing.”

”Then they should be helping Ukraine!” 

 

 

#16191
15 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Met my In-Laws for MIL birthday Sunday afternoon at a Mexican restaurant near Forest and 75.  For reference, We live in Allen. I've lived in Dallas for all of about 3 combined years out o 45 I've been alive and also travel around DFW 3-4 days a week for work.

I have a couple of margaritas, so she drives home. Turns south on 75.

Me "You're going the wrong way."

During the argument, she used two phrases amongst many that stuck out. "I know you don't drive around her much." and "Your kinda drunk."

Me :"Okay, fine whatever." and let it go for about 5 more minutes. Finally

Me : "Hey look, on your left. That's hotel we stayed at the night of our wedding before leaving on our honeymoon."

Her :"Awww."

Me :"And if we were going to the correct direction, it would be on your right....."

Her (after a couple of minutes of trying to figure out how this is my fault) "Fuck you. " And then she exited

Me " Hey Kids! Look!! SMU"

/tone

*you're

#16194
1 hour ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

This is only funny because Mrs CL likes to flatter herself about how informed she is about the news.

 

Massive humblebrag that your wife knows the general proximity of Turkey, Latvia and Lithuania. 

#16195
On 3/15/2022 at 9:13 AM, deadshank said:

My wife works part-time at one in Houston.  The prices for clothes, jewelry, shoes and other woman stuff are astounding.  Simply astounding.  The joint is always full of "by appointment only" hoity-toity lady types.  The broad that owns the place is printing money and the husbands' wallets are getting clubbed like baby seals.  

The money my wife spends on clothes.....fuck me.

#16196
1 hour ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

This is only funny because Mrs CL likes to flatter herself about how informed she is about the news.

 

They could help by donating a shit-ton of these

 

download.png

#16197
2 minutes ago, Johnny Sack said:

The money my wife spends on clothes.....fuck me.

Isn't that how she got the money to spend on clothes? 

#16200
58 minutes ago, Johnny Sack said:

The money my wife spends on clothes.....fuck me.

I think my wife buys the junk just so other women can’t have it.   I never see her wear the stuff she purchases.

OR

She wears it for her boyfriend. 

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