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That happens on my neighborhood FB page roughly once a week. Sometimes car keys, sometimes just mailbox key, sometimes all keys + a phone left on top.

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  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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On 3/24/2023 at 10:34 PM, ABSR said:

We’re assholes, not cocksuckers…..well not most of us. NTTAWWT.

Hit 15 homers per year for 20 season and no one calls you a slugger, but post one time on Surly...

One of my friend’s wife takes him for granted. He is a super nice guy, works hard, washes her car every weekend, is in charge of cleaning the house, and does pretty much everything she wants him to do. But she doesn’t appreciate him and just complains that he works too much and doesn’t spend enough time with the family (which is kinda true).

So his grandmother recently passed away. The funeral is in El Paso next Monday during the kids’ spring break. She complained that she already planned a road trip, and she would have to change the plans because he won’t be there the first 2 days.

She’s nice towards everyone else, but everyone else also think she treats him like shit. But he’s sticking around because of the kids.

My wife and the other wives have told her that she’s being WAY too hard on my friend… this isn’t really a stupid thing his wife says, but she really pisses me off. 

She's not even going with him to the grandparent's funeral?

That's fucking cold.  My wife and I started dating when all of our grandparents (the ones we had relationships with - her dad was estranged from his family) were alive and I couldn't imagine having missed her grandparents' funerals.

Edited by Al_4_ISU

21 minutes ago, Superhero said:

One of my friend’s wife takes him for granted. He is a super nice guy, works hard, washes her car every weekend, is in charge of cleaning the house, and does pretty much everything she wants him to do. But she doesn’t appreciate him and just complains that he works too much and doesn’t spend enough time with the family (which is kinda true).

So his grandmother recently passed away. The funeral is in El Paso next Monday during the kids’ spring break. She complained that she already planned a road trip, and she would have to change the plans because he won’t be there the first 2 days.

She’s nice towards everyone else, but everyone else also think she treats him like shit. But he’s sticking around because of the kids.

My wife and the other wives have told her that she’s being WAY too hard on my friend… this isn’t really a stupid thing his wife says, but she really pisses me off. 

I hope he's putting money away for a divorce lawyer. Better yet, I hope he's pissing most of his money away on side chicks so there's nothing left in the divorce.

On 3/24/2023 at 8:27 PM, CHIEF said:

Of course not. She loathes this board and how much time I spend on it. She calls y’all that bunch of cocksuckers on the internet. 

At least she's a keen judge of character.

The kids are playing Wordscapes in the backseat. It’s a game where you figure out words using a set of letters. The available letters were K S R E I N.

10 YO daughter: “Daddy, I need a 5 letter word. The middle letter is ‘S’”.

Me: “What letters do I have?”

Daughter recites the letters and repeats “5 letter word and the middle letter is ‘S’”.

Wife: “Listen?”

 

She has statistics degrees from Michigan and UCLA. She’s good at her work which is really complicated. But it’s like she uses up all the daily allotted brain power between 7 and 5.

 

42 minutes ago, Superhero said:

The kids are playing Wordscapes in the backseat. It’s a game where you figure out words using a set of letters. The available letters were K S R E I N.

10 YO daughter: “Daddy, I need a 5 letter word. The middle letter is ‘S’”.

Me: “What letters do I have?”

Daughter recites the letters and repeats “5 letter word and the middle letter is ‘S’”.

Wife: “Listen?”

 

She has statistics degrees from Michigan and UCLA. She’s good at her work which is really complicated. But it’s like she uses up all the daily allotted brain power between 7 and 5.

 

Not gonna lie.  The K is throwing me for a loop.  5 letter word?  

Resin, it’s a stoner question. There are six letters don’t use the k. 
 

CHIEF

The kid asked for a 5 letter word. 

Risen or Resin.

When they need a 6-letter word, it's Sinker.

Wife got a great deal on a really expensive mattress (Her words, not mine) a few days ago without telling me. According to the tag we’ve had the old one since 2016 so if you believe the mattress industrial complex’s marketing BS I guess we were do, but this thing is the complete opposite of what I’m used to sleeping on! The old one was at least a foot thick memory foam, new one’s about 6 or 7 inches and as soft as sleeping on a baby blanket thrown on a concrete floor. I guess I’ll have to get used to it because she had the delivery guys haul the old one off when I wasn’t home. Skinny new one just makes the entire room look different, and kinda ghetto IMO compared to my ol’ faithful. This all occurred without my knowledge or input and I didn’t even ask what she considered a great deal or expensive. Oh, and new pillows too of course and my neck is stiff as hell and extremely painful to turn even a quarter of an inch from using them, so at least I’ve got that going for me!

