Jump to content
View in the app

A better way to browse. Learn more.

Surly Horns

A full-screen app on your home screen with push notifications, badges and more.

To install this app on iOS and iPadOS
  1. Tap the Share icon in Safari
  2. Scroll the menu and tap Add to Home Screen.
  3. Tap Add in the top-right corner.
To install this app on Android
  1. Tap the 3-dot menu (⋮) in the top-right corner of the browser.
  2. Tap Add to Home screen or Install app.
  3. Confirm by tapping Install.
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Featured Replies

8 hours ago, Celery Man said:

W: *turns it on, it goes wrrrrrrrr*
W: “see? the sink isn’t emptying and normally it goes WRaBAbaBAbAbABaBA”

CM: “yeah it looks like there are strawberries stuck in the flange” *pokes with knife*
Garbage disposal:”WRaBAbaBAbAbABaBA”

I want this in an audiobook.

  • Replies 23.8k
  • Views 2.2m
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Most Popular Posts

  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

  • BearCountry11
    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

Posted Images

11 hours ago, Celery Man said:

W: *turns it on, it goes wrrrrrrrr*
W: “see? the sink isn’t emptying and normally it goes WRaBAbaBAbAbABaBA”

CM: “yeah it looks like there are strawberries stuck in the flange” *pokes with knife*
Garbage disposal:”WRaBAbaBAbAbABaBA”

I initially read that in Boomhauer's voice, but ended up with something different:

7nIf.gif

Those freaking Stanley cups are menaces. Mrs. NNM takes hers everywhere. The stupid handle on it blocks out the whole console. No way there’s room for my normal size simple plastic water bottle or to-go cup of coffee. 

Those are THE new suburban Mom water cups. It’s ridiculous. They do nothing new and they all have them.
  • Popular Post
18 hours ago, nnm said:

Those freaking Stanley cups are menaces. Mrs. NNM takes hers everywhere. The stupid handle on it blocks out the whole console. No way there’s room for my normal size simple plastic water bottle or to-go cup of coffee. 

IxtPh6xa_400x400.jpg

 

krule-john-c-reilly.gif

19 hours ago, nnm said:

Those freaking Stanley cups are menaces. Mrs. NNM takes hers everywhere. The stupid handle on it blocks out the whole console. No way there’s room for my normal size simple plastic water bottle or to-go cup of coffee. 

The base doesn't even fit in the car cupholders, so that why we need the smaller cups too, for on the go...

16 hours ago, KaiserSoze said:

It sounds like you're both idiots, so more power to your coupling and saving others from your idiocy. 

Rude.

  • Popular Post

GF tunes to Netflix to some Whitney Houston show.  She says "Whitney Houston...she was married to Ike Turner, right?"

 

Those freaking Stanley cups are menaces. Mrs. NNM takes hers everywhere. The stupid handle on it blocks out the whole console. No way there’s room for my normal size simple plastic water bottle or to-go cup of coffee. 

Lol. Mine has talked about getting a second cup in the past but thankfully she’s forgotten about getting one whenever she’s at target. Probably would be a good excuse to clear out the 4 other bottles we don’t use to make room for a second Stanley tho
[emoji848]
On 4/23/2023 at 6:50 PM, nnm said:

Those freaking Stanley cups are menaces. Mrs. NNM takes hers everywhere. The stupid handle on it blocks out the whole console. No way there’s room for my normal size simple plastic water bottle or to-go cup of coffee. 

I wish my wife had a Stanley Cup.  Damn.

1 hour ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Probably would be a good excuse to clear out the 4 other bottles we don’t use to make room for a second Stanley tho

Trigger Reaction GIF by MOODMAN

9 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

GF tunes to Netflix to some Whitney Houston show.  She says "Whitney Houston...she was married to Ike Turner, right?"

 

Weird way to brag that you have a 20something year old GF

10 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

GF tunes to Netflix to some Whitney Houston show.  She says "Whitney Houston...she was married to Ike Turner, right?"

 

"No, that was Rhianna.  Whitney was married to Chris Brown."

During dinner last night, I picked up my phone to check an email I got from my boss. My wife snipped "Checking your phone during dinner? Can't you ever leave it alone?" This comes form the woman who gets on FB as soon as we clear the table to play those stupid FB games until 11 every night, while she streams reruns of that god awful show "Drop Dead Diva" and demands no interruptions. And some of the episodes she watched last week. All I can say is "sorry to interrupt your stories grandma".  

Something new. Whenever my wife comes in to a room to talk to me or axe me something, if I’m on my phone I put it down so I can pretend to pay attention. It’s 50/50 if it’s face up or down, I just lay it aside because, manners. Last night she flips out and wants to know why I’m always hiding my phone whenever she comes around and what am I trying to hide? Which surprisingly, is nothing.

