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I remember as a kid, my dad would sometimes ask me if I wanted to go to the gas station with him, as he had to go gas up my mom's car. I didn't think to ask him why she didn't do it herself, I just liked doing stuff with my dad so I always went. Now I wonder if she ever got her own gas once in her whole life? Or did he just know it was a losing battle and he was gonna avoid the hassle? 
My wife gets her own gas just fine, but she has a hard time parking in the garage and has put a hole in wall from opening her door when she's too close.
My mom always said she had it put in their vows that she didn't pump gas. My dad always took her car to fill it up whenever it got below a half-tank.

Dad passed a couple years ago. Now she has one of my nieces or nephews take it for gas if it gets below half.
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So I meet my wife and kids, who were shopping, my parents, and my SIL at Buffalo Wild Wings on Saturday.  Since I'd had a couple and needed to go by Sams, she drove the 4 of us, then dropped my oldest son and me off at my truck.  She went her way with the youngest boy; I went my way.  We stopped by Academy for about 45 mins.

The next day, I happen into the garage to get something out of my car.  That's when I noticed that she had left several items (from Sams) in the back of her car overnight.  This included a rotisserie chicken, yogurt, among other things that needed to be refrigerated.  Walking upstairs to tell her, I wondered how I was going to get blamed for this.  I could think of nothing.  I was wrong.

Apparently, I never help her carry groceries in from the garage, which is why the items were left in the car.  First of all, this isn't true.  At times, I hang back bit because she and her sister shop together and have to separate items.  Secondly, even if true, how in the holy hell does that have anything to do with this situation?  Not only was I not home when she arrived, but I had no idea anything was in the car in the first place.  Apparently, I'm supposed to check her car for grocery items each day or somesuch.

tl;dr Wife left refrigerated items in her car overnight which was, apparently, my fault even though I had no idea she had groceries in the car AND I wasn't even home when she first arrived.

7 hours ago, Modessit said:

My mom always said she had it put in their vows that she didn't pump gas. My dad always took her car to fill it up whenever it got below a half-tank.

Dad passed a couple years ago. Now she has one of my nieces or nephews take it for gas if it gets below half.

she should move to Oregon

My mom always said she had it put in their vows that she didn't pump gas. My dad always took her car to fill it up whenever it got below a half-tank.

Dad passed a couple years ago. Now she has one of my nieces or nephews take it for gas if it gets below half.
.....but why.gif
10 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

I have my wife trained to say "keys, phone, wallet" every time she leaves the house.  

At least once a week, she comes back in after a few minutes because she has forgotten her phone or her wallet.

I say keys wallet phone dip

Even though I haven't dipped in 10 years and stopped smoking weed about 6 years ago so I never forget where anything is anymore.

"Knife, wallet, keys and phone... laptop, glasses, jacket, home"

(to the tune of "head, shoulders, knees and toes" each day when I leave the office)

On 1/16/2023 at 8:58 PM, Sam Lin said:

Sigh.

1933271163_bananasinfridge.thumb.jpg.1c08b6ce16556555462993c2382ae44a.jpg

Wow!  Look at all that food!  Do you have company coming over to stay for the holidays?  
 

Seriously, your fridge has more food in it than ours.   

13 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

So I meet my wife and kids, who were shopping, my parents, and my SIL at Buffalo Wild Wings on Saturday.  Since I'd had a couple and needed to go by Sams, she drove the 4 of us, then dropped my oldest son and me off at my truck.  She went her way with the youngest boy; I went my way.  We stopped by Academy for about 45 mins.

The next day, I happen into the garage to get something out of my car.  That's when I noticed that she had left several items (from Sams) in the back of her car overnight.  This included a rotisserie chicken, yogurt, among other things that needed to be refrigerated.  Walking upstairs to tell her, I wondered how I was going to get blamed for this.  I could think of nothing.  I was wrong.

