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  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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Some sort of humblebrag about living in the mountains I think. 

I hate to admit it, but I'm pretty sure I'm the one who says and does stupid shit in our house. Outside of the occasional car accident due to the inherent dangers of driving while female, my wife has her shit together way better than I do.  I think it's because she didn't go to public school in America, and I did.

15 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

"Do whatever you want, you're going to ignore my suggestion anyway."

Take my advice.  I'm not using it.

7 hours ago, Samson's Wig said:

I hate to admit it, but I'm pretty sure I'm the one who says and does stupid shit in our house. Outside of the occasional car accident due to the inherent dangers of driving while female, my wife has her shit together way better than I do.  I think it's because she didn't go to public school in America, and I did.

You sure picked the wrong place for that confession. 

On 8/24/2022 at 8:52 AM, Hugh G. Rection said:

I recently bought a home, the home has huge boulders that surround the front lawn (boulders are half the size of the house - at least the part you can see).  My son and daughter-in-law came for a visit.  Daughter-in-law:  "Those rocks are pretty; did you have someone install them?"

Did you ask her if she had her pretty rocks installed?  

Our A/C was acting up over the weekend.  Had to get it re-charged.

Just so happens that someone had hit a power transformer that knocked out power all along I-35 early saturday morning.  Had no effect on power at my house.

 

Wife- "I wonder if that power outage on 35 had anything to do with our A/C going out?" 

Me-  bunk shakinghead.gif  

Not sure if wife just doesn't listen to my answers to her questions, or has the questions queued up in her head so my response doesn't matter or what but she is the queen of asking questions that were answered or can be assumed by a previous response.

Wife: What are you doing?

Me: Putting the license plates on the truck

Wife: Did you get them already?

Me: How would I install them if I didn't have them?

2 hours ago, Trey3216 said:

Our A/C was acting up over the weekend.  Had to get it re-charged.

Just so happens that someone had hit a power transformer that knocked out power all along I-35 early saturday morning.  Had no effect on power at my house.

 

Wife- "I wonder if that power outage on 35 had anything to do with our A/C going out?" 

Me-  bunk shakinghead.gif  

haha my wife does that too.

Super annoying when it's something I'm pretty knowledgeable about and she argues about it.

"My computer is slow, I need a bigger hard drive"

"My back tire is flat, is it because you got me a new battery?"

 

I've seen a lot of stories on this board where the wives blather on and on, never getting to the point until the very end after ten minutes of useless information.  I didn't think my wife did that.  Lately, though, I have been noticing that she absolutely does do it.  I don't know if I've gotten more impatient or if this is something new with her.  Anyway, I decided to say something about it (rookie move, I know).  I know it won't help and will only get me in trouble.  I tried to bring it up like it was funny.  I should have known my humorless wife wouldn't see it in the same lighthearted way.

Me:  "Sweetie, I've noticed something happening lately when I ask you a question."

Her:  "Yeah, me too.  You stop listening and walk out of the room."

Me:  "Well, there's a reason for that.  See, when I ask you a question like I just did, which was 'Who is going to take Child No. 2 to school when you go back to work?' you started talking about why you were not going to be taking client calls on Zoom in the mornings anymore and telling me about your work schedule throughout the day, etc. and you never actually answered my question."

Her:  "So you want all of our conversations to be like an interview with one word answers?" (She always takes shit to the most negative extreme.)

Me:  "No, of course not. Conversation is fine. It's just that when I ask a question I actually do want the answer."

Tone.

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that 70s show lol GIF by IFC

Edited by Llogg

27 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

I've seen a lot of stories on this board where the wives blather on and on, never getting to the point until the very end after ten minutes of useless information.  I didn't think my wife did that.  Lately, though, I have been noticing that she absolutely does do it.  I don't know if I've gotten more impatient or if this is something new with her.  Anyway, I decided to say something about it (rookie move, I know).  I know it won't help and will only get me in trouble.  I tried to bring it up like it was funny.  I should have known my humorless wife wouldn't see it in the same lighthearted way.

Me:  "Sweetie, I've noticed something happening lately when I ask you a question."

Her:  "Yeah, me too.  You stop listening and walk out of the room."

Me:  "Well, there's a reason for that.  See, when I ask you a question like I just did, which was 'Who is going to take Child No. 2 to school when you go back to work?' you started talking about why you were not going to be taking client calls on Zoom in the mornings anymore and telling me about your work schedule throughout the day, etc. and you never actually answered my question."

Her:  "So you want all of our conversations to be like an interview with one word answers?" (She always takes shit to the most negative extreme.)

Me:  "No, of course not. Conversation is fine. It's just that when I ask a question I actually do want the answer."