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Oh....the old mattress trick.  My prediction:   

1. Once you start complaining about how hard it is, she will profess her love for the new mattress.  Again, hitting up what a great bargain she got.
2. Sometime later, she will realize that it is hard as a cinderblock bed.
3. After that, she will say that she bought it for YOU.  SHE never wanted the new mattress, but you deserved a NICE one.
4. She will then suggest you guy buy a mattress EXACTLY like you used to own.

 

 

 

1 minute ago, hullabelew said:

Oh....the old mattress trick.  My prediction:   

1. Once you start complaining about how hard it is, she will profess her love for the new mattress.  Again, hitting up what a great bargain she got.
2. Sometime later, she will realize that it is hard as a cinderblock bed.
3. After that, she will say that she bought it for YOU.  SHE never wanted the new mattress, but you deserved a NICE one.
4. She will then suggest you guy buy a mattress EXACTLY like you used to own.

 

 

 

This guy wifes.

Oh....the old mattress trick.  My prediction:   
1. Once you start complaining about how hard it is, she will profess her love for the new mattress.  Again, hitting up what a great bargain she got.
2. Sometime later, she will realize that it is hard as a cinderblock bed.
3. After that, she will say that she bought it for YOU.  SHE never wanted the new mattress, but you deserved a NICE one.
4. She will then suggest you guy buy a mattress EXACTLY like you used to own.
 
 
 

What’s it like being able to so accurately predict the future?

To update the rug situation.   Yep...just like I thought, "we need to put in hard wood floors in that room before we put the rug down."

I don't give a fuck what she spends on jewelry, shoes, anything really.  It gives me justifications to buy new guitars.   But her explanations and justifications are entertaining as fuck.    She bitched about me spending $25 on something the other day.   So I dove in.  

Me:  How much was that bracelet and the ring you bought at that last store in Jerusalem?
Her:  You don't know?
Me:   No, and I really don't care, but how much was it?
Her:  Well, you kept walking away when I was buying it.
Me:  Yep.....You probably should have walked away as well.
Her:  The ring was $190 and that's really all I wanted. 
Me:  And the bracelet?
Her:  $3,000.  AND, he gave me another necklace for FREE! 
Me:  Well.  You drove a good bargain.   

8 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

"we need to put in hard wood floors in that room before we put the rug down."

Sounds like she bought a $5,000 rug. 

2 hours ago, GoPokes83 said:


What’s it like being able to so accurately predict the future?

Husbandamus

3 hours ago, hullabelew said:

Oh....the old mattress trick.  My prediction:   

1. Once you start complaining about how hard it is, she will profess her love for the new mattress.  Again, hitting up what a great bargain she got.
2. Sometime later, she will realize that it is hard as a cinderblock bed.
3. After that, she will say that she bought it for YOU.  SHE never wanted the new mattress, but you deserved a NICE one.
4. She will then suggest you guy buy a mattress EXACTLY like you used to own.

 

 

 

Are you stalking me?

 

Just went through this for about 9 months and 5 mattresses.  fucking brutal.  absolutely NOTHING wrong with the first one she got rid of.  My fault, of course.

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4 hours ago, GoPokes83 said:

Wife got a great deal on a really expensive mattress (Her words, not mine) a few days ago without telling me. According to the tag we’ve had the old one since 2016 so if you believe the mattress industrial complex’s marketing BS I guess we were do, but this thing is the complete opposite of what I’m used to sleeping on! The old one was at least a foot thick memory foam, new one’s about 6 or 7 inches and as soft as sleeping on a baby blanket thrown on a concrete floor. I guess I’ll have to get used to it because she had the delivery guys haul the old one off when I wasn’t home. Skinny new one just makes the entire room look different, and kinda ghetto IMO compared to my ol’ faithful. This all occurred without my knowledge or input and I didn’t even ask what she considered a great deal or expensive. Oh, and new pillows too of course and my neck is stiff as hell and extremely painful to turn even a quarter of an inch from using them, so at least I’ve got that going for me!

I like the new mattress so far.

13 minutes ago, Grade of D as in David said:

I like the new mattress so far.

good come back george costanza GIF

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my wife in discussions about why we're missing 4 butter knives when she's the only one who takes butter knives out of the kitchen and the last time we talked about a butter knife discrepancy was when there were butter knives in the drawer that didn't even belong to us and she confessed that sometimes she puts silverware in her purse

giphy.gif

Bull shit if you are going to just change my mattress and pillows without consulting me first. That’s a fire-able offense.

Also Sattva Classic FTW. You can pry it from underneath my cold dead corpse.