Apparently, I never help her carry groceries in from the garage, which is why the items were left in the car.  First of all, this isn't true.  At times, I hang back bit because she and her sister shop together and have to separate items.  Secondly, even if true, how in the holy hell does that have anything to do with this situation?  Not only was I not home when she arrived, but I had no idea anything was in the car in the first place.  Apparently, I'm supposed to check her car for grocery items each day or somesuch.

tl;dr Wife left refrigerated items in her car overnight which was, apparently, my fault even though I had no idea she had groceries in the car AND I wasn't even home when she first arrived.

Your only course of action is to get the stuff out, throw away the spoiled shit in the outside garbage can. Then act like you have no idea what happened as she’s going nuts. 

On 1/16/2023 at 9:58 PM, Sam Lin said:

Sigh.

1933271163_bananasinfridge.thumb.jpg.1c08b6ce16556555462993c2382ae44a.jpg

It shouldn’t have to be said that bananas don’t belong in the fridge. But all is not lost. Those aren’t quite there yet, give ‘em a couple more days. You want them good and dark. Take your overripe bananas and store them in a freezer bag in your freezer. When you have enough, make banana bread. They’ll be jet black when they come out of the freezer and as sweet as can be. Thaw them, peel them, and blend them. It will take 3-4 to yield 1 cup of banana mush (maybe just 2 if they’re really large bananas).

That’s also a good use for sour milk.

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4 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

It shouldn’t have to be said that bananas don’t belong in the fridge. But all is not lost. Those aren’t quite there yet, give ‘em a couple more days. You want them good and dark. Take your overripe bananas and store them in a freezer bag in your freezer. When you have enough, make banana bread. They’ll be jet black when they come out of the freezer and as sweet as can be. Thaw them, peel them, and blend them. It will take 3-4 to yield 1 cup of banana mush (maybe just 2 if they’re really large bananas).

That’s also a good use for sour milk.

My MIL's freezer is a quarter full of frozen bananas intended for banana bread.  In the 32 years that I've known her, I have never actually seen any banana bread.

13 minutes ago, Jerry Callo said:

My MIL's freezer is a quarter full of frozen bananas intended for banana bread.  In the 32 years that I've known her, I have never actually seen any banana bread.

I can give you my mom’s recipe if you’d like. It’s super easy to make.

Go ahead, take those bananas.

3B1CEA63-7074-4725-A75E-E317426AAD3C.thumb.png.5e397ba5246d95cd80ae5c9bc4cb60ac.png

36 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

It shouldn’t have to be said that bananas don’t belong in the fridge. But all is not lost. Those aren’t quite there yet, give ‘em a couple more days. You want them good and dark. Take your overripe bananas and store them in a freezer bag in your freezer. When you have enough, make banana bread. They’ll be jet black when they come out of the freezer and as sweet as can be. Thaw them, peel them, and blend them. It will take 3-4 to yield 1 cup of banana mush (maybe just 2 if they’re really large bananas).

That’s also a good use for sour milk.

Also great to throw in a blender with a smoothie. 

She's not nearly hot enough to be that fucking stupid 

I bet she’s interesting in the sack though

Our freezer is just a temporary holding bin for trash.  2 months ago, our freezer was FULL.  To the fucking brim.  I demanded to go thru it together.  The only things that weren’t freezer burnt or expired were a box of Korean green tea and red bean popsicles that even my kids won’t eat, and a package of chopped pecans.  Shockingly, no lessons were learned.

Is this 

5 minutes ago, Snake Diggity said:

Korean green tea and red bean popsicles

or

5 minutes ago, Snake Diggity said:

red bean popsicles

 

either way

 

What The Fuck?

I love those red bean paste pastries but a red bean popsicle -- TF?

57 minutes ago, Incredulity said:

Is this 

or

 

either way

 

What The Fuck?

 

57 minutes ago, SilasCoade said:

I love those red bean paste pastries but a red bean popsicle -- TF?

I have learned over the years that some shit I have written off as Korean culture is actually just weird shit my wife’s family is into.  They think red bean is equivalent/superior to all other sweeteners.  They describe a green tea red bean popsicle as like a creamy sweet treat, but instead the motherfucker is a bland, milky-green popsicle with grainy ass beans mixed in it.  Shit is nasty.