Tone.

Have you learned nothing from this thread?  Might as well go get a gallon sized bottle of lotion from Costco for the next month, your hand will thank you.

28 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

I've seen a lot of stories on this board where the wives blather on and on, never getting to the point until the very end after ten minutes of useless information.  I didn't think my wife did that.  Lately, though, I have been noticing that she absolutely does do it.  I don't know if I've gotten more impatient or if this is something new with her.  Anyway, I decided to say something about it (rookie move, I know).  I know it won't help and will only get me in trouble.  I tried to bring it up like it was funny.  I should have known my humorless wife wouldn't see it in the same lighthearted way.

Me:  "Sweetie, I've noticed something happening lately when I ask you a question."

Her:  "Yeah, me too.  You stop listening and walk out of the room."

Me:  "Well, there's a reason for that.  See, when I ask you a question like I just did, which was 'Who is going to take Child No. 2 to school when you go back to work?' you started talking about why you were not going to be taking client calls on Zoom in the mornings anymore and telling me about your work schedule throughout the day, etc. and you never actually answered my question."

Her:  "So you want all of our conversations to be like an interview with one word answers?" (She always takes shit to the most negative extreme.)

Me:  "No, of course not. Conversation is fine. It's just that when I ask a question I actually do want the answer."

Tone.

giphy.gif

13 minutes ago, Trey3216 said:

giphy.gif

Surprisingly good, considering the dumb shit I do and the fact that my wife's vag is on the IL.

1 hour ago, Ojo Rojo said:

I've seen a lot of stories on this board where the wives blather on and on, never getting to the point until the very end after ten minutes of useless information.  I didn't think my wife did that.  Lately, though, I have been noticing that she absolutely does do it.  I don't know if I've gotten more impatient or if this is something new with her.  Anyway, I decided to say something about it (rookie move, I know).  I know it won't help and will only get me in trouble.  I tried to bring it up like it was funny.  I should have known my humorless wife wouldn't see it in the same lighthearted way.

Me:  "Sweetie, I've noticed something happening lately when I ask you a question."

Her:  "Yeah, me too.  You stop listening and walk out of the room."

Me:  "Well, there's a reason for that.  See, when I ask you a question like I just did, which was 'Who is going to take Child No. 2 to school when you go back to work?' you started talking about why you were not going to be taking client calls on Zoom in the mornings anymore and telling me about your work schedule throughout the day, etc. and you never actually answered my question."

Her:  "So you want all of our conversations to be like an interview with one word answers?" (She always takes shit to the most negative extreme.)

Me:  "No, of course not. Conversation is fine. It's just that when I ask a question I actually do want the answer."

Tone.

Let me help you:

Me:  "Sweetie, I've noticed something happening lately when I ask you a question."

Her:  "Yeah, me too.  You stop listening and walk out of the room."

Me:  "Well, there's a reason for that.  See, when I ask you a question like I just did, which was 'Who is going to take Child No. 2 to school when you go back to work?' you started talking about why you were not going to be taking client calls on Zoom in the mornings anymore and telling me about your work schedule throughout the day, etc. and you never actually answered my question."

Her:  "So you want all of our conversations to be like an interview with one word answers?" (She always takes shit to the most negative extreme.)

Me: "Yes."

You are welcome.

 

3 hours ago, blacklab said:

Not sure if wife just doesn't listen to my answers to her questions, or has the questions queued up in her head so my response doesn't matter or what but she is the queen of asking questions that were answered or can be assumed by a previous response.

Wife: What are you doing?

Me: Putting the license plates on the truck

Wife: Did you get them already?

Me: How would I install them if I didn't have them?

Should’ve answered: “No, why?”

I handle feeding the dogs in the morning and one of them will eat until she throws up if you let her. I fed them and let them outside and wife and toddler come downstairs a few minutes later and she said Sadie is still hungry so I will give her some more food. I tell her she is going to fuck up the system and she informs me it’s just a little bit. 

 

5 minutes later the dog is throwing up. 

Somehow the extra X chromosome makes understanding the highly-complex task of twisting the bread bag tight and securing such with the included plastic clip impossible.

2 hours ago, Clintonaldo said:

I handle feeding the dogs in the morning and one of them will eat until she throws up if you let her. I fed them and let them outside and wife and toddler come downstairs a few minutes later and she said Sadie is still hungry so I will give her some more food. I tell her she is going to fuck up the system and she informs me it’s just a little bit. 

 

5 minutes later the dog is throwing up. 

Well, since we are all sure that she cleaned up the throw up that she caused, it all worked out.   Right? …….  right?

