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On 4/30/2023 at 9:21 PM, ztejas said:

Cutting pills with a steak knife is a great way to book an ER trip. 

Not to mention the risk that he unknowingly goes ahead and uses it as a poop knife since it is sitting their all conveniently and then she comes around and starts chopping away at pills with it.

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  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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13 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

Every time she asks "Did you do something with my...?"  reply with, "No, but I did something with your sister."

She'll stop asking.

OK, but I'm not sure that she even knows T’Boo Ted Marshall, let alone his sister 

It's stupid to have a 18" wall in the middle of your fairway, but that's beside the point.

Hah, it's too quiet in here, turns on TV, leaves room.

 

It was not too quiet, turned TV off.

20 minutes ago, Liteitup said:

Hah, it's too quiet in here, turns on TV, leaves room.

 

It was not too quiet, turned TV off.

Astros weren't playing last night so we are sitting in a quiet room with no TV.  "I can't just sit here in the quiet", she leaves the room to binge watch "Everybody Loves Raymond" in the bedroom.  Worked out for me OK this time.  I can now put in my noise canceling earbuds, and listen to my iPad stuff without someone trying to talk to me about whatever the neighbors kids are up to.

6 minutes ago, CycleTex87 said:

she leaves the room to binge watch "Everybody Loves Raymond" in the bedroom

Shark Tank Writing GIF

4 hours ago, blacklab said:

Wife: "It's hot in here", turns on the ceiling fan, leaves the room.

It was not hot.

Polar opposite here:

Wife: it's too cold in here, turns up AC, goes outside. 

It was not cold.

Sometimes my best beer drinking “respite” is changing the MFing cat boxes! Empties go in the bags and it takes a while! Married 31 years in two weeks!

Hook’em!!!

9 hours ago, blacklab said:

Wife: "It's hot in here", turns on the ceiling fan, leaves the room.

It was not hot.

My usual response is to tell her that Nelly had a solution for that. She is usually* not amused. 

 

*actually never

52 minutes ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

My usual response is to tell her that Nelly had a solution for that. She is usually* not amused. 

 

*actually never

My senile ass needs an explanation here, thanks.

5 hours ago, msucolt45 said:

Sometimes my best beer drinking “respite” is changing the MFing cat boxes! Empties go in the bags and it takes a while! Married 31 years in two weeks!

Hook’em!!!

'Cleaning the garage' works for me... Especially since I use the leaf blower to sweep out the floor (and therefore can't hear efforts to talk to me about some shit ass problem with the crocker spaniel across the cul de sac) 

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This weekend, Buzz Jr is at bat and a pitch whistles two feet over the ump’s head and slams the backstop.

Mrs Buzz: “Good eye!”

15 hours ago, nbmishoid said:

You married to Bob Euker . (sp, and RIP)

He's looked 70 since he was 50 but he's still calling Brewer games at 89

Not dead! One of his better quotes: "A couple of grand-slammys and the Brewers are right back in it."

Yesterday, while I was walking through the house towards the door to the garage, with 3 rechargable lawncare batteries in my hands, Wife asks me, "Are you mowing?"

This immediately popped into my head:

 

On 5/5/2023 at 9:28 PM, shadow_operative2.0 said:

I’ll make it easy. 

I like this version 

Unintentional wife truth telling. 
 

Cleaning up after supper and she tells me to sort the trash differently than I’m doing as I throw shit away. I do not care in the slightest on this and respond in her native language with an idiomatic expression that basically means “anything you want, dear.” 
 

“Oh, that’s a really good expression, who taught you? I never use it!” 

she tells me to sort the trash differently than I’m doing as I throw shit away.


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she tells me to sort the trash differently than I’m doing


I taught my wife early that she can either watch or help me do it the way I want to do it, or she can do it herself. She doesn't get to tell me how to do it. Been fine ever since. If she's tempted, I just stop and ask if she wants to do it. Sometimes she does and I go do whatever I want elsewhere. Otherwise she goes away and leaves me alone.


Short version:

If I'm doing it, then I'll do it my way. Don't like it? Do it yourself.

Same here, and it has worked for me since 1967.
Yep. She even stops to think about it before asking my help with anything because she knows she's relinquishing control. Once I've agreed to help, it's now my thing, not hers. Saves me from a bunch of crap.
1 hour ago, Armybrat said:

Same here, and it has worked for me since 1967.

That was a good year. 

3 hours ago, Modessit said:
3 hours ago, Armybrat said:
Same here, and it has worked for me since 1967.

Yep. She even stops to think about it before asking my help with anything because she knows she's relinquishing control. Once I've agreed to help, it's now my thing, not hers. Saves me from a bunch of crap.