29 minutes ago, GoPokes83 said:

Something new. Whenever my wife comes in to a room to talk to me or axe me something, if I’m on my phone I put it down so I can pretend to pay attention. It’s 50/50 if it’s face up or down, I just lay it aside because, manners. Last night she flips out and wants to know why I’m always hiding my phone whenever she comes around and what am I trying to hide? Which surprisingly, is nothing.

That does seem suspicious.

My wife doesn't enjoy sex (she says).  She has orgasms, but says they don't feel good. She has major body image issues that go way back. She doesn't like the things that I like, sexually.  So I said to her last night, "You should do X with me so at least one of us can be happy.  You are going to be unhappy either way."  She said, "That's the same thing as a husband telling his wife they cannot afford a LV purse and the wife goes and buys it anyway and tells him that at least one of them is happy."  Not. The. Same. Thing.

  • Popular Post
My wife doesn't enjoy sex (she says).  She has orgasms, but says they don't feel good. She has major body image issues that go way back. She doesn't like the things that I like, sexually.  So I said to her last night, "You should do X with me so at least one of us can be happy.  You are going to be unhappy either way."  She said, "That's the same thing as a husband telling his wife they cannot afford a LV purse and the wife goes and buys it anyway and tells him that at least one of them is happy."  Not. The. Same. Thing.

Maybe don’t ask for the pegging right off the bat.
11 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

My wife doesn't enjoy sex (she says).  She has orgasms, but says they don't feel good. She has major body image issues that go way back. She doesn't like the things that I like, sexually.  So I said to her last night, "You should do X with me so at least one of us can be happy.  You are going to be unhappy either way."  She said, "That's the same thing as a husband telling his wife they cannot afford a LV purse and the wife goes and buys it anyway and tells him that at least one of them is happy."  Not. The. Same. Thing.

Damn. That sucks, man.

 

  • Popular Post
42 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

My wife doesn't enjoy sex (she says).  She has orgasms, but says they don't feel good. She has major body image issues that go way back. She doesn't like the things that I like, sexually.  So I said to her last night, "You should do X with me so at least one of us can be happy.  You are going to be unhappy either way."  She said, "That's the same thing as a husband telling his wife they cannot afford a LV purse and the wife goes and buys it anyway and tells him that at least one of them is happy."  Not. The. Same. Thing.

YOU 

NEED 

MARRIAGE

COUNSELING

 

Holy fuck dude, that's no way to live.  Trust me, I've been there.  My (ex) wife went from a firecracker in the sack to a depressed woman that never wanted sex.  It's a miserable way to live. 

Edited by Gil Bang

1 hour ago, Ojo Rojo said:

She has orgasms, but says they don't feel good.

Narrator: she doesn’t have orgasms

 

That does suck. Surely she wouldn’t mind you getting it somewhere else then, right?

I mean, you can’t get a dog and then not feed it just because you don’t feel like it or enjoy it.

Also, just to tweak you married guys, woke up to a text from the GF this morning that simply said “I’m sorry for being crabby last night.” I realize that if she ever becomes more than a GF I’ll never see anything like that again. But for now I just felt the need to gloat.

2 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

My wife doesn't enjoy sex (she says).  She has orgasms, but says they don't feel good. She has major body image issues that go way back. She doesn't like the things that I like, sexually.  So I said to her last night, "You should do X with me so at least one of us can be happy.  You are going to be unhappy either way."  She said, "That's the same thing as a husband telling his wife they cannot afford a LV purse and the wife goes and buys it anyway and tells him that at least one of them is happy."  Not. The. Same. Thing.

Have you offered her a LV purse if she does X with you? 

You’ll get a better return if you give the LV to a sugar baby

So no idea your specific circumstances @Ojo Rojo but mine had some serious early menopause issues. Weight gain, moods, and loss interest in sex. She got some hormone therapy, and while THAT has been it's own adventure I can tell you it definitely rekindled her libido.

23 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

Surely she wouldn’t mind you getting it somewhere else then, right?

Literally fuck around and find out.

24 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

That does suck. Surely she wouldn’t mind you getting it somewhere else then, right?

This.  I'm not becoming a monk for anyone.

  • Popular Post
4 minutes ago, mooseoutfront said:

This.  I'm not becoming a monk for anyone.

Your options seem... limited.