27 minutes ago, ABSR said:

Well, since we are all sure that she cleaned up the throw up that she caused, it all worked out.   Right? …….  right?

Yes she did. 

So I may have mentioned this before I can't really remember with all the various entries on the thread...anyhoo...

My wife doesn't close things.  Cabinets, ziploc or ziploc type bags (think shredded cheese or dog food bags).  She also doesn't tighten lids all the way.

Anyway, we have a canister of peanuts in the pantry.  I go to pick them up by the lid and it was just tight enough for me to pick up, but not tight enough to hold up to the motion of pulling them off the shelf.

Crisis was averted due to my cat-like quickness and the great hands of a former WR, but fuck I would've been pissed at cleaning up hundreds of peanuts from the pantry.

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2 hours ago, Tylerocks said:

So I may have mentioned this before I can't really remember with all the various entries on the thread...anyhoo...

My wife doesn't close things.  Cabinets, ziploc or ziploc type bags (think shredded cheese or dog food bags).  She also doesn't tighten lids all the way.

Anyway, we have a canister of peanuts in the pantry.  I go to pick them up by the lid and it was just tight enough for me to pick up, but not tight enough to hold up to the motion of pulling them off the shelf.

Crisis was averted due to my cat-like quickness and the great hands of a former WR, but fuck I would've been pissed at cleaning up hundreds of peanuts from the pantry.

Today I was making myself lunch and getting some turkey out of the bottom drawer of the fridge.  I notice the bottom of the drawer is wet.  I start pulling things out and the entire thing is covered in some reddish liquid.  I come to find that an entire RE-CLOSABLE bag of kimchi was not properly closed and has leaked all over everything.  I cleaned out the entire thing and then, just to add insult to injury, or add injury to injury I guess, when I went to close the bag of kimchi the juice squirted into my eye.  FUCK EVERYTHING.

8 minutes ago, Llogg said:

fuck kimchi

You can do that if you want to, if you’re into that. I guess it’s no worse than a pie. To each his own, I guess. 
american-pie-movies.gif

22 hours ago, nnm said:

You can do that if you want to, if you’re into that. I guess it’s no worse than a pie. To each his own, I guess. 
american-pie-movies.gif

Wrong.  It smells much worse.

My wife wants a Bronco Sport. A fucking ugly, 3 cylinder dog that should get better gas mileage than it does. Fucking dumb.

Should’ve answered: “No, why?”

I do this all the time. It’s surprisingly effective. She might get a little annoyed but generally just rolls her eyes and walks away, leaving me to peacefully finish whatever I’m doing.
My wife wants a Bronco Sport. A fucking ugly, 3 cylinder dog that should get better gas mileage than it does. Fucking dumb.

Mine got a four door full size in feb. so far so good, Got the big engine and getting 21mpg. It’s nice but I prefer my truck


She’s wanted one since she was a teenager.

21 mpg out that beast? I bet my wife could get at least 16. We just got a new vehicle for her (subaru ascent, we're a lesbian couple now), and she manages to get the EPA estimated city gas mileage out of it while mostly driving on the highway. Every time I get into it, the average gas mileage for that tank goes up considerably. Apparently she just hates the earth.

22 hours ago, Patricio Swayze said:

My wife wants a Bronco Sport. A fucking ugly, 3 cylinder dog that should get better gas mileage than it does. Fucking dumb.

So what color did she get?

Driving to dinner tonight, the wife sees a car that jogs her memory (sort of):

Wife: Seeing that 4runner there, are you friends with So-and-So on Facebook? She just got a new car!

Me: No, I'm not. She got a new 4runner?

Wife: No. I don't know what she got. But she got a new "something".

Me: Then why even mention a 4runner?

Wife: Well, her sister has one.

4 hours ago, Sandman said:

Driving to dinner tonight, the wife sees a car that jogs her memory (sort of):

Wife: Seeing that 4runner there, are you friends with So-and-So on Facebook? She just got a new car!

Me: No, I'm not. She got a new 4runner?

Wife: No. I don't know what she got. But she got a new "something".

Me: Then why even mention a 4runner?

Wife: Well, her sister has one.

Excuse Me Wow GIF by Mashable

21 mpg out that beast? I bet my wife could get at least 16. We just got a new vehicle for her (subaru ascent, we're a lesbian couple now), and she manages to get the EPA estimated city gas mileage out of it while mostly driving on the highway. Every time I get into it, the average gas mileage for that tank goes up considerably. Apparently she just hates the earth.

If I was driving it, I’d be in the low teens for sure. Sport mode is a blast, it’s surprisingly quick. I just like my truck more.