A few weeks back It was too hot in the room, I couldn't sleep, so I moved to the couch in the living room at about 4 am. 

She woke up around 7, came in there turning the lights on slamming things around. Was not happy I left the bed, thought I was "up to something". I assured her, I just couldn't sleep, was hoping a change of venue would help. (It did btw).  Anyway, our daughter calls her the other night, she tells our daughter: "Your father left our marital bed the other night".  I laugh loudly, as does our daughter.

I have no idea where she heard that old timey phrase. It doesn't mean what she thinks it does.  

15 minutes ago, Pig Bellmont said:

Isn’t that just a bit to get attention for her new stand up special? 

Hilarious bit

Hey guys I'm a full retard! 

*crowd in tears laughing*

1 minute ago, Zeus said:

Hilarious bit

Hey guys I'm a full retard! 

*crowd in tears laughing*

You read and quote Breitbart. You’re in no position to point fingers. 

2 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

You read and quote Breitbart. You’re in no position to point fingers. 

lulz 

Quote is from her mouth brah

Sorry your gal is an unfunny clown

4 hours ago, Jerry Callo said:

My MIL's freezer is a quarter full of frozen bananas intended for banana bread.  In the 32 years that I've known her, I have never actually seen any banana bread.

Get her a yonana, they're awesome for making faux ice cream.

image.png.9b8d727d0fefc368d25c4f34a17257ea.png

50 minutes ago, Zeus said:

Hilarious bit

Hey guys I'm a full retard! 

*crowd in tears laughing*

Jimmy Fallon Lol GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

57 minutes ago, Pokoloco said:

A few weeks back It was too hot in the room, I couldn't sleep, so I moved to the couch in the living room at about 4 am. 

She woke up around 7, came in there turning the lights on slamming things around. Was not happy I left the bed, thought I was "up to something". I assured her, I just couldn't sleep, was hoping a change of venue would help. (It did btw).  Anyway, our daughter calls her the other night, she tells our daughter: "Your father left our marital bed the other night".  I laugh loudly, as does our daughter.

I have no idea where she heard that old timey phrase. It doesn't mean what she thinks it does.  

At 7 in the morning I would have been slamming things around too. Get yo lazy ass off the couch and go mow the lawn. 

2 hours ago, Zeus said:

lulz 

Quote is from her mouth brah

Sorry your gal is an unfunny clown

And where did you see it? What site did you quote? Hint: It wasn’t handler.com.

I’m betting you weren’t out searching for news on Chelsea Handler and just happened to stumble upon an article at Breitbart. So go ahead and get outraged over and ridicule the stupidity of someone you read about at Breitbart, Einstein. 

11 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

I can give you my mom’s recipe if you’d like. It’s super easy to make.

Go ahead, take those bananas.

3B1CEA63-7074-4725-A75E-E317426AAD3C.thumb.png.5e397ba5246d95cd80ae5c9bc4cb60ac.png

I'm not falling for no banana in no tail pipe!

9 hours ago, Snake Diggity said:

 

I have learned over the years that some shit I have written off as Korean culture is actually just weird shit my wife’s family is into.  They think red bean is equivalent/superior to all other sweeteners.  They describe a green tea red bean popsicle as like a creamy sweet treat, but instead the motherfucker is a bland, milky-green popsicle with grainy ass beans mixed in it.  Shit is nasty.

like a refried bean popsicle?

39 minutes ago, CycleTex87 said:

like a refried bean popsicle?

LoL no.  Red bean is a kind of bean used as a sweetener in Asian food.  I don’t even really know how to describe it.  When it’s in paste form I would say it’s kind of like the consistency and sweetness of fig newton filling?  I don’t know maybe any Asian Surl can chime in here.  Anyway, this isn’t the exact product but very similar:

https://chaoji.ca/en/product/6666/yimei-matcha-red-bean-popsicle

37 minutes ago, Snake Diggity said:

LoL no.  Red bean is a kind of bean used as a sweetener in Asian food.  I don’t even really know how to describe it.  When it’s in paste form I would say it’s kind of like the consistency and sweetness of fig newton filling?  I don’t know maybe any Asian Surl can chime in here.  Anyway, this isn’t the exact product but very similar:

https://chaoji.ca/en/product/6666/yimei-matcha-red-bean-popsicle

Was kinda kidding. 