  • Popular Post
3 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

My wife doesn't enjoy sex (she says).  She has orgasms, but says they don't feel good. She has major body image issues that go way back. She doesn't like the things that I like, sexually.  So I said to her last night, "You should do X with me so at least one of us can be happy.  You are going to be unhappy either way."  She said, "That's the same thing as a husband telling his wife they cannot afford a LV purse and the wife goes and buys it anyway and tells him that at least one of them is happy."  Not. The. Same. Thing.

Tell her that it is okay you all don't share the same desires.  To remedy this she will let you have sex with other women, and you will let other men buy her LV purses.  Win-Win!

15 minutes ago, ABSR said:

Tell her that it is okay you all don't share the same desires.  To remedy this she will let you have sex with other women, and you will let other men buy her LV purses.  Win-Win!

Shark Tank Writing GIF

35 minutes ago, ABSR said:

Tell her that it is okay you all don't share the same desires.  To remedy this she will let you have sex with other women, and you will let other men buy her LV purses.  Win-Win!

If I ever need a negotiator I'm hiring you.

6 hours ago, shadow_operative2.0 said:

*Rihanna 

I'm not the least bit bothered by not knowing how to spell her name. 🤷‍♂️

3 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

YOU 

NEED 

MARRIAGE

COUNSELING

 

Holy fuck dude, that's no way to live.  Trust me, I've been there.  My (ex) wife went from a firecracker in the sack to a depressed woman that never wanted sex.  It's a miserable way to live. 

Been there.  Got divorvced.

Having sex now.  Sex is better than no sex.

Would you like to subscribe to my newsletter?

  • Popular Post
5 hours ago, GoPokes83 said:

Something new. Whenever my wife comes in to a room to talk to me or axe me something, if I’m on my phone I put it down so I can pretend to pay attention. It’s 50/50 if it’s face up or down, I just lay it aside because, manners. Last night she flips out and wants to know why I’m always hiding my phone whenever she comes around and what am I trying to hide? Which surprisingly, is nothing.

Look at Mr. Big Time over here. Wife enters the same room before asking him a question. 

Look at Mr. Big Time over here. Wife enters the same room before asking him a question. 

No shit. Mine just yells unintelligibly from across the house.
7 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

Look at Mr. Big Time over here. Wife enters the same room before asking him a question. 

Ah yes, the shouting of questions from downstairs that I don't care about

Edited by Cheeseweasel

2 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:


No shit. Mine just yells unintelligibly from across the house.

Start a policy of only responding to questions asked from within the same room. Let her know it's the new policy.

Sleep on the couch tonight.

Profit.

11 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:


No shit. Mine just yells unintelligibly from across the house.

I've learned if you just reply "what" enough times, they'll quit asking questions. 

15 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:


No shit. Mine just yells unintelligibly from across the house.

Just yell something unintelligible back at her, then she'll come into the same room just to yell at you for yelling at her across the house

21 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Just yell something unintelligible back at her, then she'll come into the same room just to yell at you for yelling at her across the house

zooey-deschanel-sounds-about-right.gif

25 minutes ago, Crapinon said:

I've learned if you just reply "what" enough times, they'll quit asking questions. 

Steve Austin What GIF

Actually the imported summertime talent is off the charts. 
 

Lots of 18 to 20 somethings come up here for seasonal work and an adventure. 
 

Being local has it’s advantages this time of year. 

3 hours ago, mooseoutfront said:

This.  I'm not becoming a monk for anyone.

 

3 hours ago, Ten Bears said:

Your options seem... limited.

69ff89c0-7c14-4bb2-9526-5ee285f41854_tex
 

14 hours ago, mooseoutfront said:

Actually the imported summertime talent is off the charts. 
 

Lots of 18 to 20 somethings come up here for seasonal work and an adventure. 
 

Being local has it’s advantages this time of year. 

Matthew Mcconaughey GIF

22 hours ago, Pig Bellmont said:

Narrator: she doesn’t have orgasms

 

Loop Trump GIF

22 hours ago, tbone_ said:

That does suck. Surely she wouldn’t mind you getting it somewhere else then, right?

I mean, you can’t get a dog and then not feed it just because you don’t feel like it or enjoy it.

Also, just to tweak you married guys, woke up to a text from the GF this morning that simply said “I’m sorry for being crabby last night.” I realize that if she ever becomes more than a GF I’ll never see anything like that again. But for now I just felt the need to gloat.

She did recently tell me that she would be okay if I sought sexual gratification elsewhere.  Me:

Its A Trap GIF

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Configure browser push notifications

Chrome (Android)
  1. Tap the lock icon next to the address bar.
  2. Tap Permissions → Notifications.
  3. Adjust your preference.
Chrome (Desktop)
  1. Click the padlock icon in the address bar.
  2. Select Site settings.
  3. Find Notifications and adjust your preference.