Overall not the best story but the demonstrative “that’s not it” initial reply is comically infuriating.

Wife text exchange yesterday.

Her: will you send me your Apple ID password? I need to buy an audiobook.
Me: here you go: xxxxxxxxxxx
Her: that’s not it.
Me: yes it is.
Her: it’s not working.
Me: then you aren’t using my account or you aren’t typing it right….send me a screenshot
Her: sends screenshot
Me: That’s YOUR Apple ID. I have no idea what your password is.
Her: I don’t know it either what do I do?
Me: see those words just below the password box that say “forgot password?” Click it.

5 mins go buy and I get the email receipt from Apple.

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On 9/3/2022 at 2:00 PM, McCroskey said:

Overall not the best story but the demonstrative “that’s not it” initial reply is comically infuriating.

Wife text exchange yesterday.

Her: will you send me your Apple ID password? I need to buy an audiobook.
Me: here you go: xxxxxxxxxxx
Her: that’s not it.
Me: yes it is.
Her: it’s not working.
Me: then you aren’t using my account or you aren’t typing it right….send me a screenshot
Her: sends screenshot
Me: That’s YOUR Apple ID. I have no idea what your password is.
Her: I don’t know it either what do I do?
Me: see those words just below the password box that say “forgot password?” Click it.

5 mins go buy and I get the email receipt from Apple.

Do you have any idea what your new Apple ID password is?

8 hours ago, Jerry Callo said:

Do you have any idea what your new Apple ID password is?

No... and that makes two of them

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Mrs CL and I were in Nashville over the weekend celebrating our wedding anniversary. 

Went to the Country Music Hall of Fame (highly recommended, btw) on Monday. They have a Trans Am from Smoky and the Bandit on display with a big picture of Burt Reynolds and Jerry Reed next to it. 

I say to Mrs CL that I didn't know Jerry Reed was in the HOF.

She replies, "Yeah they both are."

"Huh? Burt Reynolds is in the Country Music Hall of Fame?"

"No, that's Waylon Jennings. He drove the car in Smoky and the Bandit."

 

image.gif.70a239afeef7a88d4a340b1b8990a362.gif

Yesterday my 8th grader had a game (we got smoked...thanks for scheduling carthage). 

So wife calls and says "Do you think I should take a big water bottle or the jug for his water?"

"You serious?"

"Oh yea, nevermind"

On 8/22/2022 at 2:50 PM, crimsonlonghorn said:

The fallout from the toilet argument is that she invited me to come to Ferguson to a meeting today to discuss appliances and toilets. I’m sitting here taking notes at this very moment while she talks to the designers. 
 

Holy shit. This is going to take more handholding on my part. This is bad. Really bad. She has no idea what she’s doing and is just going off with impractical ideas (eg no freezer in the kitchen, just in the mud room) because she thinks she’s so smart. The designers are trying to explain stuff and talk reason to her and she’s blowing them off. 
 

I thought I’d give her a little autonomy here. Bad mistake. A bad expensive mistake. 

My wife wants to tear down our house and re-build.  Will never fucking happen.  I don't have the patience to deal with her and a home build because there would be 99 incidents just like this.  We can buy one someone else built or stay right where we are.

5 hours ago, markstanco said:

Yesterday my 8th grader had a game (we got smoked...thanks for scheduling carthage). 

So wife calls and says "Do you think I should take a big water bottle or the jug for his water?"

"You serious?"

"Oh yea, nevermind"

Cool story, bro.

12 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Mrs CL and I were in Nashville over the weekend celebrating our wedding anniversary. 

Went to the Country Music Hall of Fame (highly recommended, btw) on Monday. They have a Trans Am from Smoky and the Bandit on display with a big picture of Burt Reynolds and Jerry Reed next to it. 

I say to Mrs CL that I didn't know Jerry Reed was in the HOF.

She replies, "Yeah they both are."

"Huh? Burt Reynolds is in the Country Music Hall of Fame?"

"No, that's Waylon Jennings. He drove the car in Smoky and the Bandit."

 

image.gif.70a239afeef7a88d4a340b1b8990a362.gif

I know your wife is smoking hot!

7 hours ago, markstanco said:

Yesterday my 8th grader had a game (we got smoked...thanks for scheduling carthage). 

So wife calls and says "Do you think I should take a big water bottle or the jug for his water?"

"You serious?"

"Oh yea, nevermind"

What was the correct answer?  

15 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

What was the correct answer?  

You serious too? 

2 hours ago, markstanco said:

You serious too? 

I also am serious. I don't get the point of your story.

I also am serious. I don't get the point of your story.
The game was yesterday and she asked today? I dunno.

She called instead of sending a fax?

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