1 hour ago, Celery Man said:

my wife in discussions about why we're missing 4 butter knives when she's the only one who takes butter knives out of the kitchen and the last time we talked about a butter knife discrepancy was when there were butter knives in the drawer that didn't even belong to us and she confessed that sometimes she puts silverware in her purse

giphy.gif

We used to do that with tablespoons, tupperware dishes, younameit...until I figured out that it's much easier to not say a word and just order replacements off of Amazon.  

1 hour ago, Celery Man said:

she confessed that sometimes she puts silverware in her purse

She's stealing your own shit?  That's not how it works.

1 minute ago, Celery Man said:

Would be difficult to ensure that I purchase the correct brand.

I didn't on the tablespoons, but they're close, and I view it as a very subtle reminder to her to not lose any more tablespoons.

33 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

She's stealing your own shit?  That's not how it works.

Who knows where our missing knives are. The extra mystery knives were from when she was “it’s not really stealing” them from work.

my wife in discussions about why we're missing 4 butter knives when she's the only one who takes butter knives out of the kitchen and the last time we talked about a butter knife discrepancy was when there were butter knives in the drawer that didn't even belong to us and she confessed that sometimes she puts silverware in her purse
giphy.gif

We’ve got a drawer with plastic utensils just so this kind of thing doesn’t happen.
2 hours ago, tbone_ said:

Bull shit if you are going to just change my mattress and pillows without consulting me first. That’s a fire-able offense.

Also Sattva Classic FTW. You can pry it from underneath my cold dead corpse.

if you are gonna brag on a brand... kinda helps to spell their name right.   unless you really bought some sort of Hindu/buddaism mattress

My wife has these two vintage wing back chairs that she had re-done about 10 years ago. They get used all the time in our house but they aren't exactly comfortable. One of them broke. Shit is probably 75 years old. It happens. Her former furniture guy -- aka toothless who I have discussed here before -- is completely MIA. And fortunately, he still has some of her furniture wherever the fuck that dentally impaired dipshit is now, because we don't have any room for it anyway.
So she finds a new furniture guy who came out to the house to take a look at repairing the chair. Well, it seems that to repair the chair, he needs to cut into the fabric which will fuck up everything. So, now in addition to chair fixing, we are re-upholstering. And since they are a pair, you have to do them both and you might as well reinforce the other once too. We're looking at about $900 and that's before she goes out and buys 10 yards of fabric (which will almost surely cost more than the fucking repair work alone) to re-do them. So, I am looking at $2,000+ when she could just go out and buy some new ones that would actually be comfortable. 

The champ is HERE!

Prefect strategy. Credit for calling back without having to converse.

Call her back and immediately and hang up. When she asks about not being available, ask that she looks at her phone log of missed calls. Say nothing and walk away!

19 hours ago, tbone_ said:

Bull shit if you are going to just change my mattress and pillows without consulting me first. That’s a fire-able offense.

 

In process.  

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Wife is looking to make an expensive purchase on some new bedding.

Me: We have the money now, we might as well.

Her: Yeah, I guess we need to just bite the dust and do it.

Me: you want us to die?

Her: (confused) Why would you say something like that? That's weird.

On 3/17/2023 at 3:14 PM, hullabelew said:

Why.....167a9c8da9be4f1aa0d9def34b39b11a.jpg

 

10 minutes ago, Pokoloco said:

Wife is looking to make an expensive purchase on some new bedding.

Me: We have the money now, we might as well.

Her: Yeah, I guess we need to just bite the dust and do it.

Me: you want us to die?

Her: (confused) Why would you say something like that? That's weird.

image.jpeg.abfbf0d052754696d554a962a38b7d13.jpeg

33 minutes ago, Pokoloco said:

Wife is looking to make an expensive purchase on some new bedding.

Me: We have the money now, we might as well.

Her: Yeah, I guess we need to just bite the dust and do it.

Me: you want us to die?

Her: (confused) Why would you say something like that? That's weird.

Oh Trixie!

Baby is taking his first long-haul flight tomorrow, and wife is packing his stuff like he’s boarding Noah’s Ark: 2 toy cars, 2 books, 2 stuffed animals, 2 sippy cups, etc etc. 

It’s 1 overseas leg. We’re not taking a mission to Mars…do we need Redundancy for every item on the plane?

51 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

Baby is taking his first long-haul flight tomorrow, and wife is packing his stuff like he’s boarding Noah’s Ark: 2 toy cars, 2 books, 2 stuffed animals, 2 sippy cups, etc etc. 

It’s 1 overseas leg. We’re not taking a mission to Mars…do we need Redundancy for every item on the plane?

For the sake of your fellow passengers, please tell us you're drugging the kid preflight.

28 minutes ago, royiv said:

For the sake of your fellow passengers, please tell us you're drugging the kid preflight.

Or handing out drugs to fellow passengers 

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