On 1/12/2023 at 11:55 AM, Sandman said:

I remember as a kid, my dad would sometimes ask me if I wanted to go to the gas station with him, as he had to go gas up my mom's car. I didn't think to ask him why she didn't do it herself, I just liked doing stuff with my dad so I always went. Now I wonder if she ever got her own gas once in her whole life? Or did he just know it was a losing battle and he was gonna avoid the hassle? 

My wife gets her own gas just fine, but she has a hard time parking in the garage and has put a hole in wall from opening her door when she's too close.

First, my wife will get her own gas.

However, most Sundays, I will go fill up the car, stop for a couple of beers and watch NFL countdown, then stop and get her Target drive up order. It's a win/win for everyone.

Unless of course, some poster (who will remain nameless) arrived at Target first and parked in the curbside parking spot because he was in a hurry and then you would have been forced to park somewhere else and go in and get your order.

10 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Unless of course, some poster (who will remain nameless) arrived at Target first and parked in the curbside parking spot because he was in a hurry and then you would have been forced to park somewhere else and go in and get your order.

2C37C1E5-709A-4EEB-9B3B-0805AE6EB603.jpeg.69fdb821fae6159161004138a27425bd.jpeg

On 1/18/2023 at 12:15 PM, Pokoloco said:

A few weeks back It was too hot in the room, I couldn't sleep, so I moved to the couch in the living room at about 4 am. 

She woke up around 7, came in there turning the lights on slamming things around. Was not happy I left the bed, thought I was "up to something". I assured her, I just couldn't sleep, was hoping a change of venue would help. (It did btw).  Anyway, our daughter calls her the other night, she tells our daughter: "Your father left our marital bed the other night".  I laugh loudly, as does our daughter.

I have no idea where she heard that old timey phrase. It doesn't mean what she thinks it does.  

Your wife is projecting. Not kidding.

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Today I grilled steaks. I popped a dish of vegetables in the oven to roast as I headed out to take care of the grill and as I went out said “please take that out if the timer beeps.” She was on the phone with her but gave me eye contact and a thumbs up. 
 

Anyway, from the sliding door I see her get up off the couch and head to the oven so I feel good. Then hear a blood-curdling scream. 
 

She walked over to the oven, still on the phone, opened the door and grabbed that dish with her bare hand all while talking to her mom. 

1 hour ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Today I grilled steaks. I popped a dish of vegetables in the oven to roast as I headed out to take care of the grill and as I went out said “please take that out if the timer beeps.” She was on the phone with her but gave me eye contact and a thumbs up. 
 

Anyway, from the sliding door I see her get up off the couch and head to the oven so I feel good. Then hear a blood-curdling scream. 
 

She walked over to the oven, still on the phone, opened the door and grabbed that dish with her bare hand all while talking to her mom. 

Your wife sounds hot

  • Popular Post
1 hour ago, Grade of D as in David said:

Your wife sounds hot

Well, her hand is at least,  that much we know for sure. 

7 hours ago, markstanco said:

Really?

0b2a2b1ef8d0e13c7b8bee62a5e00749.jpg

Quite the humblebrag: uses tools, knows which one to use, puts it back in the drawer. gtfo!

Quite the humblebrag: uses tools, knows which one to use, puts it back in the drawer. gtfo!
Narrator - the job called for a hammer.
10 hours ago, markstanco said:

Really?

0b2a2b1ef8d0e13c7b8bee62a5e00749.jpg

I’ve seen many a guys garages where the tools don’t get back close to where it belongs when they use it and they can’t find it.  That’s a huge win for a wife after using one.  

Edited by Hook1997

3 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

Quite the humblebrag: uses tools, knows which one to use, puts it back in the drawer. gtfo!

Unfortunately for him it was probably the first thing she's screwed in a long time. 

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