I used to do this too, then I realized it’s still her thing, she just needs a little help. 

I used to do this too, then I realized it’s still her thing, she just needs a little help. 
Then she spends 2 hours redoing what took me 5 minutes.
Same here, and it has worked for me since 1967.

So what did you do the first 35 years of marriage?
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1 hour ago, Fudbelty said:


So what did you do the first 35 years of marriage?

Cheated on her with your grandma.

Making sure the dog has water in his bowl throughout the day is apparently a very difficult task for someone that works from home. Every day I come home and see a bone dry bowl, so I fill it up for him and he immediately chugs that shit. I ask nicely for her to check on his water bowl throughout the day and I get a death stare. Guess I’m the monster here. 

5 minutes ago, Vertuzzi said:

Making sure the dog has water in his bowl throughout the day is apparently a very difficult task for someone that works from home. Every day I come home and see a bone dry bowl, so I fill it up for him and he immediately chugs that shit. I ask nicely for her to check on his water bowl throughout the day and I get a death stare. Guess I’m the monster here. 

She deserves a real dressing down over this one. It's worth the night on the couch.  The dog can keep you company.

48 minutes ago, Vertuzzi said:

Making sure the dog has water in his bowl throughout the day is apparently a very difficult task for someone that works from home. Every day I come home and see a bone dry bowl, so I fill it up for him and he immediately chugs that shit. I ask nicely for her to check on his water bowl throughout the day and I get a death stare. Guess I’m the monster here. 

No water for the dog, but I bet she has multiple glasses around the house at any given time filled with her various drinks.

13 minutes ago, Grade of D as in David said:

No water for the dog, but I bet she has multiple glasses around the house at any given time filled with her various drinks.

Spot on. There seems to be a glass in each room with either a half of a green juice or a chia seed water. 

1 hour ago, TrashMaster G said:

She deserves a real dressing down over this one. It's worth the night on the couch.  The dog can keep you company.

 

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1 hour ago, Vertuzzi said:

Making sure the dog has water in his bowl throughout the day is apparently a very difficult task for someone that works from home. Every day I come home and see a bone dry bowl, so I fill it up for him and he immediately chugs that shit. I ask nicely for her to check on his water bowl throughout the day and I get a death stare. Guess I’m the monster here. 

He ain’t that thirsty or he’d drink out of the toilet. Pansy-ass dog. 

51 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

He ain’t that thirsty or he’d drink out of the toilet. Pansy-ass dog. 

Vert’s wife probably insists all toilet lids be closed.

1 hour ago, Armybrat said:

Vert’s wife probably insists all toilet lids be closed.

Definitely a toilet lids closed household but not because of my old lady. It has to do with my OCD for cleanliness and organization. 

36 minutes ago, Vertuzzi said:

Definitely a toilet lids closed household but not because of my old lady. It has to do with my OCD for cleanliness and organization. 

If it works for you…👍

We leave our lids up because if I get up in the middle of the night to pee, I’d forget it was closed. 
Or if I had to #2, sitting my balls on a cold lid wouldn’t do the disposition any good.

20 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

If it works for you…👍

We leave our lids up because if I get up in the middle of the night to pee, I’d forget it was closed. 
Or if I had to #2, sitting my balls on a cold lid wouldn’t do the disposition any good.

Or sitting ON your balls. 

Wife bought herself flowers on Thursday. I saw them on the kitchen island and thought "Well, we don't need that many lavender roses", so I didn't get her any new flowers for Mother's Day. She thought I was a monster for not getting her flowers anyway, and said the only reason she bought those flowers was because she thought by the time I got them, they would be the leftovers... Maybe, maybe not, but I thought it was pretty bullshit.

Also, I hate getting gifts from her and the kids. It's usually shit I don't want, and it just sits there collecting dust.

She's been on a shopping spree lately, buying a lot of shoes, and also a $1800 Gucci bag. So... I don't get her anything for Mother's Day, and she was pissed. Her reasoning was "You know what I want."  Well, no, because I don't know how to read your fucking mind, and plus you've spend $2,000+ on yourself over the past month and I didn't know you needed anything else.

She's still pissed and I haven't spoken to her since Sunday. Sometimes it's easier to just put on my earphones and ignore her for a few days on end... yeah, we'll probably split up after the kids are out of the house.

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You never go wrong with flowers. Don't question, just get them. Not sure? Get them. Sure? Get them. Think there's zero reason to get them? Get them.

On 3/18/2023 at 8:34 AM, deter said:

Update. Now she tells me I need to decompose....instead of decompress.

Today's update.

Glucose 114.

A1C  5.2. 

I may stay a while longer.

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